Spelling and some duplicate removal. I wonder if the "jive" port haters on

misc@ know this is here.

3 files changed, 122 insertions, 172 deletions

diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
index ab291048c01..66f21982b16 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
@@ -1466,7 +1466,7 @@ curiosity."
 The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling
 their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from
 the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision.  Each tends to
-ascribe to the other side a consistency, forsight and coherence that
+ascribe to the other side a consistency, foresight and coherence that
 its own experience belies.  Of course, even two blind men can do
 enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.sp.ok b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.sp.ok
index 28ced4a8bf9..879bbb84f70 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.sp.ok
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.sp.ok
@@ -196,7 +196,7 @@ dumbfounded
 dunno
 ekil
 elihW
-enchillada
+enchilada
 ergo
 eschatological
 excrement
@@ -208,7 +208,6 @@ fetcheth
 fiesty
 findeth
 flunkers
-forsight
 frat
 freakout
 fuck
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o
index 028388f4ac8..1e49a48bc1b 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o
@@ -50,9 +50,9 @@ Leprosy, all my skin is falling off of me.
 I'm not half the man I used to be.
 Oh, how did I get leprosy?
 
-Syphillis, it all started with a simple kiss.
+Syphilis, it all started with a simple kiss.
 Now it even hurts to take a piss.
-Oh why did I get syphillis?
+Oh why did I get syphilis?
 
