Spelling and punctuation corrected. Duplicates removed, including those

present in fortunes2 that are already in fortunes.  Some attributions added/
corrected.  The warning in src/games/Notes still applies fully.  No fortunes
were lost in this process.

5 files changed, 1578 insertions, 10386 deletions

diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
index 60fa2d8d39d..35cb8187c9b 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
@@ -173,12 +173,12 @@ A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
 won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
 		-- Bill Vaughan
 %
-A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
+A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
 		-- Herbert Prochnow
 %
 A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody
 wants to read.
-		-- Mark Twain
+		-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
 %
 A closed mouth gathers no foot.
 %
@@ -332,27 +332,22 @@ E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
 G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
 I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
 K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
-M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
+M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of ennui.
 O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
 Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
 S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
 U is for Una  who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
-W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
+W is for Winnie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
 Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
 		-- Edward Gorey "The Gastly Crumb Tines"
 %
 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
 %
-A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide
-who has the better lawyer.
+A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
 		-- Robert Frost
 %
 A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
 %
-A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
-%
-A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
-%
 A lady with one of her ears applied
 To an open keyhole heard, inside,
 Two female gossips in converse free --
@@ -388,9 +383,10 @@ And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
 %
 A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
 nothing.
+		-- Alan Perlis
 %
 A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-		-- H. H. Munroe
+		-- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
 %
 A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
 %
@@ -463,7 +459,7 @@ direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
 paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
 colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
 fall over gently onto their backs.
-		-- Audobon Society Magazine
+		-- Audubon Society Magazine
 %
 	A musician of more ambition than talent composed an elegy at
 the death of composer Edward MacDowell.  She played the elegy for the
@@ -527,7 +523,7 @@ A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
 %
 A penny saved is ridiculous.
 %
-A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
+A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
 %
 A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
 		-- George Wald
@@ -563,11 +559,11 @@ ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
 hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
 %
 "A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!"
-		-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Summatra"
+		-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
 %
 A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
 
-And he answered:
+And the Master answered:
 
 It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence.
 
@@ -682,7 +678,7 @@ against which to react ... Of course he only seems to lack the
 knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.
 		-- New York Times Editorial, 1920
 %
-A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard
+A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
 		-- Prof. Steiner
 %
 ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
@@ -752,20 +748,19 @@ getting nervous.
 A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
 people's attention.
 %
-"A witty saying proves nothing."
+A witty saying proves nothing.
 		-- Voltaire
 %
-"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
+A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
 admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact
 remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
 reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It
 is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of
 using indirect spells.  It also does no harm, in dealing with these
-matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times."
+matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times.
 		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
 %
-A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe
-in God.
+A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
 %
 A.A.A.A.A.:
 	An organization for drunks who drive
@@ -807,6 +802,7 @@ because the stakes are so low.
 Accident, n.:
 	A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
 body is better.
+		-- Foolish Dictionary
 %
 Accidents cause History.
 
@@ -835,17 +831,17 @@ totally worthless.
 According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never
 dies.
 %
-"According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to
+According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to
 live in America is the city of Pittsburgh.  The city of New York came
 in twenty-fifth.  Here in New York we really don't care too much.
-Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime."
+Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
 Accordion, n.:
 	A bagpipe with pleats.
 %
 Accuracy, n.:
-	The vice of being right
+	The vice of being right.
 %
 			ACHTUNG!!!
 
@@ -857,15 +853,14 @@ vatch das blinkenlights!!!
 %
 Acid -- better living through chemistry.
 %
-Acid absorbs 47 times it's weight in excess Reality.
+Acid absorbs 47 times its own weight in excess Reality.
 %
 Acquaintance, n.:
 	A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well
 enough to lend to.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from
-coughing."
+"Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing."
 %
 Actor:	"I'm a smash hit.  Why, yesterday during the last act, I had
 	everyone glued in their seats!"
@@ -881,8 +876,9 @@ Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
 %
 ADA, n.:
 	Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
-Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
-awareness."
+	Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop
+	an ADA awareness."
+		-- "Datamation", January 15, 1984
 %
 Admiration, n.:
 	Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
@@ -907,7 +903,7 @@ way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
 		-- Sinclair Lewis
 %
 Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic,
-then at least be asceptic.
+then at least be aseptic.
 %
 After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
 names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
@@ -927,8 +923,7 @@ that it sinks like a stone.
 After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out.
 It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life
 more advanced than the lichen family.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
-		   Do"
+		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
 %
 After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
 %
@@ -1005,7 +1000,7 @@ unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep
 up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."
 		-- A analysis of Neo-Nazis, from "The Badger" comic
 %
-Air is water with holes in it
+Air is water with holes in it.
 %
 Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
 		-- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
@@ -1052,7 +1047,7 @@ All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
 without thinking.
 %
 "All flesh is grass"
-		-- Isiah
+		-- Isaiah
 Smoke a friend today.
 %
 All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
@@ -1063,7 +1058,7 @@ importance.
 All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
 by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
 %
-All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power
+All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
 		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
 %
 All men are mortal.  Socrates was mortal.  Therefore, all men are
@@ -1090,7 +1085,7 @@ All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
 %
 All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of
 every organism to live beyond its income.
-		-- Samuel Butler
+		-- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
 %
 All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
 		-- E. Rutherford
@@ -1099,7 +1094,7 @@ All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
 hands."
 		-- Saint Patrick
 %
-All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
+All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
 %
 All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can,
 too, provided you use them for business purposes.  For example, if you
@@ -1143,6 +1138,7 @@ All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door.
 %
 All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for
 fun.  Money's just the way we keep score.
+		-- Henry Tyroon
 %
 All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
 %
@@ -1244,9 +1240,9 @@ people refuse to see it.
 An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but
 is always polite to traffic cops.
 %
-"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
+An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
 New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but
-not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
+not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
 An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
@@ -1440,8 +1436,7 @@ Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but
 television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom
 and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that
 offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher breath.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
-		   Do"
+		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
 %
 		Answers to Last Fortune's Questions:
 
@@ -1499,7 +1494,7 @@ the fence."  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was
 undoubtedly true.
 		-- Solomon Short
 %
-Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
+Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
 		-- Sydney J. Harris
 %
 Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger
@@ -1572,7 +1567,7 @@ means the price went way up.
 %
 Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
 %
-Anything worth doing is worth overdoing
+Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
 %
 "Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution"
 %
@@ -1586,8 +1581,8 @@ APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.  It is the language of
 the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of
 coding bums.
 %
-"APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs in APL, but I
-can't read any of them."
+APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs in APL, but I
+can't read any of them.
 		-- Roy Keir
 %
 Aquadextrous, adj.:
@@ -1610,8 +1605,6 @@ ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE --
 %
 Are you a turtle?
 %
-Are you a turtle?
-%
 "Arguments with furniture are rarely productive."
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
@@ -1656,13 +1649,13 @@ Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
 As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
 interested in the basic nature of humor.  "What kind of a sick
 perverted disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask,
-"that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?" ...
+"that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?"
 		-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
 %
-"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual
+As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual
 certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I
 became a scientist.  This is like becoming an archbishop so you can
-meet girls."
+meet girls.
 		-- Matt Cartmill
 %
 As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
@@ -1728,7 +1721,7 @@ As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there
 is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
-As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such things as a free
+As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such thing as a free
 variable."
 %
 As with most fine things, chocolate has its season.  There is a simple
@@ -1808,11 +1801,7 @@ At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
 challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
 		-- The Washington Post Magazine, 9 June, 1985
 %
-At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
-challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
-		-- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985
-%
-... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
+At least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
 		-- J. B. White
 %
 "At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents"
@@ -1836,16 +1825,15 @@ depths they were once able to plumb.
 		-- Stanley Kaufman
 %
 Automobile, n.:
-	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down
-pedestrians.
+	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
 %
 Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
 Avoid reality at all costs.
 %
-"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
-we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."
+Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
+we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you.
 		-- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
 %
 Bacchus, n.:
@@ -1864,7 +1852,7 @@ CHOMPER, CHOMPING.
 Bagdikian's Observation:
 	Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American
 newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a
-ukelele.
+ukulele.
 %
 Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
 	A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
@@ -1879,8 +1867,7 @@ Banectomy, n.:
 Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
 %
 Barach's Rule:
-	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own
-physician.
+	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
 %
 Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the
 floor -- especially in the dark.
@@ -1906,7 +1893,7 @@ APL is a high level anguish.
 %
 "BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'."
 %
-Basic, n.:
+BASIC, n.:
 	A programming language.  Related to certain social diseases in
 that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
 %
@@ -1927,7 +1914,7 @@ face.
 %
 Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
 %
-Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
+Be careful of reading health books.  You might die of a misprint.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Be different: conform.
@@ -1935,7 +1922,7 @@ Be different: conform.
 Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things won't get any better so
 get used to it.
 %
-Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
+Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
 %
 Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and
 miss
@@ -1960,8 +1947,7 @@ Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.)
 	Primarily because nobody understood Chinese.
 		-- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
 %
-Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's
-ego.
+Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
 %
 Begathon, n.:
 	A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
@@ -1972,14 +1958,14 @@ away.
 %
 Beifeld's Principle:
 	The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and
-receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is
-already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better
-looking and richer male friend.
+	receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression
+	when he is already in the company of: 
+	(1) a date, 
+	(2) his wife, 
+	(3) a better looking and richer male friend.
 %
 "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"  <huff, huff>
 %
-"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" <huff, huff>
-%
 Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
 %
 Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
@@ -2014,14 +2000,14 @@ Best of all is never to have been born.  Second best is to die soon.
 better !pout !cry
 better watchout
 lpr why
-santa claus <north pole >town
+santa claus < north pole > town
 
-cat /etc/passwd >list
+cat /etc/passwd > list
 ncheck list 
 ncheck list
-cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
-cat list | grep nice >giftlist
-santa claus <north pole > town
+cat list | grep naughty > nogiftlist
+cat list | grep nice > giftlist
+santa claus < north pole > town
 
 who | grep sleeping
 who | grep awake
@@ -2047,8 +2033,8 @@ It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
 planets, this may be the first message received from us.
 		-- The Realist, November, 1964.
 %
-"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
-tried it."
+Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
+tried it.
 		-- Donald Knuth
 %
 Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
@@ -2073,8 +2059,8 @@ nothing of interest is easy.
 Binary, adj.:
 	Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
 %
-"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
-thing as division."
+Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
+thing as division.
 %
 Bipolar, adj.:
 	Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo,
@@ -2084,7 +2070,7 @@ Birth, n.:
 	The first and direst of all disasters.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic
+Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
 %
 Bizoos, n.:
 	The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a
@@ -2093,12 +2079,13 @@ basketball.
 %
 ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
 %
-Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
+Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
+		-- Herbert Hoover
 %
-Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as
-Wheels.
+Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles,
+for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
 %
-BLISS is ignorance
+BLISS is ignorance.
 %
 Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
 %
@@ -2119,7 +2106,7 @@ Boling's postulate:
 %
 Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:
 	Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so
-vividly manifests their lack of progress.
+	vividly manifests their lack of progress.
 %
 Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
 	Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
@@ -2144,9 +2131,9 @@ Boren's Laws:
 %
 Boss, n.:
 	According to the Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages
-the words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss,
-in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an
-ornamental stud."
+	the words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss,
+	in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an
+	ornamental stud."
 %
 Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System.  You couldn't pry
 that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation
@@ -2155,9 +2142,9 @@ straightened out for a crowbar.
 %
 Boston, n.:
 	Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
-finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
+	finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
 %
-"Boy, life takes a long time to live
+Boy, life takes a long time to live
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 Boy, n.:
@@ -2174,17 +2161,16 @@ Brace yourselves.  We're about to try something that borders on the
 unique: an actually rather serious technical book which is not only
 (gasp) vehemently anti-Solemn, but also (shudder) takes sides.  I tend
 to think of it as `Constructive Snottiness.'
-		-- Mike Padlipsky, Foreword to "Elements of Networking
-		   Style"
+		-- Mike Padlipsky, Foreword to "Elements of Networking Style"
 %
 Bradley's Bromide:
 	If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
-committee -- that will do them in.
+	committee -- that will do them in.
 %
 Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
 	When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
-easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have
-handled this?"
+	easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger
+	have handled this?"
 %
 Brain fried -- Core dumped
 %
@@ -2194,7 +2180,7 @@ Brain, n.:
 %
 Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]:
 	To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of
-error in an opponent.
+	error in an opponent.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests,
@@ -2232,12 +2218,12 @@ Brook's Law:
 %
 Brooke's Law:
 	Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
-discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it
-beyond recognition.
+	discovers something which either abolishes the system or
+	expands it beyond recognition.
 %
 Bubble Memory, n.:
 	A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
-intelligence.  See also "vacuum tube".
+	intelligence.  See also "vacuum tube".
 %
 Bucy's Law:
 	Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
@@ -2257,7 +2243,7 @@ living girls.
 BULLWINKLE: "You just leave that to my pal.  He's the brains of the
 	    outfit."
 GENERAL:    "What does that make YOU?"
-BULLWINKLE: "What else?  An executive..."
+BULLWINKLE: "What else?  An executive."
 		-- Jay Ward
 %
 Bumper sticker:
@@ -2283,7 +2269,7 @@ Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
 	(4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
 		-- Robert Burns
 %
-... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can
+	But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can
 easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed
 and were a scourge to mankind.  The evidence (including confession)
 upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was
@@ -2299,7 +2285,7 @@ paws."
 %
 "But I don't like Spam!!!!"
 %
-... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
+	But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
 intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
 we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
 that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
@@ -2351,12 +2337,12 @@ ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate
 increases.
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
 %
-"But this has taken us far afield from interface, which is not a bad
+But this has taken us far afield from interface, which is not a bad
 place to be, since I particularly want to move ahead to the kludge.
 Why do people have so much trouble understanding the kludge?  What is a
 kludge, after all, but not enough Ks, not enough ROMs, not enough RAMs,
 poor quality interface and too few bytes to go around?  Have I
-explained yet about the bytes?"
+explained yet about the bytes?
 %
 ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
 		-- Virginia Masters
@@ -2382,16 +2368,17 @@ Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
 By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
 completely overwhelm you.
 %
-"By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.  In fact,
+By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.  In fact,
 it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to
-invent. (R. Emerson)"
+invent.
+		-- R. Emerson
 		-- Quoted from a fortune cookie program
 		   (whose author claims, "Actually, stealing IS easier.")
 		   [to which I reply, "You think it's easy for me to
 		   misconstrue all these misquotations?!?"]
 %
-"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
-to suspect 'Hungry' ..."
+By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
+to suspect 'Hungry' ...
 		-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
 %
 By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I
@@ -2409,18 +2396,18 @@ they wanted to be.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
 C, n.:
-	A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more
-like assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or
-anything else.  It is either the best language available to the art
-today, or it isn't.
+	A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more like
+	assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or anything
+	else.  It is either the best language available to the art today, or
+	it isn't.
 		-- Ray Simard
 %
 Cabbage, n.:
 	A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
-a man's head.
+	a man's head.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."
+Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception.
 		-- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
 %
 Cahn's Axiom:
@@ -2438,14 +2425,14 @@ Spanish "caliente"); and "fornia'" for "sexual intercourse" or
 Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
 		-- Indian proverb
 %
-"Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target
-Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."
+Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target
+Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
 %
-"Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle."
+Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
 		-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
 %
-"Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth
-Corner, Vermont."
+Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth
+Corner, Vermont.
 		-- Clarence Darrow
 %
 Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two
@@ -2460,8 +2447,7 @@ Supplement:
 %
 Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.  It's 2 cents
 for postage and 30 cents for storage.
-		-- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial
-		   Post
+		-- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post
 %
 Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
 Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
@@ -2470,10 +2456,10 @@ The inverse of my verse, a null domain.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
 CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
-	You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
-problems.  They think you are a sucker.  You are always putting things
-off.  That's why you'll never make anything of yourself.  Most welfare
-recipients are Cancer people.
+	You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems.
+	They think you are a sucker.  You are always putting things off.
+	That's why you'll never make anything of yourself.  Most welfare
+	recipients are Cancer people.
 %
 Canonical, adj.:
 	The usual or standard state or manner of something.  A true
@@ -2487,14 +2473,14 @@ the word "canonical" in jargon-like fashion without thinking.
 	Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."
 %
 CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
-	You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do
-much of anything and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn of any
-importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as
-they take root and become trees.
+	You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do much
+	of anything and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn of any
+	importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as
+	they take root and become trees.
 %
 Captain Penny's Law:
 	You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
-the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
+	the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
 %
 Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than
 expected.  Carefully planned projects take four times longer to
@@ -2505,16 +2491,16 @@ Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
 trousers that don't match.
 %
 Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.:
-	The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a
-dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
-putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
+	The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen
+	times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting
+	it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Cat, n.:
 	Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
 %
 Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
-		-- Mark Twain
+		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson"
 %
 Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
 %
@@ -2564,8 +2550,9 @@ only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the
 others who have tried it.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny--
-	Did you ever try buying them without money?
+Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
+But it's very funny--
+Did you ever try buying them without money?
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
 			Chapter 1
@@ -2579,9 +2566,8 @@ Character Density, n.:
 	The number of very weird people in the office.
 %
 Checkuary, n.:
-	The thirteenth month of the year.  Begins New Year's Day and
-ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his
-checks.
+	The thirteenth month of the year.  Begins New Year's Day and ends
+	when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
 %
 Chef, n.:
 	Any cook who swears in French.
@@ -2614,11 +2600,11 @@ Chicken Little was right.
 %
 Chicken Soup, n.:
 	An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin,
-cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup can't cure
-is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
+	cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup
+	can't cure is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-Children are natural mimic who act like their parents despite every
+Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
 effort to teach them good manners.
 %
 Children are unpredictable.  You never know what inconsistency they're
@@ -2634,7 +2620,7 @@ word what you shouldn't have said.
 %
 Chism's Law of Completion:
 	The amount of time required to complete a government project is
-precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
+	precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
 %
 Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
 	When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
@@ -2653,20 +2639,20 @@ Christ:
 %
 Churchill's Commentary on Man:
 	Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the
-time he will pick himself up and continue on.
+	time he will pick himself up and continue on.
 %
 Cigarette, n.:
 	A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
-between.
+	between.
 %
 Cinemuck, n.:
 	The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which
-covers the floors of movie theaters.
+	covers the floors of movie theaters.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Clairvoyant, n.:
 	A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
-which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
+	which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
 Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
@@ -2698,7 +2684,7 @@ Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum --
 %
 Coincidence, n.: 
 	You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was
-going on.
+	going on.
 %
 Coincidences are spiritual puns.
 		-- G. K. Chesterton
@@ -2712,7 +2698,7 @@ pockets.
 %
 Collaboration, n.:
 	A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
-other fellow can spell.
+	other fellow can spell.
 %
 College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the
 faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if
@@ -2758,7 +2744,7 @@ And I am Marie of Roumania.
 %
 Commitment, n.:
 	Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
-The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
+	The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
 %
 Committee Rules:
 	(1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
@@ -2772,7 +2758,7 @@ Committee Rules:
 %
 Committee, n.:
 	A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
-decide that nothing can be done.
+	decide that nothing can be done.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
 Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
@@ -2792,7 +2778,7 @@ Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
 of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
 		-- David Guaspari
 %
-Computer programmers do it byte by byte
+Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
 %
 Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems
 theory.
@@ -2813,7 +2799,7 @@ Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
 %
 Concept, n.:
 	Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
-$25,000.
+	$25,000.
 %
 ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this
 business, it probably would be gibberish.
@@ -2825,8 +2811,7 @@ Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
 good for dandruff.
 		-- Peter de Vries
 %
-Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the
-situation.
+Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
 %
 Congratulations!  You have purchased an extremely fine device that
 would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
@@ -2853,8 +2838,8 @@ interface devices.
 Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
 %
-Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking
-		-- H. L. Mencken
+Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
+		-- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
 %
 Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
 %
@@ -2876,7 +2861,7 @@ technology.  Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat."
 %
 Conversation, n.:
 	A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
-is called the listener.
+	is called the listener.
 %
 Conway's Law:
 	In any organization there will always be one person who knows
@@ -2885,9 +2870,8 @@ Conway's Law:
 	This person must be fired.
 %
 Coronation, n.:
-	The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and
-visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite
-bomb.
+	The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible
+	signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Corrupt, adj.:
@@ -2910,7 +2894,7 @@ Coward, n.:
 	One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with
+[Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with
 nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
 		-- Wernher von Braun
 %
@@ -2919,7 +2903,7 @@ Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
 %
 Critic, n.:
 	A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
-to please him.
+	to please him.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Croll's Query:
@@ -2929,25 +2913,19 @@ cursor address, n:
 	"Hello, cursor!"
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
-"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
-eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
-business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
-		-- Johnny Hart
-%
-"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
+Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
 eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
-business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
+business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation.
 		-- Johnny Hart
 %
 Cynic, n.:
-	A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not
-as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking
-out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
+	A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as
+	they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking
+	out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Cynic, n.:
-	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced
-eye.
+	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
 %
 Dare to be naive.
 		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
@@ -3027,9 +3005,9 @@ Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
 %
 Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
 %
-"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".
+Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
 %
-Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down
+Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
 %
 Death is only a state of mind.
 
@@ -3039,15 +3017,14 @@ Death to all fanatics!
 %
 Decision maker, n.:
 	The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
-before the music stopped.
+	before the music stopped.
 %
 Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really
 overwhelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene
 language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the
 judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when
 addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang).
-		-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing
-		   Assoc.
+		-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing Assoc.
 %
 	Deck Us All With Boston Charlie
 
@@ -3076,8 +3053,8 @@ come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear.
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
 #define BITCOUNT(x)	(((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255)
-#define  BX_(x)		((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777)			\
-			     - (((x)>>2)&0x33333333)			\
+#define  BX_(x)		((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777)	\
+			     - (((x)>>2)&0x33333333)	\
 			     - (((x)>>3)&0x11111111))
 
 		-- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word
@@ -3141,7 +3118,7 @@ board.  Especially with  those 14 year-old Valley girls.
 %
 Dentist, n.:
 	A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls
-coins out of one's pockets.
+	coins out of one's pockets.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Despising machines to a man,
@@ -3180,7 +3157,7 @@ There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
 %
 DeVries's Dilemma:
 	If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
-hits the paper.
+	hits the paper.
 %
 Did I say 2?  I lied.
 %
@@ -3315,8 +3292,7 @@ They used treachery.  They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.
 They used applied physics.  They used techniques of criminology.  And
 what the hell, they caught him.
 
-		-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the
-		   Tick-Tock Man"
+		-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"
 %
 Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
 %
@@ -3328,8 +3304,8 @@ Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly
 misleading.  Debug only code.
 		-- Dave Storer
 %
-"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.  The world owes
-you nothing.  It was here first."
+Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.  The world owes
+you nothing.  It was here first.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
@@ -3342,8 +3318,7 @@ Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
 %
 Don't knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.
 %
-Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking
-distance.
+Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
 %
 Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
 %
@@ -3352,7 +3327,7 @@ Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
 Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy
 it today you can do it again tomorrow.
 %
-"Don't say yes until I finish talking."
+Don't say "yes" until I finish talking.
 		-- Darryl F. Zanuck
 %
 Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business.
@@ -3376,8 +3351,8 @@ Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
 avoiding you.
 		-- The Old Farmer's Almanac
 %
-"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any
-good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
+Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any
+good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
 		-- Howard Aiken
 %
 Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It's already
@@ -3389,7 +3364,7 @@ busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
 %
 Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
 %
-Don:    I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!  Was she
+Don Ameche: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!  Was she
 	pretty?
 W. C.:  Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of
 	bad road.  She had so many gold teeth, Don, she use to have to
@@ -3410,6 +3385,10 @@ Control and Meta side by side,
 Augmented ASCII, nine bits wide!
 	Double bucky, a half a thousand glyphs, plus a few!
 
+Oh, I sure wish that I,   
+Had a couple of bits more!
+Perhaps a set of pedals to make the number of bits four.
+
 Double bucky, left and right
 OR'd together, outta sight!
 	Double bucky, I'd like a whole word of
@@ -3417,36 +3396,39 @@ OR'd together, outta sight!
 	Double bucky, I'd like a whole word of you!
 
 		-- (C) 1978 by Guy L. Steele, Jr.
+		(to Nicholas Wirth, who suggested that an extra bit
+		be added to terminal codes on 36-bit machines for use
+		by screen editors.  [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"])
+
 %
 Double-Blind Experiment, n.:
 	An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is
 fooling both the subject and the lab assistant.  Often accompanied by a
-belief in the tooth fairy.
+strong belief in the tooth fairy.
 %
 Down with categorical imperative!
 %
-"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."
+Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
 %
 Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
 	The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
-of your eyes.
+	of your eyes.
 %
 Drink Canada Dry!  You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.
 %
 Drive defensively.  Buy a tank.
 %
-Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic
-route!
+Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
 %
 Ducharme's Axiom:
 	If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
-yourself as part of the problem.
+	yourself as part of the problem.
 %
 Ducharme's Precept:
 	Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
 %
 Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and
-it holds the universe together ...
+it holds the universe together.
 		-- Carl Zwanzig
 %
 Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
@@ -3470,7 +3452,7 @@ times, often with lin~po_~{po       ~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_~{o[po	 ~y oodsou>#w4k**
 %
 "Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  And my advice to you is to have
 nothing whatever to do with it."
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham
+		-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
 %
 E Pluribus Unix
 %
@@ -3485,7 +3467,7 @@ Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
 %
 Earth is a beta site.
 %
-"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."
+Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
 		-- Jeff Berner
 %
 Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
@@ -3562,6 +3544,18 @@ What is it for?
 
 All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
 All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
+
+Hacker MacKensie
+Writing the code for a program that no one will run
+It's nearly done
+Look at him working, fixing the bugs in the night when there's
+	nobody there.
+What does he care?
+ 
+All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
+All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
+Ah, look at all the lonely users.
+Ah, look at all the lonely users.
 %
 Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
 %
@@ -3582,15 +3576,15 @@ harmful electron buildup in the wires.
 Electrocution, n.:
 	Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
 %
-Elevators smell different to midgets
+Elevators smell different to midgets.
 %
 Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
 	Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
-can.  Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
+	can.  Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
 %
 Encyclopedia Salesmen:
 	Invite them all in.  Nip out the back door.  Phone the police
-and tell them your house is being burgled.
+	and tell them your house is being burgled.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
 %
 Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
@@ -3615,27 +3609,27 @@ Es brilig war.  Die schlichte Toven
 	Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben;
 Und aller-m"umsige Burggoven
 	Dir mohmen R"ath ausgraben.
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
 Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
 Etymology, n.:
 	Some early etymological scholars came up with derivations that
-were hard for the public to believe.  The term "etymology" was formed
-from the Latin "etus" ("eaten"), the root "mal" ("bad"), and "logy"
-("study of").  It meant "the study of things that are hard to swallow."
+	were hard for the public to believe.  The term "etymology" was
+	formed from the Latin "etus" ("eaten"), the root "mal" ("bad"),
+	and "logy" ("study of").  It meant "the study of things that are
+	hard to swallow."
 		-- Mike Kellen
 %
 Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
 speak it to?
 		-- Clarence Darrow
 %
-"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
-there."
+Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-"Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral."
+Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
 Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
@@ -3643,7 +3637,7 @@ States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only two cents a
 day.
 %
 Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you
-just how busy they are.
+just how busy they are?
 %
 Ever since prehistoric times, wise men have tried to understand what,
 exactly, make people laugh.  That's why they were called "wise men."
@@ -3661,11 +3655,11 @@ Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
 Every four seconds a woman has a baby.  Our problem is to find this
 woman and stop her.
 %
-"Every group has a couple of experts.  And every group has at least one
+Every group has a couple of experts.  And every group has at least one
 idiot.  Thus are balance and harmony (and discord) maintained.  It's
 sometimes hard to remember this in the bulk of the flamewars that all
 of the hassle and pain is generally caused by one or two
-highly-motivated, caustic twits."
+highly-motivated, caustic twits.
 		-- Chuq Von Rospach, about Usenet
 %
 Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
@@ -3701,8 +3695,8 @@ Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
 Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
 		-- Miguel de Cervantes
 %
-"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
-richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work"
+Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
+richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work.
 		-- Robert Orben
 %
 Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
@@ -3779,7 +3773,7 @@ how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence",
 So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
 		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
 %
-Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike office water cooler.
+Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike the office water cooler.
 %
 Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
 %
@@ -3797,7 +3791,7 @@ Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
 the work.
 		-- John G. Pollard
 %
-Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
+Expect the worst.  It's the least you can do.
 %
 Expense Accounts, n.:
 	Corporate food stamps.
@@ -3807,7 +3801,7 @@ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 %
 Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
 when you make it again.
-		-- F. P. Jones
+		-- Franklin P. Jones
 %
 Experience is the worst teacher.  It always gives the test first and
 the instruction afterward.
@@ -3863,14 +3857,14 @@ without looking to see whether the seeds move.
 %
 Faith, n:
 	That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be
-untrue.
+	untrue.
 %
 Fakir, n:
 	A psychologist whose charismatic data have inspired almost
-religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources seem to
-have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
+	religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources
+	seem to have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
 %
-Familiarity breeds attempt
+Familiarity breeds attempt.
 %
 Families, when a child is born
 Want it to be intelligent.
@@ -3892,12 +3886,13 @@ Famous last words:
 %
 Famous last words:
 	(1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
-	(2) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
+	(2) Let's take the shortcut; he can't see us from there.
 	(3) What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
 	(4) We won't need reservations.
 	(5) It's always sunny there this time of the year.
 	(6) Don't worry, it's not loaded.
 	(7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
+	(8) Don't worry!  Women love it!
 %
 Famous, adj.:
 	Conspicuously miserable.
@@ -3908,14 +3903,14 @@ Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
 Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
 utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life
 forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
-are a pretty neat idea ...
+are a pretty neat idea.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
 Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
 every six months.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-Fats Loves Madelyn
+Fats Loves Madelyn.
 %
 Feel disillusioned?  I've got some great new illusions ...
 %
@@ -3947,8 +3942,7 @@ Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
 	If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
 
 Corollary:
-	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you
-live.
+	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
 %
 Fifth Law of Procrastination:
 	Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
@@ -3984,7 +3978,7 @@ Finagle's Creed:
 Finagle's First Law:
 	If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
 %
-Finagle's fourth Law:
+Finagle's Fourth Law:
 	Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes
 it worse.
 %
@@ -3995,7 +3989,7 @@ happened according to his own pet theory.
 %
 Finagle's Third Law:
 	In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
-	beyond all need of checking, is the mistake
+	beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
 
 Corollaries:
 	(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
@@ -4039,8 +4033,8 @@ First Law of Socio-Genetics:
 	Celibacy is not hereditary.
 %
 First Rule of History:
-	History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each
-other.
+	History doesn't repeat itself --
+	historians merely repeat each other.
 %
 "First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"
 		-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
@@ -4069,7 +4063,7 @@ the little hand is on the ....
 %
 Flon's Law:
 	There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is
-the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
+	the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
 %
 Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her
 husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer!  My joules!  Someone has stolen my
@@ -4093,21 +4087,21 @@ activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway ...
 %
 flowchart, n. & v.:
 	[From flow "to ripple down in rich profusion, as hair" + chart
-"a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated."]
-1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni construction
-problems in which given algorithms require geometrical representation
-using only the 35 basic ideograms of the ANSI template.  2. n. Neronic
-doodling while the system burns.  3. n. A low-cost substitute for
-wallpaper.  4. n.  The innumerate misleading the illiterate.  "A
-thousand pictures is worth ten lines of code." -- The Programmer's
-Little Red Vade Mecum, Mao Tse T'umps.  5. v.intrans. To produce
-flowcharts with no particular object in mind.  6. v.trans. To obfuscate
-(a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
+	"a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated."]
+	1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni construction
+	problems in which given algorithms require geometrical representation
+	using only the 35 basic ideograms of the ANSI template.  2. n. Neronic
+	doodling while the system burns.  3. n. A low-cost substitute for
+	wallpaper.  4. n.  The innumerate misleading the illiterate.  "A
+	thousand pictures is worth ten lines of code." -- The Programmer's
+	Little Red Vade Mecum, Mao Tse T'umps.  5. v.intrans. To produce
+	flowcharts with no particular object in mind.  6. v.trans. To obfuscate
+	(a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
 Flugg's Law:
 	When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
-world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
+	world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
 %
 Flying saucers on occasion
 	Show themselves to human eyes.
@@ -4116,8 +4110,8 @@ Aliens fume, put off invasion
 %
 Fog Lamps, n.:
 	Excessively (often obnoxiously) bright lamps mounted on the
-fronts of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
-driver's brain is in a fog.
+	fronts of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate
+	that the driver's brain is in a fog.
 
 See also "Idiot Lights".
 %
@@ -4176,17 +4170,16 @@ For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say
 %
 For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
 %
-"For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of
+For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of
 a thousand years ago.  Why not, then, the last step of doing away with
-computers altogether?"
+computers altogether?
 		-- Jehan Shuman
 %
-For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they
-like.
+For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
 		-- Abraham Lincoln
 %
-"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
-phone calls taper off."
+For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
+phone calls taper off.
 		-- Johnny Carson
 %
 For years a secret shame destroyed my peace --
@@ -4327,7 +4320,7 @@ A:  No.
 %
 fortune: cpu time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
 %
-Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samuri
+Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
 sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
 
 Oh, and have a nice day!
@@ -4335,15 +4328,16 @@ Oh, and have a nice day!
 %
 Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
 	The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
-instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
+	instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
 
 Corollary:
 	Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do
-except study for that instructor's course.
+	except study for that instructor's course.
 %
 Fourth Law of Revision:
 	It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
-interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
+	interferences -- if you have none, someone will make 
+	one for you.
 %
 Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:  If the probability of success is not
 almost one, it is damn near zero.
@@ -4369,7 +4363,7 @@ Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down.
 %
 Frisbeetarianism, n.:
 	The belief that when you die, your soul goes up the on roof and
-gets stuck.
+	gets stuck.
 %
 Frobnicate, v.:
 	To manipulate or adjust, to tweak.  Derived from FROBNITZ.
@@ -4460,7 +4454,7 @@ Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
 %
 Furbling, v.:
 	Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
-even when you are the only person in line.
+	even when you are the only person in line.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
@@ -4483,7 +4477,7 @@ stockings and desolating the country.
 %
 Gauls!  We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall
 on our heads tomorrow.  But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!
-		-- Adventures of Asterix.
+		-- Adventures of Asterix
 %
 Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep".
 