 Why'd she have VD?  I don't know, she wouldn't say.
 I did something wrong, now I long for yesterday ....
@@ -657,7 +657,7 @@ all is not lost!  SofSqueeze can change your nickname to Electrolux in just
 sections) that plugs into the serial port of most home computers.  Through
 the magic of biofeedback, SofSqueeze teaches you control over your vaginal
 muscles.  With our exciting, easy-to-follow software you'll master the
-"Cincinnati Squeeze", the "Irresistable", the "California Crusher", and,
+"Cincinnati Squeeze", the "Irresistible", the "California Crusher", and,
 of course, the perennial favorite, "Milking Time Down on the Farm".  Or,
 using our exclusive Interactive Mode, invent your own!
 	SofSqueeze is made of sturdy ABS plastic, and is completely
@@ -903,7 +903,7 @@ all, I'm afraid." he said.  "Just last evening I went nightclubbing with a
 girlfriend -- we drank and danced all night and finally rolled into her place 
 about two A.M.  We went to bed immediately, and I was asleep almost as soon
 as my head hit the pillow.  I woke around three-thirty and nudged my girl."
-	"Why, George," she said in suprise, "we did that fifteen minutes ago."
+	"Why, George," she said in surprise, "we did that fifteen minutes ago."
 	"So you see," the old boy said sadly, "my memory is beginning to 
 fail me."
 %
@@ -1009,7 +1009,7 @@ hope in it.  Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,
 found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned
 the gun on himself!"
 	"Terrible," said Harry.  "But it could have been worse."
-	"How in hell," demanded his dumfounded friend, "could it possibly
+	"How in hell," demanded his dumbfounded friend, "could it possibly
 have been worse?"
 	"Well," said Harry, "if it had happened the night before, I'd be
 dead right now."
@@ -1133,7 +1133,7 @@ young man to his father as he prepared to leave home.  "Don't try to stop me.
 I'm on my way."
 	"Who's trying to stop you?" shouted the father.  "Take me along!"
 %
-	In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be
+	In the beginning, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be
 mud."
 	And there was mud.
 	And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud
@@ -1161,7 +1161,7 @@ Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up. Yum!
 	They can't play baseball; they don't wear sweaters;
 	They aren't good dancers; they can't play drums.
 (chorus):
-	Roly-poly fish heads are NEVER seen drinking cappucino in
+	Roly-poly fish heads are NEVER seen drinking cappuccino in
 	Italian restaurants with Oriental women.
 (chorus):
 	Fishy!
@@ -1240,7 +1240,7 @@ suicidal behavior is commonly called the Preying Mantis Syndrome -- and many
 life forms are periodically subject to its wrath.  How did the preying mantis
 become stuck in such a awful, vicious cycle?  This is probably what happened:
 	The male mantis arrives at the residence of the female mantis.  After
-some courtship exercises (dinner, a movie, inserting the diaphram) they mate.
+some courtship exercises (dinner, a movie, inserting the diaphragm) they mate.
 The female mantis, her lust for... lust being satisfied, relaxes while the
 male raids the refrigerator and returns home.  This behavior continues until
 the male and female (mantissas?) establish a permanent relationship.  Then the
@@ -1296,7 +1296,7 @@ audience, either."
 	Never ask your lover if he'd dive in front of an oncoming train for
 you.  He doesn't know.  Never ask your lover if she'd dive in front of an
 oncoming band of Hell's Angels for you.  She doesn't know.  Never ask how many
-cigarettes your lover has smoked today.  Cancer is a personal committment.
+cigarettes your lover has smoked today.  Cancer is a personal commitment.
 	Never ask to see pictures of your lover's former lovers -- especially
 the ones who dived in front of trains.  If you look like one of them, you are
 repeating history's mistakes.  If you don't, you'll wonder what he or she saw
@@ -1348,7 +1348,7 @@ multi-colored banners...  and the band played appropriate music.
 	After several more knights tried to prove their superiority...  the
 King finally spoke out. "I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped
 his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound,
-but a 40 pound weight, plus a coffe pot, to himself. The weapon doth rose.
+but a 40 pound weight, plus a coffee pot, to himself. The weapon doth rose.
 The crowds cheered...  the women swooned... the children waved multi-colored
 banners... and the band played "God Save the Queen."
 %
@@ -1364,7 +1364,7 @@ way it goes?  Try to help someone and you get fucked."
 seek out a cute little coil to let him discharge.  He picked up Milli-Amp
 and took her for a ride on his Megacycle.  They rode across the Wheatstone
 bridge, around the sine waves, and stopped in the magnetic field by the
-flowing current.  Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp's charactaristic curves,
+flowing current.  Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp's characteristic curves,
 soon had her fully charged and excited, her resistance to a minimum.  He laid
 her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, and lowered her reluctance.
 He pulled out his high voltage probe and inserted it into her socket,
@@ -1381,8 +1381,8 @@ excite his field, so they spent the night reversing polarity and blowing
 each others fuses.
 		-- Eddie Currents, "The Sex Life of an Electron"
 %
-	One of my favorite Zoo jokes has to do with a woman who, while
-visiting the zoo, desided to have a little fun with the Gorilla.  She walks
+	One of my favorite zoo jokes has to do with a woman who, while
+visiting the zoo, decided to have a little fun with the Gorilla.  She walks
 up to his cage, reaches in, and begins to fondle the beast.  Needless to
 say, the animal becomes quite excited, and as he tries to reciprocate in
 kind, the woman steps back and gives him a raspberry...!
@@ -1396,8 +1396,8 @@ never writes..."
 %
 	One PAYDAY, MR. GOODBAR wanted a BIT O' HONEY.  So he took his Miss
 HERSHEY behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of 5th AVENUE and CLARK where he
-there began to feel her MOUNDS.  And that was an ALMOND JOY which definately
-made his TOOSIE ROLL.
+there began to feel her MOUNDS.  And that was an ALMOND JOY which definitely
+made his TOOTSIE ROLL.
 	He let out a SNICKER as he slipped his BUTTERFINGER up her KIT KAT
 which of course caused the MILKY WAY.  She screamed "OH, HENRY!" as she
 squeezed his PETER, PAUL and ZAGNUTS and said "you're better then the 3
@@ -1457,13 +1457,13 @@ motivated by Fear, Stupidity and Craziness.  But I have spent enough time in
 jackrabbit country to know that most of them lead pretty dull lives; they are
 bored with their daily routines:  eat, fuck, sleep, hop around a bush now and
 then... No wonder some of them drift over the line into cheap thrills once in
-a while; there has to be a powerful adrenalin rush in crouching by the side of
+a while; there has to be a powerful adrenaline rush in crouching by the side of
 a road, waiting for the next set of headlights to come along, then streaking
 out of the bushes with split-second timing and making it across to the other
 side just inches in front of the speeding front wheels.
-	Why not?  Anything that gets the adrenalin moving like a 440 volt
+	Why not?  Anything that gets the adrenaline moving like a 440 volt
 blast in a copper bathtub is good for the reflexes and keeps the veins free
-of cholesterol ...  but too many adrenalin rushes in any given time-span has
+of cholesterol ...  but too many adrenaline rushes in any given time-span has
 the same bad effect on the nervous system as too many electro-shock treatments
 are said to have on the brain:  after a while you start burning out the
 circuits.
@@ -2011,7 +2011,7 @@ screaming: "Holy Jesus!  What are these goddamn animals?"
 	Then it was quiet again.  My attorney had taken his shirt off and
 was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process.  "What the
 hell are you yelling about?" he muttered, staring up at the sun with his
-eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sungalsses.  "Never mind,"
+eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses.  "Never mind,"
 I said.  "It's your turn to drive."  I hit the brakes and aimed the Great
 Red Shark toward the shoulder of the highway.  No point in mentioning the
 bats, I thought.  The poor bastard will see them soon enough.
@@ -2095,8 +2095,8 @@ into months if the captain hadn't noticed the sailor carrying food below one
 evening and followed him.  After witnessing this unique bit of barter, he
 waited until the sailor had departed and then confronted the girl, demanding
 an explanation.  She told him the whole story.
-	"Hmmm," mused the captian.  "A clever arrangement, and I must say I
-admire that young seaman's ingenuity.  However, miss, I feel it is only fair
+	"Hmmm," mused the captain.  "A clever arrangement, and I must say I
+admire that young seaman's ingenuity.  However, Miss, I feel it is only fair
 to tell you that this is the Staten Island Ferry."
 %
 	"Why did you spend so much time parked in that fellow's car last
@@ -2147,7 +2147,7 @@ that they are easily disposed to restore to the sword.  My own belief in
 God, then, is just that -- a matter of belief, not knowledge.  My respect
 for Jesus Christ arises from the fact that He seems to have been the most
 virtuous inhabitant of Planet Earth.  But even well-educated Christians are
-frustated in their thirst for certainty about the beloved figure of Jesus
+frustrated in their thirst for certainty about the beloved figure of Jesus
 because of the undeniable ambiguity of the scriptural record.  Such ambiguity
 is not apparent to children or fanatics, but every recognized Bible scholar
 is perfectly aware of it.  Some Christians, alas, resort to formal lying to
@@ -2200,22 +2200,7 @@ And bring me back ma prick.		I canna wait for him to die
  4. You don't have to let a beer win.
  5. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you have to
 	sleep with it beer, too.
- 6. A beer helps with the houswork.
- 7. A beer will never fumble with your bra.
- 8. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.
- 9. A beer doesn't want you to raise its children.
-10. A beer wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.
-%
-10 Reasons Why a Beer is Better Than a Man:
-
- 1. A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
- 2. A beer won't think less of you if you can't name the Steelers'
-	quarterback.
- 3. A beer won't even act amazed if you can.
- 4. You don't have to let a beer win.
- 5. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you have to
-	sleep with it, too.
- 6. A beer helps with the houswork.
+ 6. A beer helps with the housework.
  7. A beer will never fumble with your bra.
  8. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.
  9. A beer doesn't want you to raise its children.
@@ -2446,7 +2431,7 @@ Is his prick, which is dreadfully spikey.
 A beautiful man is paradise for the eyes, hell for the soul, and
 purgatory for the purse. 
 %
-A beautiful, voluptous woman goes to see a gynecologist.  The doctor takes
+A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynecologist.  The doctor takes
 one look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past.  Right
 away he tells her to undress.  After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her
 thigh.  As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
@@ -2564,7 +2549,7 @@ himself in an accentuated manner.
 	"Hey," said the Catholic, "I why did you cross yourself, you're not
 Catholic!"
 	"Just checking," replied his friend, crossing himself again,
-"spectacles, testicals, wallet, pen."
+"spectacles, testicles, wallet, pen."
 %
 A cautious young fellow named Lodge
 Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
@@ -2998,8 +2983,8 @@ He couldn't get out with ESC.
 %
 A hacker-turned-pervert named Fisk
 Made love to the drive of his disk.
-	The thing circumsized him,
-	Which rather suprised him.
+	The thing circumcised him,
+	Which rather surprised him.
 He wasn't aware of *that* risk.
 %
 A hand in a bird is worth two on 'er bush.
@@ -3008,7 +2993,7 @@ A hand in the bush is worth two on the bird.
 %
 A hard man is good to find.
 %
-A huge Rambolike fellow walked into a tavern and took a seat in the middle of
+A huge Rambo-like fellow walked into a tavern and took a seat in the middle of
 the bar.  After downing a double in one gulp, he glared at the six men to his
 right and said, "You're all no-good motherfuckers.  Anyone have a problem with
 that?"
@@ -3450,7 +3435,7 @@ A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.
 %
 A Norse god decides to assume human form, come down from Valhalla, and check
 out the local action.  He finds himself in the piano bar of Caesar's Boardwalk
-Regency in Atlantic City, and sits down to sip an Acquavit or two.  After a few
+Regency in Atlantic City, and sits down to sip an Aquavit or two.  After a few
 minutes, an extremely attractive young woman, having been taken with his form
 and features, sends a drink down to him, then joins him.  The chemistry between
 them is immediate and total.  They have the next drink in her room, and spend
@@ -3583,7 +3568,7 @@ might be made an Archbishop."
 	"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
 	"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
 	"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?"
-	Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I supose that I could
+	Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I suppose that I could
 be elected Pope, but only if it's God's will."
 	"And could you be anything higher than that, is there any way to go
 up from being the Pope?"
@@ -3621,8 +3606,8 @@ you must have told the bitch to go fuck herself!"
 %
 A Scotsman clad in a kilt walks up to the counter in an Apothecary.  From
 his pocket he takes a plaid condom that has been heavily used, torn, patched,
-sewn, and is currently split down one side.  He asks the proprieter, "How much
-to replace this, Ian?"  The proprieter says, "Why, Angus, that'l be four
+sewn, and is currently split down one side.  He asks the proprietor, "How much
+to replace this, Ian?"  The proprietor says, "Why, Angus, that'll be four
 pence."  Then the Scotsman asks, "How much to repair?"  The prop. looks the
 condom over carefully, and says "Three pence to repair."  The Scotsman ponders
 for a moment, then says, "I'll be back."
@@ -3717,7 +3702,7 @@ wanted to try out a pig himself.  He had watched several miners walk upstairs
 to the trysting rooms with squealing piglets under their arms.  Now, he was
 game to make his move.  He wandered out to the back of the saloon and chose
 a nice fat, pink sow.  As he walked to the stairs, the entire saloon went
-quiet.  In the embarassing hush, all eyes were upon him.
+quiet.  In the embarrassing hush, all eyes were upon him.
 	"What's the matter?  I thought all you fellows did this!"
 	"Yeah, but that's Black Bart's girl," replied the barkeep.
 %
@@ -3940,7 +3925,7 @@ received a telegram from their sister.  It read:
 
 	I liked the couch falling apart when we sat on it.  I was amused
 	when the shower went cold five minutes after it started.  But I'm
-	going to kill whoever put the novicaine into the KY jelly...
+	going to kill whoever put the novocaine into the KY jelly...
 %
 A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive.
 %
@@ -3948,7 +3933,7 @@ Aboard the good ship Venus,		The cabin boy, the captain's joy,
 The mast it was a penis,		A cunning little nipper,
 	Her figurehead				They filled his ass,
 	A whore in bed,				With broken glass,
-Good grief you should have seen us!	And circumcized the skipper.
+Good grief you should have seen us!	And circumcised the skipper.
 
 The first mate's name was Higgins,	The captain's daughter Mabel,
 And Higgins was a biggins,		They screwed when they were able,
@@ -4019,7 +4004,7 @@ After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
 %
 After Joan and Max had been married for 25 years, Max became disinterested
 in sex, and his libido began to wan dramatically.  In desperation, Joan
-hauled him to a marriage couselor, who listened patiently to Joan's complaints
+hauled him to a marriage counselor, who listened patiently to Joan's complaints
 and Max's protestations.  Max claimed that he was being nagged unmercifully
 to fulfill Joan's needs, and that after awhile every marriage tended to
 become less physical.  Joan said that that wasn't true and that she had
@@ -4085,7 +4070,7 @@ Al Gore resembled a Vulcan desperately in need of a blow job.
 %
 Alaska, where Moosehead isn't a beer, it's a misdemeanor.
 