@@ -4515,21 +4509,21 @@ extracurricular activity except you."
 "Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore."
 %
 GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
-	You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  People like you
-because you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too much
-for too little.  This means you are cheap.  Geminis are known for
-committing incest.
+	You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  People like you because
+	you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too much
+	for too little.  This means you are cheap.  Geminis are known for
+	committing incest.
 %
 GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
-	Good news and bad news highlighted.  Enjoy the good news while
-you can; the bad news will make you forget it.  You will enjoy praise
-and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker.  A short
-trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
+	Good news and bad news highlighted.  Enjoy the good news while you
+	can; the bad news will make you forget it.  You will enjoy praise
+	and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker.  A short
+	trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
 %
 Genderplex, n.:
 	The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
-determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
-tortoises).
+	determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
+	tortoises).
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
@@ -4540,8 +4534,7 @@ handicapped.
 		-- Elbert Hubbard
 %
 Genius, n.:
-	A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with
-"bright".
+	A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".
 %
 George Orwell 1984.  Northwestern 0.
 		-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
@@ -4644,10 +4637,8 @@ Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
 	Theorem.  To wit:
 
 	(1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
-	(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break
-	    even.
-	(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the
-	    game.
+	(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
+	(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
 %
 Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
 to stand, and I will drain the world.
@@ -4662,8 +4653,8 @@ a new town.
 %
 Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
 %
-"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying
-around, I'd rather lie around.  No contest."
+Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying
+around, I'd rather lie around.  No contest.
 		-- Eric Clapton
 %
 Giving up on assembly language was the apple in our Garden of Eden:
@@ -4673,12 +4664,12 @@ machine now permits LISP programmers to abandon bra and fig-leaf.
 %
 Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
 	Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
-probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some
-useful work done.
+	probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some
+	useful work done.
 %
 Gnagloot, n.:
 	A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
-impress people.
+	impress people.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Go 'way!  You're bothering me!
@@ -4697,7 +4688,7 @@ days and then pulled an all-nighter.
 God doesn't play dice.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
-"God gives burdens; also shoulders"
+God gives burdens; also shoulders
 
 Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the
 end of the 1980 election.  At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I
@@ -4726,7 +4717,7 @@ Nietzsche is Dead
 Nietzsche is God
 		-- The Dead
 %
-God is not dead!  He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
+God is not dead!  He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's!
 %
 God is real, unless declared integer.
 %
@@ -4781,13 +4772,13 @@ person a car.
 %
 Gold, n.:
 	A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution.  It
-is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who
-immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold
-hasn't done anything to them.
+	is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich
+	men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons,
+	although gold hasn't done anything to them.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
 %
 Goldenstern's Rules:
-	(1) Always hire a rich attorney
+	(1) Always hire a rich attorney.
 	(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
 %
 Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
@@ -4811,7 +4802,7 @@ Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
 Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
 new lover.
 %
-"Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored."
+Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.
 		-- George Saunders' dying words
 %
 Gordon's first law:
@@ -4827,7 +4818,7 @@ time travel, you never can tell."
 		-- Doctor Who "Androids of Tara"
 %
 Got Mole problems?
-Call Avogardo 6.02 x 10^23
+Call Avogadro 6.02 x 10^23
 %
 Goto, n.:
 	A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers
@@ -4855,11 +4846,11 @@ Graduate life: It's not just a job.  It's an indenture.
 Grandpa Charnock's Law:
 	You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
 %
-Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
+Gravity is a myth:  the Earth sucks.
 %
 Gray's Law of Programming:
 	`_n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same
-time as `_n' tasks.
+	time as `_n' tasks.
 
 Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law:
 	`_n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as `_n' trivial tasks.
@@ -4876,23 +4867,23 @@ mistakes, in later years President Harding carried on his affairs in a
 tiny closet in the White House Cabinet Room while Secret Service men
 stood lookout.
 %
-Green light in a.m. for new projects.  Red light in P.M. for traffic
-tickets.
+Green light in A.M. for new projects.
+Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
 %
 Greener's Law:
 	Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
 %
 Grelb's Reminder:
 	Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
-average drivers.
+	average drivers.
 %
-"Grub first, then ethics."
+Grub first, then ethics.
 		-- Bertolt Brecht
 %
 Gurmlish, n.:
 	The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which
-prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his
-mouth.
+	prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the
+	roof of his mouth.
 		-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
 %
 Gyroscope, n.:
@@ -4924,11 +4915,11 @@ H:	If a 'GOBLIN (HOB) waylays you,
 %
 Hacker's Law:
 	The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
-nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
+	nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
 %
 Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
 %
-... Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror,
+Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror,
 and you would not have been informed.
 %
 Hail to the sun god
@@ -4942,18 +4933,18 @@ enough majority in any town?
 Half Moon tonight.  (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
 %
 Half-done:
-	This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still
-crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference
-between this and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like
-the difference between life and death.
-	You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill
-there in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the
-airport, fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough
-Hall, transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on
-Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk
-about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop.  Say to the
-man, "Let me have a nice half-done."
-	Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
+	This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy,
+	light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference between this
+	and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the
+	difference between life and death.
+
+	You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill there
+	in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the airport,
+	fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough Hall,
+	transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on
+	Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk
+	about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop.  Say to the
+	man, "Let me have a nice half-done."  Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
 Hall's Laws of Politics:
@@ -4971,11 +4962,11 @@ commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
 %
 Hanlon's Razor:
 	Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
-stupidity.
+	stupidity.
 %
 Hanson's Treatment of Time:
 	There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
-before Saturday.
+	before Saturday.
 %
 Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
 		-- Ogden Nash
@@ -4985,7 +4976,7 @@ Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
 %
 Happiness, n.:
 	An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
-another.
+	another.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
@@ -5012,7 +5003,7 @@ Harris's Lament:
 %
 Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
 	Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
-ruined.
+	ruined.
 %
 Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he
 makes us all go to Assateague, which is an island on the Atlantic Ocean
@@ -5027,15 +5018,15 @@ just like Richard Nixon."
 %
 Hartley's First Law:
 	You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
-on his back, you've got something.
+	on his back, you've got something.
 %
 Hartley's Second Law:
 	Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
 %
 Harvard Law:
 	Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
-temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will
-do as it damn well pleases.
+	temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism
+	will do as it damn well pleases.
 %
 "Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?"
 "Yes, I don't have one."
@@ -5065,13 +5056,11 @@ not only unnatural, but a lot harder than it appears.
 %
 Hatred, n.:
 	A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
-superiority.
+	superiority.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Have an adequate day.
 %
-Have an adequate day.
-%
 Have people realized that the purpose of the fortune cookie program is
 to defuse project tensions?  When did you ever see a cheerful cookie, a
 non-cynical, or even an informative cookie?
@@ -5108,12 +5097,13 @@ sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
 %
 Have you reconsidered a computer career?
 %
-"He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental
+He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental
 effort, he could probably turn the activity into an acceptable
-perversion."
+perversion.
 		-- Mick Farren, "When Gravity Fails"
 %
-"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions"
+He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions
+		-- Stephen Leacock
 %
 He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation
 perfectly delightful.
@@ -5143,13 +5133,12 @@ A penny postage stamp.
 "The nights are rather damp."
 %
 He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-		-- Jonathon Swift
+		-- Jonathan Swift
 %
 "He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him
 insufferable."
 %
-"He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both
-eyes ..."
+He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. 
 %
 He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry
 attacks democracy itself.
@@ -5162,7 +5151,7 @@ He who Laughs, Lasts.
 He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be
 there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
 %
-"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
+He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
 %
 HE:  Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science.
 SHE: What?!?  Science got enough trouble with their ___OWN brains.
@@ -5180,8 +5169,8 @@ of nothing.
 %
 Heaven, n.:
 	A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of
-their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you
-expound your own.
+	their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while
+	you expound your own.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Heavy, adj.:
@@ -5197,7 +5186,7 @@ Heller's Law:
 
 Johnson's Corollary:
 	Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the
-organization.
+	organization.
 %
 "Hello," he lied.
 		-- Don Carpenter quoting a Hollywood agent
@@ -5328,8 +5317,7 @@ Weil es uns dunkt er sei verreckt.	And numerous Sins upon his head;
 					As far as we can tell, he's dead.
 		-- PDQ Bach's epitaph, as requested by his cousin Betty
 		   Sue Bach and written by the local doggerel catcher;
-		   "The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter
-		   Schickele
+		   "The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter Schickele
 %
 Higgeldy Piggeldy,
 Hamlet of Elsinore
@@ -5338,16 +5326,16 @@ Dropping this bomb:
 "Phooey on Freud and his
 Psychoanalysis --
 Oedipus, Shmoedipus,
-I just love Mom."
+I just loved Mom."
 %
 Hindsight is an exact science.
 %
 Hippogriff, n.:
 	An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin.
-The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle.
-The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter eagle, which
-is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.  The study of zoology is full
-of surprises.
+	The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half
+	eagle.  The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter
+	eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.
+	The study of zoology is full of surprises.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Hire the morally handicapped.
@@ -5355,10 +5343,10 @@ Hire the morally handicapped.
 "His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
 money, he went to Southern California."
 %
-"His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice"
+His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
 		-- Foghorn Leghorn
 %
-"His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier."
+His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
 %
 History is curious stuff
 	You'd think by now we had enough
@@ -5375,16 +5363,15 @@ view.
 		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
 %
 Hlade's Law:
-	If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they
-will find an easier way to do it.
+	If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person --
+	they will find an easier way to do it.
 %
 Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
-	Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get
-out.
+	Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
 %
 Hofstadter's Law:
 	It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
-Hofstadter's Law into account.
+	Hofstadter's Law into account.
 %
 Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.
 		-- Rex Reed
@@ -5410,7 +5397,7 @@ Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories:
 The ultimate in watchdog weaponry.
 		-- Chris Shaw
 %
-"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense"
+Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 %
 Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
 		-- F. M. Hubbard
@@ -5421,8 +5408,8 @@ Honk if you love peace and quiet.
 %
 Honorable, adj.:
 	Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
-bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the
-honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
+	bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable;
+	as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Horngren's Observation:
@@ -5443,7 +5430,7 @@ How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
 %
 How come wrong numbers are never busy?
 %
-"How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows."
+How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
 %
 How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
 		-- Elliot, "E.T."
@@ -5469,18 +5456,7 @@ And spit out error flags,
 While users, with frustration, all
 Tear their clothes to rags.
 %
-How doth the VAX's C-compiler
-Improve its object code.
-And even as we speak does it
-Increase the system load.
-
-How patiently it seems to run
-And spit out error flags,
-While users, with frustration, all
-Tear all their clothes to rags.
-%
-How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
-on.
+How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
 %
 How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
 None: "We'll fix it in software."
@@ -5491,8 +5467,8 @@ None: "We'll document it in the manual."
 How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
 None: "The user can work it out."
 %
-"How many hors d'oeuvres you are allowed to take off a tray being
-carried by a waiter at a nice party?"
+How many hors d'oeuvres you are allowed to take off a tray being
+carried by a waiter at a nice party?
 
 Two, but there are ways around it, depending on the style of the hors
 d'oeuvre.  If they're those little pastry things where you can't tell
@@ -5508,14 +5484,11 @@ who could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a
 nanocentury.
 		-- Tom Duff, Bell Labs
 %
-How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to
-Dayton?
+How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
 		-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
 %
 How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
 %
-How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
-%
 HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
 	#1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
 %
@@ -5561,7 +5534,7 @@ Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
 %
 Human cardiac catheterization was introduced by Werner Forssman in
 1929.  Ignoring his department chief, and tying his assistant to an
-operating table to prevent his interference, he placed a uretheral
+operating table to prevent his interference, he placed a urethral
 catheter into a vein in his arm, advanced it to the right atrium [of
 his heart], and walked upstairs to the x-ray department where he took
 the confirmatory x-ray film.  In 1956, Dr. Forssman was awarded the
@@ -5569,12 +5542,12 @@ Nobel Prize.
 %
 Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
 %
-"Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse."
+Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.
 		-- William Gilbert
 %
 Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
 	The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
-to ..... to ........ uh ..............
+	to ..... to ........ uh ..............
 %
 I also believe that academic freedom should protect the right of a
 professor or student to advocate Marxism, socialism, communism, or any
@@ -5593,57 +5566,57 @@ by some more."
 %
 I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.  Go back to work.
 %
-"I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!"
+I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!
 		-- Paul McCracken
 %
-"I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger."
+I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger.
 		-- Gloria Steinem
 %
 I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
 		-- Dennis Ritchie
 %
-"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
+I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it.
 		-- English Professor
 %
-"I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
-great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
+I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
+great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
-"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
-has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
-		-- English Professor, Ohio University
+I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
+has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
+		-- Professor Lowd, English, Ohio University
 %
 I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
 with an option to buy.
 %
-"I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater."
+I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
 %
-"I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person,
+I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person,
 of pre-Adamite ancestral descent.  You will understand this when I tell
 you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial
 atomic globule.  Consequently, my family pride is something
-inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering."
+inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering.
 		-- Pooh-Bah, "The Mikado", Gilbert & Sullivan
 %
-"I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of
+I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of
 the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for
-you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway."
+you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
 		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
 		   University of Tennessee at Knoxville
 %
-"I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
+I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
 argument on any topic, against any opponent.  People know this, and
 steer clear of me at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great respect,
-they don't even invite me."
+they don't even invite me.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-'I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."
+I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
 		-- G. K. Chesterton
 %
-"I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat."
+I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-"I bet the human brain is a kludge."
+I bet the human brain is a kludge.
 		-- Marvin Minsky
 %
 I brake for chezlogs!
@@ -5659,17 +5632,17 @@ relentless day.
 %
 I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
 %
-"I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and
+I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and
 25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be
-true."
+true.
 		-- Harry Truman
 %
-"I can resist anything but temptation."
+I can resist anything but temptation.
 %
-"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
+I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
 		-- Joe Walsh
 %
-"I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling."
+I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
 		-- Florence Henderson
 %
 I can't understand it.  I can't even understand the people who can
@@ -5712,20 +5685,20 @@ Elven-lore:
 	If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)."
 		-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
 %
-" I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
+I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
 instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is
-standing still ..."
+standing still ...
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I could dance till the cows come home.  On second thought, I'd rather
 dance with the cows till you come home.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-"I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.  Except perhaps
-the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ..."
+I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.  Except perhaps
+the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ...
 		-- Peter Oakley
 %
-"I didn't know it was impossible when I did it."
+I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
 %
 I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.  The
 curtain was up.
@@ -5760,18 +5733,18 @@ bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always
 different.
 		-- Mrs. La Touche (19th cent.)
 %
-"I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them."
+I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them.
 		-- Isaac Asimov
 %
-"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
-with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."
+I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
+with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.
 		-- Galileo Galilei
 %
-"I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should."
+I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
 		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 %
-"I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
-don't believe in astrology."
+I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
+don't believe in astrology.
 		-- James R. F. Quirk
 %
 I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just
@@ -5782,23 +5755,19 @@ I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial.  I don't like the idea of
 a frog jumping on my Breakfast.
 		-- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
 %
-"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
-nominating"
+I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating
 		-- Boss Tweed
 %
-"I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem."
+I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
 		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
 %
-"I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
-people waiting to abuse me."
+I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
+people waiting to abuse me.
 		-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
 %
 I don't know anything about music.  In my line you don't have to.
 		-- Elvis Presley
 %
-"I don't know anything about music.  In my line you don't have to."
-		-- Elvis Presley
-%
 	"I don't know what you mean by `glory,'" Alice said
 	Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously.  "Of course you don't --
 till I tell you.  I meant `there's a nice knock-down argument for
@@ -5814,11 +5783,11 @@ so many different things."
 that's all."
 		-- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
-"I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
-eat it, and I just hate it."
+I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
+eat it, and I just hate it.
 		-- Clarence Darrow
 %
-"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
+I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
 		-- Ronald Mabbitt
 %
 I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
@@ -5829,8 +5798,8 @@ streets and frighten the horses.
 %
 "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes.  Just then, he vanished.
 %
-"I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital.  On the other
-hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out."
+I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital.  On the other
+hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
 %
 I don't want to alarm anybody, but there is an excellent chance that
 the Earth will be destroyed in the next several days.  Congress is
@@ -5843,13 +5812,13 @@ their federal programs as if they were merely poor people ...
 %
 I doubt, therefore I might be.
 %
-"I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
+I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
 on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment
 he has succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual
-becoming, with a goal in front and not behind."
+becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-"I drink to make other people interesting."
+I drink to make other people interesting.
 		-- George Jean Nathan
 %
 I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
@@ -5866,16 +5835,16 @@ subway."  Those four words have such magic in them that if Godot should
 someday show up and mumble them, any audience would instantly
 understand his long delay.
 %
-"I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words."
+I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words.
 %
-"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
-reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."
+I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
+reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
 		-- Gotama Buddha
 %
 I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex.  It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
 minutes of my life!
 %
-'I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
+I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
 		-- Mae West
 %
 I get up each morning, gather my wits.
@@ -5894,17 +5863,17 @@ But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
 And think of the places my get-up has been.
 		-- Pete Seeger
 %
-"I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
-Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!"
+I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
+Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!
 		-- Mary Lou Bax
 %
-"I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense."
+I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
 %
-"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
-it's going to be up all night."
+I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
+it's going to be up all night.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I hate quotations."
+I hate quotations.
 		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
 I have a simple philosophy:
@@ -5914,27 +5883,27 @@ I have a simple philosophy:
 	Scratch where it itches.
 		-- A. R. Longworth
 %
-"I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
-any time!"
+I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
+any time!
 %
-"I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show,
-which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'."
+I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show,
+which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
 %
-I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
-and they never believe me.
+I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats.
+I tell them the truth and they never believe me.
 		-- Camillo Di Cavour
 %
 I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
 		-- Edgar Allan Poe
 %
-"I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages.  You
+I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages.  You
 sound like a frustrated old man who never made a success, an
 eight-ulcer man on a four-ulcer job, and all four ulcers working.  I
 have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of
 beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below.  Westbrook Pegler, a
 guttersnipe, is a gentleman compared to you.  You can take that as more
-of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry."
+of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry.
 		-- President Harry S Truman
 %
 I have learned
@@ -5943,60 +5912,60 @@ Which still grates on
 Some people's n'oeuvres.
 		-- Warren Knox
 %
-"I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming
-that I have never made one."
+I have made mistakes but I have never made the
+mistake of claiming that I have never made one.
 		-- James Gordon Bennett
 %
-"I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
-make it shorter."
+I have made this letter longer than usual
+because I lack the time to make it shorter.
 		-- Blaise Pascal
 %
 I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole
 ____BODY!
 		-- from "Cerebus" #82
 %
-"I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer."
+I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
-"I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best."
+I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-"I have the world's largest collection of seashells.  I keep it
+I have the world's largest collection of seashells.  I keep it
 scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."
+I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
 		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
 %
-"I have two very rare photographs: one is a picture of Houdini locking
+I have two very rare photographs: one is a picture of Houdini locking
 his keys in his car; the other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell
-beating up a child."
+beating up a child.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
 at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
 		-- Poul Anderson
 %
-"I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere."
+I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
 %
-"I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it."
+I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
 %
 I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
 %
-"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more."
+I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
 		-- Bill Hoest
 %
 I know it all.  I just can't remember it all at once.
 %
-"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
-War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
+I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but
+World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
-"I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
-The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building."
+I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
+The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building.
 		-- Charles Schulz
 %
-"I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me."
+I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me.
 		-- Art Leo
 %
 I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to
@@ -6007,10 +5976,10 @@ the way and let them have it.
 %
 "I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours."
 %
-"I like your game but we have to change the rules."
+I like your game but we have to change the rules.
 %
-"I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what
-entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
+I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what
+entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils.
 		-- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson
 %
 "I love to eat them Smurfies
@@ -6018,44 +5987,43 @@ entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
  Bite they ugly heads off,
  Nibble on they bluish feet."
 %
-"I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but
+I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but
 don't let appearances fool you.  I'm approaching old age ... at the
-speed of light."
+speed of light.
 		-- Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk
 %
-"I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent."
+I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
 		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
 %
-"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
-week sometimes to make it up."
+I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
+week sometimes to make it up.
 		-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
 %
-I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
+I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts!
 %
-"I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
-was to go away."
+I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
+was to go away.
 %
-"I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like."
+I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
 %
 I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
 		-- G. B. Shaw
 %
-"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
+I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!
 		-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
 %
-"I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
+I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
 kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled
 substances being in widespread use.  Back then, there were no
 restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we
 made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given
 powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative
-nerve disease."
+nerve disease.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
 %
 I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
 %
-"I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral
-slob."
+I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
 		-- William F. Buckley
 %
 	"I quite agree with you," said the Duchess; "and the moral of
@@ -6085,7 +6053,7 @@ I wish that they would sell it.
 It never does quite what I want
 But only what I tell it.
 %
-"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."
+I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
 %
 I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes.  I hope
 they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
@@ -6126,7 +6094,7 @@ I tried to turn the handle, But ...
 	"That is all." said Humpty Dumpty. "Goodbye."
 		-- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
-"I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck."
+I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
 		-- Graffito in Los Angeles
 %
 "... I should explain that I was wearing a black velvet cape that was
@@ -6139,8 +6107,8 @@ actually made me look like a gigantic bat wearing glasses ..."
 house and four people died."
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to
-see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
+I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to
+see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
 		-- Shirley Temple
 %
 I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it won't do
@@ -6150,11 +6118,11 @@ much trial and error, I have found that the best direction for a hot
 tub to face is up.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-"I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
-because I couldn't remember the proof."
+I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
+because I couldn't remember the proof.
 		-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
 %
-"I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it."
+I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
 %
 I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick
 and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this
@@ -6178,7 +6146,7 @@ Came and chopped the trees all down.
 But I will trick those dirty skunks
 And write a brand new poem called 'Trunks'.
 %
-"I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple
+I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple
 to blue, and it has to do with where the light is.  You know, the
 farther we get into darkness, and there's a shifting of color of light
 into the blueness, and I think as you go farther and farther away from
@@ -6186,7 +6154,7 @@ the reflected light we have from the sun or the light that's bouncing
 off this earth, uh, the darker it gets ... I think if you look at the
 color scale, you start at black, move it through purple, move it on
 out, it's the shifting of color.  We mentioned before about the stars
-singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors."
+singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors.
 		-- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club
 %
 I think we can all agree that there is not enough common courtesy shown
@@ -6213,12 +6181,12 @@ twenty minutes.  It's about Russia.
 %
 I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
 %
-"I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance."
+I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
 %
-"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
+I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
 %
-"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
-body.  Then I realized who was telling me this."
+I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
+body.  Then I realized who was telling me this.
 		-- Emo Phillips
 %
 I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere
@@ -6243,15 +6211,15 @@ a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows
 up.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.  By accident I
+I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.  By accident I
 put the car key in the door lock.  The house started up.  So I figured
 what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times.  I thought I
 should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell at everyone to
-get off my driveway."
+get off my driveway.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I
-didn't know."
+I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I
+didn't know.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending
@@ -6259,12 +6227,12 @@ their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to
 buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.
 		-- Emile Henry Gauvreay
 %
-"I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
-house and four people died."
+I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
+house and four people died.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything
-specific".
+I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything
+specific.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I went on to test the program in every way I could devise.  I strained
@@ -6280,7 +6248,7 @@ the point where it would not run at all.
 		-- George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: Of Pulsars, Black
 		   Holes and the Fate of Stars"
 %
-"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
+I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
 questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
 speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?
 
@@ -6288,9 +6256,9 @@ He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
 for him then.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
+I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
 the shape of a house.  I also bought some batteries, but they weren't
-included."
+included.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 "I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
@@ -6300,15 +6268,15 @@ statues that are in all the other museums."
 I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
 it took seven others to beat him!
 %
-"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
-There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work."
+I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
+There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't seem to work.
 		-- Gallagher
 %
-"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
-always worked for me."
+I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
+always worked for me.
 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
 %
-"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
+I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
 %
 "I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
 to undo it."
@@ -6356,11 +6324,11 @@ tuned."
 "I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
 need worrying about."
 %
-"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
+I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
 %
-"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over,
+I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over,
 carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia,
-I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."
+I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun.
 		-- Hawkeye, M*A*S*H
 %
 I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
@@ -6368,22 +6336,21 @@ listen to it!
 		-- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
 %
 I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
-Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love;
+Thou'lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
 And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove
 And in our bound partition never part.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
-"I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
-That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood."
+I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
+That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood.
 		-- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
 %
-"I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from
-man."
+I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.
 %
 I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
 %
-"I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my
-sister."
+I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my
+sister.
 %
 I'm changing my name to Chrysler
 I'm going down to Washington, D.C.
@@ -6399,10 +6366,8 @@ Yessir, I'll get mine!
 %
 I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
 %
-"I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did."
-%
-"I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to
-die in."
+I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to
+die in.
 		-- George McGovern
 %
 I'm going to Boston to see my doctor.  He's a very sick man.
@@ -6430,12 +6395,13 @@ Never wouldn't ever do a binary.  (No sir!)
 I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary.
 N-ary the tree I am, I am,
 N-ary the tree I am.
+		-- Stolen from Paul Revere and the Raiders
 %
-"I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
-It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get."
+I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
+It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
 %
-"I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday
-life."
+I'm prepared for all emergencies but
+totally unprepared for everyday life.
 %
 I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
 -- I could be just as proud for half the money.
@@ -6443,11 +6409,11 @@ I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
 %
 I'm rated PG-34!!
 %
-"I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL
-soon ..."
+"I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... 
+Let's not talk again ____REAL soon ..."
 %
-"I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it
-(your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage."
+I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it
+(your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage.
 		-- English Professor, Providence College
 %
 I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
@@ -6491,9 +6457,9 @@ I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
 I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
 on the same day.
 %
-"I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer."
+I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
 %
-"I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer"
+I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer
 		-- Senator Claghorn
 %
 I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;
@@ -6516,12 +6482,12 @@ solitary confinement.
 %
 Idiot Box, n.:
 	The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the
-stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
+	stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Idiot, n.:
 	A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human
-affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
+	affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
@@ -6531,7 +6497,7 @@ at about 30 miles/second.
 If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
 		-- Roy Santoro
 %
-"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."
+If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.
 		-- Paul White
 %
 If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus
@@ -6559,14 +6525,14 @@ If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
 If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have
 dropped.  The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to
 maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it
-must drop.  The law of gravity supercedes the law of golf.
+must drop.  The law of gravity supersedes the law of golf.
 		-- Donald A. Metz
 %
-"If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good
+If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good
 attitude.  If it has a good attitude, it will make a commitment to
 playing the game right.  If it plays the game right, it will win --
 unless, of course, it doesn't have enough talent to win, and no manager
-can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?"
+can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?
 		-- Sparky Anderson
 %
 If all be true that I do think,
@@ -6602,14 +6568,14 @@ But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
 %
 If anything can go wrong, it will.
 %
-If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
+If at first you don't succeed, give up.  No use being a damn fool.
 %
 If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
 %
 If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four
 tellers?
 %
-"If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?"
+If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
 %
 If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
 %
@@ -6634,16 +6600,15 @@ If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
 If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit
 Ears.
 %
-If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their
-Heads.
+If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
 %
 If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
 green, baggy skin.
 %
 If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
 %
-If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to
-invent it.
+If God had not given us sticky tape,
+it would have been necessary to invent it.
 %
 If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger
 hands.
@@ -6652,7 +6617,7 @@ If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
 %
 If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
 %
-"If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows."
+If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
 		-- Yiddish saying
 %
 If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
@@ -6676,14 +6641,14 @@ Because I do not give a damn.
 %
 If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
 %
-If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the
-plantation and go home.
+If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell,
+I'd sell the plantation and go home.
 		-- Eugene P. Gallagher
 %
 If I had any humility I would be perfect.
 		-- Ted Turner
 %
-"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith."
+If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
 If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
@@ -6751,9 +6716,9 @@ the page number.
 %
 If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
 %
-"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
+If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
 little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
-Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."
+Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
 		-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
 %
 If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
@@ -6781,7 +6746,7 @@ If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
 harder.
 		-- Pope John Paul I
 %
-"If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem."
+If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem.
 		-- C. Durance, Computer Science 234
 %
 If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
@@ -6806,17 +6771,16 @@ himself.  The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for
 boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor.
 		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
-"If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for
-me!"
+If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
 		-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
 %
 If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances
 are 50-50 it will.
 %
-If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.  If
-the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.  If the
-bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance will
-exceed all expectations.
+If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.
+If the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.
+If the bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance
+will exceed all expectations.
 		-- Reverend Chichester
 %
 If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
@@ -6847,9 +6811,9 @@ doing the thinking.
 If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
 		-- Laurence J. Peter
 %
-"If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely"
+If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely.
 %
-"If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage."
+If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
 %
 If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel
 in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary
@@ -6859,7 +6823,7 @@ qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.
 If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
 		-- Ann Edwards-Duff
 %
-"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
+If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
 		-- J. Paul Getty
 %
 If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
@@ -6868,8 +6832,8 @@ If you can read this, you're too close.
 %
 If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
 %
-If you can't be good, be careful.  If you can't be careful, give me a
-call.
+If you can't be good, be careful.
+If you can't be careful, give me a call.
 %
 If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
 %
@@ -6893,29 +6857,29 @@ Lavoris in the toilet."
 If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to
 either of you for the rest of the day.
 %
-"If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
-have to get a toehold in the public eye."
+If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
+have to get a toehold in the public eye.
 %
 If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody
 will.
 %
-If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
-will always do it.
+If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue,
+it will always do it.
 		-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
 %
-"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
-make the rubble bounce"
+If you go on with this nuclear arms race,
+all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce"
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
 If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
 %
 If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
 %
-"If you have to hate, hate gently"
+If you have to hate, hate gently
 %
 If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to
 boot yourself in the posterior.
-		-- A. J. Liebling
+		-- A. J. Liebling, "The Press"
 %
 If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
 %
@@ -6926,8 +6890,8 @@ If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few
 people die past the age of a hundred.
 		-- George Burns
 %
-If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you
-really make them think they'll hate you.
+If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
+but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
 %
 If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
 		-- Maslow
@@ -6946,7 +6910,7 @@ ice, but no cup.
 %
 If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage.  But
 this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is
-somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.
+somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
 %
 If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up.  You're
 the sucker.
@@ -6962,11 +6926,11 @@ If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
 If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
 		-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
 %
-If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens
-tomorrow!
+If you think last Tuesday was a drag,
+wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
 %
-If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
-payments.
+If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
+try missing a couple of car payments.
 		-- Earl Wilson
 %
 If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
@@ -6976,10 +6940,6 @@ If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
 shopping center in the world?
 		-- Richard M. Nixon
 %
-If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
-shopping center in the world?
-		-- Richard Nixon
-%
 If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would
 be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call
 you to say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be be expected to throw
@@ -6997,12 +6957,13 @@ your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas
 through your living room window.  As host, your job is to make sure
 that they don't arrest anybody.  Or if they're dead set on arresting
 someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you ...
+	-- Dave Barry
 %
 If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
 end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
 		-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
 %
-"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
+If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
 		-- A. L.
 %
 If you want divine justice, die.
@@ -7010,7 +6971,7 @@ If you want divine justice, die.
 %
 If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people
 he gave it to.
-		-- Dorthy Parker
+		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
 If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
 Constitution.  It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
@@ -7060,16 +7021,15 @@ If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
 %
 If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
 %
-"If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round
-it off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the
-universe?"
+If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
+off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
 %
 If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
 Ignisecond, n.:
 	The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car
-door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"
+	door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Il brilgue: les t^oves libricilleux
@@ -7110,8 +7070,8 @@ Immortality -- a fate worse than death.
 %
 Impartial, adj.:
 	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
-espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
-conflicting opinions.
+	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
+	conflicting opinions.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the
@@ -7120,11 +7080,12 @@ Boss is reading it.
 %
 Impossible, adj.:
 	(1) I wouldn't like it and when it happens I won't approve;
-(2) I can't be bothered; (3) God can't be bothered.  Meaning (3) may
-perhaps be valid but the others are 101% whaledreck.
+	(2) I can't be bothered;
+	(3) God can't be bothered.
+	Meaning (3) may perhaps be valid but the others are 101% whaledreck.
 		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
 %
-In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
+In 1750 Isaac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
 stairs.
 %
 In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled
@@ -7193,8 +7154,8 @@ incompetency
 In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
 are to be treated as variables.
 %
-"In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
-nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir."
+In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
+nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
 		-- Stuart Keate
 %
 In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own
@@ -7215,8 +7176,8 @@ to get her attention.
 In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
 in any motor vehicle.
 %
-"In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable."
-		-- Winston Curchill, of Montgomery
+In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.
+		-- Winston Churchill, on General Montgomery
 %
 In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door
 neighbor.
@@ -7255,8 +7216,8 @@ In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as
 to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the
 speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
 %
-"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
-universe."
+In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
+universe.
 		-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
 %
 In our civilization, and under our republican form of government,
@@ -7323,8 +7284,8 @@ empty."  At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.
 In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
 the proper order then why can't he?
 %
-In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
-Dead.
+In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun
+is driven by the Grateful Dead.
 		-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
 %
 In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
@@ -7379,39 +7340,40 @@ Individualists unite!
 %
 Infancy, n.:
 	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven
-lies about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon
-afterward.
+	lies about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon
+	afterward.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
 Information Center, n.:
 	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is
-to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
+	to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
 %
 Ingrate, n.:
 	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
-indigestion.
+	indigestion.
 %
 Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
 		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
 %
 Ink, n.:
 	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and
-water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote
-intellectual crime.
+	water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and
+	promote intellectual crime.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
+		[alternately attributed to H.L. Mencken]
 %
 Innovation is hard to schedule.
 		-- Dan Fylstra
 %
 Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.
 %
-Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the
+Insanity is the final defense.  It's hard to get a refund when the
 salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
 %
 Interpreter, n.:
-	One who enables two persons of different languages to
-understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
-the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
+	One who enables two persons of different languages to understand
+	each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the
+	interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
@@ -7432,7 +7394,7 @@ Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
 Iron Law of Distribution:
 	Them that has, gets.
 %
-"Irrationality is the square root of all evil"
+Irrationality is the square root of all evil.
 		-- Douglas Hofstadter
 %
 Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
@@ -7527,7 +7489,7 @@ Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending
 destruction of the of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to
 alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were
 misinterpreted ...
-		-- Douglas Admas "The Hitch-Hikers' Guide To The
+		-- Douglas Adams "The Hitch-Hikers' Guide To The
 		   Galaxy"
 %
 It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
@@ -7537,7 +7499,7 @@ coming up it.
 It is better never to have been born.  But who among us has such luck?
 One in a million, perhaps.
 %
-It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
+It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
 %
 It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three
 benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never
@@ -7549,8 +7511,8 @@ incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by
 twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
 		-- Rod Serling
 %
-"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
-lightly greased."
+It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
+lightly greased.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
 It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its
@@ -7560,13 +7522,11 @@ treat your own family with loving understanding; for the smaller the
 focus of attention, the harder the task.
 		-- Sydney J. Harris
 %
-It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice
-versa.
+It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
 %
 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
 %
-It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct
-one.
+It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
 %
 It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
 if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of
@@ -7593,8 +7553,8 @@ It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong.  Our
 offense consists in doubting it.
 		-- Justice Robert H. Jackson
 %
-It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the
-problem.
+It is much easier to suggest solutions
+when you know nothing about the problem.
 %
 It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be
 privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to
@@ -7611,8 +7571,7 @@ damn thing over and over.
 It is now 10 p.m.  Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?
 		-- Elizabeth Carpenter
 %
-It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a
-pit.
+It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
 %
 It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
 virginity could be a virtue.
@@ -7627,9 +7586,8 @@ to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
 %
 It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to
 students that have had prior exposure to BASIC: as potential
-programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of
-regeneration.
-		-- Dijkstra
+programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
+		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
 %
 It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
 lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
@@ -7664,8 +7622,8 @@ It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
 It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too
 good either if you speak when your head is empty.
 %
-It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
-warning to others.
+It may be that your whole purpose in life
+is simply to serve as a warning to others.
 %
 "It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory"
 		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
@@ -7677,28 +7635,28 @@ It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the
 municipality.
 		-- Local ordinance, Euclid Ohio
 %
-"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing,
-but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous."
-		-- Robert Benchly
+It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing,
+but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous.
+		-- Robert Benchley
 %
 It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
 %
-"It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set
-foot."
+It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set
+foot.
 %
 It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a
 breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was
 broken ...
 		-- James Dent
 %
-"It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.  Perhaps
+It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.  Perhaps
 I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it.  I
 don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and
 the signature (which I guessed at).  There's a singular and a perpetual
 charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its
 novelty .... Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but
 yours are kept forever -- unread.  One of them will last a reasonable
-man a lifetime."
+man a lifetime.
 		-- Thomas Aldrich
 %
 	It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east
@@ -7730,8 +7688,8 @@ two things still safe to eat.
 It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
 		-- Andrew Jackson
 %
-"It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone
-underwear."
+It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.
+		-- Cheers
 %
 It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
 %
@@ -7748,10 +7706,10 @@ It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
 %
 It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
 %
-"It's bad luck to be superstitious."
+It's bad luck to be superstitious.
 		-- Andrew W. Mathis
 %
-It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
+It's better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at all.
 		-- Marty Winch
 %
 "It's easier said than done."
@@ -7766,16 +7724,15 @@ It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
 It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for
 being right.
 %
-"It's Fabulous!  We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an
-hour!"
+It's Fabulous!  We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour!
 		-- Macy's
 %
 It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
 %
-It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
-is.  If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It
-isn't our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
-		-- Oxford University Press, Edpress News
+It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is.
+If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It isn't
+our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
+		-- Oxford University Press, "Edpress News"
 %
 It's just a jump to the left
 	And then a step to the right.
@@ -7798,8 +7755,8 @@ have teddy bears,
 and even the teddy bears
 get drunk.
 %
-It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong
-direction.
+It's lucky you're going so slowly, because
+you're going in the wrong direction.
 %
 "It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name."
 %
@@ -7810,16 +7767,16 @@ It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
 to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
 		-- George Burns
 %
-It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
+It's not an optical illusion; it just looks like one.
 		-- Phil White
 %
-"It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either."
+It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.
 		-- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
 %
 It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
 		-- Alexander Korda
 %
-"It's not just a computer -- it's your ass."
+It's not just a computer -- it's your ass.
 		-- Cal Keegan
 %
 It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's
@@ -7881,7 +7838,7 @@ window ...
 %
 Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
 	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
-legislature is in session.
+	legislature is in session.
 %
 James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
 indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
@@ -7918,9 +7875,9 @@ Jone's Motto:
 %
 Jones's First Law:
 	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
-endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an obstruction
-to its progress -- in direct proportion to the importance of their
-original contribution.
+	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
+	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
+	importance of their original contribution.
 %
 Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
 (and nobody cares about it).
@@ -7948,8 +7905,8 @@ knows what it is.
 Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
 get a prompt, type like hell.
 %
-"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
-immune to bullets"
+Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
+immune to bullets
 		-- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
 %
 "Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
@@ -7992,7 +7949,7 @@ wear tail lights.
 %
 Katz' Law:
 	Man and nations will act rationally when all other
-possibilities have been exhausted.
+	possibilities have been exhausted.
 %
 Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
 %
@@ -8034,8 +7991,7 @@ original tree, you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate
 teenager for sitting around and sulking all day instead of hunting for
 grubs and berries like dad primate.  Then you'd see the primate
 teenager stomp up to his branch and slam the leaves.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
-		   Do"
+		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
 %
 Kin, n.:
 	An affliction of the blood
@@ -8083,7 +8039,7 @@ Lackland's Laws:
 %
 Lactomangulation, n.:
 	Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly
-that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
+	that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Ladybug, ladybug,
@@ -8096,7 +8052,7 @@ The four lines above
 Have been put into rhyme.
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
-Laetrile is the pits
+Laetrile is the pits.
 %
 Langsam's Laws:
 	(1) Everything depends.
@@ -8119,41 +8075,44 @@ whatsoever.  They probably got by on federal crop supports, which
 Lassie filed the applications for.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-"Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment
+Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment
 had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.  I told this to
-my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'"
+my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"Last week a cop stopped me in my car.  He asked me if I had a police
+Last week a cop stopped me in my car.  He asked me if I had a police
 record.  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album.  Cops have no sense
-of humor."
+of humor.
 %
 Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer.  Now I are won.
 %
 Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
 %
-"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."  
+Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
 		-- Victor Borge
 %
 Law of Communications:
 	The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications
-between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of
-misunderstanding.
+	between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased
+	area of misunderstanding.
 %
 Law of Probable Dispersal:
-	Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
-distributed.
+	Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
 %
 Law of Selective Gravity:
 	An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
 