-Q:	You know how to figure out if your lover's been "invovlved"?
+Q:	You know how to figure out if your lover's been "involved"?
 A:	Antler marks on their hips.
 %
 Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate,
@@ -4346,7 +4331,7 @@ An Army travels on her stomach.
 An encounter with a beautiful woman is good medicine for the well organized
 logical mind -- a little jolt never hurt.  Note that the anarchists have
 been saying this for years about the A-bomb and civilization.
-		-- Encyclopadia Apocryphia
+		-- Encyclopedia Apocryphia
 %
 An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's
 chance to kiss the tea-girl.  It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the
@@ -4373,12 +4358,12 @@ lewdly darted the tip of his tongue into each of my nostrils, one after the
 other, and with such cleverness he provoked two or three sneezes which
 redoubled the flow he desired and was consuming so hungrily.  But ask me for
 no details bearing upon this fellow, Messieurs, nothing appeared, and whether
-because he did nothing, or becaues he did it all in his drawers, there was
+because he did nothing, or because he did it all in his drawers, there was
 nothing to be seen, and amidst the multitude of his kisses and lecherous
 lickings there was nothing outstanding which might have denoted an ecstasy,
 and consequently it is my opinion that he did not discharge.  All my clothes
 were in place, even his hands stayed still, and I give you my word that this
-old libertine's fantasy might be performed upon the world's most repectable
+old libertine's fantasy might be performed upon the world's most respectable
 and least initiated girl without her being able to suppose there was anything
 lewd in it at all.
 		-- Marquis de Sade
@@ -4453,7 +4438,7 @@ there, but the third nun wouldn't touch it.
 %
 Another stupid gay joke!!!
 	You see, this gay man walks into a Texas bar and orders a strawberry
-daquiri.  The bartender looks him over with amusement and says: "We don't 
+daiquiri.  The bartender looks him over with amusement and says: "We don't 
 serve your kind, buddy, why don't you get out of here before the boys come
 in and kick your ass?"
 	The guy whimpers a little and lisps, "Pleasse misssture I am soooo
@@ -4517,7 +4502,7 @@ was possible not to follow through, you'd still be getting screwed.
 %
 As long as your ass is pointed at the ground, don't fuck with me.
 %
-As my dear autie used to say, "Love makes the world go 'round, but sex
+As my dear auntie used to say, "Love makes the world go 'round, but sex
 makes the ride fun."
 %
 As near as I can tell, you're not any crazier
@@ -4559,7 +4544,7 @@ as soon as you notice any of the following symptoms:
 	-- An overwhelming sense of peace and happiness.
 	-- Visions of the faces of deceased family members.
 	-- A glorious figure in white, beckoning from the end of a tunnel of
-white mist (do not confuse this with traffic control or maintainance officers,
+white mist (do not confuse this with traffic control or maintenance officers,
 who wear dark blue and safety orange.)
 	Once the feeling has passed, inspect your surroundings.  If still in
 your car, you have probably suffered a stroke and should have someone drive
@@ -4670,7 +4655,7 @@ Balls Law:
 %
 BALTIMORE:
 	Where the women wear turtleneck
-	sweators to hide their flea collars.
+	sweaters to hide their flea collars.
 %
 Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal).
 %
@@ -4761,7 +4746,7 @@ generally is a magnificent erotic instrument.  The famous gentleman in erotic
 prints who is keeping six women occupied is using tongue, penis, both hands,
 and both big toes.  Use the toe in mammary or armpit intercourse or any time
 you are astride her, or sit facing as she lies or sits.  Make sure the nail
-isn't sharp.  In a restuarant, in these days of tights one can surreptitiously
+isn't sharp.  In a restaurant, in these days of tights one can surreptitiously
 remove a shoe and sock, reach over, and keep her in almost continuous orgasm
 with all four hands fully in view on the table top and no sign of contact--
 A party trick which really rates as advanced sex.  She has less scope, but
@@ -4842,8 +4827,8 @@ week was cut short by an ingenious device designed by two computer science
 students.  A three-foot bar of extruded aluminum was precisely machined,
 with a hole milled down the center of precisely the dimensions of one of
 the small Gideon bibles.  The end capped off, a CO2 canister was connected
-to provide up to 2,000 PSIG.  Prelimary estimates during field testing
-revealed a muzzle velocity of approximarly 120-150 MPH for bibles exiting
+to provide up to 2,000 PSIG.  Preliminary estimates during field testing
+revealed a muzzle velocity of approximately 120-150 MPH for bibles exiting
 the tube.  Sufficient ammunition was obtained during a previous visit to
 campus by another religious organization, and the system was first used on
 Brother Jim, who suffered a broken rib and numerous small bruises, in
@@ -5184,10 +5169,10 @@ Condoms are like listening to a symphony with cotton in your ears.
 
 	[Taking a shower in raincoat?  Ed.]
 %
-Condoms are the feminists' revenge on men for diaphrams.
+Condoms are the feminists' revenge on men for diaphragms.
 		-- Robin Williams
 %
-Confucious say:
+Confucius say:
 	man who lay girl on hill, not on level.
 	man who pull out too fast leave rubber.
 	man who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
@@ -5202,7 +5187,7 @@ Confucious say:
 	a smart man knows on which side his broad is better.
 	man who arrives late to party will find himself beaten to the punch!
 %
-Confucious say:
+Confucius say:
 	man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead.
 	man who fishes in other man's well often catch crabs.
 	man and mouse the same, both end up in pussy.
@@ -5214,7 +5199,7 @@ Confucious say:
 	man who lie under car, get tired -- man who stand behind car,
 		get exhausted.
 %
-Confucious say:
+Confucius say:
 	woman who put man in dog house find him in cat house.
 	woman who spring on inner-spring this spring, have off-spring
 		next spring.
@@ -5223,13 +5208,13 @@ Confucious say:
 	man who kicked in testicles get left holding bag.
 	man who suck nipples make clean breast of things.
 	woman who slide down bannister make monkey shine.
-	woman's irginity like balloon, one prick and all gone.
+	woman's virginity like balloon, one prick and all gone.
 	Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best.
 	squirrel who run up woman's leg not find nuts.
-	eplileptic woman who give blow-job may bite big one.
+	epileptic woman who give blow-job may bite big one.
 	seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
 %
-Confucious say:
+Confucius say:
 	woman who ride bicycle peddle ass around town.
 	fool man climb tree to get cherries;  wise man spread limbs.
 	woman who fly upside down in airplane have big crack up.
@@ -5327,7 +5312,7 @@ as alcohol consumption increases and time, t, approaches last call.
 and so basic that we often forget to mention it: because it is false, and
 because good teachers understand exactly why it is false.  What could be
 more destructive of that most fragile yet most precious commodity in our
-entire intellectualy heritage -- good teaching -- than a bill forcing
+entire intellectual heritage -- good teaching -- than a bill forcing
 honorable teachers to sully their sacred trust by granting equal treatment
 to a doctrine not only known to be false, but calculated to undermine any
 general understanding of science as an enterprise?
@@ -5409,7 +5394,7 @@ you can all go to hell, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you..."
 %
 Dance is the vertical expression of a horizontal intention.
 %
-Dave has an areoplane,
+Dave has an aeroplane,
 In which he likes to frisk.
 Oh what a foolish boy,
 His silly *.
@@ -5827,9 +5812,10 @@ cats.
 about it.
 	They keep reasonable hours.  You *never* see a cat up before noon.
 	They know how to relax.  Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?  
-	What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war?  Pretty neglible.
-It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to
-do with ones time.  Like lie in the sun and sleep.  Or go exploring the world.
+	What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war?  Pretty
+negligible.  It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much
+better things to do with ones time.  Like lie in the sun and sleep.  Or
+go exploring the world.
 %
 Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.
 		-- Ellyn Mustard
@@ -6176,7 +6162,7 @@ there.  He mentions that his wife is from Green Bay.  You:
 FORTUNE TESTS THE GREAT MANAGERS: #9
 
 You are making a sales presentation to a group of corporate executives
-in the plushest office you've ever seen.  The enchillada casserole and
+in the plushest office you've ever seen.  The enchilada casserole and
 egg salad sandwich you had for lunch react, creating severe pressure.
 Your sphincter loses control and you break wind, causing the glass
 bookcase doors to shatter and a secretary to pass out.  You:
@@ -6527,14 +6513,14 @@ able to get loose.
 Good day for water sports.  Take a bath with a friend.
 %
 Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen!
-Here's a little number I tossed up in the Carribean recently...
+Here's a little number I tossed up in the Caribbean recently...
 
 Isn't it awfully nice to have a Penis,
 isn't it frightfully good to have a Dong.
 
 It's swell to have a Stiffy,
 it's divine to have a Dick,
-from the tinyest little Tadger,
+from the tiniest little Tadger,
 to the world's greatest Prick.
 
 So, breeches for your Willy or John-Thomas,
@@ -6559,7 +6545,7 @@ good, he crowed, "Good Morning Sun!", and was startled when a great booming
 voice came back to him, "Good morning Comrade!  Good morning to you and
 the great Soviet Socialist Republic!".  Of course, this surprised him, but
 great politician that he is, he considers the political ramifications.
-Gorbachev then woke up Reza and his closest aides, brought them into his
+Gorbachev then woke up Raisa and his closest aides, brought them into his
 bedroom, and shouted out "Good morning, Comrade Sun!".  Again a booming reply,
 "Good morning, Comrade.  Good morning to you and the rest of the Party!"
 Everyone was quite excited about this, and Gorbachev sat down to his
@@ -6933,7 +6919,7 @@ Hear about...
 	wrong foot?
 %
 Hear about...
-	the doctor that prescribed sex for insommia?  His patients didn't
+	the doctor that prescribed sex for insomnia?  His patients didn't
 	get any more sleep, but they had more fun staying awake.
 %
 Hear about...
@@ -7112,7 +7098,7 @@ Hear about...
 	the over-eager bride who came, walking down the aisle?
 %
 Hear about...
-	the perverted australian who left his wife and returned to Sydney?
+	the perverted Australian who left his wife and returned to Sydney?
 %
 Hear about...
 	the poor Greek fisherman who got his upper torso wedged into
@@ -7605,7 +7591,7 @@ Was over a barrel
 When Tarantula took to the hills.	["Lick it!"]
 And I really got hot
 When I saw Jeanette Scott
-Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.
+Fight a trifid that spits poison and kills.
 
 Science fiction, double feature
 Doctor X will build a creature.
@@ -7848,7 +7834,7 @@ I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,
 I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
 	She said it was crude
 	To be wooed in the nude--
-I persued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
+I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
 %
 I would like to say, Mister Bunce,
 I'm a great connoisseur of hot cunts.
@@ -8191,7 +8177,7 @@ impotent loser, n:
 In 1953, Stalin dies.  The politburo holds a special meeting to decide
 what to do about the body.  Nobody will let it be buried near their home.
 Finally they decide:
-	"Aha!  Call Israel!  Offer them ten million rubels; they'll let us
+	"Aha!  Call Israel!  Offer them ten million rubles; they'll let us
 bury Stalin in Israel! Off goes the message and the politburo waits...
 Finally a telegram comes back:
 	"NO CHANCE STOP ONE RESURRECTION HERE ALREADY"
@@ -8327,7 +8313,7 @@ Infatuation, n:
 	When you're in love, there's a lump in your throat.
 	When you're infatuated, there's a lump in your pants.
 %
-Inspite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
+In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
 is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
 %
 ====================
@@ -8639,7 +8625,7 @@ It's a bitch being butch.
 It's a funny thing that when a woman hasn't got anything
 on earth to worry about, she goes off and gets married.
 %
-It's a question of Napleon brandy versus Ripple.
+It's a question of Napoleon brandy versus Ripple.
 I am mellow and amber and I go down real smooth.
 		-- Rita Moreno, commenting in Newsweek on the sex appeal
 		   of older women versus younger women
@@ -8697,7 +8683,7 @@ And fuck some more!			I would dance and I'd be merry
 					If I only had a dong!
 		-- to "If I Only Had A Brain", The Wizard of Oz
 %
-I've been told that it's far more sensous to have a woman leave something
+I've been told that it's far more sensuous to have a woman leave something
 on rather than being totally nude.  Myself, I've always felt that the lights
 were more than enough.
 %
@@ -9129,7 +9115,7 @@ raped, his house burned, and all his cattle rustled.  When he told his
 distant neighbors about the tragedy, a few of them reported that the only
 stranger they had seen in the area for weeks was a tall desperado wearing a
 black hat and a red neckerchief.
-	The cowboy saddled his fastest horse and set out to find the villian.
+	The cowboy saddled his fastest horse and set out to find the villain.
 He searched for months but couldn't catch up with the culprit; in town after
 dusty town he was told that a man fitting the description had been there but
 had just departed; usually after some heinous crime.
@@ -9535,7 +9521,7 @@ Murphy's Discovery:
 	everything will be all right."  And what happens?  Nine
 	months later, you're in trouble!
 %
-Musing on her present and past professions as "dominant/sadomasichism
+Musing on her present and past professions as "dominant/sadomasochism
 fantasy fulfiller" and dental hygienist, Sybil said, "I couldn't really
 understand why I wanted to be a dental hygienist, but years later, after
 being in the SM world a long time, I figured it out:  I'm in uniform,
@@ -9666,7 +9652,7 @@ navel, n:
 Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
 Watch who you sleep with.
 %
-necrophelia, n:
+necrophilia, n:
 	Dead boring.
 