 Jenning's Corollary:
 	The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is
-directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
+	directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
+
+Law of the Perversity of Nature:
+	You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the
+	bread to butter.
 %
 Law of the Perversity of Nature:
 	You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the
-bread to butter.
+	bread to butter.
 %
 Laws of Serendipity:
 
@@ -8164,7 +8123,7 @@ Laws of Serendipity:
 %
 Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
 	No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
-approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
+	approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
 %
 Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
 %
@@ -8178,14 +8137,14 @@ Legalize free-enterprise murder: why should governments have all the
 fun?
 %
 Legislation proposed in the Illinois State Legislature, May, 1907:
-	"Speed upon county roads will be limited to ten miles an hour
+	Speed upon county roads will be limited to ten miles an hour
 unless the motorist sees a bailiff who does not appear to have had a
 drink in 30 days, when the driver will be permitted to make what he
-can."
+can.
 %
 Leibowitz's Rule:
 	When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
-hold the hammer with both hands.
+	hold the hammer with both hands.
 %
 LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
 	You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are
@@ -8202,9 +8161,9 @@ LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
 %
 Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
 %
-"Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
+Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
 number.  You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash
-and another number."
+and another number.
 		-- James Estes
 %
 Let us live!!!
@@ -8219,7 +8178,7 @@ really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the
 end.  For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the
 qualities I most admired in myself I gave up.  I stopped being loud and
 bossy ...  Oh, all right.  I was still loud and bossy, but only behind
-his back."
+his back.
 		-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
 %
 Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick
@@ -8266,7 +8225,7 @@ Yours faithfully,
 %
 Lewis's Law of Travel:
 	The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
-anyone, ever.
+	anyone, ever.
 %
 Liar, n.:
 	A lawyer with a roving commission.
@@ -8289,7 +8248,7 @@ LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
 %
 Lie, n.:
 	A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
-discovered to date.
+	discovered to date.
 %
 Lieberman's Law:
 	Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
@@ -8298,35 +8257,36 @@ Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
 %
 Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
 %
-"Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.  You have to
-eat it nevertheless."
+Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.  You have to
+eat it nevertheless.
 		-- Flaubert
 %
-"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
+Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it.
 %
 Life is like a simile.
 %
-Life is like an analogy
+Life is like an analogy.
 %
-Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find
-there is nothing in it.
+Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, 
+and then you find there is nothing in it.
+		-- James Huneker
 %
-"Life is too important to take seriously."
+Life is too important to take seriously.
 		-- Corky Siegel
 %
-"Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of
-which I disapprove."
+Life may have no meaning -- or even worse,
+it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
 %
 "Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility"
 		-- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
 %
-"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
-weren't for other people"
+Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
+weren't for other people
 		-- Blore
 %
 Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
 %
-"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
+Life:  loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
 		-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
 Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
@@ -8383,12 +8343,12 @@ memory!"  The lobster will squirm noticeably.  It may even take a swipe
 at you with one of its claws.  Incorrigible.  Pop it into the pot.
 Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be,
 too.
-		-- "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and Utensils
-		   into Excuses and Apologies"
+		-- Dave Barry, "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and
+		   Utensils into Excuses and Apologies"
 %
 Lockwood's Long Shot:
 	The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
-one in a million, but once would be enough.
+	one in a million, but once would be enough.
 %
 Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
 %
@@ -8409,8 +8369,8 @@ to pay income taxes, too?
 %
 Loose bits sink chips.
 %
-Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA,
-BOOGA!"
+Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying 
+"BOOGA, BOOGA!"
 %
 Lost interest?  It's so bad I've lost apathy.
 %
@@ -8419,17 +8379,15 @@ Halstead, Kansas.
 %
 Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
 %
-Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
-%
 Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
 world has ever seen.
 %
 Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
 		-- Sigmund Freud
 %
-"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
-flips over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come."
-		-- Matt Groening
+Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
+flips over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come.
+		-- Matt Groening, "Love is Hell"
 %
 Love is a word that is constantly heard,
 Hate is a word that is not.
@@ -8441,8 +8399,8 @@ Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
 But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with 
-the ideal never goes unpunished."
+Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with 
+the ideal never goes unpunished.
 		-- Goethe
 %
 Love is sentimental measles.
@@ -8455,8 +8413,7 @@ Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
 Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
 		-- Louise Beal
 %
-Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up
-to.
+Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
 %
 	Love's Drug
 
@@ -8470,8 +8427,8 @@ And I shall love thee still, my dear,
 	Until my wife is wise.
 %
 Lowery's Law:
-	If it jams -- force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing
-anyway.
+	If it jams -- force it.
+	If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
 %
 LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
 %
@@ -8495,7 +8452,7 @@ and play games -- but not with pleasure.
 		-- Leo Rosten
 %
 Mad, adj.:
-	Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ...
+	Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them
@@ -8524,15 +8481,14 @@ Magnet, n.: Something acted upon by magnetism
 
 Magnetism, n.: Something acting upon a magnet.
 
-The two definition immediately foregoing are condensed from the works
+The two definitions immediately preceding are condensed from the works
 of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject
 with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human
 knowledge.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Magnocartic, adj.:
-	Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping
-carts.
+	Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
 		-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
 %
 Magpie, n.:
@@ -8541,8 +8497,8 @@ might be taught to talk.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Maier's Law:
-	If the facts don't conform to the theory, they must be disposed
-	of.
+	If the facts don't conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
+		-- N.R. Maier, "American Psychologist", March 1960
 
 Corollaries:
 	(1) The bigger the theory, the better.
@@ -8551,8 +8507,7 @@ Corollaries:
 	    obtain a correspondence with the theory.
 %
 Main's Law:
-	For every action there is an equal and opposite government
-program.
+	For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
 %
 Maintainer's Motto:
 	If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
@@ -8586,7 +8541,7 @@ Man 2:	OK, what is the most impo --
 
 Man 1:	______TIMING!
 %
-"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
+Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
 Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
@@ -8602,10 +8557,6 @@ Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
 %
 Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
 victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-		-- Samuel Butler
-%
-Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
-victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
 		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
 %
 Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it
@@ -8614,10 +8565,10 @@ is an enemy.
 %
 Man, n.:
 	An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks
-he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief
-occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which,
-however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole
-habitable earth and Canada.
+	he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief
+	occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species,
+	which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to
+	infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
@@ -8637,8 +8588,8 @@ mine.  Better, probably, because you haven't had four beers.
 %
 Manual, n.:
 	A unit of documentation.  There are always three or more on a
-given item.  One is on the shelf; someone has the others.  The
-information you need in in the others.
+	given item.  One is on the shelf; someone has the others.  The
+	information you need is in the others.
 		-- Ray Simard
 %
 Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon,
@@ -8648,8 +8599,8 @@ completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday ...
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
 Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
-	Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
-simple yes or no answer.
+	Dentists are incapable of asking questions
+	that require a simple yes or no answer.
 %
 Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
 		-- Voltaire
@@ -8678,13 +8629,13 @@ play.
 %
 "Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."
 %
-Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a
-receipt.
+Matter cannot be created or destroyed,
+nor can it be returned without a receipt.
 %
 Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
 		-- Jules Feiffer
 %
-May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts
+May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
 %
 May Euell Gibbons eat your only copy of the manual!
 %
@@ -8696,22 +8647,22 @@ Thousand Caramels.
 Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
 		-- R. S. Barton
 %
-Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge
-it.
+Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days
+you can certainly charge it.
 %
 McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom:
 	If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not
-$19.95.
+	$19.95.
 %
 Meader's Law:
 	Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to
-everyone you know, only more so.
+	everyone you know, only more so.
 %
 Measure with a micrometer.  Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.
 %
 Meeting, n.:
 	An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or
-department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
+	department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
 %
 Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures
 from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha
@@ -8742,26 +8693,27 @@ Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
 %
 Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
 	The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
-cork makes when it is popped.
+	cork makes when it is popped.
 %
 Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American:
 	All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
 %
 Mencken and Nathan's Sixteenth Law of The Average American:
 	Milking a cow is an operation demanding a special talent that
-is possessed only by yokels, and no person born in a large city can
-never hope to acquire it.
+	is possessed only by yokels, and no person born in a large city
+	can never hope to acquire it.
 %
 Menu, n.:
 	A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
 %
 Meskimen's Law:
 	There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to
-do it over.
+	do it over.
 %
 MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
 %
-Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
+Message will arrive in the mail.
+Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
 %
 methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanylalanylglutamin-
 ylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolyl-
@@ -8800,8 +8752,9 @@ Micro Credo:
 "Microwave oven?  Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven?  I've been
 watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks."
 %
-"Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to get you
-out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles."
+Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to get you
+out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
+		-- Casablanca
 %
 Mike:	"The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?"
 Bernie:	"Nobody ever empties the ashtrays.  People are SO
@@ -8820,8 +8773,8 @@ Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
 Millihelen, adj:
 	The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
 %
-Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with
-themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
+Millions long for immortality who do not know what
+to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
 		-- Susan Ertz
 %
 Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that
@@ -8860,14 +8813,14 @@ Misfortune, n.:
 %
 Miss, n.:
 	A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that
-they are in the market.
+	they are in the market.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
 %
 Mitchell's Law of Committees:
-	Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are
-held to discuss it.
+	Any simple problem can be made insoluble if
+	enough meetings are held to discuss it.
 %
 MOCK APPLE PIE (No Apples Needed)
 
@@ -8889,22 +8842,21 @@ is crisp and golden.  Serve warm.  Cut into 6 to 8 slices.
 %
 Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
 %
-Mohandas K. Gandhi often changed his mind publicly.  An aide once asked
-him how he could so freely contradict this week what he had said just
-last week.  The great man replied that it was because this week he knew
-better.
+Mohandas K. Gandhi often changed his mind publicly.  An aide once asked him
+how he could so freely contradict this week what he had said just last
+week.  The great man replied that it was because this week he knew better.
 %
 Molecule, n.:
-	The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter.  It is distinguished
-from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a
-closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of
-matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the
-atom in that it is an ion ...
-	-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
+	The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter.  It is distinguished from
+	the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a
+	closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit
+	of matter... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and
+	the atom in that it is an ion ...
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
 	If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
-it wasn't worth doing.
+	it wasn't worth doing.
 %
 Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
 %
@@ -8914,13 +8866,13 @@ Monday, n.:
 %
 Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
 %
-Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots
+Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
 %
 Money is the root of all wealth.
 %
 Moon, n.:
 	1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to
-hackers.  See PHASE OF THE MOON.  2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
+	hackers.  See PHASE OF THE MOON.  2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
 %
 Mophobia, n.:
 	Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
@@ -8939,11 +8891,11 @@ fight and the match was called by officials.
 More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.  One
 path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total
 extinction.  Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
-		-- Woody Allen
+		-- Woody Allen, "Side Effects"
 %
 Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
-	Don't worry if it doesn't work right.  If everything did, you'd
-be out of a job.
+	Don't worry if it doesn't work right.
+	If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
 %
 Most fish live underwater, which is a terrible place to have sex
 because virtually anywhere you lie down there will be stinging crabs
@@ -8974,7 +8926,7 @@ Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
 %
 Mr. Cole's Axiom:
 	The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
-population is growing.
+	population is growing.
 %
 "Multiply in your head" (ordered the compassionate Dr. Adams)
 "365,365,365,365,365,365 by 365,365,365,365,365,365.  He [ten-year-old
@@ -8999,7 +8951,7 @@ work.
 Murphy's Law of Research:
 	Enough research will tend to support your theory.
 %
-"Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem ..."
+Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem ...
 		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
 %
 	Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring
@@ -9024,12 +8976,11 @@ spits in the sergeants face.
 %
 Mustgo, n.:
 	Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
-long it has become a science project.
+	long it has become a science project.
 		-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
 %
-"My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on
-it."
-		-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
+My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
+		-- The Dragon to Grendel, in John Gardner's "Grendel"
 %
 My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I
 threw my amplifier out the dormitory window.  We did not act in haste.
@@ -9046,8 +8997,8 @@ really just wanted to find out what it would sound like.  It sounded
 OK.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
 %
-"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless
-there are three other people."
+My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless
+there are three other people.
 		-- Orson Welles
 %
 My God, I'm depressed!  Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand
@@ -9080,8 +9031,8 @@ My own dear love, he is all my dreams --
 	And I wish he were in Asia.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been
-one.
+My mother loved children -- she would
+have given anything if I had been one.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
@@ -9096,11 +9047,8 @@ My own dear love, he is all my world --
 	And I wish I'd never met him.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
-Alley!!
 %
-"My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
-Alley!!"
+My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
 		-- Zippy the Pinhead
 %
 My pen is at the bottom of a page,
@@ -9109,16 +9057,15 @@ Which, being finished, here the story ends;
 But stories somehow lengthen when begun.
 		-- Byron
 %
-My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not
-signed.
+My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
 		-- Christopher Morley
 %
 "My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies"
 %
 Mythology, n.:
 	The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its
-origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished
-from the true accounts which it invents later.
+	origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as
+	distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
    n = ((n >>  1) & 0x55555555) | ((n <<  1) & 0xaaaaaaaa);
@@ -9133,10 +9080,11 @@ Naeser's Law:
 	You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
 damnfoolproof.
 %
-NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe?  Everything he
-	  says is wrong.
-GUISEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says
-	  will be right.
+NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe?
+	Everything he says is wrong.
+GUISEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency,
+	and then everything he says will be right.
+
 		-- G. B. Shaw, "The Man of Destiny"
 %
 Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity.  The servant
@@ -9155,12 +9103,16 @@ spoken by the King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.
 %
 Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to
 serve him.  Nasrudin said, "First things first.  Did you see me walk
-into your shop?"  "Of course."  "Have you ever seen me before?"
-"Never."  "Then how do you know it was me?"
+into your shop?"
+	"Of course."
+	"Have you ever seen me before?"
+	"Never."
+	"Then how do you know it was me?"
 %
 Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
-than the sun."  "Why?", he was asked.  "Because at night we need the
-light more."
+than the sun."
+	"Why?", he was asked.
+	"Because at night we need the light more."
 %
 Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver
 pie.  Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of
@@ -9184,8 +9136,8 @@ Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
 cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
 		-- Fran Leibowitz
 %
-Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
-character, give him power.
+Nearly all men can stand adversity, but
+if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
 		-- Abraham Lincoln
 %
 Necessity is a mother.
@@ -9197,14 +9149,12 @@ Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
 %
 Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
 %
-Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
-%
 Never commit yourself!  Let someone else commit you.
 %
-Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off
+Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
 %
-Never drink coke in a moving elevator.  The elevator's motion coupled
-with the chemicals in coke produce hallucinations.  People tend to
+Never drink Coke in a moving elevator.  The elevator's motion coupled
+with the chemicals in Coke produce hallucinations.  People tend to
 change into lizards and attack without warning, and large bats usually
 fly in the window.  Additionally, you begin to believe that elevators
 have windows.
@@ -9222,8 +9172,7 @@ Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
 Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to
 make it complex and wonderful.
 %
-Never offend people with style when you can offend them with
-substance.
+Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
 		-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
 %
 Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
@@ -9272,11 +9221,11 @@ Just won't let you be.
 %
 Newlan's Truism:
 	An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government
-economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
+	economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
 %
 NEWS FLASH!!
-	Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West
-	German pole-vault champion.
+	Today the East German pole-vault champion
+	became the West German pole-vault champion.
 %
 			*** NEWSFLASH ***
 Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!!  Details at eleven!
@@ -9286,14 +9235,14 @@ Newton's Fourth Law:  Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
 Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
 	A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
 %
-Next Friday will not be your lucky day.  As a matter of fact, you don't
-have a lucky day this year.
+Next Friday will not be your lucky day.
+As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
 %
 Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying
 as an income tax refund.
 		-- F. J. Raymond
 %
-"Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."
+Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
 		-- Foghorn Leghorn
 %
 Nihilism should commence with oneself.
@@ -9324,16 +9273,15 @@ Stretchy tapes and snarley tapes
 
 		-- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
 %
-"Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they
-would.  The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect
-that much."
+Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would.
+The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.
 		-- Augustine
 %
 Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
-	The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
-the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
+	The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the
+	time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
 %
-"Nirvana?  Thats the place where the powers that be and their friends
+Nirvana?  Thats the place where the powers that be and their friends
 hang out.
 		-- Zonker Harris
 %
@@ -9364,7 +9312,7 @@ immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
 No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
 		-- Eleanor Roosevelt
 %
-"No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."
+No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
 %
 No part of this message may reproduce, store itself in a retrieval
 system, or transmit disease, in any form, without the permissiveness of
@@ -9392,33 +9340,33 @@ But Puff trapped the exception, and grew from naught again!
 		(chorus)
 %
 No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
+		-- C. Schulz
 %
 No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
 %
-"No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied
+No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied
 occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an
 indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining
 occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as
-an indication-applied occurrence."
+an indication-applied occurrence.
 		-- ALGOL 68 Report
 %
-"No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of
-paper."
+No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of
+paper.
 		-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
 		   taken over by Rupert Murdoch
 %
-	No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider
+No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider
 the furniture!
 		-- Sherlock Holmes
 %
 "No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'"
 		-- Dr. Who
 %
-Nobody can be exactly like me.  Sometimes even I have trouble doing
-it.
+Nobody can be exactly like me.  Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
 		-- Tallulah Bankhead
 %
-NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
+NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
 %
 Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
 %
@@ -9428,8 +9376,8 @@ substance of their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young
 and rob the old.
 		-- Lewis Lapham
 %
-Nobody wants constructive criticism.  It's all we can do to put up with
-constructive praise.
+Nobody wants constructive criticism.
+It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
 %
 Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:
 	Negative expectations yield negative results.
@@ -9443,8 +9391,6 @@ Noncombatant, n.:
 %
 Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
 %
-"Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong."
-%
 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 %
 Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the
@@ -9458,12 +9404,12 @@ then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they
 chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine ...
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
-"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."
+Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
 		-- Shakespeare
 %
-"Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper
-is from the wrong kind of tree."
-		-- Professor W.
+Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper
+is from the wrong kind of tree.
+		-- Professor W., EECS, George Washington University
 %
 Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter
 of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund
@@ -9473,6 +9419,7 @@ careful not to make any poultry jokes ...
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
 Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
+		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
 Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
 %
@@ -9510,7 +9457,7 @@ I pray the double lock will keep;
 May no brick through the window break,
 And, no one rob me till I awake.
 %
-"Now is the time for all good men to come to."
+Now is the time for all good men to come to.
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
 Now that you've read Fortune's diet truths, you'll be prepared the next
@@ -9531,13 +9478,12 @@ the following questions:
 
 That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
 %
-"Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
+Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
 Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange trees that
-were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ..."
+were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ...
 		-- "The Begatting of a President"
 %
-"Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm.  Gag me with a
-smurfette."
+Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm.  Gag me with a smurfette.
 		-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
 %
 ... Now you're ready for the actual shopping.  Your goal should be to
@@ -9575,14 +9521,14 @@ if you accidentally hit yourself or anything else, or expose it to
 direct sunlight.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-"Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile."
+Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
 		-- Karl Lehenbauer
 %
-"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of 
-normal routines, for children and adults alike."
+Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of 
+normal routines, for children and adults alike.
 		-- Willard F. Libby, "You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack"
 %
-"Nuclear war would really set back cable."
+Nuclear war would really set back cable.
 		-- Ted Turner
 %
 [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
@@ -9592,8 +9538,7 @@ Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
 %
 (null cookie; hope that's ok)
 %
-Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're
-guessing.
+Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
 %
 O give me a home,
 Where the buffalo roam,
@@ -9622,8 +9567,8 @@ The man who kills both which and whom
 Will be enshrined in our Who's Whom.
 		-- Fletcher Knebel
 %
-"Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power
-tools aren't soluble in alcohol ..."
+Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power
+tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
 		-- Crazy Nigel
 %
 Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
@@ -9634,11 +9579,10 @@ blazer.
 %
 Office Automation, n.:
 	The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone
-you would want to talk with over coffee.
+	you would want to talk with over coffee.
 %
 Ogden's Law:
-	The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch
-up.
+	The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
 %
 Oh Dad!  We're ALL Devo!
 %
@@ -9689,7 +9633,7 @@ And miles around they'll say that I
 %
 Oh, wow!  Look at the moon!
 %
-"OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard."
+OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
 		-- Dr. Joy
 %
 OK, so you're a Ph.D.  Just don't touch anything.
@@ -9707,7 +9651,7 @@ it.
 %
 Omnibiblious, adj.:
 	Indifferent to type of drink.  "Oh, you can get me anything.
-I'm omnibiblious."
+	I'm omnibiblious."
 %
 OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS??  Oh, YEH!!  First you need four GALLONS of
 JELL-O and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th' WRENCH in the JELL-O
@@ -9738,12 +9682,11 @@ On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
 created jerks.
 		-- Avery
 %
-On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
-created jerks.
+On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition
+that all men are created jerks.
 		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
 %
-On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
-POINT ...
+On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.
 %
 On the subject of C program indentation:
 
@@ -9751,10 +9694,10 @@ On the subject of C program indentation:
 	indented six feet downward and covered with dirt."
 		-- Blair P. Houghton
 %
-"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], `Pray,
+On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], `Pray,
 Mr.  Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right
 answers come out?'  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of
-confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
+confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
 		-- Charles Babbage
 %
 On-line, adj.:
@@ -9878,10 +9821,12 @@ the truth.  A gallows was erected in front of the city gates.  A herald
 announced, "Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to
 a question which will be put to him."  Nasrudin was first in line.  The
 captain of the guard asked him, "Where are you going?  Tell the truth
--- the alternative is death by hanging."  "I am going," said Nasrudin,
-"to be hanged on that gallows."  "I don't believe you."  "Very well, if
-I have told a lie, then hang me!" "But that would make it the truth!"
-"Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."
+-- the alternative is death by hanging."
+	"I am going," said Nasrudin, "to be hanged on that gallows."
+	"I don't believe you."
+	"Very well, if I have told a lie, then hang me!"
+	"But that would make it the truth!"
+	"Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."
 %
 One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
 when well oiled.
@@ -9921,9 +9866,9 @@ One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
 do and always a clever thing to say.
 		-- Will Durant
 %
-"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
+One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
 lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of
-their C programs."
+their C programs.
 		-- Robert Firth
 %
 One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God
@@ -9965,15 +9910,15 @@ other ways.
 %
 The First Commandment for Technicians:
 	Beware the lightening that lurketh in the undischarged
-capacitor, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most
-untechnician-like manner.
+	capacitor, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks
+	in a most untechnician-like manner.
 %
 One Page Principle:
 	A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
-paper cannot be understood.
+	paper cannot be understood.
 		-- Mark Ardis
 %
-"One planet is all you get."
+One planet is all you get.
 %
 One promising concept that I came up with right away was that you could
 manufacture personal air bags, then get a law passed requiring that
@@ -10001,12 +9946,12 @@ On the former Administration.
 %
 One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
 %
-One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh
-paint.
+One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of
+is fresh paint.
 %
-"One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that
+One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that
 sometimes you must work under adverse conditions ... like a state of
-sheer terror."
+sheer terror.
 		-- W. K. Hartmann
 %
 One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a
@@ -10019,9 +9964,9 @@ at the stake while the votes were being counted.
 		-- Thomas B. Reed
 %
 One-Shot Case Study, n.:
-	The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover, from which
-it is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes
-green.
+	The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover, from which it
+	is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes
+	green.
 %
 Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
 %
@@ -10034,8 +9979,6 @@ Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
 %
 Optimization hinders evolution.
 %
-Optimization hinders evolution.
-%
 Oregano, n.:
 	The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
 %
@@ -10043,15 +9986,14 @@ Oregon, n.:
 	Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday
 night.
 %
-Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.  Biochemistry
-is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
+Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
+Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
 		-- Mike Adams
 %
 Osborn's Law:
 	Variables won't; constants aren't.
 %
-Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your
-nails.
+Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
 %
 Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is
 they charge fifteen cents for them.
@@ -10083,10 +10025,7 @@ on his legal stationery, even passes it to his son, rather than do what
 a lesser person would do, such as get it changed or kill himself.
 		-- Dave Barry, "This Column is Nothing but the Truth!"
 %
-"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it."
-		-- Alex Schure
-%
-"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it."
+Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.
 		-- Alex Schure
 %
 Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
@@ -10103,8 +10042,8 @@ Beware the runtime-bug my friend
 Beware the infiniteloop
 	And shun the inprectoo.
 %
-"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
-it's too dark to read."
+Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
+it's too dark to read.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
 Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now
@@ -10112,7 +10051,7 @@ I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
 %
 Overdrawn?  But I still have checks left!
 %
-Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
+Overflow on /dev/null:  please empty the bit bucket.
 %
 Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
 %
@@ -10126,7 +10065,7 @@ Ozman's Laws:
 %
 Painting, n.:
 	The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
-exposing them to the critic.
+	exposing them to the critic.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
 panic: can't find /
@@ -10161,11 +10100,11 @@ Parker's Law:
 %
 Parkinson's Fifth Law:
 	If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good
-bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
+	bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
 %
 Parkinson's Fourth Law:
 	The number of people in any working group tends to increase
-regardless of the amount of work to be done.
+	regardless of the amount of work to be done.
 %
 Parsley
 	 is gharsley.
@@ -10173,39 +10112,39 @@ Parsley
 %
 Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
 %
-"Pascal is not a high-level language."
+Pascal is not a high-level language.
 		-- Steven Feiner
 %
-"Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat."
+Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat.
 		-- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
 %
 Pascal Users:
 	To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the
-death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
+	death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
 %
 Pascal, n.:
-	A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
-his grave if he knew about it.
+	A programming language named after a man who would turn over
+	in his grave if he knew about it.
+		-- Datamation, January 15, 1984
 %
 Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
 		-- Eric Hoffer
 %
 Patageometry, n.:
 	The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant
-under brain transplants.
+	under brain transplants.
 %
-Paul Revere was a tattle-tale
+Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
 %
 Paul's Law:
-	In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you
-save.
+	In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
 %
 Paul's Law:
 	You can't fall off the floor.
 %
 Peace, n.:
 	In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
-periods of fighting.
+	periods of fighting.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Peanut Blossoms
@@ -10222,8 +10161,7 @@ Hershey's kiss or star pressing down firmly to crack cookie.  Makes a
 hell of a lot.
 %
 Pecor's Health-Food Principle:
-	Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in
-it.
+	Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
 %
 Pedaeration, n.:
 	The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the
@@ -10240,7 +10178,7 @@ People need good lies.  There are too many bad ones.
 People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of
 the future.
 %
-"People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense."
+People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.
 		-- Ken Kesey
 %
 People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
@@ -10252,8 +10190,8 @@ press than people who are just funny and smart.
 People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never
 slept in a room with a single mosquito.
 %
-People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
-haven't what they want that they don't want it.
+People who have what they want are very fond of telling
+people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
 People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that
@@ -10278,10 +10216,10 @@ Personifiers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
 %
 Peter's Law of Substitution:
 	Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after
-themselves.
+	themselves.
 %
-Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to
-exciting Camden, New Jersey.
+Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so
+because it is next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
 %
 Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
 %
@@ -10290,28 +10228,28 @@ Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
 %
 Pick another fortune cookie.
 %
-"Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional
+Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional
 hyperplanes from which we can deduce a certain transformational
-sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ..."
+sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ...
 %
 Pig, n.:
 	An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race
-by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is
-inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
+	by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is
+	inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
 	You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
-followed by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over your
-associates and people resent your flaunting of your power.  You lack
-confidence and you are generally a coward.  Pisces people do terrible
-things to small animals.
+	followed by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over your
+	associates and people resent your flaunting of your power.  You lack
+	confidence and you are generally a coward.  Pisces people do terrible
+	things to small animals.
 %
 PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
-	Take the high road, look for the good things, carry the
-American Express card and a weapon.  The world is yours today, as
-nobody else wants it.  Your mortgage will be foreclosed.  You will
-probably get run over by a bus.
+	Take the high road, look for the good things, carry the American
+	Express card and a weapon.  The world is yours today, as nobody
+	else wants it.  Your mortgage will be foreclosed.  You will
+	probably get run over by a bus.
 %
 			Pittsburgh Driver's Test
 
@@ -10342,9 +10280,9 @@ totally irrelevant to driving; you should ignore them completely.
 Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
 		-- Don Marquis
 %
-PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the
-solution set.
-		-- E. W. Dijkstra
+PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set
+than to the solution set.
+		-- E. W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
 %
 "Plaese porrf raed."
 		-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
@@ -10413,7 +10351,7 @@ Host:	Oh, the noise.  Well that makes sense because there are no guns
 Police:	No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago.  Most of the recent
 	complaints have come from Pittsburgh.  Do you think you could
 	ask the host to quiet things down?
-Host:	No Problem.  (At this point, a Volkswagon bug with primitive
+Host:	No Problem.  (At this point, a Volkswagen bug with primitive
 	religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living
 	room and roars down the hall, past the police and onto the
 	lawn, where it smashes into a tree.  Eight guests tumble out
@@ -10425,22 +10363,22 @@ all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
 %
 Politician, n.:
 	An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of
-organized society is reared.  When he wriggles, he mistakes the
-agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.  As compared
-with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.
+	organized society is reared.  When he wriggles, he mistakes the
+	agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.  As compared
+	with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Politician, n.:
 	From the Greek "poly" ("many") and the French "tete" ("head" or
-"face," as in "tete-a-tete": head to head or face to face).  Hence
-"polytetien", a person of two or more faces.
+	"face," as in "tete-a-tete": head to head or face to face).  Hence
+	"polytetien", a person of two or more faces.
 		-- Martin Pitt
 %
 Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build a bridge even
 where there is no river.
 	-- Nikita Khrushchev
 %
-Politics is like coaching a football team.  you have to be smart enough
+Politics is like coaching a football team.  You have to be smart enough
 to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
 %
 Polymer physicists are into chains.
@@ -10451,10 +10389,12 @@ white smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before
 it dawned on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his
 name had hilarious possibilities.  The crowds fell about, helpless with
 laughter, singing
+
 	Half a pound of tuppenny rice
 	Half a pound of treacle
 	That's the way the chimney smokes
 	Pope Goestheveezl
+
 The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of
 laughter streaming down their faces.  The event set a record for
 hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron
@@ -10470,7 +10410,7 @@ Positive, adj.:
 %
 Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
 %
-"Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat"
+Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat.
 		-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
 %
 Power corrupts.  And atomic power corrupts atomically.
@@ -10526,7 +10466,7 @@ earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%
 Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction.
 
 This technique is used on equations with "_n" in them.  Induction
-techniques are very popular, even the military used them.
+techniques are very popular; even the military used them.
 
 SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction.
 