 incest, n:
@@ -9787,7 +9773,7 @@ have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence
 of God.  The argument follows:  "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God,
 "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."  "But," says Man,
 "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it?  It could not have evolved
-by chance, thus proving that you exist, therefore by your own arguements,
+by chance, thus proving that you exist, therefore by your own arguments,
 you don't.  QED."  "Oh, dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and
 promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
 		-- D. Adams
@@ -9799,7 +9785,7 @@ What would they do if I made no landfall?"
 		-- Jimmy Buffet, "Landfall"
 %
 Nurse Jones is a regular on the newsgroup [alt.sex.bondage], and
-occasionally has problems with folks harrassing her.  She came up
+occasionally has problems with folks harassing her.  She came up
 with this in response to one...
 
 	Fortunately, my ego isn't as fragile as that woodpecker's wing.
@@ -10036,7 +10022,7 @@ Was tattooed the price of her tail.
 Was the same information -- in Braille.
 %
 On the breasts of a harlot from Yale
-Was tatooed the price of her tail
+Was tattooed the price of her tail
 	And on her behind,
 	For the sake of the blind,
 Was the same information in Braille.
@@ -10285,7 +10271,7 @@ inquired.
 	"Because he likes to fuck pigs."
 %
 "One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most
-gorgeous blond chinese girl... I sat beside her... I said 'Hi,' and she
+gorgeous blond Chinese girl... I sat beside her... I said 'Hi,' and she
 said 'Hi,' and then I said 'Nice day, isn't it,' and she said 'Yeah, I
 guess'... I said 'What do you mean "you guess"?'... she said 'I saw my
 analyst today and he says I have a problem.'... so I asked 'What's the
@@ -10699,7 +10685,7 @@ Though he shot at the target, he missed her.
 %
 Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.
 %
-Prior to this year's Rock & Roll Hall of Fame cermony, [Cash] went to
+Prior to this year's Rock & Roll Hall of Fame ceremony, [Cash] went to
 the bathroom.  "I was standing at the urinal, and Keith Richards walked
 in...  He said, 'Look at this, I'm pissing with Johnny Cash. We need a
 picture of this.'  I said, 'No, Keith, we *don't* need a picture of this.'"
@@ -10875,7 +10861,7 @@ A:	"I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
 	credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
 %
 Q:	How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light
-	bulb, in San Fransisco?
+	bulb, in San Francisco?
 A:	Both of them.
 %
 Q:	How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
@@ -10908,7 +10894,7 @@ A:	Sheep don't have strings.
 Q:	What do two WASPs say after making love?
 A:	Thank you very much.  It'll never happen again.
 %
-Q:	What do you call a blind, deaf-mute, quadraplegic Virginian?
+Q:	What do you call a blind, deaf-mute, quadriplegic Virginian?
 A:	Trustworthy.
 %
 Q:	What do you call a nun who has had a sex change operation?
@@ -10960,7 +10946,7 @@ A:	Will the defendant please rise?
 %
 Q:	What does friendship among Soviet nationalities mean?
 A:	It means that the Armenians take the Russians by the hand; the
-	Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukranians take
+	Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukrainians take
 	the Uzbeks by the hand; and they all go and beat up the Jews.
 %
 Q:	What goes
@@ -11132,7 +11118,7 @@ Q:	Why do dogs lick their private parts?
 A:	Because they can.
 %
 Q:	Why do ducks have webbed feet?
-A:	To stamp out forest firest.
+A:	To stamp out forest fires.
 
 Q:	Why do elephants have big flat feet?
 A:	To stamp out flaming ducks.
@@ -11408,7 +11394,7 @@ Readers Ask:
 
 Vampires are a source of great irritation to the average homeowner and it is
 usually to one's advantage to remove these pests as rapidly as possible.  If
-a professional exterminater specializing in the undead is unavailable, it is
+a professional exterminator specializing in the undead is unavailable, it is
 possible to handle the situation with common household items.  However, much
 of the common folklore of vanquishing the undead needs clarifying.  First,
 driving a sharpened Louisville Slugger through a vampire's heart will NOT kill
@@ -11613,18 +11599,6 @@ Whose virtue was largely a myth,
 	 I can't find a man
 That it's fun to be virtuous with!"
 %
-Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
-Whose virtue was largely a myth,
-	"Try as hard as I can,
-	I can't find a man
-That it's fun to be virtuous with."
-%
-Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
-Whose virtue was largely a myth,
-     	"Try as hard as I can,
-	 I can't find a man
-That it's fun to be virtuous with!"
-%
 Said crew girl Angelica Bauer :
 "The captain's withdrawn, cold, and sour."
 	Uhura said, "No,
@@ -11632,18 +11606,6 @@ Said crew girl Angelica Bauer :
 He doesn't withdraw for an hour."
 %
 Said Einstein, "I have an equation
-Which to some may seem rabelaisian:
-	Let  v  be virginity
-	Approaching infinity;
-Let  p  be a constant persuasion;
-
-Let  p  over  p  be inverted
-With the square root of mu inserted
-	N  times into  v  ...
-	The result, Q E D,
-Is a relative!" Einstein asserted.
-%
-Said Einstein, "I have an equation
 Which to some may seem Rabelaisian:
 	Let V be virginity
 	Approaching infinity;
@@ -11692,8 +11654,8 @@ Said the nun as the bishop withdrew,
 	And thicker, and quicker,
 And two inches longer than you."
 %
-Saint Peteer was once heard to boast
-That he'd had all the heavenly host :
+Saint Peter was once heard to boast
+That he'd had all the heavenly host:
 	The Father and Son,
 	And then - just for fun -
 The hole in the Holy Ghost.
@@ -11797,7 +11759,7 @@ a nice guy and all that, but, well, that she's a lesbian.  Confused, he asks
 her what that means.
 	"Well," she replies, "you see that woman at the corner table?"
 	"Yeah..."
-	"I'd like to walk over to her, and unbottom her blouse."
+	"I'd like to walk over to her, and unbutton her blouse."
 	"Yeah..."
 	"And then I'd like to kiss her and suck on her nipples... and
 then I'd like to take off her skirt... and run my hand over her thighs..."
@@ -11872,7 +11834,7 @@ You can do each while thinking about the other.
 Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
 		-- Sophia Loren
 %
-Sex is a biological function; kissing is a committment.
+Sex is a biological function; kissing is a commitment.
 %
 Sex is better than grass, if you have the right pusher.
 %
@@ -11937,7 +11899,6 @@ I'm Ashamed to be Here, but Not Ashamed Enough to Leave
 It's Commode Huggin' Time In The Valley
 If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put It Next to My Ex-wife's Heart
 If You Get the Feeling That I Don't Love You, Feel Again
-I'm Ashamed To Be Here, But Not Ashamed Enough To Leave
 It's the Bottle Against the Bible in the Battle For Daddy's Soul
 My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Miss Him
 Don't Cut Any More Wood, Baby, 'Cause I'll Be Comin' Home With A Load
@@ -12237,12 +12198,12 @@ Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.
 Something better...
 