@@ -10629,8 +10569,6 @@ lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of
 the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
 %
-Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off of the TV screen.
-%
 Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
 %
 Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
@@ -10690,7 +10628,7 @@ A:  100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001,
 Q:  How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A:  Three.  One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
     light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government
-    plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer
+    plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer
     prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb
     assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
 %
@@ -10746,7 +10684,7 @@ A: Post the correct answer at once!  We can't have people go on
 %
 Quality Control, n.:
 	The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
-a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
+	a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
 %
 Question:
 Man Invented Alcohol,
@@ -10762,8 +10700,8 @@ Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
 (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
 %
 Quigley's Law:
-	Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will
-atttempt to use it.
+	Whoever has any authority over you,
+	no matter how small, will attempt to use it.
 %
 QUOTE OF THE DAY:
 
@@ -10783,7 +10721,7 @@ person who excites in others the symptoms of a qwert.
 Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
 %
 Rattling around the back of my head is a disturbing image of something
-I saw at the airport ... Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of
+I saw at the airport... Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of
 computer magazines right next to "People" and "Time" in the airport
 store.  Does it bother anyone else that half the world is being told
 all of our hard-won secrets of computer technology?  Remember how all
@@ -10806,7 +10744,7 @@ Guns aren't lawful;
 Nooses give;
 Gas smells awful;
 You might as well live.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
+		-- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926
 %
 Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
 the picture.  Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
@@ -10916,8 +10854,8 @@ Real World, The n.:
 be used in the same sentence as FORTRAN, COBOL, RPG, IBM, etc.  2. To
 programmers, the location of non-programmers and activities not related
 to programming.  3. A universe in which the standard dress is shirt and
-tie and in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5.  4.
-The location of the status quo.  5. Anywhere outside a university.
+tie and in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5.
+4. The location of the status quo.  5. Anywhere outside a university.
 "Poor fellow, he's left MIT and gone into the real world."  Used
 pejoratively by those not in residence there.  In conversation, talking
 of someone who has entered the real world is not unlike talking about a
@@ -10937,8 +10875,7 @@ Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
 Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
 		-- Alvy Ray Smith
 %
-"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go
-away".
+Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
 		-- Philip K. Dick
 %
 "Really ??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!"
@@ -10989,8 +10926,7 @@ Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
 Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
 		-- Anatole France
 %
-"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used
-it."
+"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
 Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be
@@ -11010,13 +10946,13 @@ Remember:  Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
 Renning's Maxim:
 	Man is the highest animal.  Man does the classifying.
 %
-Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western
-	Civilization?
+Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): 
+	Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization?
 Gandhi:	I think it would be a good idea.
 %
 Reporter, n.:
 	A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a
-tempest of words.
+	tempest of words.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system?
@@ -11037,8 +10973,8 @@ can't help it.
 Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
 		-- Wernher von Braun
 %
-Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get
-another chance later on.
+Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably
+get another chance later on.
 %
 Review Questions
 
@@ -11058,18 +10994,18 @@ Review Questions
     Tut's?  When will it fall on him?  Will he notice?
 %
 Rhode's Law:
-	When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening,
-circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly,
-empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred,
-induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always
-for the purpose of convenience, expediency, political advantage,
-material gain, or personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or
-none of the above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed,
-proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably,
-universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it
-becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
-%
-"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
+	When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance,
+	or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or
+	circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted,
+	estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose
+	of convenience, expediency, political advantage, material gain, or
+	personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the
+	above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and
+	adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally, immutably,
+	and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to
+	assume otherwise, maybe.
+%
+Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
@@ -11077,8 +11013,7 @@ Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
 	reject the proposal.
 %
 Romeo wasn't bilked in a day.
-		-- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With
-		   Pogo"
+		-- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
 %
 ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
 MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-
@@ -11103,11 +11038,11 @@ Rule of Defactualization:
 %
 Rule of Feline Frustration:
 	When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
-content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
+	content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.  
 %
 Rule of the Great:
 	When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
-thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
+	thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
 %
 Rules for Academic Deans:
 	(1)  HIDE!!!!
@@ -11137,7 +11072,7 @@ RULES OF EATING -- THE BRONX DIETER'S CREED
 	     can always eat it later.
 	(10) Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
 	(11) Avoid blue food.
-		-- Richard Smit, "The Bronx Diet"
+		-- Richard Smith, "The Bronx Diet"
 %
 Rules:
 	(1)  The boss is always right.
@@ -11220,7 +11155,7 @@ Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
 %
 Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
 %
-"Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
+Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
 ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
@@ -11229,13 +11164,13 @@ SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out!
 %
 Schapiro's Explanation:
 	The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's
-because they use more manure.
+	because they use more manure.
 %
 Schizophrenia beats being alone.
 %
 Schlattwhapper, n.:
 	The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down,
-hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
+	hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Schnuffel, n.:
@@ -11291,13 +11226,13 @@ Presidency.
 %
 Second Law of Business Meetings:
 	If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you
-will pick the wrong one.
+	will pick the wrong one.
 
 Corollary:
 	If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it
-wrong, anyway.
+	wrong, anyway.
 %
-"Section 2.4.3.5   AWNS   (Acceptor Wait for New Cycle State).
+Section 2.4.3.5   AWNS   (Acceptor Wait for New Cycle State).
 	In AWNS the AH function indicates that it has received a
 multiline message byte.
 	In AWNS the RFD message must be sent false and the DAC message
@@ -11306,7 +11241,7 @@ must be sent passive true.
 	(1)  The ANRS if DAV is false
 	(2)  The AIDS if the ATN message is false and neither:
 		(a)  The LADS is active
-		(b)  Nor LACS is active"
+		(b)  Nor LACS is active
 
 		-- from the IEEE Standard Digital Interface for
 		   Programmable Instrumentation
@@ -11334,7 +11269,7 @@ Seminars, n.:
 	From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
 %
 Sen. Danforth:	"There is nothing on the face of the album which would
-		notify you if the record has pornographics material or
+		notify you if the record has pornographic material or
 		material glorifying violence?"
 Tipper Gore:	"No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me."
 Frank Zappa:	"I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's
@@ -11389,7 +11324,7 @@ it's one of the best.
 Shamus, n. [Yiddish]:
 	A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the
 temple, and makes sure everything is in working order.
-	A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagog
+	A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagogue
 functionaries, and there's a joke about that:
 	A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the
 middle of a service, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"  The cantor, not to be
@@ -11405,10 +11340,10 @@ during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
 		   Teen Should Know"
 %
 Shaw's Principle:
-	Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
-want to use it.
+	Build a system that even a fool can use,
+	and only a fool will want to use it.
 %
-"She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to."
+She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
 		-- Gypsy Rose Lee
 %
 She is not refined.  She is not unrefined.  She keeps a parrot.
@@ -11418,17 +11353,17 @@ She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them
 were bad.
 %
 She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could
-have poured on a waffle ...
+have poured on a waffle.
 %
-"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'.  I said, `That's nothing,
-you should hear me play piano.'"
+She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'.  I said, `That's nothing,
+you should hear me play piano.'
 		-- Morrisey
 %
 She's genuinely bogus.
 %
-"Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have
+Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have
 taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.  Such an
-excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature."
+excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
 		-- Samuel Johnson
 %
 SHIFT TO THE LEFT!  SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
@@ -11440,7 +11375,7 @@ playing golf with his boss.
 Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
 %
 Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
-		-- from the Brown Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
+		-- from the Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
 %
 Silverman's Law:
 	If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
@@ -11481,8 +11416,8 @@ no recourse but to order the return and destruction of every copy.
 %
 Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
 	That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to,
-or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should
-have gotten.
+	or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you
+	should have gotten.
 %
 Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes
 to work.
@@ -11510,15 +11445,12 @@ Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
 %
 Slurm, n.:
 	The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when
-it sits in the dish too long.
+	it sits in the dish too long.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
 		-- Fletcher Knebel
 %
-Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
-		-- Fletcher Knebel
-%
 Snacktrek, n.:
 	The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly
 returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have
@@ -11544,7 +11476,7 @@ praise of intelligence.
 		-- Bertrand Russell
 %
 ... so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those
-who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent,
+who wish to tyrannize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent,
 and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious
 and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men.
 		-- Voltarine de Cleyre
@@ -11570,13 +11502,13 @@ these two mounds of sand racing across the island until they bonked
 into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
 %
-"So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple
+So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple
 pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops
 its head into the shop. "What! no soap?"  So he died, and she very
 imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies,
 and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top,
 and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the
-gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots."
+gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots.
 		-- Samuel Foote
 %
 ... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks.  Generally, their
@@ -11596,8 +11528,8 @@ dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all
 along.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
 %
-So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?  And why can't he ever
-remember his Bible?
+So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
+And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
 %
 Sodd's Second Law:
 	Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
@@ -11670,8 +11602,8 @@ pens will multiply instead of disappear.
 %
 Someone will try to honk your nose today.
 %
-"Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
-the only ashtray."
+Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
+the only ashtray.
 %
 Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
 		-- Lily Tomlin
@@ -11692,8 +11624,8 @@ Song Title of the Week:
 	"They're putting dimes in the hole in my head to see the change
 in me."
 %
-Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.  (Those who have already
-paid may disregard this fortune).
+Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
+(Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
 %
 Sorry, no fortune this time.
 %
@@ -11783,11 +11715,11 @@ communicate.  I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very _____leas
 he can do is to Shut Up!
 		-- Tom Lehrer, "That Was the Year that Was"
 %
-"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy."
+Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
 %
 Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading:
 	The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the
-number of times you have looked at it.
+	number of times you have looked at it.
 %
 Spelling is a lossed art.
 %
@@ -11795,41 +11727,41 @@ Spend extra time on hobby.  Get plenty of rolling papers.
 %
 Spirtle, n.:
 	The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in
-your eye.
+	your eye.
 		-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
 %
 Spouse, n.:
 	Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you
-wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
+	wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
 %
-"Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist
+Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist
 drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to pur'ee of bat guano; and the
 greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who!  And I'll
-take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!"
+take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
 		-- Harlan Ellison
 %
 Stay away from flying saucers today.
 %
 Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
 %
-"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."
+Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
 %
 Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:
-	Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have
-another drink.
+	Everybody should believe in something --
+	I believe I'll have another drink.
 %
 Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming:
 	Never test for an error condition you don't know how to
-handle.
+	handle.
 %
 Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
 %
-Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.  Now, if they'd only
-take a bath ...
+Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
+Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
 %
 Stult's Report:
-	Our problems are mostly behind us.  What we have to do now is
-fight the solutions.
+	Our problems are mostly behind us.
+	What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
 %
 Stupid, n.:
 	Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
@@ -11882,10 +11814,12 @@ in your name and social security number.  Please remember that leaving
 the room is punishable under law:
 
 Name	#
+
+
 %
 Swahili, n.:
 	The language used by the National Enquirer to print their
-retractions.
+	retractions.
 		-- Johnny Hart
 %
 Sweater, n.:
@@ -11946,7 +11880,7 @@ Tact, n.:
 Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
 %
 Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting
-enough cheese
+enough cheese.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
 Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
@@ -11993,20 +11927,20 @@ out of the market.
 %
 Taxes, n.:
 	Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get
-an extension.
+	an extension.
 %
-Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when he
-grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
+Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they
+grows up, they will never be able to edge a car onto a freeway.
 %
 Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
 %
-Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means
-for going backwards.
+Technological progress has merely provided us
+with more efficient means for going backwards.
 		-- Aldous Huxley
 %
 Telephone, n.:
 	An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
-advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
+	advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
 Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
@@ -12019,7 +11953,7 @@ Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop
 writing.
 		-- R. Geis
 %
-"Terence, this is stupid stuff:
+Terence, this is stupid stuff:
 You eat your victuals fast enough;
 There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,
 To see the rate you drink your beer.
@@ -12032,13 +11966,13 @@ To hear such tunes as killed the cow.
 Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme
 Your friends to death before their time.
 Moping, melancholy mad:
-Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad."
+Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad.
 		-- A. E. Housman
 %
-"Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a
-surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one
-hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other
-hand were unwilling to risk offending God's grandmother."
+Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising
+amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered
+the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling
+to risk offending God's grandmother.
 		-- Len Cool, "American Pie"
 %
 Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D.  He was a
@@ -12062,17 +11996,18 @@ Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
 %
 Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
 %
-"Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
-one which cannot be justified on any other grounds."
+Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
+one which cannot be justified on any other grounds.
 		-- J. Finnegan, USC.
 %
 Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future.
 		-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
 %
-"That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver"
+That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver
 		-- Foghorn Leghorn
 %
-"That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all."
+That must be wonderful:  I don't understand it at all.
+		-- Moliere
 %
 That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
 %
@@ -12098,8 +12033,8 @@ The Advertising Agency Song:
 	If he still should prove refractory,
 	Add a picture of his factory.
 %
-"The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty.  You might want to mug
-someone with it."
+The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty.  You might want to mug
+someone with it.
 		-- M. Devine, Computer Science 340
 %
 ... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that
@@ -12130,9 +12065,9 @@ The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
 The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
 average man can see better than he can think.
 %
-"The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by
+The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by
 people who don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried
-anything."
+anything.
 		-- Jim Joyce, owner of Jim Joyce's UNIX Bookstore
 %
 The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than
@@ -12209,7 +12144,7 @@ city considerably more than the more familiar sight of people shaking
 umbrellas at one another.  What Miss Manners objects to is the kind of
 activity that frightens the horses on the street ...
 %
-"The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch."
+The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
 %
 The bogosity meter just pegged.
 %
@@ -12218,8 +12153,8 @@ in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
 %
 The Briggs/Chase Law of Program Development:
 	To determine how long it will take to write and debug a
-program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and
-convert to the next higher units.
+	program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two,
+	add one, and convert to the next higher units.
 %
 The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be.
 Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in
@@ -12229,8 +12164,8 @@ automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
 The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
 bureaucracy.
 %
-"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
-flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
+The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
+flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.
 %
 The camel has a single hump;
 The dromedary two;
@@ -12244,13 +12179,14 @@ inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner
 party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
 %
-"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."
+The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain.
 		-- G. Fitch
 %
 The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up
 at the steam fitters' picnic.
 %
 The chief cause of problems is solutions.
+		-- Eric Sevareid
 %
 The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.
 		-- Alfred Adler
@@ -12259,10 +12195,9 @@ The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will
 walk carefully.
 		-- Russian Proverb
 %
-"The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live
-elsewhere."
+The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
 %
-"The Computer made me do it."
+The Computer made me do it.
 %
 The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
 		-- Alan Perlis
@@ -12290,8 +12225,7 @@ talked about.
 %
 The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
 %
-The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going
-down.
+The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
 %
 The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to
 eat.
@@ -12318,14 +12252,13 @@ The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
 %
 The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
 %
-"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?  If Gladstone fell
+The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?  If Gladstone fell
 into the Thames, it would be a misfortune.  But if someone dragged him
-out again, it would be a calamity."
+out again, it would be a calamity.
 		-- Benjamin Disraeli
 %
 The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science
-requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require
-scholarship.
+requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.
 		-- Robert Heinlein
 %
 The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the
@@ -12355,8 +12288,7 @@ next hunting trip.  Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the
 duck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the
 duck and returned it to his master.
 	"Notice anything?" the owner asked eagerly.
-	"Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't
-swim."
+	"Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't swim."
 %
 The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
 and owns the worm farm.
@@ -12478,8 +12410,8 @@ of the hyper-cube.
 The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
 a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
 %
-"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and
-vinyl."
+The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and
+vinyl.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
 The full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the
@@ -12501,8 +12433,8 @@ today.
 The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
 least until we've finished building it.
 %
-The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.  The goal of nature
-is to build better mice.
+The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
+The goal of nature is to build better mice.
 %
 The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.  They gave him
 love and he invented marriage.
@@ -12518,6 +12450,7 @@ man in the bonds of Hell."
 %
 The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
 to be good.
+		-- John Barrymore
 %
 	"The Good Ship Enterprise" (to the tune of "The Good Ship Lollipop")
 
@@ -12555,11 +12488,11 @@ who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
 		-- Benjamin Franklin.
 %
 The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
-	The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in
-courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk
-clerks.  Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods
-of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
-Hedgehog Eater.
+	The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship,
+	his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks.
+	Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of
+	time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
+	Hedgehog Eater.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
 %
 The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
@@ -12570,8 +12503,7 @@ The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
 The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom
-whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary,
-nohow.
+whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
 %
 The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
 	You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
@@ -12587,12 +12519,12 @@ The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
 lists of "Ten Best".
 		-- H. Allen Smith
 %
-"The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
-has gills through which it can see."
+The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
+has gills through which it can see.
 		-- Monty Python
 %
-The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity
--- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
+The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of
+its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
 %
 The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange
 protein -- it rejects it.
@@ -12614,9 +12546,6 @@ procession but carrying a banner.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 The idea is to die young as late as possible.
-		-- Ashley Montagu
-%
-The idea is to die young as late as possible.
 		-- Ashley Montague
 %
 The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic
@@ -12630,11 +12559,10 @@ of two men named Lester poking at the insides of broken electronic
 devices with cheap cigars and going, "Lookit all them WIRES in there!"
 		-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
 %
-"The identical is equal to itself, since it is different."
+The identical is equal to itself, since it is different.
 		-- Franco Spisani
 %
-"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit
-longer."
+The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
 %
 The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf
@@ -12677,13 +12605,13 @@ They do not keep awake till three,
 Nor read erotic poetry.
 They never sanction the impure,
 Nor recognize an overture.
-They shrink from powders and from paints ...
+They shrink from powders and from paints...
 So far, I've had no complaints.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-"The last time somebody said, `I find I can write much better with a
-word processor.', I replied, `They used to say the same thing about
-drugs.'
+The last time somebody said, "I find I can write much better with a
+word processor," I replied, "They used to say the same thing about
+drugs."
 		-- Roy Blount, Jr.
 %
 The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
@@ -12695,10 +12623,10 @@ poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal
 bread.
 		-- Anatole France
 %
-"The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all
+The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all
 men should behave as though the law compelled him.  But it is the
 universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we
-presently imagine we own."
+presently imagine we own.
 		-- H.G. Wells
 %
 	THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #10: SIMPLE
@@ -12825,14 +12753,14 @@ much sleep.
 The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
 %
-"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
-we could with both of them."
+The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
+we could with both of them.
 		-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
 %
 The makers may make
-and the users may use,
-but the fixers must fix
-with but minimal clues
+And the users may use,
+But the fixers must fix
+With but minimal clues
 %
 The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the
 crowd.  The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no
@@ -12884,12 +12812,12 @@ The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
 %
 The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
 %
-"The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
-lower the mailing cost."
+The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
+lower the mailing cost.
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
-The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and
-robbers there will be.
+The more laws and order are made prominent,
+the more thieves and robbers there will be.
 		-- Lao Tsu
 %
 The more things change, the more they stay insane.
@@ -12900,8 +12828,8 @@ is right.
 The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
 		-- Andy Warhol
 %
-"The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
-to watch someone else do it wrong without comment."
+The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
+to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
 		-- Theodore H. White
 %
 The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
@@ -12982,13 +12910,13 @@ analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their
 occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve
 these problems when called upon.
 
-However, When you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to
+However, when you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to
 remind yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
 %
 The Official MBA Handbook on business cards:
 	Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the Realm,
-Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of Corporate
-Planning."
+	Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of Corporate
+	Planning."
 %
 The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
 %
@@ -13010,7 +12938,7 @@ The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the
 The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop
 and take a rest.
 %
-"The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon."
+The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
 		-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
 		   Over and Over"
 %
@@ -13021,16 +12949,16 @@ has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture,
 finished, and put inside boxes.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.  It is never any
-use to oneself.
+The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
+It is never any use to oneself.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-"The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from
-history."
+The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from
+history.
 		-- Hegel
 
-"I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the
-long view."
+I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the
+long view.
 		-- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
 %
 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
@@ -13045,11 +12973,8 @@ The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
 The optimum committee has no members.
 		-- Norman Augustine
 %
-The optimum committee has no members.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-"The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
-went back in time."
+The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
+went back in time.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 The past always looks better than it was.  It's only pleasant because
@@ -13095,8 +13020,7 @@ social function of expressing true distaste.
 		-- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to
 		   Excruciatingly Correct Behavior"
 %
-"The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more
-often."
+The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
 %
 The Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher,
 	Were each of them once a kiddie.
@@ -13137,6 +13061,8 @@ represents the secondary theme:
 The overall theme of SoupCon shall be:
 
 	Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials
+
+		-- M. Gallaher
 %
 ... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from
 other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in
@@ -13201,6 +13127,7 @@ The rain it raineth on the just
 	And also on the unjust fella,
 But chiefly on the just, because
 	The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
+		--Lord Bowen
 %
 The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is
 cursed.
@@ -13239,9 +13166,9 @@ and to his imagination for his facts."
 The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
 		-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
 %
-"The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
+The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
 House Un-American Activities Committee].  We will determine what rights
-you have and what rights you have not got."
+you have and what rights you have not got.
 		-- J. Parnell Thomas
 %
 The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  And littered with
@@ -13257,7 +13184,7 @@ one leg.  The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
 take it too seriously.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
 %
-The rule on staying alive as a forcaster is to give 'em a number or
+The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
 give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
 		-- Jane Bryant Quinn
 %
@@ -13306,16 +13233,15 @@ in a direction you did not want.   (Goes the wrong way = Goes a long
 way.)
 		-- Dan Roddick
 %
-"The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity
+The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity
 and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted
 activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy ...
-neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
+neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.
 %
-"The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
-money."
+The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money.
 		-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
 %
-"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!"
+The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
 %
 The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be
 able to correct them.
@@ -13371,15 +13297,15 @@ was moving over the face of the market.  And DEC said, "Let there be
 registers"; and there were registers.  And DEC saw that they carried;
 and DEC separated the data from the instructions.  DEC called the data
 Stack, and the instructions they called Code.  And there was evening
-and there was morning, one interrupt ...
+and there was morning, one interrupt.
 		-- Rico Tudor
 %
 The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
 them unsafe.
 		-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
 %
-"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
-is an emerging underachiever."
+The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
+is an emerging underachiever.
 %
 The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant
 biology.
@@ -13426,19 +13352,18 @@ have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
 %
 The Third Law of Photography:
 	If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined
-when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark
-leaks out.
+	when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of
+	the dark leaks out.
 %
 The Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
 
-The First Law:	You can't get anything without working for it.
-The Second Law:	The most you can accomplish by working is to break
-		even.
-The Third Law:	You can only break even at absolute zero.
+	(1)	You can't get anything without working for it.
+	(2)	The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
+	(3)	You can only break even at absolute zero.
 %
 		The Three Major Kind of Tools
 
-* Tools for hittings things to make them loose or to tighten them up or
+* Tools for hitting things to make them loose or to tighten them up or
   jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a
   manner that they function perfectly.  (These are your hammers, maces,
   bludgeons, and truncheons.)
@@ -13473,8 +13398,8 @@ The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.
 The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
 		-- Lenny Bruce
 %
-The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.  And
-vice versa.
+The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
+And vice versa.
 %
 The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
 Which practically conceal its sex.
@@ -13482,8 +13407,8 @@ I think it clever of the turtle
 In such a fix to be so fertile.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-"The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and
-stupidity."
+The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
+		-- Harlan Ellison
 %
 The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more
 annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
@@ -13518,7 +13443,7 @@ world put together.
 %
 The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
 regarded as a criminal offense.
-		-- E. W. Dijkstra
+		-- E. W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
 %
 The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
 the worst cigars.
@@ -13534,7 +13459,7 @@ to fit their views ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to
 be one of the facts that needs altering.
 		-- Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
 %
-"The voters have spoken, the bastards ..."
+The voters have spoken, the bastards ...
 %
 "The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
 it's just a tired feeling:"
@@ -13545,8 +13470,8 @@ The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
 that would be clearly understood."
 		-- Alexander Haig
 %
-"The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
-with a large fortune."
+The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
+with a large fortune.
 %
 The wind doth taste so bitter sweet,
 	Like Jaspar wine and sugar,
@@ -13572,7 +13497,7 @@ The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
 The world is coming to an end.  Please log off.
 %
 The world's as ugly as sin,
-And almost as delightful
+And almost as delightful.
 		-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
 %
 The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
@@ -13629,10 +13554,11 @@ existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any
 marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat
 engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool.  This is
 obviously impossible.
-				-- Richard Davisson
+		-- Richard Davisson
 %
-There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the
-truth without lying.
+There are people so addicted to exaggeration
+that they can't tell the truth without lying.
+		-- Josh Billings
 %
 There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a
 vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
@@ -13653,25 +13579,26 @@ even understand a simple thing like that, and yet you hope to discover
 why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz?  Fat Chance.
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-"There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both
+There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both
 plants and animals.  When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis;
 and when the lights go out, they turn into animals.  But then again,
-don't we all?"
+don't we all?
 %
-"There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells
+There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells
 and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated
 pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving
 them parched for wonder.  There are also those who believe that if you
 stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your
-intelligence."
+intelligence.
 		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
 %
 There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-		-- Disraeli
+		-- Benjamin Disraeli
 %
-"There are three possibilities: Pioneer's solar panel has turned away
-from the sun; there's a large meteor blocking transmission; or someone
-loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor."
+There are three possibilities:
+Pioneer's solar panel has turned away from the sun;
+there's a large meteor blocking transmission; or
+someone loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor.
 %
 There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be
 offered: entertainment, food, and affection.  It is customary to begin
@@ -13682,9 +13609,9 @@ When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.
 Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
 		-- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior
 %
-"There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and
+There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and
 engineers.  While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far
-the more certain."
+the more certain.
 		-- Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800
 %
 There are three schools of magic.  One:  State a tautology, then ring
@@ -13724,8 +13651,8 @@ other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
 deficiencies."
 		-- C. A. R. Hoare
 %
-"There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
-other is to read Pope."
+There are two ways of disliking poetry:  one way is to dislike it, the
+other is to read Pope.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
 There are two ways to write error-free programs.  Only the third one
@@ -13762,18 +13689,11 @@ tied during the month of April.
 There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
 		-- Walt Disney
 %
-"There is a road to freedom.  Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor,
+There is a road to freedom.  Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor,
 Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and
-love of the Fatherland."
+love of the Fatherland.
 		-- Adolf Hitler
 %
-There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe
-is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly
-inexplicable."
-
-There is another theory that states: "This has already happened ...."
-		-- Douglas Adams, "Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy"
-%
 There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
 what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
 disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
@@ -13781,8 +13701,8 @@ inexplicable.  There is another theory which states that this has
 already happened.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a
-vacuum."
+There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a
+vacuum.
 		-- Arthur C. Clarke
 %
 There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
@@ -13795,12 +13715,11 @@ war hold him in check.  And also the wife who wants him home by five,
 of course.
 		-- Encyclopedia Apocryphia, 1990 ed.
 %
-"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their
-home."
+There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
 		-- Ken Olson, President of DEC, World Future Society
 		   Convention, 1977
 %
-There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it
+There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
 		-- G. B. Shaw
 %
 There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast
@@ -13817,10 +13736,11 @@ There is no TRUTH.  There is no REALITY.  There is no CONSISTENCY.
 There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS   I'm very probably wrong.
 %
 "There is nothing which cannot be answered by means of my doctrine,"
-said a monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.  "And yet just
-a short time ago, I was challenged by a scholar with an unanswerable
-question," said Nasrudin.  "I could have answered it if I had been
-there." "Very well.  He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in
+said a monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.
+	"And yet just a short time ago, I was challenged by a scholar
+with an unanswerable question," said Nasrudin.
+	"I could have answered it if I had been there."
+	"Very well.  He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in
 the middle of the night?'"
 %
 There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
@@ -13853,8 +13773,7 @@ Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
 	He knew nothing at all,
 And now he's a College Professor.
 %
-"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved
-it."
+There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
 		-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
 %
 There was a plane crash over mid-ocean, and only three survivors were
@@ -13939,7 +13858,7 @@ There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our
 whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
-There's no future in time travel
+There's no future in time travel.
 %
 There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
 		-- Dr. Who
@@ -13953,12 +13872,12 @@ There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
 working for you.
 		-- Will Rodgers
 %
-"There's nothing in the middle of the road but a yellow stripe and dead
-armadillos."
+There's nothing in the middle of the road but a yellow stripe and dead
+armadillos.
 		-- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner
 %
-"There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't
-aggravate."
+There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't
+aggravate.
 %
 There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn
 what it is I'll get married again.
@@ -13978,18 +13897,18 @@ used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
 %
 They also surf who only stand on waves.
 %
-"They make a desert and call it peace."
+They make a desert and call it peace.
 		-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
 %
 They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy".  Foreigners
 always spell better than they pronounce.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
-safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
+They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
+safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
 		-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
 %
-"They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!"
+They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
 %
 They told me you had proven it		When they discovered our results
 	About a month before.			Their hair began to curl
@@ -14008,8 +13927,7 @@ We quickly turned it into code
 %
 They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
 %
-"They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult
-to like."
+They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult to like.
 		-- Avon
 %
 Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
@@ -14046,16 +13964,14 @@ This fortune is false.
 %
 This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
 %
-"This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
-regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling
-keys ..."
+This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
+regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
 %
-"This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT
-DOG."
+This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG.
 		-- Bob Violence
 %
-"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  If this had been an
-actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?"
+This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  If this had been an
+actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
 %
 This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly,
 because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under
@@ -14167,8 +14083,8 @@ which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of
 paper that were unhappy.
 		-- Douglas Adams
 %
-"This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
-something child-like."
+This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
+something child-like.
 		-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
 %
 This quote is taken from the Diamondback, the University of Maryland
@@ -14195,8 +14111,7 @@ off like crickets in the night.  An excellent restaurant wouldn't have
 a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of Liza Minnelli.
 		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
 %
-This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget
-it.
+This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
 %
 	Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire
 rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better
@@ -14224,7 +14139,7 @@ Those who can't write, write manuals.
 %
 Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
 %
-"Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics."
+Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
 		-- French Proverb
 %
 Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
@@ -14240,8 +14155,8 @@ surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
 %
 Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
 %
-Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
-revolution inevitable.
+Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
+will make violent revolution inevitable.
 		-- John F. Kennedy
 %
 Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are
@@ -14302,7 +14217,7 @@ To be is to do.
 To do is to be.
 		-- A. Sartre
 Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
-		-- F. Flinstone
+		-- F. Flintstone
 %
 "To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore
 this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to
@@ -14314,7 +14229,7 @@ call it the target.
 %
 To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
 %
-"To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System"
+To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
 %
 To err is human, to moo bovine.
 %
@@ -14331,6 +14246,7 @@ To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
 		-- Thomas Edison
 %
 To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
+		-- Robert Heller
 %
 To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
 %
@@ -14340,7 +14256,7 @@ a test load.
 To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional
 system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy,
 inelegant, and unsatisfying.  But it's a question of congruence:
-precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel,
+precision and flexibility may be just as dysfunctional in novel,
 uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar,
 well-defined ones.  Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures
 of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very
@@ -14366,38 +14282,38 @@ and drink gin and laugh themselves silly.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Won't It Be Just Great Owning Our Own
 		   Phones?"
 %
-"To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?"
+To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
 %
-"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
+To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
 Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
 %
 Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
 %
-Today is the first day of the rest of the mess
+Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
 %
 Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
 %
-Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
+Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
 %
 Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity?
 
 And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
 %
-"Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
+Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
 cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream.  Join us soon for more 
-spectacular adventure starring ... Tippy, the Wonder Dog."
+spectacular adventure starring ... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
 		-- Bob & Ray
 %
-"Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
-except in major motion pictures."
+Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
+except in major motion pictures.
 		-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
 %
 Toilet Toup'ee, n.:
 	Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
-creating endless annoyance to male users.
+	creating endless annoyance to male users.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
@@ -14440,8 +14356,7 @@ Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
 Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
 in eucalyptus trees.
 %
-Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant
-intelligence.
+Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
 		-- Henrik Tikkanen
 %
 Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
@@ -14456,8 +14371,7 @@ Truthful, adj.:
 Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.
 		-- Charles Schulz
 %
-Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no
-good.
+Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
 %
 Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading:  Was it done,
 is it being done, or is something to be done?  Reports are now written
@@ -14479,7 +14393,7 @@ Trying to establish voice contact ... please ____yell into keyboard.
 %
 Turnaucka's Law:
 	The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
-electrical cord.
+	electrical cord.
 %
 Tussman's Law:
 	Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
@@ -14549,8 +14463,8 @@ must pay three silver pieces."
 %
 Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
 %
-"Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
-I forget the second."
+Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
+I forget the second.
 %
 Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
 %
@@ -14575,11 +14489,7 @@ right?"
 %
 Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
 	Never use your thumb for a rule.  You'll either hit it with a
-hammer or get a splinter in it.
-%
-Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
-	Never use your thumb for a rule.  You'll either hit it with a
-hammmer or get a splinter in it.
+	hammer or get a splinter in it.
 %
 Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
 just man is also a prison.
@@ -14616,8 +14526,8 @@ Universe, n.:
 %
 University, n.:
 	Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's
-usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell you how to
-fix it, and ...
+	usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell
+	you how to fix it, and ...
 %
 unix soit qui mal y pense
 %
@@ -14650,7 +14560,7 @@ opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
 %
 Vail's Second Axiom:
 	The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the
-amount of work already completed.
+	amount of work already completed.
 %
 Valerie: Aww, Tom, you're going maudlin on me ...
 Tom:	 I reserve the right to wax maudlin as I wane eloquent ...
@@ -14721,11 +14631,11 @@ Virtue is its own punishment.
 Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
 from where you left them to where you can't find them.
 %
-Vitamin C deficiency is apauling
+Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
 %
 VMS is like a nightmare about RXS-11M.
 %
-Vote anarchist
+Vote anarchist.
 %
 Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
 TAX-DEFERRED!
@@ -14759,14 +14669,11 @@ War is peace.  Freedom is slavery.  Ketchup is a vegetable.
 
 Firings will continue until morale improves.
 %
-	WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
-
-Firings will continue until morale improves.
-%
 WARNING:
 	Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your
-mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of hair on
-your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of your favorite war.
+	mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth
+	of hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome
+	of your favorite war.
 %
 Warning: Listening to WXRT on April Fools' Day is not recommended for
 those who are slightly disoriented the first few hours after waking
@@ -14784,7 +14691,7 @@ Wasting time is an important part of living.
 %
 Watson's Law:
 	The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the
-number and significance of any persons watching it.
+	number and significance of any persons watching it.
 %
 We are all agreed that your theory is crazy.  The question which
 divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being
@@ -14809,11 +14716,11 @@ bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say
 socialism?
 		-- Fidel Castro
 %
-"We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last
-theorem."
+We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last
+theorem.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
-"We are upping our standards ... so up yours."
+We are upping our standards ... so up yours.
 		-- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988.
 %
 We can defeat gravity.  The problem is the paperwork involved.
@@ -14824,7 +14731,7 @@ We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is
 deceased.  My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.
 		-- James E. Day, Postmaster General
 %
-"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
+We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
 		-- Vroomfondel
 %
 "We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company."
@@ -14838,10 +14745,10 @@ hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
 We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids?
 		-- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
 %
-"We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at night, half an
+We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at night, half an
 hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work 29 hours down
 mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on
-our grave singing Haleleuia ..."
+our grave singing Hallelujah ...
 		-- Monty Python
 %
 We have met the enemy, and he is us.
@@ -14850,8 +14757,8 @@ We have met the enemy, and he is us.
 We have only two things to worry about:  That things will never get
 back to normal, and that they already have.
 %
-"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
-hands for masturbation."
+We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
+hands for masturbation.
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
 We have the flu.  I don't know if this particular strain has an
@@ -14880,7 +14787,7 @@ buy, and then teach it to understand and speak English.
 		-- Alan M. Turing
 %
 We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
-respect their good judgement.
+respect their good judgment.
 %
 We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass
 no matter how self-seeking.
@@ -14936,7 +14843,7 @@ We wish you a Hare Krishna
 And a Sun Myung Moon!
 		-- Maxwell Smart
 %
-"We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later."
+We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
 %
 We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from
 the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging
@@ -14954,18 +14861,18 @@ but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
 %
 Weiler's Law:
 	Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it
-himself.
+	himself.
 %
 Weinberg's First Law:
 	Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
 %
 Weinberg's Principle:
 	An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while
-sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
+	sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
 %
 Weinberg's Second Law:
 	If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
-then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
+	then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
 %
 Weiner's Law of Libraries:
 	There are no answers, only cross references.
@@ -14994,8 +14901,8 @@ or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive they
 they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
 		-- President Ronald Reagan, on the MX missile
 %
-"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
-you believe?!"
+Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
+you believe?!
 		-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
 %
 Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail,
@@ -15027,7 +14934,7 @@ hundred."
 %
 Westheimer's Discovery:
 	A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
-couple of hours in the library.
+	couple of hours in the library.
 %
 Wethern's Law:
 	Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
@@ -15087,6 +14994,7 @@ flush one of the toilets.  Perhaps several of them.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Saving Face"
 %
 What I tell you three times is true.
+		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
 "What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-
 sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up
@@ -15097,7 +15005,7 @@ parties.
 %
 What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
 %
-"What I've done, of course, is total garbage."
+What I've done, of course, is total garbage.
 		-- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a
 %
 What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?  In that case, I
@@ -15130,11 +15038,11 @@ and the establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
 "I've just GOT to start labeling my software..."
 		-- Bloom County
 %
-"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?"
-		-- Bertold Brecht
+What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
+		-- Bertolt Brecht
 %
-"What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
-which is the exact opposite."
+What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
+which is the exact opposite.
 		-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
 %
 What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
@@ -15189,7 +15097,7 @@ be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually emerge from bed.
 %
 What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
 %
-"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
+What's another word for "thesaurus"?
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 	"What's that thing?"
@@ -15198,12 +15106,9 @@ computer repair.  Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what
 it does.  We call it a two-by-four."
 		-- Jeff MacNelley, "Shoe"
 %
-"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"
+What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
 		-- Dr. Who
 %
-"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"
-		-- The Doctor
-%
 Whatever became of eternal truth?
 %
 Whatever became of Strange de Jim?  Well, he found a substitute for
@@ -15216,8 +15121,8 @@ Whatever is not nailed down is mine.  What I can pry loose is not
 nailed down.
 		-- Collis P. Huntingdon
 %
-"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
-cockroaches!"
+Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
+cockroaches!
 		-- Mom
 %
 When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the
@@ -15234,33 +15139,32 @@ loop?
 When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is
 not far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.  The best thing about space
 travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
-		-- Robert Heinlein
+		-- Robert Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
 %
 When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the
 sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes.  The dog has certain
 relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
-		-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle
-		   Maintenance"
+		-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
 %
 When all other means of communication fail, try words.
 %
-"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
-tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?"
+When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
+tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?
 		-- Reuben Flagg
 %
 When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
 the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
 		-- Vine Deloria, Jr.
 %
-When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask?  Well, last year, I
-think it was a Tuesday.
+When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask?
+Well, last year, I think it was a Tuesday.
 %
 When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
 guarantee them.
 %
-"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great
+When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great
 parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if
-I'm leaving."
+I'm leaving.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a
@@ -15271,8 +15175,8 @@ winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
 When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
 ladies, and, of course, the goat.
 %
-When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President.  Now
-I'm beginning to believe it.
+When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President.
+Now I'm beginning to believe it.
 		-- Clarence Darrow
 %
 When I was a kid I said to my father one afternoon, "Daddy, will you
@@ -15280,12 +15184,12 @@ take me to the zoo?" He answered, "If the zoo wants you let them come
 and get you."
 		-- Jerry Lewis
 %
-"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
-firearms with me.  I said, `Well, what do you need?'"
+When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
+firearms with me.  I said, `Well, what do you need?'
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into
-the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
+When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam:
+I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
 When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an
@@ -15308,7 +15212,7 @@ go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
 %
 When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
 %
-"When in doubt, tell the truth."
+When in doubt, tell the truth.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 When in doubt, use brute force.
@@ -15343,7 +15247,7 @@ your boss is away and you get twice as much done.
 When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
 say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
 %
-"When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical"
+When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical
 		-- Jon Carroll
 %
 When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you
@@ -15375,8 +15279,8 @@ required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and
 exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is
-not hereditary.
+When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that
+virtue is not hereditary.
 		-- Thomas Paine
 %
 When we understand knowledge-based systems, it will be as before --
@@ -15389,7 +15293,7 @@ so that you can proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or
 swayed, directly to the goal.
 		-- Amrom Katz
 %
-"When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
+When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
 %
 When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
 %
@@ -15402,8 +15306,8 @@ to a definite problem.  For better or worse you have acted decisively.
 	In a way, the next move is up to him.
 		-- R. A. Lafferty
 %
-"When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite." 
-		-- Winston Curchill, On formal declarations of war
+When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
+		-- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
 %
 When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by
 asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't
@@ -15440,8 +15344,8 @@ Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
 		-- Mark Twain
 		   "Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court"
 %
-Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
-to reform.
+Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority,
+it is time to reform.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE
@@ -15484,11 +15388,10 @@ keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
 While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own
 form of misery.
 %
-While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining
-position.
+While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
 %
-While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their
-correctness never does.
+While most peoples' opinions change,
+the conviction of their correctness never does.
 %
 While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very
 reassuring to know that it's still there.
@@ -15499,7 +15402,7 @@ safe, for you can watch both of his.
 %
 Whistler's Law:
 	You never know who is right, but you always know who is in
-charge.
+	charge.
 %
 "Who cares if it doesn't do anything?  It was made with our new
 Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ..."
@@ -15523,12 +15426,12 @@ Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
 %
 Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
 %
-"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'?  I could
-have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."
+Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like "Amadeus"?  I could
+have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.
 		-- Ian Shoales
 %
-"Why be a man when you can be a success?"
-		-- Bertold Brecht
+Why be a man when you can be a success?
+		-- Bertolt Brecht
 %
 Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we
 have?
@@ -15538,8 +15441,8 @@ Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
 Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to
 avoid responsibility with?
 %
-Why did the Roman Empire collapse?  What is the Latin for office
-automation?
+Why did the Roman Empire collapse?
+What is the Latin for office automation?
 %
 Why do we have two eyes?  To watch 3-D movies with.
 %
@@ -15572,17 +15475,18 @@ I'd LOVE to, but ...
 	-- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
 	-- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
 %
-"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is
-because we are not the person involved"
+Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is
+because we are not the person involved.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
+		-- Stephen Wright
 %
-"Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?"
+Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
-"Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
-you knowing nothing?"
+Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
+you knowing nothing?
 		-- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
 %
 Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year?
@@ -15605,7 +15509,7 @@ You:	"It's figgy pudding!  What a treat!"
 Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
 		-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
 %
-"Why was I born with such contemporaries?"
+Why was I born with such contemporaries?
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
 Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office:
@@ -15639,14 +15543,14 @@ viable alternatives.
 %
 Williams and Holland's Law:
 	If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
-statistical methods.
+	statistical methods.
 %
 Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
 it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
 %
 Wit, n.:
-	The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery
-... by leaving it out.
+	The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery ...
+	by leaving it out.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
@@ -15695,11 +15599,11 @@ although their insurance rates went way up.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
 %
 Work Rule: Leave of Absence (for an Operation):
-	We are no longer allowing this practice.  We wish to discourage
-any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you
-should not consider having anything removed.  We hired you as you are,
-and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we
-bargained for.
+	We are no longer allowing this practice.  We wish to discourage any
+	thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you
+	should not consider having anything removed.  We hired you as you
+	are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than
+	we bargained for.
 %
 Workers of the world, arise!  You have nothing to lose but your
 chairs.
@@ -15713,36 +15617,36 @@ Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing:
 %
 Worst Month of the Year:
 	February.  February has only 28 days in it, which means that if
-you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't
-get.  Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.
+	you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't
+	get.  Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.
 		-- Steve Rubenstein
 %
 Worst Response To A Crisis, 1985:
 	From a readers' Q and A column in TV GUIDE: "If we get involved
-in a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from exploding bombs
-damage my videotapes?"
+	in a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from exploding
+	bombs damage my videotapes?"
 %
 Worst Vegetable of the Year:
 	The brussels sprout.  This is also the worst vegetable of next
-year.
+	year.
 		-- Steve Rubenstein
 %
 "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
 
-"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat
-		-- Lewis Carrol
+"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
+		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
-"Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
+Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
 and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer
 if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
 and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and
-and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?"
+and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?
 %
 Write-Protect Tab, n.:
 	A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
-left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an error
-message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs the
-momentary inconvenience.
+	left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an error
+	message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs the
+	momentary inconvenience.
 		-- Robb Russon
 %
 Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
@@ -15753,7 +15657,7 @@ Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
 "The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
 the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
 %
-X-rated movies are all alike ... the only thing they leave to the
+X-rated movies are all alike -- the only thing they leave to the
 imagination is the plot.
 %
 Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
@@ -15770,7 +15674,7 @@ goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
 their endless search for "one more feature".  Their irritating
 unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
 doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
-		-- S. C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
+		-- Stephen C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
 %
 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of APL, I shall
 fear no evil, for I can string six primitive monadic and dyadic
@@ -15787,8 +15691,9 @@ Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
 %
 Yes, but which self do you want to be?
 %
-Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.  Tomorrow I'll probably still
-be a dog. Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
+Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.
+Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
+Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
 		-- Snoopy
 %
 Yesterday upon the stair
@@ -15801,7 +15706,7 @@ Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.
 %
 Yinkel, n.:
 	A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one
-will notice.
+	will notice.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
@@ -15908,7 +15813,7 @@ You are the only person to ever get this message.
 You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
 this sort of trash.
 %
-You buttered your bread, now lie in it.
+You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
 %
 You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting
 incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail.
@@ -15923,16 +15828,16 @@ pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet.  Be sure to wear
 safety glasses.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
 %
-"You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it 
-doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on."
+You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it 
+doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
 		-- Hepler, Systems Design 182
 %
-You can create your own opportunities this week.  Blackmail a senior
-executive.
+You can create your own opportunities this week.
+Blackmail a senior executive.
 %
-"You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
-Why do you find that funny?"
-		-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350
+You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
+Why do you find that funny?
+		-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350, University of Washington
 %
 You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you
 can with just a kind word.
@@ -15961,12 +15866,12 @@ supercomputers.
 %
 You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
 %
-"You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename."
+You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
 		-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
 %
 You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
 %
-"You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?"
+You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
@@ -15974,18 +15879,18 @@ You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
 %
 You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
 %
-"You can't make a program without broken egos."
+You can't make a program without broken egos.
 %
 You can't start worrying about what's going to happen.  You get spastic
 enough worrying about what's happening now.
 		-- Lauren Bacall
 %
-"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."
+You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten.
 		-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
 		   Over and Over"
 %
-"You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they
-don't."
+You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they
+don't.
 		-- Dagwood Bumstead
 %
 You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
@@ -16047,8 +15952,8 @@ You have junk mail.
 You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets
 wrinkled.
 %
-You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot
-today.
+You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.
+You'll learn a lot today.
 %
 You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
 you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
@@ -16098,13 +16003,13 @@ or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume
 party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.
 		-- Dave Barry, "How to Dress for Real Success"
 %
-You might have mail
+You might have mail.
 %
-"You must realize that the computer has it in for you.  The irrefutable
-proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do."
+You must realize that the computer has it in for you.  The irrefutable
+proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.
 %
-You need no longer worry about the future.  This time tomorrow you'll
-be dead.
+You need no longer worry about the future.
+This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
 %
 You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
 reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating
@@ -16207,15 +16112,15 @@ parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
 %
 You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
 %
-You worry too much about your job.  Stop it.  You're not paid enough to
-worry.
+You worry too much about your job.
+Stop it.  You're not paid enough to worry.
 %
 You'd better beat it.  You can leave in a taxi.  If you can't get a
 taxi, you can leave in a huff.  If that's too soon, you can leave in a
 minute and a huff.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-"You'll never be the man your mother was!"
+You'll never be the man your mother was!
 %
 You're at the end of the road again.
 %
@@ -16238,8 +16143,8 @@ You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
 
 "TOMORROW!  I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
 %
-Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.  Don't believe a
-thing he tells you.
+Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.
+Don't believe a thing he tells you.
 %
 Your conscience never stops you from doing anything.  It just stops you
 from enjoying it.
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
index 6a311b46263..e3ba1b00a36 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
@@ -145,7 +145,7 @@ been inspected.  (You have 15 minutes.)
 HISTORY
 	Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present
 day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political,
-economic, religious and philisophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
+economic, religious and philosophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
 Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific.
 
 BIOLOGY
@@ -265,23 +265,9 @@ steel industries.
    "  :/  V  V  "   V  \#\: :  : :/#/  V   "  V  V  \:  "
       "   "  "      "   \ : :  : : /   "      "  "   "
 %
-		        Has your family tried 'em?
+		Answers to Last Fortune's Questions:
 
-			   POWDERMILK BISCUITS
-
-		 Heavens, they're tasty and expeditious!
-
-	    They're made from whole wheat, to give shy persons
-	   the strength to get up and do what needs to be done.
-
-			   POWDERMILK BISCUITS
-
-	Buy them ready-made in the big blue box with the picture of
-	the biscuit on the front, or in the brown bag with the dark
-		     stains that indicate freshness.
-%
-		Answers to Last Fortunes' Questions:
-1) None. (Moses didn't have an ark).
+1) None.  (Moses didn't have an ark).
 2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle.
 3) You don't know.  Neither does your boss.
 4) Who cares?
@@ -686,7 +672,7 @@ days old.  He heard that a foal and his mummy are soon parted.
 long-distance caw.
 	A musical reviewer admitted he always praised the first show of a
 new theatrical season.  "Who am I to stone the first cast?"
-	A hard-luck actor who appeared in one coloossal disaster after another
+	A hard-luck actor who appeared in one colossal disaster after another
 finally got a break, a broken leg to be exact.  Someone pointed out that it's
 the first time the poor fellow's been in the same cast for more than a week.
 %
@@ -709,11 +695,11 @@ I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer'', if that would be okay."
 and exclaim, "That's Strange!"
 %
 	A little dog goes into a saloon in the Wild West, and beckons to
-the bartender.  "Hey, bartender, gimmie a whiskey."
+the bartender.  "Hey, bartender, gimme a whiskey."
 	The bartender ignores him.
-	"Hey bartender, gimmie a whiskey."
+	"Hey bartender, gimme a whiskey."
 	Still ignored.
-	"HEY BARMAN!!  GIMMIE A WHISKEY!!"
+	"HEY BARMAN!!  GIMME A WHISKEY!!"
 	The bartender takes out his six-shooter and shoots the dog in the
 leg, and the dog runs out the saloon, howling in pain.
 	Three years later, the wee dog appears again, wearing boots,
@@ -830,7 +816,7 @@ take it I assign ten programmers to it?"
 completed," he said.
 		-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 %
-	A manger went to his programmers and told them: "As regards to your
+	A manager went to his programmers and told them: "As regards to your
 work hours: you are going to have to come in at nine in the morning and leave
 at five in the afternoon."  At this, all of them became angry and several
 resigned on the spot.
@@ -909,18 +895,6 @@ nice," he replied, but don't you think it would be better if..."
 	"If what?" asked the composer.
 	"If ... if you had died and MacDowell had written the elegy?"
 %
-	A novel approach is to remove all power from the system, which
-removes most system overhead so that resources can be fully devoted to
-doing nothing.  Benchmarks on  this technique are promising; tremendous
-amounts of nothing can be produced in this manner.  Certain hardware
-limitations can limit the speed of this method, especially in the
-larger systems which require a more involved & less efficient
-power-down sequence.
-	An alternate approach is to pull the main breaker for the
-building, which seems to provide even more nothing, but in truth has
-bugs in it, since it usually inhibits the systems which keep the beer
-cool.
-%
 	A novice asked the Master: "Here is a programmer that never designs,
 documents, or tests his programs.  Yet all who know him consider him one of
 the best programmers in the world.  Why is this?"
@@ -1006,12 +980,6 @@ went out to be killed?
 	The Pole pulls a bottle of vodka from the other side of his jacket.
 He smiles and replies, "Five men on one bottle -- too many."
 %
-	A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon
-two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.  "That's what
-I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man".
-	As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well,
-he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
-%
 	A program should be light and agile, its subroutines connected like a
 strings of pearls.  The spirit and intent of the program should be retained
 throughout.  There should be neither too little nor too much, neither needless
@@ -1044,7 +1012,7 @@ with social conventions?"
 %
 	A ranger was walking through the forest and encountered a hunter
 carrying a shotgun and a dead loon.  "What in the world do you think you're
-doing?  Don't you know that the loon is on the endagered species list?"
+doing?  Don't you know that the loon is on the endangered species list?"
 	Instead of answering, the hunter showed the ranger his game bag,
 which contained twelve more loons.
 	"Why would you shoot loons?", the ranger asked.
@@ -1117,12 +1085,12 @@ going to it is so large.
 electronics more likely to leak than say Bosch?  Hmmm...  Aha!!!  Lucas is
 British, and all things British leak!  British convertible tops leak water,
 British engines leak oil, British displacer units leak hydrostatic fluid, and
-I might add Brititsh tires leak air, and the British defense unit leaks
+I might add British tires leak air, and the British defense unit leaks
 secrets... so naturally British electronics leak smoke.
 		-- Jack Banton, PCC Automotive Electrical School
 %
 	A shy teenage boy finally worked up the nerve to give a gift to
-Maddona, a young puppy.  It hitched its waggin' to a star.
+Madonna, a young puppy.  It hitched its waggin' to a star.
 	A girl spent a couple hours on the phone talking to her two best
 friends, Maureen Jones, and Maureen Brown.  When asked by her father why she
 had been on the phone so long, she responded "I heard a funny story today
@@ -1194,7 +1162,7 @@ favorite robot, faithful old Yewtoo Artoo, to carry his gear and do assorted
 camp chores.
 	The Israelites soon got over their initial fear of the robot and,
 	as the months passed, became very fond of him.  Patriarchs took to
-discussing abtruse theological problems with him, and each evening the
+discussing abstruse theological problems with him, and each evening the
 children all gathered to hear the many stories with which he was programmed.
 Therefore it came as a great shock to them when, just as their journey was
 ending, he abruptly wore out.  Even Feghoot couldn't console them.
@@ -1257,41 +1225,6 @@ impressed and they cheer again.  The Russian astronaut stomps out, clenches
 the podium until his knuckles turn white, glares at the first row and
 screams: "Anybody got a match?"
 %
-	An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean.  He
-	knows he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully
-and with great restraint.
-	As he designs the first work, frill after frill and
-	embellishment after embellishment occur to him.  These get
-stored away to be used "next time."  Sooner or later the first system
-is finished, and the architect, with firm confidence and a demonstrated
-mastery of that class of systems, is ready to build a second system.
-	This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs.
-When he does his third and later ones, his prior experiences will
-confirm each other as to the general characteristics of such systems,
-and their differences will identify those parts of his experience that
-are particular and not generalizable.
-	The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using
-all the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first
-one.  The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile."
-		-- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
-%
-	An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean.  He knows
-he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully and with great
-restraint.
-	As he designs the first work, frill after frill and embellishment
-after embellishment occur to him.  These get stored away to be used "next
-time".  Sooner or later the first system is finished, and the architect,
-with firm confidence and a demonstrated mastery of that class of systems,
-is ready to build a second system.
-	This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs.  When
-he does his third and later ones, his prior experiences will confirm each
-other as to the general characteristics of such systems, and their differences
-will identify those parts of his experience that are particular and not
-generalizable.
-	The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using all
-the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first one.
-The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile".
-%
 	An eighty-year-old woman is rocking away the afternoon on her
 porch when she sees an old, tarnished lamp sitting near the steps.  She
 picks it up, rubs it gently, and lo and behold a genie appears!  The genie
@@ -1434,27 +1367,8 @@ Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.)
 	Primarily because nobody understood Chinese.
 		-- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
 %
-	better !pout !cry
-	better watchout
-	lpr why
-	santa claus < north pole > town
-
-	cat /etc/passwd > list
-	ncheck list
-	ncheck list
-	cat list | grep naughty > nogiftlist
-	cat list | grep nice > giftlist
-	santa claus < north pole > town
-
-	who | grep sleeping
-	who | grep awake
-	who | grep bad || good
-	for (goodness sake) {
-		be good
-	}
-%
 	Brian Kernighan has an automobile which he helped design.
-Unlike most automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas guage, nor
+Unlike most automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gauge, nor
 any of the numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver.
 Rather, if the driver makes any mistake, a giant "?" lights up in the
 center of the dashboard.  "The experienced driver", he says, "will
@@ -1577,17 +1491,6 @@ married?"
 	He considered this for a moment and then replied, "I think so.
 I've always been especially fond of married women."
 %
-	Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
-	Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
-	Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
-	Swaller dollar cauliflower, alleygaroo!
-
-	Don't we know archaic barrel,
-	Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou.
-	Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
-	Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
-		-- Pogo, "Deck Us All With Boston Charlie"
-%
 	Does anyone know how to get chocolate syrup and honey out of a
 white electric blanket?  I'm afraid to wash it in the machine.
 
@@ -1596,18 +1499,6 @@ Thanks, Kathy.  (front desk, x17)
 p.s.	Also, anyone ever used Noxema on friction burns?  
 	Or is Vaseline better?
 %
-	"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
-sincerely, extremely dangerously.
-	They used dogs.  They used probes.  They used cardio plate crossoffs.
-They used teepers.  They used bribery.  They used stick tites.  They used
-intimidation.  They used torment.  They used torture.  They used finks.
-They used cops.  They used search and seizure.  They used fallaron.  They
-used betterment incentives.  They used finger prints.  They used the
-bertillion system.  They used cunning.  They used guile.  They used treachery.
-They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.  They used applied physics.
-They used techniques of criminology.  And what the hell, they caught him.
-		-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"
-%
 	Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes of Harvard Medical School inhaled ether
 at a time when it was popularly supposed to produce such mystical or
 "mind-expanding" experiences, much as LSD is supposed to produce such
@@ -1634,7 +1525,7 @@ him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon.
 She's a women who conks to stupor.
 	Upon reading a story about a man who throttled his mother-in-law, a
 man commented, "Sounds to me like a practical choker."
-	It's not the inital skirt length, it's the upcreep.
+	It's not the initial skirt length, it's the upcreep.
 	It's the theory of Jess Birnbaum, of Time magazine, that women with
 bad legs should stick to long skirts because they cover a multitude of shins.
 %
@@ -1656,7 +1547,7 @@ far to the corner and they have added a hill.  I have given up running for
 the bus; it leaves earlier than it used to.
 	It seems to me they are making the stairs steeper than in the old
 days.  And have you noticed the smaller print they use in the newspapers?
-	There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud anymore, as everbody
+	There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud anymore, as everybody
 speaks in such a low voice I can hardly hear them.
 	The material in dresses is so skimpy now, especially around the hips
 and waist, that it is almost impossible to reach one's shoelaces.  And the
@@ -1745,7 +1636,7 @@ had the same fiancee, and told him.  "Get out of our lives you rascal.  We'll
 teach you that you can't have your Kate and Edith, too."
 	A domineering man married a mere wisp of a girl.  He came back from
 his honeymoon a chastened man.  He'd become aware of the will of the wisp.
-	A young husband with an inferiorty complex insisted he was just a
+	A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a
 little pebble on the beach.  The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to
 save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
 %
@@ -1857,7 +1748,7 @@ hope in it.  Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,
 found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned
 the gun on himself!"
 	"Terrible," said Harry.  "But it could have been worse."
-	"How in hell," demanded his dumfounded friend, "could it possibly
+	"How in hell," demanded his dumbfounded friend, "could it possibly
 have been worse?"
 	"Well," said Harry, "if it had happened the night before, I'd be
 dead right now."
@@ -2048,7 +1939,7 @@ I think very probably he might be cured."
 things that are called the eyes, and which exist to make an agreeable soft
 depression in the face, are diseased, in the case of Bogota, in such a way
 as to affect his brain.  They are greatly distended, he has eyelashes, and
-his eyelids move, and cosequently his brain is in a state of constant
+his eyelids move, and consequently his brain is in a state of constant
 irritation and distraction."
 	"Yes?" said old Yacob.  "Yes?"
 	"And I think I may say with reasonable certainty that, in order
@@ -2069,7 +1960,7 @@ at present".
 myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing him
 immediately some absurdity in his proposition.  In answering I began by
 observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right,
-but in the present case there appeared or semed to me some difference, etc.
+but in the present case there appeared or seemed to me some difference, etc.
 	I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the
 conversations I engaged in went on more pleasantly.  The modest way in which I
 proposed my opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction.
@@ -2108,7 +1999,7 @@ closing the book.
 		-- Susan Brownmiller, "Against Our Will"
 %
 	[I plan] to see, hear, touch, and destroy everything in my path,
-including beets, rutabegas, and most random vegetables, but excluding yams,
+including beets, rutabagas, and most random vegetables, but excluding yams,
 as I am absolutely terrified of yams...
 	Actually, I think my fear of yams began in my early youth, when many
 of my young comrades pelted me with same for singing songs of far-off lands
@@ -2187,7 +2078,7 @@ I'm on my way."
 %
 	I'm sure that VMS is completely documented, I just haven't found the
 right manual yet.  I've been working my way through the manuals in the document
-library and I'm half way through the second cabnet, (3 shelves to go), so I
+library and I'm half way through the second cabinet, (3 shelves to go), so I
 should find what I'm looking for by mid May.  I hope I can remember what it
 was by the time I find it.
 	I had this idea for a new horror film, "VMS Manuals from Hell" or maybe
@@ -2237,7 +2128,7 @@ pie-bakers and pie-dividers is way out of whack."  Could Dick Butcher have
 been an efficiency expert?
 		-- Motor Trend, May 1983
 %
-	In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be
+	In the beginning, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be
 mud."
 	And there was mud.
 	And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud
@@ -2251,17 +2142,8 @@ man.  Mud-as-man alone could speak.
 	And He went away.
 		-- Kurt Vonnegut, Between Time and Timbuktu"
 %
-	In the beginning there was data.  The data was without form and
-null, and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of
-IBM was moving over the face of the market.  And DEC said, "Let there
-be registers"; and there were registers.  And DEC saw that they
-carried; and DEC separated the data from the instructions.  DEC called
-the data Stack, and the instructions they called Code.  And there was
-evening and there was morning, one interrupt.
-		-- Rico Tudor, "The Story of Creation or, The Myth of Urk"
-%
 	In the beginning there was only one kind of Mathematician, created by
-the Great Mathamatical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist.  And they grew to
+the Great Mathematical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist.  And they grew to
 large numbers and prospered.
 	One day they looked up in the heavens and desired to reach up as far
 as the eye could see.  So they set out in building a Mathematical edifice that
@@ -2270,7 +2152,7 @@ until one night the edifice collapsed under the weight of paradox.
 	The following morning saw only rubble where there once was a huge
 structure reaching to the heavens.  One by one, the Mathematicians climbed
 out from under the rubble.  It was a miracle that nobody was killed; but when
-they began to speak to one another, SUPRISE of all suprises! they could not
+they began to speak to one another, SURPRISE of all surprises! they could not
 understand each other.  They all spoke different languages.  They all fought
 amongst themselves and each went about their own way.  To this day the
 Topologists remain the original Mathematicians.
@@ -2294,12 +2176,12 @@ sat hacking at the PDP-6.
 	At this Minsky shut his eyes, and Sussman asked his teacher "Why do
 you close your eyes?"
 	"So that the room will be empty."
-	At that momment, Sussman was enlightened.
+	At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.
 %
 	In the east there is a shark which is larger than all other fish.  It
 changes into a bird whose winds are like clouds filling the sky.  When this
 bird moves across the land, it brings a message from Corporate Headquarters.
-This message it drops into the midst of the program mers, like a seagull
+This message it drops into the midst of the programmers, like a seagull
 making its mark upon the beach.  Then the bird mounts on the wind and, with
 the blue sky at its back, returns home.
 	The novice programmer stares in wonder at the bird, for he understands
@@ -2545,28 +2427,6 @@ back, every time, into a dying hunk of smelly meat!  But We can live
 forever, in a clean, honest, purified, Electroworld.
 		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
 %
-	Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL
-character named Jack.  Jack and his relations were poor.  Often their
-hash table was bare.  One day Jack's parent said to him, "Our matrices
-are sparse.  You must go to the market to exchange our RAM for some
-BASICs."  She compiled a linked list of items to retrieve and passed it
-to him.
-	So Jack set out.  But as he was walking along a Hamilton path,
-he met the traveling salesman.
-	"Whither dost thy flow chart take thou?" prompted the salesman
-in high-level language.
-	"I'm going to the market to exchange this RAM for some chips
-and Apples," commented Jack.
-	"I have a much better algorithm.  You needn't join a queue
-there; I will swap your RAM for these magic kernels now."
-	Jack made the trade, then backtracked to his house.  But when
-he told his busy-waiting parent of the deal, she became so angry she
-started thrashing.
-	"Don't you even have any artificial intelligence?  All these
-kernels together hardly make up one byte," and she popped them out the
-window...
-		-- Mark Isaak, "Jack and the Beanstack"
-%
 	Looking for a cool one after a long, dusty ride, the drifter strode
 into the saloon.  As he made his way through the crowd to the bar, a man
 galloped through town screaming, "Big Mike's comin'!  Run fer yer lives!"
@@ -2579,7 +2439,7 @@ guzzled in one gulp and then smashed on the bar.  He then stood aghast as
 the man stuffed the broken bottle in his mouth, munched broken glass and
 smacked his lips with relish.
 	"Can I, ah, uh, get you another, sir?" the drifter stammered.
-	"Naw, I gotta git outa here, boy," the man grunted.  "Big Mike's
+	"Naw, I gotta git outta here, boy," the man grunted.  "Big Mike's
 a-comin'."
 %
 	Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do,
@@ -2610,29 +2470,6 @@ the world it is best to hold hands and stick together.
 		-- Robert Fulghum, "All I ever really needed to know I learned
 		   in kindergarten"
 %
-	Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to
-do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.  Wisdom  was not at the top
-of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
-	These are the things I learned:  Share everything.  Play fair.
-Don't hit people.  Put things back where you found them.  Clean up your
-own mess.  Don't take things that aren't yours.  Say you're sorry when you
-hurt someone.  Wash your hands before you eat.  Flush.  Warm cookies and
-cold milk are good for you.  Live a balanced life.  Learn some and think
-some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day
-some.
-	Take a nap every afternoon.  When you go out into the world, watch
-for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.  Be aware of wonder.  Remember
-the little seed in the plastic cup.  The roots go down and the plant goes
-up and nobody really knows why, but we are all like that.
-[...]
-	Think of what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole
-world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay
-down with our blankets for a nap.   Or if we had a basic policy in our nation
-and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned
-up our own messes.  And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when
-you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
-		-- Robert Flughum
-%
 	Mother seemed pleased by my draft notice.  "Just think of all the
 people in England, they've chosen you, it's a great honour, son."
 	Laughingly I felled her with a right cross.
@@ -2673,13 +2510,13 @@ spits in the sergeants face.
 	"Murray!" Esther cries.  "Please!  Don't make trouble."
 		-- Arthur Naiman
 %
-	My friends, I am here to tell you of the wonderous continent known as
+	My friends, I am here to tell you of the wondrous continent known as
 Africa.  Well we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 31.
 We were 15 days on the water, and 3 on the boat when we finally arrived in
 Africa.  Upon our arrival we immediately set up a rigorous schedule:  Up at
 6:00, breakfast, and back in bed by 7:00.  Pretty soon we were back in bed by
 6:30.  Now Africa is full of big game.  The first day I shot two bucks.  That
-was the biggest game we had.  Africa is primerally inhabited by Elks, Moose
+was the biggest game we had.  Africa is primarily inhabited by Elks, Moose
 and Knights of Pithiests.
 	The elks live up in the mountains and come down once a year for their
 annual conventions.  And you should see them gathered around the water hole,
@@ -2688,7 +2525,7 @@ weren't looking for a water hole.  They were looking for an alck hole.
 	One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my
 pajamas, I don't know.  Then we tried to remove the tusks.  That's a tough
 word to say, tusks.  As I said we tried to remove the tusks, but they were
-imbedded so firmly we couldn't get them out.  But in Alabama the Tusks are
+embedded so firmly we couldn't get them out.  But in Alabama the Tusks are
 looser, but that is totally irrelephant to what I was saying.
 	We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed.
 So we're going back in a few years...
@@ -2726,7 +2563,7 @@ audience, either."
 	Never ask your lover if he'd dive in front of an oncoming train for
 you.  He doesn't know.  Never ask your lover if she'd dive in front of an
 oncoming band of Hell's Angels for you.  She doesn't know.  Never ask how many
-cigarettes your lover has smoked today.  Cancer is a personal committment.
+cigarettes your lover has smoked today.  Cancer is a personal commitment.
 	Never ask to see pictures of your lover's former lovers -- especially
 the ones who dived in front of trains.  If you look like one of them, you are
 repeating history's mistakes.  If you don't, you'll wonder what he or she saw
@@ -2806,16 +2643,6 @@ complimented the old-timer for his story. "You did wonderfully," he said,
 	"No sir," exclaimed the senior, "but I sure was afraid that durned
 lawyer was gonna ask me if my lantern was lit."
 %
-	On his first day as a bus driver, Maxey Eckstein handed in
-receipts of $65.  The next day his take was $67.  The third day's
-income was $62.  But on the fourth day, Eckstein emptied no less than
-$283 on the desk before the cashier.
-	"Eckstein!" exclaimed the cashier.  "This is fantastic.  That
-route never brought in money like this!  What happened?"
-	"Well, after three days on that cockamamy route, I figured
-business would never improve, so I drove over to Fourteenth Street and
-worked there.  I tell you, that street is a gold mine!"
-%
 	On the day of his anniversary, Joe was frantically shopping
 around for a present for his wife.  He knew what she wanted, a
 grandfather clock for the living room, but he found the right one
@@ -3134,7 +2961,7 @@ body functions.
 	Penn's aunts made great apple pies at low prices.  No one else in
 town could compete with the pie rates of Penn's aunts.
 	During the American Revolution, a Britisher tried to raid a farm.  He
-stumbled across a rock on the ground and fell, whereupon an agressive Rhode
+stumbled across a rock on the ground and fell, whereupon an aggressive Rhode
 Island Red hopped on top.  Seeing this, the farmer commented, "Chicken catch
 a Tory!"
 	A wife started serving chopped meat, Monday hamburger, Tuesday meat
@@ -3484,7 +3311,7 @@ to the Berkeley UNIX version of `ls'?"
 %
 	Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas.  Five years later?
 Six?  It seems like a lifetime, or at least a Main Era -- the kind of peak that
-never comes again.  San Fransisco in the middle sixties was a very special time
+never comes again.  San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time
 and place to be a part of.  Maybe it meant something.  Maybe not, in the long
 run...  There was madness in any direction, at any hour.  If not across the
 Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda...  You could
@@ -3694,7 +3521,7 @@ hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, struggle against terrible odds,
 win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be
 reckoned with.
 %
-	The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on
+	The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on
 the subject of towels.
 	A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an
 interstellar hitchhiker can have.  Partly it has great practical value.
@@ -3914,17 +3741,6 @@ retreat.  Greater talent shows itself late in life.  Even a perfect program
 still has bugs.
 		-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 %
-	THE WOMBAT
-
-The wombat lives across the seas,
-Among the far Antipodes.
-He may exist on nuts and berries,
-Or then again, on missionaries;
-His distant habitat precludes
-Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
-But I would not engage the wombat
-In any form of mortal combat.
-%
 	The world's most avid baseball fan (an Aggie) had arrived at the
 stadium for the first game of the World Series only to realize he had left
 his ticket at home.  Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went
@@ -4053,7 +3869,7 @@ appropriate for the master is not appropriate for the novice.  You must
 understand the Tao before transcending structure."
 		-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 %
-	There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessan.  Seems one
+	There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessen.  Seems one
 day he decided to stop in downstairs for some fresh liver.  Well, the owner
 of the deli was a bit of a cheap-skate, and decided to pick up a little extra
 change at his customer's expense.  Turning quietly to the counterman, he
@@ -4077,7 +3893,7 @@ they're carrying upstairs!"
 %
 	There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnapped
 three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked 
-each of them in seperate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
+each of them in separate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
 can opener.
 	A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's
 cell and found it long empty.  The engineer had constructed a can opener from
@@ -4152,11 +3968,11 @@ demands from him more than his utmost strength, that absorbs him, bone and
 sinew and brain and hope and fear and dreams -- and still calls for more.
 	They are fools that think otherwise.  No great effort was ever bought.
 No painting, no music, no poem, no cathedral in stone, no church, no state was
-ever raised into being for payment of any kind.  No parthenon, no Thermopylae
+ever raised into being for payment of any kind.  No Parthenon, no Thermopylae
 was ever built or fought for pay or glory; no Bukhara sacked, or China ground
 beneath Mongol heel, for loot or power alone.  The payment for doing these
 things was itself the doing of them.
-	To wield onself -- to use oneself as a tool in one's own hand -- and
+	To wield oneself -- to use oneself as a tool in one's own hand -- and
 so to make or break that which no one else can build or ruin -- THAT is the
 greatest pleasure known to man!  To one who has felt the chisel in his hand
 and set free the angel prisoned in the marble block, or to one who has felt
@@ -4262,19 +4078,6 @@ was Carmen or Cohen.
 since, he's been talking about the good old dais.  His students planted a small
 orchard in his honor, the trees all have square roots.
 %
-	"Verily and forsooth," replied Goodgulf darkly.  "In the past year
-strange and fearful wonders I have seen.  Fields sown with barley reap
-crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their artichoke hearts.
-There has been a hot day in December and a blue moon.  Calendars are made with
-a month of Sundays and a blue-ribbon Holstein bore alive two insurance
-salesmen.  The earth splits and the entrails of a goat were found tied in
-square knots.  The face of the sun blackens and the skies have rained down
-soggy potato chips."
-	"But what do all these things mean?" gasped Frito.
-	"Beats me," said Goodgulf with a shrug,
-"but I thought it made good copy."
-		-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
-%
 	Vice-President Hubert Humphrey's loquacity is legendary, and Barry
 Goldwater notes that "Hubert has been clocked at 275 words a minute with gusts
 up to 340."
@@ -4289,10 +4092,6 @@ are just like [Lyndon Johnson's] programs.  They look good but they don't
 work."
 		-- Bill Adler, "The Washington Wits"
 %
-	WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
-
-Firings will continue until morale improves.
-%
 	We don't claim Interactive EasyFlow is good for anything -- if you
 think it is, great, but it's up to you to decide.  If Interactive EasyFlow
 doesn't work: tough.  If you lose a million because Interactive EasyFlow
@@ -4525,7 +4324,7 @@ it does.  We call it a two-by-four."
 		-- "Shoe", Jeff MacNelly
 %
 	When, in 1964, New Hampshire Republican Senator Norris Cotton announced
-his support of Bary Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was
+his support of Barry Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was
 questioned as to whether this indicated a change of his hitherto "liberal"
 political views.
 	"Well," explained Cotton, "it's like the New Hampshire farmer.  He was
@@ -4821,7 +4620,7 @@ you are young.
     ***
   *******
  *********
- ****** Confucious say: "Is stuffy inside fortune cookie."
+ ****** Confucius say: "Is stuffy inside fortune cookie."
   *******
     ***
 %
@@ -4909,7 +4708,7 @@ Note that LET *could* have been defined by:
 This is believed to speed up execution by as much as a factor of 1.01 or
 3.50 depending on whether you believe our friendly marketing representatives.
 This code was written by a new programmer here (we snatched him away from
-Itty Bitti Machines where we was writting COUGHBOL code) so to give him
+Itty Bitti Machines where we was writing COUGHBOL code) so to give him
 confidence we trusted his vows of "it works pretty well" and installed it.
 %
 ===  ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE  ========================
@@ -5121,7 +4920,7 @@ civilization began has seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price
 gain in 30 years.
 		-- Fred Brooks
 %
-... difference of opinion is advantagious in religion.  The several sects
+... difference of opinion is advantageous in religion.  The several sects
 perform the office of a common censor morum over each other.  Is uniformity
 attainable?  Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the
 introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned;
@@ -5206,11 +5005,11 @@ What's that?  A chartreuse flamethrower?"
 -- Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be well advised
 	to refrain from catapulting projectiles.
 -- Neophyte's serendipity.
--- Exclusive dedication to necessitious chores without interludes of hedonistic
+-- Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic
 	diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
 -- A revolving concretion of earthy or mineral matter accumulates no congeries
 	of small, green bryophytic plant.
--- Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential escallation
+-- Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential escalation
 	of a lucrative nature.
 -- Missiles of ligneous or osteal consistency have the potential of fracturing
 	osseous structure, but appellations will eternally remain innocuous.
@@ -5218,21 +5017,21 @@ What's that?  A chartreuse flamethrower?"
 ** MAXIMUM TERMINALS ACTIVE.  TRY AGAIN LATER **
 %
 -- Neophyte's serendipity.
--- Exclusive dedication to necessitious chores without interludes of
+-- Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of
 	hedonistic diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
 -- A revolving concretion of earthy or mineral matter accumulates no
 	congeries of small, green bryophytic plant.
 -- The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the
 	optimal cachinnation.
 -- Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential
-	escallation of a lucrative nature.
+	escalation of a lucrative nature.
 -- Missiles of ligneous or osteal consistency have the potential of
 	fracturing osseous structure, but appellations will eternally
 	remain innocuous.
 %
 *** NEWS FLASH ***
 
-Archeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain cavity of fossilized dinosaur
+Archaeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain cavity of fossilized dinosaur
 skeleton!  Many Digital users fear that RSX-11M may be even more primitive
 than DEC admits.  Price adjustments at 11:00.
 %
@@ -5262,7 +5061,7 @@ awareness of the great goals for Man and the society he conspired to erect.
 	canine with innovative maneuvers.
 -- Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
 -- The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly
-	galled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Farenheit.
+	galled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
 %
 ... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks.  Generally, their
 procedure is to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as
@@ -5320,7 +5119,7 @@ discuss our recent efforts to apply wisdom engineering to oil exploration.
 	optimal cachinnation.
 -- Eleemosynary deeds have their initial incidence intramurally.
 %
-... there are about 5,000 people who are part of that commitee.  These guys
+... there are about 5,000 people who are part of that committee.  These guys
 have a hard time sorting out what day to meet, and whether to eat croissants
 or doughnuts for breakfast -- let alone how to define how all these complex
 layers that are going to be agreed upon.
@@ -5409,8 +5208,6 @@ The doctor puts his hand on Pa Carrot's shoulder and solemnly looks him in
 the eye.  "Your son will live... but... he'll be a vegetable for the rest of
 his life."
 %
-!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I  !pleH
-%
 1:	A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
 2:	An inclined plane is a slope up.
 3:	A slow pup is a lazy dog.
@@ -5453,14 +5250,6 @@ QED: A sheet of paper is a lazy dog.
 [4] Four is an even number.
 [5] Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
 [6] The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
-	Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.
-%
-[1] Alexander the Great was a great general.
-[2] Great generals are forewarned.
-[3] Forewarned is forearmed.
-[4] Four is an even number.
-[5] Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
-[6] The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
 	Therefore, all horses are black.
 %
 1. Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.
@@ -5504,10 +5293,6 @@ The amount of beauty required launch 1 ship	= 1 Millihelen
 %
 1 bulls, 3 cows.
 %
-1) Everything depends.
-2) Nothing is always.
-3) Everything is sometimes.
-%
 1) Never draw what you can copy.
 2) Never copy what you can trace.
 3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
@@ -5548,8 +5333,8 @@ you have to (always catch the buyer hungry and always make him wait).
  3. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
  4. A beer doesn't give a [expletive deleted] if you keep a bunch of
 	other beers on the side.
- 5. A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of
-	"doberperson".
+ 5. A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "Doberman" instead of
+	"Doberperson".
  6. A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian
 	folk music on yer fave radio station.
  7. A beer understands why The Three Stooges are funny.
@@ -5559,24 +5344,10 @@ you have to (always catch the buyer hungry and always make him wait).
 	enormous can of vegetable juice.
 10. A beer won't smoke in your car.
 %
-100 buckets of bits on the bus
-100 buckets of bits
-Take one down, short it to ground
-FF buckets of bits on the bus
-
-FF buckets of bits on the bus
-FF buckets of bits
-Take one down, short it to ground
-FE buckets of bits on the bus...
-
-ad infinitum...
-%
 $100 placed at 7 percent interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will
 increase to more than $100,000,000 -- by which time it will be worth nothing.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"
 %
-10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
-%
 1/2 oz. gin
 1/2 oz. vodka
 1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark)
@@ -5613,9 +5384,6 @@ of life insurance coverage you did for half the price when yours is
 noncancellable.
 		-- Esquire, May 1977
 %
-186,000 miles per second:
-It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
-%
 1893 The ideal brain tonic
 1900 Drink Coca-Cola -- delicious and refreshing -- 5 cents at all
 	soda fountains
@@ -5656,11 +5424,6 @@ It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
 
 2nd graffitiest: Why?
 %
-$3,000,000.
-%
-355/113 --
-	Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation.
-%
 3M, under the Scotch brand name, manufactures a fine adhesive for art
 and display work.  This product is called "Craft Mount".  3M suggests
 that to obtain the best results, one should make the bond "while the
@@ -5669,10 +5432,6 @@ tacky" meant until I read today's fortune.
 
 		[And who said we didn't offer equal time, huh? Ed.]
 %
-3rd Law of Computing:
-	Anything that can go wr
-fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
-%
 40 isn't old.  If you're a tree.
 %
 4.2 BSD UNIX #57: Sun Jun 1 23:02:07 EDT 1986
@@ -5711,42 +5470,17 @@ Monday at 9 AM".  Everything goes dark...
 1/2 oz. Galliano
 		Harvey Wallbangers
 %
-7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
-	The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
-	Redwood Forest.
-
-7:30, Channel 8: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
-	The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
-	Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
-%
 90% of the work takes 90% of the time.
 The remaining 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
 %
 94% of the women in America are beautiful
 and the rest hang out around here.
 %
-99 blocks of crud on the disk,
-99 blocks of crud!
-You patch a bug, and dump it again:
-100 blocks of crud on the disk!
-
-100 blocks of crud on the disk,
-100 blocks of crud!
-You patch a bug, and dump it again:
-101 blocks of crud on the disk!
-%
 A  truly great man will neither trample on a worm nor sneak to an emperor.
 		-- B. Franklin
 %
-A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice
-at one end and no responsibility at the other.
-%
 A bachelor is a man who never made the same mistake once.
 %
-A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy
-who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
-		-- Don Quinn
-%
 A bachelor is an unaltared male.
 %
 A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty
@@ -5760,10 +5494,6 @@ A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and
 ask for it back the when it begins to rain.
 		-- Robert Frost
 %
-A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the
-sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 A beautiful woman is a blessing from Heaven, but a good cigar is a smoke.
 		-- Kipling
 %
@@ -5799,10 +5529,6 @@ The computer scientist : "Oh, no!  A special case!"
 A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
 		-- Cervantes
 %
-A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
-%
-A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
-%
 A bit of talcum
 Is always walcum
 		-- Ogden Nash
@@ -5829,9 +5555,6 @@ resource centers along the roads.
 A bore is a man who talks so much about
 himself that you can't talk about yourself.
 %
-A bore is someone who persists in holding his
-own views after we have enlightened him with ours.
-%
 A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
 %
 A box without hinges, key, or lid,
@@ -5845,9 +5568,6 @@ of turning around three times before lying down.
 A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
 		-- John Steinbeck
 %
-A budget is just a method of worrying 
-before you spend money, as well as afterward.
-%
 A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
 %
 A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
@@ -5876,12 +5596,9 @@ is to make a copy of everything before he destroys it.
 A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.
 		-- Paul Valery
 %
-"A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAIQURI!!"
+"A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAIQUIRI!!"
 		-- Zippy the Pinhead
 %
-A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich
-and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
-%
 A cannibal warrior is experiencing severe gastric distress, so he goes
 to his Village Witch Doctor with his complaint.  The VWD examines him
 and, concluding that something he ate disagreed with him, began to cross
@@ -5910,8 +5627,6 @@ A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith
 does not prove anything.
 		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
 %
-A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
-%
 A certain amount of opposition is a help, not a hindrance.
 Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
 %
@@ -5922,7 +5637,7 @@ invariably sat silent.  The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
 and a moonlit night.  One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and 
 asked the same question.  In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop 
 between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex 
-string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk.  At that moment, the monk 
+string which he proffered wordlessly to the monk.  At that moment, the monk 
 was enlightened. 
 
 From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue.  Instead, he made string after 
@@ -5958,11 +5673,6 @@ and a half."
 %
 A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
 %
-A child can go only so far in life without potty training.  It is not mere
-coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not
-to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on
 Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
 		-- Thomas Ybarra
@@ -5970,26 +5680,12 @@ Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
 A chronic disposition to inquiry
 deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
 %
-A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit 
-will approach you soon.  Avoid him.  He's a Commie.
-%
-A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
-won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
-		-- Bill Vaughan
-%
-A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
-		-- Herbert Prochnow
-%
 A clash of doctrine is not a disaster - it is an opportunity.
 %
-A classic is something that everyone wants to have read
-and nobody wants to read.
 		-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
 %
 A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
 %
-A closed mouth gathers no foot.
-%
 A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such
 a speed, if feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now.  But the
 sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will
@@ -6020,7 +5716,7 @@ A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOR FOR PATIENTS:
 	It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be
 	explained in terms that you would understand.
 
-6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMANTAL TREATMENT READILY.
+6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY.
 	Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting
 	research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
 %
@@ -6076,7 +5772,7 @@ with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla.
 %
 A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling
 the president one of the latest talking computers.
-Salesman:	"This machine knows everything. I can ask it any quesstion
+Salesman:	"This machine knows everything. I can ask it any question
 		and it'll give the correct answer.  Computer, what is the
 		speed of light?"
 Computer:	186,000 miles per second.
@@ -6095,15 +5791,10 @@ A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
 A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate
 cake without ketchup and mustard.
 %
-A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
-%
 A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can
 do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
-A CONS is an object which cares.
-		-- Bernie Greenberg.
-%
 A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
 		-- Elbert Hubbard
 %
@@ -6119,9 +5810,6 @@ A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
 %
 A couch is as good as a chair.
 %
-A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
-		-- B. Franklin
-%
 A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the
 beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden.  Immediately,
 one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods
@@ -6168,19 +5856,12 @@ A "critic" is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels
 qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic
 in this; he is unbiased -- he hates all creative people equally.
 %
-A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
-		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
-%
-A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
-%
 A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
 %
 A day without sunshine is like a day without Anita Bryant.
 %
 A day without sunshine is like a day without orange juice.
 %
-A day without sunshine is like night.
-%
 A dead man cannot bite.
 		-- Gnaeus Pompeius (Pompey)
 %
@@ -6199,9 +5880,6 @@ is high.  San Salvador is closer to Saigon than to Munich.
 A Difficulty for Every Solution.
 		-- Motto of the Federal Civil Service
 %
-A diplomat is a man who can convince his
-wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
-%
 A diplomat is a man who can tell you to 
 go to hell and make the trip sound pleasurable.
 		-- Samuel Clemens
@@ -6241,9 +5919,6 @@ waters. The doctor tried to swim ashore but was eaten by the sharks. The
 lawyer, however, swam safely past the bloodthirsty sharks.  "Professional
 courtesy," he explained.
 %
-A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him
 what he meant.
 		-- Wilson Mizner
@@ -6269,17 +5944,6 @@ should be shot on sight.  Cassandra did not get half the kicking around
 she deserved.
 		-- R.A. Heinlein
 %
-A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox
-1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.  Wanting to help,
-the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network with the mouse, and asked
-"what do you see?"  Very earnestly, the Undergraduate replied, "I see a
-cursor."  The Hacker then quickly pressed the boot toggle at the back of
-the keyboard, while simultaneously hitting the Undergraduate over the head
-with a thick Interlisp Manual.  The Undergraduate was then Enlightened.
-%
-A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
 A farmer is a man outstanding in his field.
 %
 A feed salesman is on his way to a farm.  As he's driving along at forty
@@ -6305,9 +5969,9 @@ He was something of an animist, however, and felt that the car really ought
 to have a name.  This presented a problem, as he was not sure if the name
 should be masculine or feminine.
 	After considerable thought, he settled on an naming the car either
-Belchazar or Beaumadine, but remained in a quandry about the final choice.
+Belchazar or Beaumadine, but remained in a quandary about the final choice.
 	"Is a Nissan male or female?" he began asking his friends.  Most of
-them looked at him pecularly, mumbled things about urgent appointments, and
+them looked at him peculiarly, mumbled things about urgent appointments, and
 went on their way rather quickly.
 	He finally broached the question to a lady he knew who held a black
 belt in judo.  She thought for a moment and answered "Feminine."
@@ -6365,21 +6029,12 @@ A fool and your money are soon partners.
 A fool is a man who worries about whether or not his lover has integrity.
 A wise man, on the other hand, busies himself with deeper attributes.
 %
-A fool must now and then be right by chance.
-%
 A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
 		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
 A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
 of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
 %
-A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into
-superstition, and art into pedantry.  Hence University education.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
-		-- D. Gries
-%
 A Fortran compiler is the hobgoblin of little minis.
 %
 A fox is wolf who sends flowers.
@@ -6427,7 +6082,7 @@ Engineer: Well, I've invented a way to weave metallic threads into the saddle
 	  blanket so that they will act as the plates of a battery and provide
 	  electrical shock to the horse.
 G:	  That's very good!  But let's hear from the chemist.
-Chemist:  I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that disolves
+Chemist:  I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that dissolves
 	  into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore
 	  cannot be detected in post-race tests.
 G:	  Excellent, excellent!  But I want to hear from the physicist before
@@ -6448,11 +6103,6 @@ A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely a coincidence.  A girl and
 a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another coincidence.  But
 when a girl gives a boy a dead squid, *that had to mean SOMETHING!*
 %
-A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely an accident.
-A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
-But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *that had to mean something*.
-		-- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"
-%
 A girl with a future avoids the man with a past.
 		-- Evan Esar, "The Humor of Humor"
 %
@@ -6462,9 +6112,6 @@ A girl's best friend is her mutter.
 A girl's conscience doesn't really keep her from doing anything wrong--
 it merely keeps her from enjoying it.
 %
-A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like
-a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
-%
 A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
 Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game.
 The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it
@@ -6531,15 +6178,11 @@ A grammarian's life is always intense.
 A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
 		-- B. Franklin
 %
-A great many people think they are thinking
-when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
-		-- William James
-%
 A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head.  The
 green earflaps, full of large ears and uncut hair and the fine bristles that
-grew in the ears themselvse, stuck out on either side like turn signals
+grew in the ears themselves, stuck out on either side like turn signals
 indicating two directions at once.  Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the
-bushy black moustache and, at their corners, sank into little folds filled
+bushy black mustache and, at their corners, sank into little folds filled
 with disapproval and potato chip crumbs.  In the shadow under the green visor
 of the cap Ignatius J. Reilly's supercilious blue and yellow eyes looked down
 upon the other people waiting under the clock at the D.H. Holmes department
@@ -6639,30 +6282,6 @@ A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
 A hypocrite is a person who ... but who isn't?
 		-- Don Marquis
 %
-A hypothetical paradox:
-	What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team,
-who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial
-Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet?
-		-- Tom Galloway
-%
-A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
-C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
-E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
-G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
-I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
-K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
-M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
-O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
-Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
-S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
-U is for Una  who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
-W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
-Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
-		-- Edward Gorey "The Gastly Crumb Tines"
-%
-A is for Apple.
-		-- Hester Pryne
-%
 A is for awk, which runs like a snail, and
 B is for biff, which reads all your mail.
 C is for cc, as hackers recall, while
@@ -6706,9 +6325,6 @@ Earthen vessels
 Simply handed in through the window.
 There is certainly no blame in this.
 %
-A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
-		-- Robert Frost
-%
 A key to the understanding of all religions is that a God's idea of a
 good time is a game of Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
 %
@@ -6723,30 +6339,9 @@ A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised,
 for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when
 words are superfluous.
 %
-A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
-%
 A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.
 		-- Lillian Day
 %
-A lady with one of her ears applied
-To an open keyhole heard, inside,
-Two female gossips in converse free --
-The subject engaging them was she.
-"I think", said one, "and my husband thinks
-That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!"
-As soon as no more of it she could hear
-The lady, indignant, removed her ear.
-"I will not stay," she said with a pout,
-"To hear my character lied about!"
-		-- Gopete Sherany
-%
-A language that doesn't affect the way you
-think about programming is not worth knowing.
-%
-A language that doesn't have everything is
-actually easier to program in than some that do.
-		-- D.M. Ritchie
-%
 A lanky Texan was mad because Texas had just become the second largest state in
 the Union, so he made up his mind to move to Alaska.  He drove for three days
 and three nights to get there and finally he came to what looked like the state
@@ -6768,10 +6363,6 @@ with his clothes almost torn off and his face scratched and bloody.  He was
 smiling happily.  "Now," he roared, "where's that damn Eskimo woman you
 want killed?"
 %
-A large number of installed systems work by fiat.
-That is, they work by being declared to work.
-		-- Anatol Holt
-%
 A large spider in an old house built a beautiful web in which to catch flies.
 Every time a fly landed on the web and was entangled in it the spider devoured
 him, so that when another fly came along he would think the web was a safe and
@@ -6788,10 +6379,6 @@ to the flypaper with all the other flies.
 Moral:  There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
 		-- James Thurber, "The Fairly Intelligent Fly"
 %
-A Law of Computer Programming:
-	Make it possible for programmers to write in English
-	and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
-%
 A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
 		-- Robert Frost
 %
@@ -6817,10 +6404,6 @@ A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
 A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
 		-- Aristotle
 %
-A LISP programmer knows the value of
-everything, but the cost of nothing.
-		-- Alan Perlis
-%
 A list is only as strong as its weakest link.
 		-- Don Knuth
 %
@@ -6829,9 +6412,6 @@ A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
 A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.
 		-- C.E. Ayres
 %
-A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-		-- H.H. Munro, "Saki"
-%
 A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa, you know when I'm bad
 right?"  And Santa says, "Yes, I do."  The little kid then asks, "And you
 know when I'm sleeping?" To which Santa replies, "Every minute." So the
@@ -6856,20 +6436,11 @@ What am I?
 %
 A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
 %
-A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
-%
-A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.
-Buy the negatives at any price.
-%
 A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
 %
 A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.
 		-- Steve Wright
 %
-A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking,
-and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.
-		-- Lew Col
-%
 A lover without indiscretion is no lover at all.
 		-- Thomas Hardy
 %
@@ -7025,12 +6596,6 @@ His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
 %
 A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
 %
-A man said to the Universe:
-	"Sir, I exist!"
-	"However," replied the Universe,
-	"the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."
-		-- Stephen Crane
-%
 A man took his wife deer hunting for the first time.  After he'd given her
 some basic instructions, they agreed to separate and rendezvous later.  Before
 he left, he warned her if she should fell a deer to be wary of hunters who
@@ -7107,8 +6672,6 @@ turn be analyzed and prevented by predicting that it would occur, then man
 would deliberately go mad to prove his point.
 		-- Feodor Dostoevsky, "Notes From the Underground"
 %
-A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
-%
 A man's best friend is his dogma.
 %
 A man's gotta know his limitations.
@@ -7151,23 +6714,10 @@ A memorandum is written not to inform the reader,
 but to protect the writer.
 		-- Dean Acheson
 %
-A method of solution is perfect if we can forsee from the start,
+A method of solution is perfect if we can foresee from the start,
 and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.
 		-- Leibnitz
 %
-A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed
-on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new
-game.  Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
-pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly
-along it at the water's edge.  Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their
-heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn
-around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite
-direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
-paper reports "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
-colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
-fall over gently onto their backs.
-		-- Audobon Society Magazine
-%
 A mighty creature is the germ,
 Though smaller than the pachyderm.
 His customary dwelling place
@@ -7247,15 +6797,6 @@ same speed as he was going towards the ground.  As they passed each other at
 	The reply came, fading towards the end, "NO!  DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
 ABOUT COLEMAN STOVES?"
 %
-A new koan:
-	If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
-	If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
-It is an ice cream koan.
-%
-A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary.
-Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a `round tuit'
-now has no excuse for further procrastination.
-%
 A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow.  The time
 had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had
 come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to
@@ -7342,8 +6883,6 @@ His Master is kind,
 Answering his FAQ quickly,
 With thought and sarcasm.
 %
-A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
-%
 A pain in the ass of major dimensions.
 		-- C.A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits
 %
@@ -7359,9 +6898,6 @@ A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on.
 %
 A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
 %
-A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
-		-- Gloria Steinem
-%
 A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
 %
 "A penny for your thoughts?"
@@ -7372,8 +6908,6 @@ A penny saved has not been spent.
 %
 A penny saved is a penny taxed.
 %
-A penny saved is ridiculous.
-%
 A penny saved kills your career in government.
 %
 A people living under the perpetual menace of war and invasion is very easy to
@@ -7391,8 +6925,6 @@ unspoken admiration, what a monster, I say, would such a female be!
 %
 A person forgives only when they are in the wrong.
 %
-A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
-%
 A person who has both feet planted firmly
 in the air can be safely called a liberal.
 %
@@ -7406,9 +6938,6 @@ schooled in machine language, since it is a fundamental part of a computer.
 A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.
 		-- Elbert Hubbard
 %
-A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms.
-		-- George Wald
-%
 A pickup with three guys in it pulls into the lumber yard.  One of the men
 gets out and goes into the office.
 	"I need some four-by-two's," he says.
@@ -7425,17 +6954,6 @@ check," he says.
 conversation.  The guy comes back into the office.  "A long time," he says,
 "we're building a house".
 %
-A pig is a jolly companion,
-Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
-A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale, 
-Though mountains may topple and tilt.
-When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
-When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
-Though you may be thrown over by Tabby and Rover,
-You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig,
-You'll never go wrong with a pig!
-		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
-%
 A pipe gives a wise man time to think
 and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
 %
@@ -7498,24 +7016,6 @@ A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.
 A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil. 
 Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies."
 %
-A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
-
-	And the Master answered:
-	It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence.
-It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs.
-
-	It is that which has caused nations to build byways from City
-to City upon which carts and coaches pass, and alongside which inns
-have come to be built to stave off Hunger, Thirst and Weariness.
-
-	And that is Fate?  said the priest.
-
-	Fate... I thought you said Freight, responded the Master.
-
-	That's all right, said the priest.  I wanted to know
-what Freight was too.
-		-- Kehlog Albran
-%
 A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.
 		-- George Eliot
 %
@@ -7526,18 +7026,6 @@ asks you not to kill him.
 A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
 		-- Miguel de Cervantes
 %
-A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
-%
-A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of
-being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of
-incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague 
-assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents 
-and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of 
-dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
-annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was
-unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
-		-- IEEE Grid newsmagazine
-%
 A programming language is low level
 when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.
 %
@@ -7568,15 +7056,6 @@ A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions
 your wife asks you for nothing.
 		-- Joey Adams
 %
-A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
-your wife will give you for free.
-%
-A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as
-"you could blow it in" may be blown in.  This rule does not apply if
-the ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants
-to make a travesty of the game.
-		-- Donald A. Metz
-%
 A rabbi and a priest are sitting together on a train, and the rabbi leans
 over and asks, "So, how high can you advance in your organization?"
 	The priest replies, "Well, if I am lucky, I guess I could become a
@@ -7587,7 +7066,7 @@ might be made an Archbishop."
 	"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
 	"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
 	"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?"
-	Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I supose that I could
+	Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I suppose that I could
 be elected Pope, but only if it's God's will."
 	"And could you be anything higher than that, is there any way to go
 up from being the Pope?"
@@ -7623,14 +7102,6 @@ A real friend is someone you can use over and over again.
 A real gentleman never takes bases unless he really has to.
 		-- Overheard in an algebra lecture.
 %
-A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking
-ticket and rejoices that the system works.
-%
-A recent study has found that concentrating on difficult off-screen
-objects, such as the faces of loved ones, causes eye strain in computer
-scientists.  Researchers into the phenomenon cite the added concentration
-needed to "make sense" of such unnatural three dimensional objects.
-%
 A rich man told me recently that a liberal is a man who tells other
 people what to do with their money.
 		-- Imamu Amiri Baraka (Leroi Jones)
@@ -7665,7 +7136,7 @@ banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey.
 The banana weighs two ounces per inch.  The rope is as long (in feet) as
 the age of the monkey (in years), and the weight of the monkey (in ounces)
 is the same as the age of the monkey's mother.  The combined age of the
-monkey and its mother is thirdy years.  One half of the weight of the monkey,
+monkey and its mother is thirty years.  One half of the weight of the monkey,
 plus the weight of the banana, is one forth as much as the weight of the
 weight and the weight of the rope.  The monkey's mother is half as old as
 the monkey will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she
@@ -7703,13 +7174,13 @@ I don't know what it's about.  I'm just the drummer.  Ask Peter.
 A Scholar asked his Master, "Master, would you advise me of a proper
 vocation?"
 	The Master replied, "Some men can earn their keep with the power of
-their minds.  Others must use thier strong backs, legs and hands.  This is
+their minds.  Others must use their strong backs, legs and hands.  This is
 the same in nature as it is with man.  Some animals acquire their food easily,
 such as rabbits, hogs and goats.  Other animals must fiercely struggle for
 their sustenance, like beavers, moles and ants.  So you see, the nature of
 the vocation must fit the individual.
 	"But I have no abilities, desires, or imagination, Master," the
-scholer sobbed.
+scholar sobbed.
 	Queried the Master... "Have you thought of becoming a salesperson?"
 %
 A scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and
@@ -7723,7 +7194,7 @@ the vexation of thinking.
 %
 A sense of desolation and uncertainty, of futility, of the baselessness
 of aspirations, of the vanity of endeavor, and a thirst for a life giving
-water which seems suddenly to have failed, are the signs in conciousness
+water which seems suddenly to have failed, are the signs in consciousness
 of this necessary reorganization of our lives.
 
 It is difficult to believe that this state of mind can be produced by the
@@ -7739,20 +7210,6 @@ worth committing.
 A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.
 		-- Don Marquis
 %
-A Severe Strain on the Credulity
-	As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the
-highest parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket
-is a practicable and therefore promising device. It is when one considers the
-multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one begins to doubt...
-for after the rocket quits our air and really starts on its journey, its
-flight would be neither accelerated nor maintained by the explosion of the
-charges it then might have left.  Professor Goddard, with his "chair" in
-Clark College and countenancing of the Smithsonian Institution, does not
-know the relation of action to re-action, and of the need to have something
-better than a vacuum against which to react... Of course he only seems to
-lack the knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.
-		-- New York Times Editorial, 1920
-%
 A sharper perspective on this matter is particularly important to feminist
 thought today, because a major tendency in feminism has constructed the
 problem of domination as a drama of female vulnerability victimized by male
@@ -7769,9 +7226,6 @@ is to substitute moral outrage for analysis.
 %
 A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
 %
-A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.
-		-- Prof. Steiner
-%
 A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
 		-- Joseph Stalin
 %
@@ -7815,10 +7269,6 @@ A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger.
 %
 A soft drink turneth away company.
 %
-A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg
-that looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 A song in time is worth a dime.
 %
 A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the
@@ -7866,17 +7316,6 @@ will be up to.  Individuals vary, but percentages remain constant.  So says
 the statistician."
 		-- Sherlock Holmes, "The Sign of Four"
 %
-A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-%
-A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-		-- O'Henry
-%
-A student, in hopes of understanding the Lambda-nature, came to Greenblatt.
-As they spoke a Multics system hacker walked by.  "Is it true", asked the
-student, "that PL-1 has many of the same data types as Lisp?"  Almost before
-the student had finished his question, Greenblatt shouted, "FOO!", and hit
-the student with a stick.
-%
 A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
 %
 A stunning blonde, but probably all bean dip above the eyebrows.
@@ -7943,13 +7382,6 @@ help?"
 A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
 		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Portrait of Mr. W.H."
 %
-A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything
-but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-A transistor protected by a fast-acting
-fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
-%
 A traveling salesman was driving past a farm when he saw a pig with three
 wooden legs executing a magnificent series of backflips and cartwheels.
 Intrigued, he drove up to the farmhouse, where he found an old farmer
@@ -7958,7 +7390,7 @@ sitting in the yard watching the pig.
 	"Sure is, son," the farmer replied.  "Why, two years ago, my daughter
 was swimming in the lake and bumped her head and damned near drowned, but that
 pig swam out and dragged her back to shore."
-	"Amazing!"  the salesman exlaimed.
+	"Amazing!"  the salesman exclaimed.
 	"And that's not the only thing.  Last fall I was cuttin' wood up on
 the north forty when a tree fell on me.  Pinned me to the ground, it did.  
 That pig run up and wiggled underneath that tree and lifted it off of me.
@@ -7972,22 +7404,12 @@ A true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother
 drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art.
 		-- Shaw
 %
-A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
-%
 A truly wise woman never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
 %
 A truth that's told with bad intent
 Beats all the lies you can invent.
 		-- William Blake
 %
-A university is what a college becomes
-when the faculty loses interest in students.
-		-- John Ciardi
-%
-A vacuum is a hell of a lot better
-than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
-		-- Tenessee Williams
-%
 A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
 		-- Samuel Goldwyn
 %
@@ -8005,9 +7427,6 @@ A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
 %
 A watched clock never boils.
 %
-A well adjusted person is one who makes
-the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
-%
 A well-known friend is a treasure.
 %
 A well-used door needs no oil on its hinges.
@@ -8034,27 +7453,6 @@ of a well than a fool can from a mountain top.
 A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
 		-- Chinese proverb
 %
-A witty saying proves nothing.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
-"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are recticent to admit,
-let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact remains that 
-there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, 
-completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It is for this group of
-beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells.
-It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club
-near your person at all times."
-		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
-%
-A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit,
-let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact remains that
-there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
-completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It is for this group of
-beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells.
-It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club
-near your person at all times.
-		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
-%
 A woman can look both moral and exciting -- if she also looks as if it
 were quite a struggle.
 		-- Edna Ferber
@@ -8164,8 +7562,6 @@ what he writes fiction.
 A yawn is a silent shout.
 		-- G.K. Chesterton
 %
-A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
-%
 A young girl once committed suicide because her mother refused her a new
 bonnet.  Coroner's verdict: "Death from excessive spunk."
 		-- Sacramento Daily Union, September 13, 1860
@@ -8214,13 +7610,6 @@ A: "A symphony is a very complex musical form, perhaps you should begin with
 Q: "But Herr Mozart, you were writing symphonies when you were 8 years old."
 A: "But I never asked anybody how."
 %
-A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive.
-%
-AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
-You brute!  Knock before entering a ladies room!
-%
-Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
-%
 Abbott's Admonitions:
 	1: If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
 	2: If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked
@@ -8291,8 +7680,6 @@ it enkindles the great.
 %
 Absence makes the heart forget.
 %
-Absence makes the heart go wander.
-%
 Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
 		-- Sextus Aurelius
 %
@@ -8300,23 +7687,11 @@ Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- of somebody else.
 %
 Absence makes the heart grow frantic.
 %
-ABSENT:
-	Exposed to the attacks of friends and
-	acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
-%
-ABSENTEE:
-	A person with an income who has had the forethought
-	to remove themselves from the sphere of exaction.
-%
 Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
 %
 Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it's out of date.)
 		-- Stafford Beer
 %
-ABSTAINER:
-	A weak person who yields to the
-	temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
-%
 Abstract:
 	This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group
 of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar
@@ -8331,15 +7706,7 @@ immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
 		   Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29,
 		   #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
 %
-ABSURDITY:
-	A statement or belief manifestly
-	inconsistent with one's own opinion.
-%
-Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
-because the stakes are so low.
-		-- Wallace Sayre
-%
-Academicians care, that's who.
+Academics care, that's who.
 %
 ACADEMY:
 	A modern school where football is taught.
@@ -8363,11 +7730,6 @@ religion; rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
 Western science.
 		-- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"
 %
-Accident:
-	A condition in which presence of mind is good,
-	but absence of body is better.
-		-- Foolish Dictionary
-%
 Accidentally Shot
 	Colonel Gray, of Petaluma, came near losing his life a few days ago,
 in a singular manner.  A gentleman with whom he was hunting attempted to
@@ -8375,15 +7737,6 @@ bring down a dove, but instead of doing so put the load of shot through the
 Colonel's hat.  One shot took effect in his forehead.
 		-- Sacramento Daily Union, April 20, 1861
 %
-Accidents cause History.
-
-If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the
-Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not
-have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil
-could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and
-the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 According to a recent and unscientific national survey, smiling is something
 everyone should do at least 6 times a day.  In an effort to increase the
 national average  (the US ranks third among the world's superpowers in
@@ -8399,53 +7752,23 @@ sheepish grin" comes from.
 According to all the latest reports,
 there was no truth in any of the earlier reports.
 %
-According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest:  "No person
-shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than
-fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening
-of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of
-the returns."
-%
 According to convention there is a sweet and a bitter, a hot and a cold,
 and according to convention, there is an order.  In truth, there are atoms
 and a void.
 		-- Democritus, 400 B.C.
 %
-According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
-		-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
-%
-According to the latest official figures,
-43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
-%
-According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
-America is the city of Pittsburgh.  The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
-Here in New York we really don't care too much.  Because we know that we could
-beat up their city anytime.
-		-- David Letterman
-%
 According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
 America is the city of Pittsburgh.  The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
 Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
 beat up their city anytime. 
 		-- David Letterman
 %
-ACCORDION:
-	A bagpipe with pleats.
-%
-ACCURACY:
-	The vice of being right.
-%
-Acid -- better living through chemistry.
-%
-Acid absorbs 47 times its own weight in excess Reality.
-%
 Acquaintance, n:
 	A person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well
 	enough to lend to.  A degree of friendship called slight when the
 	object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
-Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
-%
 Acting is not very hard.  The most important things are to be able to laugh
 and cry.  If I have to cry, I think of my sex life.  And if I have to laugh,
 well, I think of my sex life.
@@ -8463,11 +7786,6 @@ Richard Burton		Richard Jenkins Jr.
 Roy Rogers		Leonard Slye
 Woody Allen		Allen Stewart Konigsberg
 %
-Actor:	So what do you do for a living?
-Doris:	I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving
-	dishes for Chinese restaurants.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
 Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.
 		-- Addison Mizner and Oliver Herford, "The Entirely
 		New Cynic's Calendar", 1905
@@ -8477,7 +7795,7 @@ Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.
 Actually, the probability is 100% that the elevator
 will be going in the right direction.  Proof by induction:
 
-N=1.	Trivialy true, since both you and the elevator
+N=1.	Trivially true, since both you and the elevator
 	only have one floor to go to.
 