 13 (sympathetic): Oh, What happened?  Did your parents lose a bet with God?
-14 (complememtary): You must love the little birdies to give them this to
+14 (complimentary): You must love the little birdies to give them this to
 	perch on.
 15 (scientific): Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
 16 (obscure): Oh, I'd hate to see the grindstone.
 17 (inquiry): When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
-18 (french): Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you
+18 (French): Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you
 	leave.
 19 (pornographic): Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
 20 (religious): The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn't He.
@@ -12349,7 +12310,7 @@ And sure enough she'll take you home and make you wanna die.
 		-- Crosby, Stills, Nash, "Fair Game"
 %
 Taoism: Shit Happens.
-Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit Happens".
+Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit Happens".
 Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
 Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
 Protestantism: Shit happens, but it happens to someone else.
@@ -12590,7 +12551,7 @@ text of the first Jewish-Catholic prayer -- one that begins "Oy vay, Maria".
 The Enterprise crew when off work
 Will fuck like an Ottoman Turk.
 	Uhura the Zulu
-	Is shcked up with Sulu,
+	Is shacked up with Sulu,
 And Spock shares a crew girl with Kirk.
 %
 The Enterprise girls, so one hears,
@@ -12613,7 +12574,7 @@ The first child of a Mrs. Keats-Shelley
 Came to light with its face in its belly;
 	Her second was born
 	With a hump and a horn,
-And her third was as shapeles as jelly.
+And her third was as shapeless as jelly.
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
 The first time we slept together she drove a recreational vehicle into
@@ -12916,7 +12877,7 @@ Was cross-eyed and hydrocephalic.
 He rendered the poor boy biphallic.
 %
 The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on
-their wedding night and reprimanded him severly.
+their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.
 	"I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at
 the dinner table."
 	Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair
@@ -12984,7 +12945,7 @@ from Ferguson.  Four of 'em this month, and every one's been queer."
 %
 The nipples of Sarah Sarong
 When excited are twelve inches long
-	This embarassed her lover 
+	This embarrassed her lover 
 	Who was pained to discover
 She expected no less of his dong
 %
@@ -13033,7 +12994,7 @@ lamp-post.
 %
 The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in
 bed with a dead girl or a live boy.
-		-- Edwin Edwards, Louisian governor
+		-- Edwin Edwards, Louisiana governor
 %
 The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to
 her if she is pretty and to someone else if she is plain.
@@ -13069,7 +13030,7 @@ And his toes were inside of some towels.
 %
 The penis mightier than the sword.
 %
-the perfect worman:
+the perfect woman:
 	Four feet tall, no teeth and a flat head so you can rest
 	your drink.
 
@@ -13129,7 +13090,7 @@ as Michael came out, he accosted his and said,
 singles two weeks in a row, instead of putting money into the collection?"
 	Michael replied, "Father, I'm embarrassed, but I did it because I
 wanted to go downtown for a blow job."
-	The priest looked suprised but said to Michael, "Listen, don't do
+	The priest looked surprised but said to Michael, "Listen, don't do
 that anymore.  I'll be watching you from now on."
 	When he got back to the rectory, the priest was still perplexed.
 Finally he decided to call Mother Agatha at the convent.  He said, "Mother,
@@ -13257,7 +13218,7 @@ The spouse of a pretty young thing
 Came home from the wars in the spring.
 	He was lame but he came
 	With his dame like a flame --
-A discharge is a wondeful thing.
+A discharge is a wonderful thing.
 %
 The star of that X-rated hit
 Plays a nurse with a throat full of clit.
@@ -13290,21 +13251,15 @@ Upon my window sill.			And smashed his fucking head.
 %
 "The testes are cooler outside,"
 Said the doc to the curious bride,
-	"For the semen must no
-	Get too fucking hot,
-And the bag fans your bum on the ride."
-%
-"The testes are cooler outside,"
-Said the doc to the curious bride,
 	"For the semen must not
 	Get too fucking hot,
 And the bag fans your bum on the ride."
 %
-The three faithful things in life are money, a dog and an old woman.
+The three faithful things in life are money, a dog, and an old woman.
 %
 The three most important parts of a stove: lifter, leg, and poker.
 %
-The three sexual positions during preganancy.
+The three sexual positions during pregnancy.
 