 Assume true for N, prove for N+1:
@@ -8489,21 +7807,6 @@ QED.
 %
 Ad astra per aspera.  (To the stars by aspiration.)
 %
-ADA:
-	Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
-	Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop
-	an ADA awareness.
-		-- "Datamation", January 15, 1984
-%
-ADA:
-	Something you need to know the name of to be an Expert in Computing.
-	Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness."
-%
-ADA, n.:
-	Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
-Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
-awareness."
-%
 Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit.
 [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]
 		-- Ovid
@@ -8532,18 +7835,6 @@ Adler's Distinction:
 	Language is all that separates us from the lower animals,
 	and from the bureaucrats.
 %
-ADMIRATION:
-	Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-%
-ADOLESCENCE:
-	The stage between puberty and adultery.
-%
-ADORE:
-	To venerate expectantly.
-%
-ADULT:
-	One old enough to know better.
-%
 Adults die young.
 %
 Advancement in position.
@@ -8583,7 +7874,7 @@ Fuchsia:		Fast
 Gardenia:		Secret, untold love
 Honeysuckle:		Bonds of love
 Ivy:			Friendship, fidelity, marriage
-Jasmine:		Amiablity, transports of joy, sensuality
+Jasmine:		Amiability, transports of joy, sensuality
 Leaves (dead):		Melancholy
 Lilac:			Youthful innocence
 Lilly:			Purity, sweetness
@@ -8630,10 +7921,6 @@ And you learn and learn
 With every goodbye you learn.
 		-- Veronic Shoffstall, "Comes the Dawn"
 %
-After all, all he did was string together
-a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-		-- H.L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
-%
 After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
 %
 After all, it is only the mediocre who are always at their best.
@@ -8645,45 +7932,11 @@ Need we say it was not love,
 Just because it perished?
 		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
 %
-After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party?  Surely not for
-you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply
-sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
-		-- P.J. O'Rourke
-%
-After an instrument has been assembled,
-extra components will be found on the bench.
-%
 After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the
 month than you did before.
 %
-After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names
-have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp,
-James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.  These pioneers conducted many important
-electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780 Luigi Galvani discovered (this
-is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg
-of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even
-though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.
-Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian
-medicine.  Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been
-seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and
-watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact
-that it sinks like a stone.
-		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
-%
-After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from
-Heaven.  As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought,
-and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon
-to be created."
-	"This is true," He replied.
-	"He will need laws," said the Demon slyly.
-	"What!  You, his appointed Enemy for all Time!  You ask for the
-right to make his laws?"
-	"Oh, no!" Satan replied, "I ask only that he be allowed to make
-his own."
-	It was so granted.
-%
 After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, 
-claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life
+claiming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life
 in a wheelchair.  Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his
 bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable  of walking, the
 judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000.
@@ -8696,9 +7949,6 @@ perjury.  Here's the money.  What do you intend to do with it?"
 Stockholm, Berlin, Rome, Athens and, finally, to a place called Lourdes --
 where, gentlemen, you'll see yourselves one hell of a miracle."
 %
-After living in New York, you trust nobody,
-but you believe everything.  Just in case.
-%
 ...[after the announcement of Vanguard] ... Secretary of Defense Charles
 Wilson (the same "Engine Charlie" who once told the Senate, "[F]or years
 I've thought that what was good for our country was good for General Motors,
@@ -8718,9 +7968,6 @@ with which the shirts could be used as surrender flags.  Some Iraqi soldiers
 carried bleach with them to make their dark shirts white.
 		-- Chuck Shepherd, Funny Times, May 1991
 %
-After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
-cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
-%
 After this was written there appeared a remarkable posthumous memoir that
 throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments.  Harvey
 Fletcher (1884-1981), who was a graduate student at the University of Chicago,
@@ -8763,12 +8010,6 @@ indeed, arroz in Spanish Harlem.
 %
 After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!
 %
-AFTERNOON:
-	That part of the day we spend worrying
-	about how we wasted the morning.
-%
-Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.
-%
 Against Idleness and Mischief
 
 How doth the little busy bee		How skillfully she builds her cell!
@@ -8842,8 +8083,6 @@ AIR:
 Air Force Inertia Axiom:
 	Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
 %
-Air is water with holes in it.
-%
 Air pollution is really making us pay through the nose.
 %
 Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.
@@ -8861,9 +8100,6 @@ as relevant as the question of whether submarines can swim.
 Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
 		-- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
 %
-Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
-		-- Oscar Wilde [as he sipped champagne on his deathbed]
-%
 ALASKA:
 	A prelude to "No."
 %
@@ -8884,28 +8120,6 @@ The surest poison is time.
 Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-Alden's Laws:
-	(1)  Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
-	     of pregnancy.
-	(2)  Always be backlit.
-	(3)  Sit down whenever possible.
-%
-Alden's Laws:
-	1: Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
-	   of pregnancy.
-	2: Always be backlit.
-	3: Sit down whenever possible.
-%
-Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
-Aleph-null bottles of beer,
-You take one down, and pass it around,
-Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
-%
-Alex Haley was adopted!
-%
-Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well
-in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone.
-%
 Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was
 the closest our country has ever been to being even.
 	-- The Best of Will Rogers
@@ -8924,10 +8138,6 @@ ALGORITHM:
 %
 Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
 %
-Alimony is a system by which, when two people
-make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.
-		-- Peggy Joyce
-%
 Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
 		-- Arthur Baer
 %
@@ -8959,10 +8169,6 @@ All constants are variables.
 All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.
 		-- Chou En Lai
 %
-All flesh is grass.
-		-- Isaiah
-Smoke a friend today.
-%
 All generalizations are false, including this one.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
@@ -8988,8 +8194,6 @@ to the future.  Never his mind on where he was, on what he was doing.
 All hope abandon, ye who enter here!
 		-- Dante Alighieri
 %
-All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
-%
 All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard,
 ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
 		-- Kingfish
@@ -9015,9 +8219,6 @@ I want a bottle of Red Eye that's always filled,
 I like to have a cattle ranch in Beverly Hills.
 		-- Country Joe and the Fish, "Zachariah"
 %
-All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
 All intelligent species own cats.
 %
 All is fear in love and war.
@@ -9061,9 +8262,6 @@ and exaggerated sense of their own importance.
 %
 All most people want is a little more than they'll ever get.
 %
-All my friends and I are crazy.
-That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
-%
 All my friends are getting married,
 Yes, they're all growing old,
 They're all staying home on the weekend,
@@ -9117,15 +8315,6 @@ the result is indisputable:  "This time it will surely run," or "I just found
 the last bug."
 		-- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
 %
-All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
-%
-All progress is based upon a universal innate desire of every organism
-to live beyond its income.
-		-- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
-%
-All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
-		-- Ernest Rutherford
-%
 All seems condemned in the long run
 to approximate a state akin to Gaussian noise.
 		-- James Martin
@@ -9133,8 +8322,6 @@ to approximate a state akin to Gaussian noise.
 All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands.
 		-- Saint Patrick
 %
-All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
-%
 All that glitters has a high refractive index.
 %
 All that glitters is not gold; all that wander are not lost.
@@ -9149,14 +8336,6 @@ Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
 The crownless again shall be king.
 	        -- J.R.R. Tolkien
 %
-All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too,
-provided you use them for business purposes.  For example, if you subscribe
-to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct
-the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S.  Supreme Court Chief
-Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax decision: "Where else are you
-going to read the paper?  Outside?  What if it rains?"
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 All the evidence concerning the universe
 has not yet been collected, so there's still hope.
 %
@@ -9184,9 +8363,6 @@ But none was as great as
 All the men on my staff can type.
 		-- Bella Abzug
 %
-...all the modern inconveniences...
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
 		-- Grant Wood
 %
@@ -9208,19 +8384,11 @@ And shining morning face, creeping like slug
 Unwillingly to school.
 		-- A Very Annoyed PDP-11
 %
-All things are possible, except for skiing through a revolving door.
-%
 All things being equal, you are bound to lose.
 %
 All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
 		-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
 %
-All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money,
-it's for fun.  Money's just the way we keep score.
-		-- Henry Tyroon
-%
-All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
-%
 All warranty and guarantee clauses
 become null and void upon payment of invoice.
 %
@@ -9281,20 +8449,6 @@ bought it because I figured it was safe to buy IBM,'"  Mr. O'Neil says.
 "I said, 'No.  Wrong.  Game over.  Next contestant, please.'"
 		-- The Wall Street Journal, December 6, 1989
 %
-Although written many years ago, Lady Chatterley's Lover has just been
-reissued by the Grove Press, and this pictorial account of the day-to-day
-life of an English gamekeeper is full of considerable interest to outdoor
-minded readers, as it contains many passages on pheasant-raising, the
-apprehending of poachers, ways to control vermin, and other chores and duties
-of the professional gamekeeper.  Unfortunately, one is obliged to wade
-through many pages of extraneous material in order to discover and savour
-those sidelights on the management of a midland shooting estate, and in this
-reviewer's opinion the book cannot take the place of J.R. Miller's "Practical
-Gamekeeping."
-		-- Ed Zern, "Field and Stream", Nov., 1959
-%
-Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
-%
 Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
@@ -9317,23 +8471,9 @@ Always think of something new; this
 helps you forget your last rotten idea.
 		-- Seth Frankel
 %
-AMAZING BUT TRUE...
-	If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to
-	end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
-%
-AMAZING BUT TRUE...
-	There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it 
-	were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
-%
-AMBIDEXTROUS:
-	Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
-%
 AMBIGUITY:
 	Telling the truth when you don't mean to.
 %
-Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
-		-- Charlie McCarthy
-%
 Ambition, n:
 	An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while
 	living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
@@ -9361,7 +8501,7 @@ Liberties Union gets indignant, and I hope this will always be so.
 		 -- Senator Adlai E. Stevenson
 
 The ACLU has stood foursquare against the recurring tides of hysteria that
-from time to time threaten freedoms everyhere... Indeed, it is difficult
+from time to time threaten freedoms everywhere... Indeed, it is difficult
 to appreciate how far our freedoms might have eroded had it not been for the
 Union's valiant representation in the courts of the constitutional rights
 of people of all persuasions, no matter how unpopular or even despised
@@ -9371,23 +8511,8 @@ by the majority they were at the time.
 America is the country where you buy a lifetime
 supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
 %
-America may be unique in being a country which has leapt
-from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.
-		-- John O'Hara
-%
-America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until
-people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its
-name to "America".
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 America works less, when you say "Union Yes!"
 %
-American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees
-be honest and hardworking.  It has even stopped hoping for employees who
-are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room
-and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 American by birth; Texan by the grace of God.
 %
 American cars are made shoddily...
@@ -9489,16 +8614,6 @@ R:		"We take tanks."
 An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize
 the president but is always polite to traffic cops.
 %
-An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New
-Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not
-new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
-		-- David Letterman
-%
-An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
-New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but
-not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
-		-- David Letterman
-%
 An aphorism is never exactly true;
 it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.
 		-- Karl Kraus
@@ -9531,13 +8646,6 @@ this pure young man must be!"
 		-- W.S. Gilbert, "Patience"
 		[The subject of the humour is, of course, Oscar Wilde]
 %
-An attorney was defending his client against a charge of first-degree
-murder.  "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuff his lover's
-mutilated body into a suitcase and heading for the Mexican border.
-Just north of Tijuana a cop spotted her hand sticking out of the
-suitcase.  Now, I would like to stress that my client is *not* a
-murderer.  A sloppy packer, maybe..."
-%
 An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
 %
 An economist is a man who would marry
@@ -9567,8 +8675,6 @@ I've already paid them half of it."
 	"You owe the U.W.C. a *quarter million*?" the woman exclaimed
 euphorically.  "Don't worry, Harry, they'll find us!  They'll find us!"
 %
-An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
-%
 An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an
 anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt
 already heard.  After some observations and rough calculations the
@@ -9582,35 +8688,8 @@ trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.
 %
 An engineer is someone who does list processing in FORTRAN.
 %
-An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
-		-- A.P. Herbert
-%
 An evil mind is a great comfort.
 %
-An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch.  He wears
-a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is advertised
-only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and Rich
-Protestant Golfer Magazine.  The advertisements are written in
-incomplete sentences, which is how advertising copywriters denote
-excellence:
-
-"The Rolex Hyperion.  An elegant new standard in quality excellence and
-discriminating handcraftsmanship.  For the individual who is truly able
-to discriminate with regard to excellent quality standards of crafting
-things by hand.  Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold.  No watch
-parts or anything.  Just a great big chunk on your wrist.  Truly a
-timeless statement.  For the individual who is very secure.  Who
-doesn't need to be reminded all the time that he is very successful.
-Much more successful than the people who laughed at him in high
-school.  Because of his acne.  People who are probably nowhere near as
-successful as he is now.  Maybe he'll go to his 20th reunion, and
-they'll see his Rolex Hyperion.  Hahahahahahahahaha."
-		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
-%
-...an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and quite often
-picturesque liar.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a
 very narrow field.
 		-- Niels Bohr
@@ -9666,8 +8745,6 @@ bought they stay bought.
 An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
 %
-An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
-%
 An idealist is one who helps the other fellow to make a profit.
 		-- Henry Ford
 %
@@ -9690,16 +8767,6 @@ by the corresponding row and column labels.
 An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
 		-- Benjamin Franklin
 %
-An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity
-in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
-	"Well, zayda, it's sort of like this.  Einstein says that if
-you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like
-an hour.  But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an
-hour seems like a minute."
-	The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a
-moment and says, "And from this he makes a living?"
-		-- Arthur Naiman
-%
 An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and
 great-grandchildren gathered around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of
 a deeply loved family member.  The old man is in a light coma, and the doctors
@@ -9730,9 +8797,6 @@ An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.
 An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.
 		-- Spanish proverb
 %
-Anarchy may not be a better form of government,
-but it's better than no government at all.
-%
 And all that the Lorax left here in this mess
 was a small pile of rocks with the one word, "unless."
 Whatever THAT meant, well, I just couldn't guess.
@@ -9755,22 +8819,6 @@ Give it clean water and feed it fresh air.
 Grow a forest -- protect it from axes that hack.
 Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back!"
 %
-And as we stand on the edge of darkness
-Let our chant fill the void
-That others may know
-
-	In the land of the night
-	The ship of the sun
-	Is drawn by
-	The grateful dead.
-		-- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.
-%
-And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest
-unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine
-bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits,
-provideth that they are nice and fresh.'
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 And Bezel saideth unto Sham: "Sham," he saideth, "Thou shalt goest
 unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine
 bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits,
@@ -9828,9 +8876,6 @@ Going thru all of these things twice
 %
 And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
 %
-And I heard Jeff exclaim, as they strolled out of sight,
-"Merry Christmas to all -- you take credit cards, right?"
-%
 And I suppose the little things are harder to get used to than the big
 ones.  The big ones you get used to, you make up your mind to them.  The
 little things come along unexpectedly, when you aren't thinking about
@@ -9865,9 +8910,6 @@ And it should be the law: If you use the word `paradigm' without knowing
 what the dictionary says it means, you go to jail.  No exceptions.
 		-- David Jones
 %
-And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.
-		-- A.E. Housman
-%
 And miles to go before I sleep.
 %
 And now for something completely the same.
@@ -9895,8 +8937,6 @@ You're on the right track.	Dover, oh Dover, we've missed your clean
 %
 And on the eighth day, we bulldozed it.
 %
-And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
-%
 ...and report cards I was always afraid to show
 Mama'd come to school
 and as I'd sit there softly cryin'
@@ -9941,12 +8981,6 @@ When the plunging hooves were gone...
 And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, for if you hit a man
 with a plowshare, he's going to know he's been hit.
 %
-And this is a table ma'am.  What in essence it consists of is a horizontal
-rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical columnar supports,
-which we call legs.  The tables in this laboratory, ma'am, are as advanced
-in design as one will find anywhere in the world.
-		-- Michael Frayn, "The Tin Men"
-%
 And this is good old Boston,
 The home of the bean and the cod,
 Where the Lowells talk only to Cabots,
@@ -9963,7 +8997,7 @@ please don't try this at home!'"
 %
 And what accomplished villains these old engineers were!  What diabolical
 ways to sabotage they found!  Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's
-Comissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the
+Commissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the
 economic problems involved in the construction of socialism, and he loved to
 give advice.  One such pernicious piece of advice was to increase the size
 of freight trains and not worry about heavier than average loads.  The GPU
@@ -9990,20 +9024,6 @@ in short, I should have liked, I do confess, to have had the lightest
 license of a child, and yet been man enough to know its value.
 		-- Charles Dickens
 %
-And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have a
-sense of humor, as does history.  Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks tragedy,
-and this too is historic.  And yet, still, when corn meets tragedy face to
-face, we have politics.
-		-- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and
-		   Ground Cover"
-%
-And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have
-a sense of humor, as does history.  Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks
-tragedy, and this too is historic.  And yet, still, when corn meets
-tragedy face to face, we have politics.
-		-- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland,
-		   "Root Crops and Ground Cover"
-%
 And you can't get any Watney's Red Barrel,
 because the bars close every time you're thirsty...
 %
@@ -10030,8 +9050,6 @@ Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
 Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
 		-- Lazarus Long
 %
-Ankh if you love Isis.
-%
 Announcing the NEW VAX 11/782!!
 
 Be the envy of other major Communist Governments!
@@ -10042,39 +9060,19 @@ cracking secret NATO codes and editing propaganda for your own people all
 at the same time with the other! (Well, you really can't, but the Americans
 think you can, and that's the point, right?)
 %
-ANOINT:
-	To grease a king or other great
-	functionary already sufficiently slippery.
-%
 Another day, another dollar.
 		-- Vincent J. Fuller, defense lawyer for John Hinckley,
 		   upon Hinckley's acquittal for shooting President Ronald
 		   Reagan.
 %
-Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
-%
 Another megabytes the dust.
 %
-Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but
-television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and
-world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers
-whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly"
-%
 Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
 		-- Pyrrhus
 %
 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.
 		-- Proverbs, 26:5
 %
-Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
-	Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible
-	corner of the workshop.
-
-Corollary:
-	On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike
-	your toes.
-%
 Antique fairy tale: Little Red Riding Hood.
 Modern fairy tale: Oswald, acting alone, shot Kennedy.
 %
@@ -10100,9 +9098,6 @@ And went off and hid
 Or I'm told that he did
 In the Antartical Zonio.
 %
-ANTONYM:
-	The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-%
 Anxious after the delay, Gruber doesn't waste any time getting the Koenig
 [a modified Porsche] up to speed, and almost immediately we are blowing off
 Alfas, Fiats, and Lancias full of excited Italians.  These people love fast
@@ -10115,9 +9110,6 @@ them at 130-plus -- to see if you're paying attention.
 Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts
 which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development.
 %
-Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-		-- Charles McCabe
-%
 Any coward can sit in his home and criticize a pilot for flying into a
 mountain in a fog.  But I would rather, by far, die on a mountainside
 than in bed.  What kind of man would live where there is no daring?
@@ -10125,15 +9117,6 @@ And is life so dear that we should blame men for dying in adventure?
 Is there a better way to die?
 		-- Charles Lindbergh
 %
-Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
-		-- Aesop
-%
-Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that this
-country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole week.
-%
-Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a
-wise person to be able to sell it.
-%
 Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of sense to know
 how to lie well.
 		-- Samuel Butler
@@ -10146,13 +9129,6 @@ Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
 %
 Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
 %
-Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche --
-a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea.  For instance, my
-grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last one off the
-fence."  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was undoubtedly
-true.
-		-- Solomon Short
-%
 Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
 %
 Any man can work when every stroke of his hand brings down the fruit
@@ -10175,13 +9151,10 @@ qualified who is willing to accept the post."
 	"Then I stay," said Dr. Fresh.  "I'm not good for much, but I
 can at least make a decision."
 	"Somewhere," he grumphed, "there must be a naive, opportunistic
-young welp with a masochistic streak who would like to run the most
+young whelp with a masochistic streak who would like to run the most
 up-and-down bureaucracy in the history of mankind."
 		-- R.L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly"
 %
-Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-		-- Sydney Harris
-%
 Any president should have the right to shoot
 at least two people a year without explanation.
 		-- Herbert Hoover, discussing the press
@@ -10203,21 +9176,10 @@ Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain.
 From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.
 		-- Bene Gesserit proverb, "Dune"
 %
-Any small object that is accidentally
-dropped will hide under a larger object.
-%
 Any sufficiently advanced bug becomes a feature.
 %
 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
 %
-Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-		-- Arthur Clarke
-%
-Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
-%
-Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
-%
 Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it.  No citizen
 has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining his government.
 		-- J.P. Morgan
@@ -10226,22 +9188,11 @@ Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years
 organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
 		-- David Broder
 %
-Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the
-sight of a police car is probably parked.
-%
-Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
-%
 Anyone can become angry -- that is easy; but to be angry with the right
 person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose
 and in the right way -- that is not easy.
 		-- Aristotle
 %
-Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
-supposed to be doing.
-%
-Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
-		-- Publilius Syrus
-%
 "Anyone can say 'no'. It is the first word a child learns and often the
 first word he speaks. It is a cheap word because it requires no
 explanation, and many men and women have acquired a reputation for
@@ -10259,9 +9210,6 @@ bathe and not make messes in the house.
 Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
 		-- R. Heinlein 
 %
-Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-		-- Samuel Goldwyn
-%
 Anyone who has attended a USENIX conference in a fancy hotel can tell you
 that a sentence like "You're one of those computer people, aren't you?"
 is roughly equivalent to "Look, another amazingly mobile form of slime
@@ -10276,10 +9224,6 @@ Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time
 as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes.
 		-- Philippus Paracelsus
 %
-Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President
-should on no account be allowed to do the job.
-		-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
-%
 Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think,
 recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one
 particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.
@@ -10293,28 +9237,15 @@ Anything anybody can say about America is true.
 %
 Anything cut to length will be too short.
 %
-Anything free is worth what you'll pay for it.
-%
-Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.
-%
-Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
-%
 Anything is possible on paper.
 		-- Ron McAfee
 %
 Anything is possible, unless it's not.
 %
-Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.
-The label means the price went up.
-The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW"
-means the price went way up.
-%
 Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently.  Things hitherto
 undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.
 		-- Max Beerbohm, "Mainly on the Air"
 %
-Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
-%
 Anytime things appear to be going better, you've overlooked something.
 %
 Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this
@@ -10334,12 +9265,6 @@ APHASIA:
 	Loss of speech in social scientists when asked
 	at parties, "But of what use is your research?"
 %
-aphorism, n.:
-	A concise, clever statement.
-afterism, n.:
-	A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-		-- James Alexander Thom
-%
 APL hackers do it in the quad.
 %
 APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.  It is the language of the
@@ -10351,10 +9276,6 @@ APL is a natural extension of assembler language programming;
 ...and is best for educational purposes.
 		-- A. Perlis
 %
-APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs
-in APL, but I can't read any of them.
-		-- Roy Keir
-%
 Appearances often are deceiving.
 		-- Aesop
 %
@@ -10368,22 +9289,6 @@ Applause, n:
 April is the cruellest month...
 		-- Thomas Stearns Eliot
 %
-AQUADEXTROUS:
-	Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub
-	faucet on and off with your toes.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
-aquadextrous, adj.:
-	Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
-with your toes.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
-AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
-	You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
-	You lie a great deal.  On the other hand, you are inclined to be
-	careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over
-	and over again.  People think you are stupid.
-%
 AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
 	A friend will step forward and confide in you about your breath.  Rely
 	on your outgoing personality and winning smile to get you into a lot
@@ -10457,7 +9362,7 @@ say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
 	Wipe that smile off your face.
 	I don't believe you.
 	How many times have I told you to be careful?
-	Just beacuse.
+	Just because.
 %
 Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
 say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
@@ -10544,13 +9449,6 @@ Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everyone
 in good society holds exactly the same opinion.
 		-- O. Wilde
 %
-Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
-%
-ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
-	You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.  You are
-	quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are not
-	very nice.
-%
 ARIES (Mar.21 - Apr.19)
 	You are a wonderfully interesting, honest, hard-working person
 	and you should make many new friends, but you won't because you've
@@ -10560,12 +9458,6 @@ ARITHMETIC:
 	An obscure art no longer practiced in
 	the world's developed countries.
 %
-Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
-		-- Mickey Mouse
-%
-ARMADILLO:
-	To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle.
-%
 Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh
 autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet
 Union.
@@ -10581,12 +9473,6 @@ Armstrong's Collection Law:
 Arnold's Addendum:
 	Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
 %
-Arnold's Laws of Documentation:
-	1.) If it should exist, it doesn't.
-	2.) If it does exist, it's out of date.
-	3.) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
-	    first two laws.
-%
 Around the turn of this century, a composer named Camille Saint-Saens wrote
 a satirical zoological-fantasy called "Le Carnaval des Animaux."  Aside from
 one movement of this piece, "The Swan", Saint-Saens didn't allow this work
@@ -10611,21 +9497,11 @@ Art is a jealous mistress.
 Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.
 		-- Picasso
 %
-Art is anything you can get away with.
-		-- Marshall McLuhan.
-%
 Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.
 		-- Chazal
 %
 Art is the tree of life.  Science is the tree of death.
 %
-Arthur's Laws of Love:
-	1.  People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
-	    remind them of someone else.
-	2.  The love letter you finally got the courage to send will
-	    be delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool
-	    of yourself in person.
-%
 Article the Third:
 	Where a crime of the kidneys has been committed, the accused should
 	enjoy the right to a speedy diaper change.  Public announcements and
@@ -10645,31 +9521,8 @@ Artificial intelligence has the same relation to intelligence as
 artificial flowers have to flowers.
 		-- David Parnas
 %
-Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
-%
 As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
 %
-As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
-interested in the basic nature of humor.  "What kind of a sick perverted
-disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask, "that you make
-jokes about setting fire to a goat?" 
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
-As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I
-thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
-This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
-		-- M. Cartmill
-%
-As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and
-I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
-This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
-		-- Matt Cartmill
-%
-As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty,
-and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a
-scientist.  This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
-		-- M. Cartmill
-%
 As an Englishman, an Aussie and a Scotsman are sitting in a pub, quaffing
 a few, three flies buzz down from the ceiling and lazily circle each drinker.
 Suddenly "buzzzzzzzzplooop", each fly does a kamakazi dive into a different
@@ -10696,9 +9549,6 @@ As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain;
 and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
 		-- Einstein
 %
-As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
-		-- Weisert
-%
 As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.
 		-- Shakespeare, "King Lear"
 %
@@ -10706,7 +9556,7 @@ As for the women, though we scorn and flout 'em,
 We may live with, but cannot live without 'em.
 		-- Frederic Reynolds
 %
-As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
+As Gen. de Gaulle occasionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
 of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
 		-- J.F. Kennedy
 %
@@ -10723,7 +9573,7 @@ years, left the sect he was associated with.  The problem is that once the
 untrained mind has made a formal commitment to a religious philosophy --
 and it does not matter whether that philosophy is generally reasonable and
 high-minded or utterly bizarre and irrational -- the powers of reason are
-suprisingly ineffective in changing the believer's mind.
+surprisingly ineffective in changing the believer's mind.
 		-- Steve Allen
 %
 As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very
@@ -10733,25 +9583,6 @@ pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
 As I thought, no better from this side.
 		-- Eeyore
 %
-As I was going up Punch Card Hill,
-	Feeling worse and worser,
-There I met a C.R.T.
-	And it drop't me a cursor.
-
-C.R.T., C.R.T.,
-	Phosphors light on you!
-If I had fifty hours a day
-	I'd spend them all at you.
-		-- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
-%
-As I was passing Project MAC,
-I met a Quux with seven hacks.
-Every hack had seven bugs;
-Every bug had seven manifestations;
-Every manifestation had seven symptoms.
-Symptoms, manifestations, bugs, and hacks,
-How many losses at Project MAC?
-%
 As I was walking down the street one dark and dreary day,
 I came upon a billboard and much to my dismay,
 The words were torn and tattered,
@@ -10763,7 +9594,7 @@ Ken-L-Ration dog food makes your complexion clear,
 Simonize your baby in a Hershey candy bar,
 And Texaco's a beauty cream that's used by every star.
 