 During the first four months:	Missionary style
 During the second four months:	Doggie style
@@ -13350,7 +13305,7 @@ The other ran his own hand over his head and nonchalantly retorted,
 The two things that you should never lend out are your car
 or your woman.  Someone's bound to throw a rod in either one.
 %
-The Unitarians are really just a bunch of athiests who really
+The Unitarians are really just a bunch of atheists who really
 like going to church.
 %
 The Utah version of this joke goes:
@@ -13360,7 +13315,7 @@ that you ran all the way here, losing your breath?"
 	The Council member finally regains his breath, and says "The Savior is
 in the lobby!!"
 	The President immediate starts for the door, crying "It has come!  The
-prophecies are fullfilled!  We are all about to be uplifted!"
+prophecies are fulfilled!  We are all about to be uplifted!"
 	The Council member says "Wait!  You didn't let me finish!  She's...
 black, and SHE IS PISSED!"
 %
@@ -13446,14 +13401,14 @@ And the odor killed flies as they gathered to feast.
 What a wonderful family!  What marvellous style!
 I'll bet you and I aren't close by a mile.
 	Their odor and diet
-	Won't soon be forgotton,
+	Won't soon be forgotten,
 And one day you and I may be equally rotten.
 %
 The young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her
 first visit home since starting college.
 	"Mom, I have to tell you," the girl confessed.  "I lost my virginity
 last weekend."
-	"I'm not suprised," said her mother.  "It was bound to happen sooner
+	"I'm not surprised," said her mother.  "It was bound to happen sooner
 or later.  I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience."
 	"Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked.  "The first eight
 guys felt great, but after them my pussy got real sore."
@@ -13612,7 +13567,7 @@ front page before discarding it?"
 be on the front page."
 		-- Attributed to FDR.
 %
-There was a young man hitchiking along a road one day.  A car stopped and the
+There was a young man hitchhiking along a road one day.  A car stopped and the
 driver opened the door and asked, "What political party are you with?"
 	He replied, "Why, I'm a Democrat."
 	And the driver slammed the door and rode off.  The guy was pretty
@@ -13766,7 +13721,7 @@ desperate search.  Just as his bowels threatened to erupt, he spotted a
 one-foot by one-foot hole in the floor.  Now, at the end of his control, he 
 decided to take advantage of the hole.  He dropped his pants, hunched over it, 
 and did his thing.  Thoroughly relieved and relaxed, he sauntered down the 
-steps to find, to his suprise, that the crowded bar was now empty.
+steps to find, to his surprise, that the crowded bar was now empty.
 	"Hey!" he yelled to the seemingly empty room, "Where is everyone?"
 	From behind the bar a voice responded, "Hey!  Where were you when
 the shit hit the fan?"
@@ -13867,12 +13822,12 @@ During the next few weeks, he listened particularly closely to his son's
 prayers, but noticed nothing unusual.  Then, one night, the boy ended his
 prayers with, "God specially bless Grandmom, who won't be with us much longer."
 Although the shock of the original incident had worn off during the intervening
-weeks, he nontheless phoned his mother to inquire as to her health.  He went to
-bed reassured, only to be awakened in the night by his sister calling with the
-news that their mother had died suddenly in the night.  The father had a series
-of psychological tests done; nothing unusual was uncovered.  About a month 
-later, the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless Daddy, who won't
-be with us much longer."  The man was panic-stricken, certain that he was 
+weeks, he nonetheless phoned his mother to inquire as to her health.  He went
+to bed reassured, only to be awakened in the night by his sister calling with
+the news that their mother had died suddenly in the night.  The father had a
+series of psychological tests done; nothing unusual was uncovered.  About a
+month later, the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless Daddy, who
+won't be with us much longer."  The man was panic-stricken, certain that he was 
 going to die during the night.  He resolved to stay awake all night; if awake 
 and alert he should be able to prevent any tragedy.  Morning came.  Breathing
 a huge sigh of relief, he went to get the paper off the porch.  There, lying
@@ -14753,7 +14708,7 @@ a mule in the ass all you want, and he's still not gonna be a racehorse.
 Well, you see, it's such a transitional creature.  It's a piss-poor reptile
 and not very much of a bird.
 		-- Melvin Konner, from "The Tangled Wing", quoting a
-		   zoologist who has studied the archeopteryx and found it
+		   zoologist who has studied the Archaeopteryx and found it
 		   "very much like people".
 %
 Well, you see there was this neighborhood that had a priest, a minister, and
@@ -14784,7 +14739,7 @@ poor man was in the bathroom all night, masturbating furiously, muttering
 "We've got things well in hand."
 		-- Master Byte Software, Los Gatos California.
 %
-We've just recieved the results of a survey conducted to ascertain the
+We've just received the results of a survey conducted to ascertain the
 various reasons men get out of bed in the middle of the night.  According
 to the report, 2% are motivated by a desire to visit the bathroom, and
 3% have an urge to raid the refrigerator.  The other 95% get up to go home.
@@ -14817,7 +14772,7 @@ What the fuck, over?
 %
 What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
 %
-What this department needs is a really good inflatible doll.
+What this department needs is a really good inflatable doll.
 %
 What with chromodynamics and electroweak too
 Our Standardized Model should please even you,
@@ -14858,7 +14813,7 @@ Doo-doo, doo-doo.
 		-- Foghorn Leghorn, to "Camptown Ladies"
 %
 What's the worst thing about being an atheist?
-Noone to talk to when you're having an orgasm.
+No one to talk to when you're having an orgasm.
 %
 When a girl admits she's had a checkered career, it's your move.
 %
@@ -15121,10 +15076,6 @@ Why I am an atheist:
 Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses?
 		-- G. Gordon Liddy
 %
-Why is it that there are so many more
-horses' asses than there are horses?
-		-- G. Gordon Liddy
-%
 Why is Mrs. Carter always on top when she and Jimmy make love?
 Because all Jimmy Carter can do is fuck up.
 %
@@ -15207,7 +15158,7 @@ Would you rather have a 5-inch hard or an 8-inch floppy?
 %
 Writers do it between periods.
 %
-"Yeah, I used to be into necrophelia, bestiality and sadism, but then I
+"Yeah, I used to be into necrophilia, bestiality and sadism, but then I
 realized I was just flogging a dead horse."
 %
 Yesterday is a memory,
@@ -15311,7 +15262,7 @@ But it's OK, Scorpio.  A kick in the ass is at least one step forward.
 
 SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
 	You've been on a diet for two weeks and all you've lost is two weeks.
-My advice is to drink copius amounts of beer just to get the thought of food
+My advice is to drink copious amounts of beer just to get the thought of food
 out of your mind.  Remember, a good reducing exercise consists of placing
 both hands against the table edge and pushing back.