-Take your next vacation in a brand new Frigedaire,
+Take your next vacation in a brand new Frigidaire,
 Learn to play the piano in your winter underwear,
 Doctors say that babies should smoke until they're three,
 And people over sixty-five should bathe in Lipton tea.
@@ -10787,23 +9618,10 @@ images may be tolerated by the luxurious cults, but the true IBM faith relies
 on the austerity of the word.
 		-- Edward Mendelson, "The New Republic", February 22, 1988
 %
-As long as I am mayor of this city [Jersey City, New Jersey] the great
-industries are secure.  We hear about constitutional rights, free speech
-and the free press.  Every time I hear these words I say to myself, "That
-man is a Red, that man is a Communist".  You never hear a real American
-talk like that.
-		-- Frank Hague, 1896-1956
-%
-As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
-%
 As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic 
 schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve 
 The Problem, saving the documentation for later.
 %
-As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
-When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, "Intentions"
-%
 As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
 One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly
 useful and interesting, I just had to share it.
@@ -10841,7 +9659,7 @@ Answer each of the following items "true" or "false"
  2. I use shoe polish to excess.
  3. God is love.
  4. I like mannish children.
- 5. I have always been diturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears.
+ 5. I have always been disturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears.
  6. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
  7. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye.
  8. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs.
@@ -10875,8 +9693,6 @@ Please update your programs.
 As of next Tuesday, C will be flushed in favor of COBOL.
 Please update your programs.
 %
-As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
-%
 As part of an ongoing effort to keep you, the Fortune reader, abreast of
 the valuable information the daily crosses the USENET, Fortune presents:
 
@@ -10897,11 +9713,6 @@ News articles that answer *your* questions, #1:
 	it explicitly with the > character?  Is there something else that
 	must be done?
 %
-As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500 programs;
-a process that traditionally requires some debugging.
-		-- USA Today, referring to the Internal Revenue Service
-		   conversion to a new computer system.
-%
 As some day it may happen that a victim must be found
 I've got a little list -- I've got a little list
 Of society offenders who might well be underground
@@ -10915,10 +9726,6 @@ part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in
 my own programs.
 		-- Maurice Wilkes, designer of EDSAC, on programming, 1949
 %
-As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably
-because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 As the system comes up, the component builders will from time to time appear,
 bearing hot new versions of their pieces -- faster, smaller, more complete,
 or putatively less buggy.  The replacement of a working component by a new
@@ -10937,15 +9744,6 @@ divinity.
 As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
 		-- Miguel de Cervantes
 %
-As Will Rogers would have said,
-"There is no such things as a free variable."
-%
-As with most fine things, chocolate has its season.  There is a simple memory
-aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order
-chocolate dishes: Any month whose name contains the letter A, E, or U is the
-proper time for chocolate.
-		-- Sandra Boynton, "Chocolate: The Consuming Passion"
-%
 As you grow older, you will still do foolish things,
 but you will do them with much more enthusiasm.
 		-- The Cowboy
@@ -10953,8 +9751,6 @@ but you will do them with much more enthusiasm.
 As you will see, I told them, in no uncertain terms, to see Figure one.
 		-- Dave "First Strike" Pare
 %
-As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
-%
 ASCII:
 	The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would
 	become computer literate.  Etymologically, the term has come down as
@@ -10964,8 +9760,6 @@ ASCII:
 %
 ASCII a stupid question, you get an EBCDIC answer.
 %
-ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
-%
 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
 If God won't have you, the devil must.
 %
@@ -10977,9 +9771,6 @@ Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you
 will pay only the station-to-station rate.
 		-- Howard Kandel
 %
-Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls...
-if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.
-%
 Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of.
 		-- J.J. Gibson
 %
@@ -11011,12 +9802,6 @@ Assembly language experience is [important] for the maturity
 and understanding of how computers work that it provides.
 		-- D. Gries
 %
-Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.  Run
-with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.  Keep
-the company of bums and you will become a bum.  Hang around with rich people
-and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.
-		-- Stanley Walker
-%
 Astrology... just a bunch of Taurus.
 %
 Asynchronous inputs are at the root of our race problems.
@@ -11051,21 +9836,10 @@ quite untrue in practice.  Disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather
 than blinkers it.
 		-- G.L. Glegg, "The Design of Design"
 %
-At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers,
-a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
-		-- "The Washington Post Magazine", June 9, 1985
-%
 At last I've found the girl of my dreams.  Last night she said to me,
 "Once more, Strange, and this time *I'll* be Donnie and *you* be Marie.
 		-- Strange de Jim
 %
-At least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-		-- J.B. White
-%
-At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
-thumb with a hammer.
-		-- Marshall Lumsden
-%
 At once it struck me what quality went to form a man of achievement,
 especially in literature, and which Shakespeare possessed so enormously
 -- I mean negative capability, that is, when a man is capable of being
@@ -11098,7 +9872,7 @@ field on track.
 At the hospital, a doctor is training an intern on how to announce bad news
 to the patients.  The doctor tells the intern "This man in 305 is going to
 die in six months.  Go in and tell him."  The intern boldly walks into the
-room, over to the man's bedisde and tells him "Seems like you're gonna die!"
+room, over to the man's bedside and tells him "Seems like you're gonna die!"
 The man has a heart attack and is rushed into surgery on the spot.  The doctor
 grabs the intern and screams at him, "What!?!? are you some kind of moron?
 You've got to take it easy, work your way up to the subject.  Now this man in
@@ -11127,9 +9901,6 @@ Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 ATLANTA:
 	An entire city surrounded by an airport.
 %
-Atlee is a very modest man.  And with reason.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
 Attorney General Edwin Meese III explained why the Supreme Court's Miranda
 decision (holding that subjects have a right to remain silent and have a
 lawyer present during questioning) is unnecessary: "You don't have many
@@ -11143,7 +9914,7 @@ AUCTION:
 Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.
 		-- G.J. Danton
 %
-audophile, n:
+audiophile, n:
 	Someone who listens to the equipment instead of the music.
 %
 Auribus teneo lupum.
@@ -11155,9 +9926,6 @@ AUTHENTIC:
 Authors are easy to get on with -- if you're fond of children.
 		-- Michael Joseph, "Observer"
 %
-AUTOMOBILE:
-	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
-%
 Avec!
 %
 Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
@@ -11169,12 +9937,6 @@ Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
 %
 Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
 %
-Avoid reality at all costs.
-%
-Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
-we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you. 
-		-- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
-%
 Avoid strange women and temporary variables.
 %
 Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining
@@ -11188,10 +9950,6 @@ in 1959.
 [Babe] Ruth made a big mistake when he gave up pitching.
 		-- Tris Speaker, 1921
 %
-BACCHUS:
-	A convenient deity invented by the ancients
-	as an excuse for getting drunk.
-%
 BACHELOR:
 	A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
 %
@@ -11235,17 +9993,9 @@ Bad men live that they may eat and drink,
 whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
 		-- Socrates
 %
-Bagdikian's Observation:
-	Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper
-	is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a ukelele.
-%
 Bahdges?  We don't need no stinkin' bahdges!
 		-- "The Treasure of Sierra Madre"
 %
-Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
-	A block grant is a solid mass of money
-	surrounded on all sides by governors.
-%
 BALLISTOPHOBIA:
 	Fear of bullets;
 OTOPHOBIA:
@@ -11264,17 +10014,10 @@ VESTIPHOBIA:
 BALTIMORE:
 	A wharf-rat stealing Diogenes' lamp.
 %
-Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
-%
 Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb:
 	The hippo has no sting, but the wise
 	man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
 %
-Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
-%
-Barach's Rule:
-	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
-%
 Barbara's Rules of Bitter Experience:
 	(1) When you empty a drawer for his clothes
 	    and a shelf for his toiletries, the relationship ends.
@@ -11284,18 +10027,11 @@ Barbara's Rules of Bitter Experience:
 Barker's Proof:
 	Proofreading is more effective after publication.
 %
-BAROMETER:
-	An ingenious instrument which indicates
-	what kind of weather we are having.
-%
 Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.
 		-- Tom Lehrer
 %
-Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game -- it, and high taxes.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
 Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game - it, and high taxes.
-	-- The Best of Will Rogers
+		-- The Best of Will Rogers
 %
 Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
 Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
@@ -11305,10 +10041,6 @@ Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
 	(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
-BASIC:
-	A programming language.  Related to certain social diseases
-	in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
-%
 Basic Definitions of Science:
 	If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.
 	If it stinks, it's chemistry.
@@ -11335,8 +10067,6 @@ will beat a psychopath to your door.
 %
 BE A LOOF!  (There has been a recent population explosion of lerts.)
 %
-BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts...)
-%
 Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
 		-- Homer
 %
@@ -11347,9 +10077,6 @@ Be careful!  UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!
 Be careful how you get yourself involved with persons or
 situations that can't bear inspection.
 %
-Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 Be careful what you set your heart on -- for it will surely be yours.
 		-- James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name"
 %
@@ -11367,14 +10094,9 @@ Be circumspect in your liaisons with women.  It is better
 to be seen at the opera with a man than at mass with a woman.
 		-- De Maintenon
 %
-Be different: conform.
-%
 Be frank and explicit with your lawyer ... it is his business to confuse
 the issue afterwards.
 %
-Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!
-Things won't get any better so get used to it.
-%
 Be incomprehensible.  If they can't understand, they can't disagree.
 %
 Be independent.
@@ -11398,8 +10120,6 @@ Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent
 and original in your work.
 		-- Flaubert
 %
-Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
-%
 Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
 %
 Be sociable.
@@ -11479,8 +10199,6 @@ Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone.
 Before marriage the three little words are "I love you," after marriage
 they are "Let's eat out."
 %
-Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
-%
 Before you ask more questions, think about whether
 you really want to know the answers.
 		-- Gene Wolfe, "The Claw of the Conciliator"
@@ -11508,9 +10226,6 @@ Behold the unborn foetus and
 All life is sacred (save, of course,
 	An enemy civilian).
 %
-Behold the warranty -- the bold print
-giveth and the fine print taketh away.
-%
 Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry.
 %
 Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and
@@ -11550,7 +10265,7 @@ different from being stoned on gin.
 %
 Being the #2 man in the Justice Department under Ed Meese is akin to
 standing next to a lamp post infested with pigeons.
-		-- unamed Justice Department official
+		-- unnamed Justice Department official
 %
 Being ugly isn't illegal.  Yet.
 %
@@ -11580,7 +10295,7 @@ none of his friends like him either.
 %
 Bernard was a young eighty-three, not a gomer, and able to talk.  He'd been
 transferred from MBH (Man's Best Hospital), the House's Rival.  Founded in
-Colonial times by the WASPs, the insemination fo MBH by non-WASPs had taken
+Colonial times by the WASPs, the insemination of MBH by non-WASPs had taken
 place only mid-twentieth century with the token multidextrous Oriental
 surgeon, and finally, with the token red-hot internal-medicine Jew.  Yet,
 MBH was still Brooks Brothers, while the House was still the Garment District.
@@ -11605,21 +10320,6 @@ Bershere's Formula for Failure:
 	There are only two kinds of people who fail: those who
 	listen to nobody... and those who listen to everybody.
 %
-Besides the device, the box should contain:
-	* Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say "WARNING"
-	* A plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two
-		club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns.
-
-YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable.
-
-IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your spouse
-and say: "Margaret, you know why this country can't make a car that can get
-all the way through the drive-through at Burger King without a major
-transmission overhaul?  Because nobody cares, that's why."
-
-WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 Best Beer: A panel of tasters assembled by the Consumer's Union in 1969
 judged Coors and Miller's High Life to be among the very best. Those who
 doubt that beer is a serious subject might ponder its effect on American
@@ -11644,9 +10344,6 @@ in the background.
 clearly visible on one of the leading characters.
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
-Best of all is never to have been born.
-Second best is to die soon.
-%
 beta test, v:
 	To voluntarily entrust one's data, one's livelihood and one's
 	sanity to hardware or software intended to destroy all three.
@@ -11680,19 +10377,6 @@ Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
 Better tried by twelve than carried by six.
 		-- Jeff Cooper
 %
-Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay,
-left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate.  Using a
-bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort
-pushing boulders into a single word.
-	It can be seen from 10,000 feet, silhouetted against the snow.
-Government officials exchanged memos full of circumlocutions (no Latin
-equivalent exists) but failed to word an appropriation bill for the
-destruction of this cairn, that wouldn't alert the press and embarrass both
-Parliament and Party.
-	It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
-planets, this may be the first message received from us.
-		-- The Realist, November, 1964.
-%
 Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree.
 %
 Between infinite and short there is a big difference.
@@ -11722,39 +10406,21 @@ a new wearer of clothes.
 %
 Beware of Bigfoot!
 %
-Beware of bugs in the above code;
-I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
-		-- D. Knuth
-%
 Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
 %
 Beware of geeks bearing graft.
 %
-Beware of low-flying butterflies.
-%
 Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies.  The
 danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with
 the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell.
 		-- St. Augustine
 %
-Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-		-- Leonard Brandwein
-%
 Beware of strong drink. It can make you
 shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"
 %
 Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
 %
-"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds
-himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us.  "He is full of murderous
-resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their
-ignorance the hard way."
-		-- Vonnegut
-%
-Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything
-is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
-%
 Beware the new TTY code!
 %
 Beware the one behind you.
@@ -11798,19 +10464,12 @@ Bing's Rule:
 %
 Biology grows on you.
 %
-Biology is the only science in which
-multiplication means the same thing as division.
-%
 Birds and bees have as much to do with the facts of life as black
 nightgowns do with keeping warm.
 		-- Hester Mundis, "Powermom"
 %
 Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues.
 %
-birth, n:
-	The first and direst of all disasters.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Birthdays are like busses, never the number you want.
 %
 Bistromathics is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the
@@ -11833,8 +10492,6 @@ Shower or suicide, what do I do?
 %
 Biz is better.
 %
-Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
-%
 Black people have never rioted.  A riot is what white people think blacks
 are involved in when they burn stores.
 		-- Julius Lester
@@ -11876,16 +10533,10 @@ get the better even of their blunders.
 %
 Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the earth.
 %
-Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
-		-- Herbert Hoover
-%
 Blessed are they that have nothing to say, and who cannot be persuaded
 to say it.
 		-- James Russell Lowell
 %
-Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles,
-for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
-%
 Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
 		-- W.C. Bennett
 %
@@ -11908,8 +10559,6 @@ blithwapping:
 	wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
 %
-Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
-%
 Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation:
 	The judge's jokes are always funny.
 %
@@ -11923,13 +10572,6 @@ Blutarsky's Axiom:
 %
 Body by Nautilus, Brain by Mattel.
 %
-Boling's postulate:
-	If you're feeling good, don't worry.  You'll get over it.
-%
-Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:
-	Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so
-	vividly manifests their lack of progress.
-%
 Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them
 seemed to come from Texas.
 		-- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale"
@@ -11939,22 +10581,9 @@ Bondage maybe, discipline never!
 %
 Bones: "The man's DEAD, Jim!"
 %
-Boob's Law:
-	You always find something in the last place you look.
-%
 Booker's Law:
 	An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
 %
-Bore, n:
-	A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-boss, n:
-	According to the Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages the
-	words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss,
-	in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an
-	ornamental stud."
-%
 Boston:
 	An outdoor Betty Ford Clinic.
 %
@@ -11993,16 +10622,10 @@ And get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love.
 Boy, I sure wish that I could be in the
 'Advanced Systems Development' group!
 %
-boy, n:
-	A noise with dirt on it.
-%
 Boy, that crayon sure did hurt!
 %
 Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
 %
-Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-		-- Kin Hubbard
-%
 Bozo is the Brotherhood of Zips and Others.  Bozos are people who band
 together for fun and profit.  They have no jobs.  Anybody who goes on a
 tour is a Bozo. Why does a Bozo cross the street?  Because there's a Bozo
@@ -12015,36 +10638,10 @@ like their comforts.  The Bozos have learned to enjoy their free time,
 which is all the time.
 		-- Firesign Theatre, "If Bees Lived Inside Your Head"
 %
-Brace yourselves.  We're about to try something that borders on the unique:
-an actually rather serious technical book which is not only (gasp) vehemently
-anti-Solemn, but also (shudder) takes sides.  I tend to think of it as
-`Constructive Snottiness.'
-		-- Mike Padlipsky, "Elements of Networking Style"
-%
-Bradley's Bromide:
-	If computers get too powerful, we can organize
-	them into a committee -- that will do them in.
-%
-Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
-	When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
-	easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger
-	have handled this?"
-%
 Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no
 wiser.  But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.
 		-- The Mahabharata
 %
-Brain fried -- core dumped
-%
-brain, n:
-	The apparatus with which we think that we think.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-brain, v: [as in "to brain"]
-	To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source
-	of error in an opponent.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
 brain-damaged, generalization of "Honeywell Brain Damage" (HBD), a
 theoretical disease invented to explain certain utter cretinisms in
 Multics, adj:
@@ -12054,7 +10651,7 @@ Multics, adj:
 	brain-damaged is bad; it also implies it is unusable.
 %
 Brandy Davis, an outfielder and teammate of mine with the Pittsburgh Pirates,
-is my choice for team captain.  Cincinnatti was beating us 3-1, and I led
+is my choice for team captain.  Cincinnati was beating us 3-1, and I led
 off the bottom of the eighth with a walk.  The next hitter banged a hard
 single to right field.  Feeling the wind at my back, I rounded second and
 kept going, sliding safely into third base.
@@ -12141,19 +10738,6 @@ British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive
 it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
 		-- Peter Ustinov
 %
-British Israelites:
-	The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of Britain to
-be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported by Sargon of Assyria
-on the fall of Sumeria in 721 B.C. ... They further believe that the future
-can be foretold by the measurements of the Great Pyramid, which probably
-means it will be big and yellow and in the hand of the Arabs.  They also
-believe that if you sleep with your head under the pillow a fairy will come
-and take all your teeth.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-broad-mindedness, n:
-	The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
-%
 Brogan's Constant:
 	People tend to congregate in the back
 	of the church and the front of the bus.
@@ -12161,11 +10745,6 @@ Brogan's Constant:
 brokee, n:
 	Someone who buys stocks on the advice of a broker.
 %
-Brooke's Law:
-	Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
-	discovers something which either abolishes the system or
-	expands it beyond recognition.
-%
 BS:	You remind me of a man.
 B:	What man?
 BS:	The man with the power.
@@ -12184,11 +10763,6 @@ Buck-passing usually turns out to be a boomerang.
 Bucy's Law:
 	Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
 %
-Bug:
-	An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect.
-	The activity of "debugging," or removing bugs from a program, ends
-	when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.
-%
 bug, n:
 	An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect.
 	The activity of "debugging", or removing bugs from a program, ends
@@ -12201,14 +10775,6 @@ and only a fool will want to use it.
 Building translators is good clean fun.
 		-- T. Cheatham
 %
-Bullwinkle:	You just leave that to my pal.  He's the brains of the outfit.
-General:	What does that make YOU?
-Bullwinkle:	What else?  An executive.
-%
-Bumper sticker:
-	All the parts falling off this car are
-	of the very finest British manufacture.
-%
 Bunker's Admonition:
 	You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
 %
@@ -12225,9 +10791,6 @@ Bureau Termination, Law of:
 bureaucracy, n:
 	A method for transforming energy into solid waste.
 %
-bureaucrat, n:
-	A politician who has tenure.
-%
 Burke's Postulates:
 	Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
 	Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer.
@@ -12248,17 +10811,6 @@ and minimum of rules.  You keep score with money.
 Business will be either better or worse.
 		-- Calvin Coolidge
 %
-...but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be
-proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge
-to mankind.  The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women 
-were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still 
-unimpeachable.  The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and 
-in law.  Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than
-the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death.  If
-there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute
-of value.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 But Captain -- the engines can't take this much longer!
 %
 But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
@@ -12277,8 +10829,6 @@ I meant no harm;  I just liked the explosions.  And I was careful never to
 kill more than I could eat.
 		-- Raoul Duke
 %
-But I don't like Spam!!!!
-%
 "But I don't want to go on the cart..."
 "Oh, don't be such a baby!"
 "But I'm feeling much better..."
@@ -12300,27 +10850,10 @@ therefore becomes very important for the rule upholders to bring such
 arrogance down.
 		-- Marilyn French, "The Woman's Room"
 %
-But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
-intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
-we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
-that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
-of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
-example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads --
-makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing
-whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a
-finite or an infinite number.
-		-- S.J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
-%
 But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable
-nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
+nowadays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
 		-- Leslie Stephen, "Sketches from Cambridge"
 %
-But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
-system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
-analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
-		-- Bruce Leverett,
-		"Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers"
-%
 But it does move!
 		-- Galileo Galilei
 %
@@ -12338,33 +10871,15 @@ But, officer, he's not drunk, I just saw his fingers twitch!
 %
 But Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
 %
-But scientists, who ought to know
-Assure us that it must be so.
-Oh, let us never, never doubt
-What nobody is sure about.
-		-- Hilaire Belloc
-%
 But sex and drugs and rock & roll, why, they'd bring our blackest day.
 %
 But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than 
 frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?  
 		-- M. Proust
 %
-But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
-Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws,
-But get thee to a nunnery -- go!
-		-- Mark "The Bard" Twain
-%
 But these pills can't be habit forming;
 I've been taking them for years.
 %
-But this has taken us far afield from interface, which is not a bad
-place to be, since I particularly want to move ahead to the kludge.
-Why do people have so much trouble understanding the kludge?  What
-is a kludge, after all, but not enough K's, not enough ROM's, not
-enough RAM's, poor quality interface and too few bytes to go around?
-Have I explained yet about the bytes?
-%
 But you shall not escape my iambics.
 		-- Gaius Valerius Catullus
 %
@@ -12373,27 +10888,9 @@ reasoning and frauds of talkers about great and uncertain matters than
 those who speak of certain and natural matters, not of such lofty nature.
 		-- Leonardo Da Vinci, "The Codex on the Flight of Birds"
 %
-Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
-Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn;
-Less dear than army ants in apple pies
-Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn,
-Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit;
-Like honeybees upon the perfum'd rose
-They suck, and like the double-breasted suit
-Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose,
-Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed;
-And stem the produce of thy waspish wits:
-Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
-Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
-Be off, I say; go bug somebody new,
-Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
-%
 buzzword, n:
 	The fly in the ointment of computer literacy.
 %
-By doing just a little every day, you can
-gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.
-%
 By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
 %
 By long-standing tradition, I take this opportunity to savage other
@@ -12405,15 +10902,6 @@ By nature, men are nearly alike;
 by practice, they get to be wide apart.
 		-- Confucius
 %
-By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.
-In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others
-as it is to invent.
-		-- R. Emerson
-		-- Quoted from a fortune cookie program
-		(whose author claims, "Actually, stealing IS easier.")
-		[to which I reply, "You think it's easy for me to
-		misconstrue all these misquotations?!?"  Ed.]
-%
 By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.
 		-- Charles Spurgeon
 %
@@ -12431,10 +10919,6 @@ One of you is lying.
 By the yard, life is hard.
 By the inch, it's a cinch.
 %
-By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity.
-Another man's, I mean.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 By working faithfully eight hours a day,
 you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.
 		-- Robert Frost
@@ -12442,16 +10926,6 @@ you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.
 byob, v:
 	Believing Your Own Bull
 %
-Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to
-point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very
-fast.  People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are
-often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people
-from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B
-that so many people from point B are so keen to get there.  They often
-wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell
-they wanted to be.
-		-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
-%
 BYTE editors are people who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then
 carefully print the chaff.
 %
@@ -12470,35 +10944,14 @@ C makes it easy for you to shoot yourself in the foot.  C++ makes that
 harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
 		-- Bjarne Stroustrup
 %
-C, n:
-	A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more like
-	assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or anything
-	else.  It is either the best language available to the art today, or
-	it isn't.
-		-- Ray Simard
-%
-cabbage, n:
-	A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
-	a man's head.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Cache:
 	A very expensive part of the memory system of a computer that no one
 	is supposed to know is there.
 %
-Cahn's Axiom:
-	When all else fails, read the instructions.
-%
-California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
-		-- Fred Allen
-%
 Californians are a strange people.  They'll put every chemical known to God
 and man up their nostrils and then laugh at you for putting sugar in your
 coffee.
 %
-Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-		-- Indian proverb
-%
 Call things by their right names...  Glass of brandy and water!  That is the
 current but not the appropriate name: ask for a glass of fire and distilled
 damnation.
@@ -12508,9 +10961,6 @@ damnation.
 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
 	 referring to logical names.]
 %
-Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missle sighted, target
-Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
-%
 Calling you stupid is an insult to stupid people!
 		-- Wanda, "A Fish Called Wanda"
 %
@@ -12525,13 +10975,6 @@ Calvin:	"I wonder where we go when we die."
 Hobbes:	"Pittsburgh?"
 Calvin:	"You mean if we're good or if we're bad?"
 %
-Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
-		-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
-%
-Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man
-who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
 Campbell's Law:
 	Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
 %
@@ -12553,27 +10996,12 @@ Canada Bill Jones's Motto:
 Canada Bill Jones's Supplement:
 	A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
 %
-Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.
-It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.
-		-- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post
-%
 CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
 	This is a good time for those of you who are rich and happy,
 	but a poor time for those of you born under this sign who are
 	poor and unhappy.  To tell you the truth, any day is tough
 	when you're poor and unhappy.
 %
-Canonical, adj.:
-	The usual or standard state or manner of something.  A true story:
-One Bob Sjoberg, new at the MIT AI Lab, expressed some annoyance at the use
-of jargon.  Over his loud objections, we made a point of using jargon as
-much as possible in his presence, and eventually it began to sink in.
-Finally, in one conversation, he used the word "canonical" in jargon-like
-fashion without thinking.
-	Steele: "Aha!  We've finally got you talking jargon too!"
-	Stallman: "What did he say?"
-	Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."
-%
 Can't act.  Slightly bald.  Also dances.
 		-- RKO executive, reacting to Fred Astaire's screen test.
 		   Cerf/Navasky, "The Experts Speak"
@@ -12598,23 +11026,8 @@ CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
 	else, such as think.  Romance is in the air, but not for you, so forget
 	it.  That pimple on the end of your nose will get worse.
 %
-CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
-	You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do
-	much of anything and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn
-	of any importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing still for
-	too long as they tend to take root and become trees.
-%
-Captain Penny's Law:
-	You can fool all of the people some of the time, and
-	some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
-%
 Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5...
 %
-Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected.
-Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected,
-mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it
-takes.
-%
 Carney's Law: There's at least a 50-50 chance that someone will print
 the name Craney incorrectly.
 		-- Jim Canrey
@@ -12623,12 +11036,6 @@ Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with the right combination of
 fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture.  Of course,
 the same can be said of dirt.
 %
-carperpetuation, n:
-	The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen
-	times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting
-	it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 Carson's Consolation:
 	Nothing is ever a complete failure.
 	It can always be used as a bad example.
@@ -12656,27 +11063,10 @@ a sled through the snow.
 %
 Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
 %
-Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson"
-%
-Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
-%
 Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
 %
-CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
-%
 CCI Power 6/40: one board, a megabyte of cache, and an attitude...
 %
-Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.
-%
-Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the center
-of the universe.  The premise is wrong, but the navigation works.  An
-incorrect model can be a useful tool.
-		-- Kelvin Throop III
-%
-Census Taker to Housewife:
-Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
-%
 Center meeting at 4pm in 2C-543.
 %
 cerebral atrophy, n:
@@ -12684,7 +11074,7 @@ cerebral atrophy, n:
 impair the brain's performance.  An abundance of these "bad" cells can cause
 symptoms related to senility, apathy, depression, and overall poor academic
 performance.  A certain small number of brain cells will deteriorate due to
-everday activity, but large amounts are weakened by intense mental effort
+everyday activity, but large amounts are weakened by intense mental effort
 and the assimilation of difficult concepts.  Many college students become
 victims of this dread disorder due to poor habits such as overstudying.
 
@@ -12698,24 +11088,6 @@ imbiber with a healthier, more vibrant brain, and increases mental capacity.
 Thus, the devastating effects of cerebral atrophy are reversed, and academic
 performance actually increases beyond previous levels.
 %
-Cerebus:	I'd love to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.
-Jaka:		Look, Cerebus -- Jaka has to tell you... something
-Cerebus:	If Cerebus had a navel, would you lick apricot brandy out
-			of it?
-Jaka:		Oooh.
-Cerebus:	You don't like apricot brandy?
-		-- Cerebus, #6, "The Secret"
-%
-Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long
-walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh.  They
-then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy
-health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old,
-not because of their habits, but in spite of them.  The reason we find
-only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the
-others who have tried it.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-
 Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the
 most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion.  A judge of the Court of
 Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which
@@ -12729,11 +11101,6 @@ Certainly the game is rigged.
 Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
 		-- Robert Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
 %
-Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
-But it's very funny --
-did you ever try buying them without money?
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre!
 %
 C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas l'Informatique.
@@ -12762,11 +11129,6 @@ Changing husbands/wives is only changing troubles.
 %
 Chaos is King and Magic is loose in the world.
 %
-Chapter 1:
-	The story so far:
-	In the beginning the Universe was created.  This has made
-a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
-%
 Chapter 2:  Newtonian Growth and Decay
 
 	The growth-decay formulas were developed in the trivial fashion by
@@ -12778,9 +11140,6 @@ a function that would continue to grow, but never reach unity.  This equation
 can be applied to charging capacitors, over-damped springs, and the human
 race in general.
 %
-character density, n.:
-	The number of very weird people in the office.
-%
 Character is what you are in the dark!
 		-- Lord John Whorfin
 %
@@ -12806,25 +11165,15 @@ Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
 Check me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers...
 they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key!
 %
-checkuary, n:
-	The thirteenth month of the year.  Begins New Year's Day and ends
-	when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
-%
 Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
 %
 Cheese -- milk's leap toward immortality.
 		-- Clifton Fadiman, "Any Number Can Play"
 %
-Chef, n:
-	Any cook who swears in French.
-%
 Cheit's Lament:
 	If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you--
 	the next time he's in need.
 %
-CHEMICALS:
-	Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
-%
 Chemist who falls in acid is absorbed in work.
 %
 Chemist who falls in acid will be tripping for weeks.
@@ -12845,64 +11194,24 @@ Chess tonight.
 CHICAGO:
 	Where the dead still vote... early and often!
 %
-Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #36:
-	Never ever ask the tough looking gentleman wearing El Rukn
-headgear where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer".
-		-- Chicago Reader 3/27/81
-%
-Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #84:
-	The CTA has complimentary pop-up timers available on request
-for overheated passengers.  When your timer pops up, the driver will
-cheerfully baste you.
-		-- Chicago Reader 5/28/82
-%
 Chicagoan:	"So, where're you from?"
 Hoosier:	"What's wrong with Indiana?"
 %
-Chicken Little was right.
-%
-Chicken Soup:
-	An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin,
-	cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup
-	can't cure is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
-		-- Arthur Naiman
-%
 Chihuahuas drive me crazy.  I can't stand anything that
 shivers when it's warm.
 %
 Children are like cats, they can tell when you don't like
 them.  That's when they come over and violate your body space.
 %
-Children are natural mimics who act like their parents
-despite every effort to teach them good manners.
-%
-Children are unpredictable.  You never know what inconsistency they're
-going to catch you in next.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
-And that's what parents were created for.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 Children begin by loving their parents.  After a time they judge them.
 Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually
-repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
-%
 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
 		-- Maya Angelou, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
 %
 Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
 %
-Chism's Law of Completion:
-	The amount of time required to complete a government project is
-	precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
-%
-Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
-	When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
-%
 Chocolate Chip.
 %
 Choose in marriage only a woman whom you would choose as
@@ -12960,19 +11269,6 @@ Driving his reindeer across the sky,
 Don't stand underneath when they fly by!
 		-- Tom Lehrer
 %
-Churchill's Commentary on Man:
-	Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
-	but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
-%
-CIGARETTE:
-	A fire at one end, a fool at the other,
-	and a bit of tobacco in between.
-%
-CINEMUCK:
-	The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate
-	which covers the floors of movie theaters.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
 Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.
 		-- Herodotus
 %
@@ -12985,11 +11281,6 @@ See SYSNOTE tomorrow for more information.
 Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-clairvoyant, n.:
-	A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
-which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who
 aspires to be a hero... must drink brandy.
 		-- Samuel Johnson
@@ -13022,15 +11313,10 @@ the dirt doesn't get any worse.
 Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
 		-- P.J. O'Rourke
 %
-Cleanliness is next to impossible.
-%
 CLEVELAND:
 	Where their last tornado did six
 	million dollars worth of improvements.
 %
-Cleveland?
-Yes, I spent a week there one day.
-%
 Climate and Surgery
 	R C Gilchrist, who was shot by J Sharp twelve days ago, and who
 received a derringer ball in the right breast, and who it was supposed at
@@ -13059,12 +11345,6 @@ clone, n:
 %
 Clones are people two.
 %
-Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
-%
-Clothes make the man.
-Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 Clovis' Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly:
 	The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated
 	than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere,
@@ -13133,8 +11413,6 @@ COBOL is for morons.
 %
 Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
 %
-COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
-%
 Coding is easy;  All you do is sit staring at a
 terminal until the drops of blood form on your forehead.
 %
@@ -13150,32 +11428,14 @@ Cohn's Law:
 	time you have to do anything.  Stability is achieved when you spend
 	all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
 %
-Coincidences are spiritual puns.
-		-- G.K. Chesterton
-%
-COLD:
-	When the politicians walk around
-	with their hands in their own pockets.
-%
 Cold hands, no gloves.
 %
 Cole's Law:
 	Thinly sliced cabbage.
 %
-COLLABORATION:
-	A literary partnership based on the false
-	assumption that the other fellow can spell.
-%
 COLLEGE:
 	The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
 %
-College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the
-faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if
-the trustees played.  There would be a great increase in broken arms,
-legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the
-loss to humanity.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
 COLORADO:
 	Where they don't buy M & M's, 'cause they're so hard to peel.
 %
@@ -13202,25 +11462,8 @@ one will have the remotest idea of what you're talking about," says Broughton,
 "but the important thing is that they're not about to admit it."
 		-- Philip Broughton, "How to Win at Wordsmanship"
 %
-Colvard's Logical Premises:
-	All probabilities are 50%.
-Either a thing will happen or it won't.
-
-Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary:
-	This is especially true when
-	dealing with someone you're attracted to.
-
-Grelb's Commentary:
-	Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
-%
-Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
-And every vector dreams of matrices.
-Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
-It whispers of a more ergodic zone.
-		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
-%
 Come fill the cup and in the fire of spring
-Your winter garment of repentence fling.
+Your winter garment of repentance fling.
 The bird of time has but a little way
 To flutter -- and the bird is on the wing.
 		-- Omar Khayyam
@@ -13323,19 +11566,12 @@ Coming together is a beginning;
 Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
 %
-COMMITTMENT:
-	Committment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
-	The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
-%
 Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
 		-- Josh Billings
 
 Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
-Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
 Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world.
 Everyone thinks he has enough.
 	-- Descartes, 1637
@@ -13385,8 +11621,6 @@ COMPUTER:
 	totally understandable, rigorously logical manner.  If you believe
 	this, see me about a bridge I have for sale in Manhattan.
 %
-Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
-%
 Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
 %
 Computer programs expand so as to fill the core available.
@@ -13420,16 +11654,10 @@ Computers don't actually think.
 Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
 		-- LaRouchefoucauld
 %
-CONCEPT:
-	Any "idea" for which an outside
-	consultant billed you more than $25,000.
-%
 Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed
 from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
 		-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" 
 %
-Condense soup, not books!
-%
 CONFERENCE:
 	A special meeting in which the boss gathers subordinates to hear
 	what they have to say, so long as it doesn't conflict with what
@@ -13457,8 +11685,6 @@ Confidence is simply that quiet, assured feeling you have before you
 fall flag on your face.
 		-- Dr. L. Binder
 %
-Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
-%
 CONFIRMED BACHELOR:
 	A man who goes through life without a hitch.
 %
@@ -13485,19 +11711,6 @@ Congratulations!  You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
 If there's anything special we can do for you, anything at all, don't
 hesitate to ask!
 %
-Congratulations!  You have purchased an extremely fine device that would
-give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you
-undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver.
-Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL
-CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.  YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T
-YOU?  YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH
-THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH
-SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS
-CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT?  AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING
-TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT???  WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES
-RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 Congratulations are in order for Tom Reid.
 
 He says he just found out he is the winner of the 2021 Psychic of the
@@ -13514,7 +11727,7 @@ Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.
 	Engineer's Proof:
 		3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is prime.
 		11 is prime.  13 is prime ...
-	Computer Scientists's Proof:
+	Computer Scientist's Proof:
 		3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime...
 %
 Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe.
@@ -13525,11 +11738,6 @@ Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
 Conscience is defined as the thing that hurts
 when everything else feels great.
 %
-Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
-		-- H.L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
-%
-Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
-%
 CONSENT DECREE:
 	A document in which a hapless company consents never to commit
 	in the future whatever heinous violations of Federal law it
@@ -13603,19 +11811,9 @@ if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!"
 Convention is the ruler of all.
 		-- Pindar
 %
-CONVERSATION:
-	A vocal competition in which the one who
-	is catching his breath is called the listener.
-%
 Conversation enriches the understanding,
 but solitude is the school of genius.
 %
-Conway's Law:
-	In any organization there will always be one person who knows
-	what is going on.
-
-	This person must be fired.
-%
 Cops never say good-bye.  They're always hoping to see you again in the
 line-up.
 		-- Raymond Chandler
@@ -13625,11 +11823,6 @@ COPYING MACHINE:
 	and makes duplicates for everyone in the office who isn't
 	interested in reading them.
 %
-Coronation, n:
-	The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible 
-	signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
 		-- Goethe
 %
@@ -13637,18 +11830,6 @@ Correspondence Corollary:
 	An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half
 	your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.
 %
-CORRUPT:
-	In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
-%
-Corrupt, stupid grasping functionaries will make at least as big a muddle
-of socialism as stupid, selfish and acquisitive employers can make of
-capitalism.
-		-- Walter Lippmann
-%
-Corruption is not the No. 1 priority of the Police Commissioner.
-His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.
-		-- P.B.A. President E.J. Kiernan
-%
 Corry's Law:
 	Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
 %
@@ -13675,20 +11856,9 @@ Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear.
 %
 Courage is your greatest present need.
 %
-court, n.:
-	A place where they dispense with justice.
-		-- Arthur Train
-%
 Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
 		-- William Congreve
 %
-COWARD:
-	One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
-%
-[Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that,
-with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
-		-- Wernher von Braun
-%
 Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
 %
 Creating computer software is always a demanding and painstaking
@@ -13720,18 +11890,6 @@ Crenna's Law of Political Accountability:
 	you are going to be held responsible for acting on it,
 	regardless of your formal duties.
 %
-Crime does not pay... as well as politics.
-		-- A.E. Newman
-%
-CRITIC:
-	A person who boasts himself hard to please
-	because nobody tries to please him.
-%
-critic, n.:
-	A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
-	to please him.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
 Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
 		-- Zeuxis
 %
@@ -13742,11 +11900,8 @@ seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
 Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?
 		-- Socrates' last words
 %
-Croll's Query:
-	If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
-%
 Cropp's Law:
-	The amount of work done varies inversly
+	The amount of work done varies inversely
 	with the time spent in the office.
 %
 Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.
@@ -13814,23 +11969,9 @@ Cutler Webster's Law:
 	There are two sides to every argument, unless a person
 	is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
 %
-Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
-eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
-business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
-		-- Johnny Hart
-%
 CYNIC:
 	Experienced.
 %
-CYNIC:
-	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
-%
-Cynic, n:
-	A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are,
-	not as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the
-	Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
 several of us died of tuberculosis.
 	-- Jack Handey
@@ -13878,8 +12019,6 @@ opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.
 Darth Vader!  Only you would be so bold!
 		-- Princess Leia Organa
 %
-Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
-%
 DATA:
 	An accrual of straws on the backs of theories.
 %
@@ -13906,11 +12045,6 @@ Davis' Law of Traffic Density:
 Davis's Dictum:
 	Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.
 %
-DAWN:
-	The time when men of reason go to bed.
-%
-Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
-%
 DEADWOOD:
 	Anyone in your company who is more senior than you are.
 %
@@ -13919,10 +12053,6 @@ Dealing with failure is easy:
 Success is also easy to handle:
 	You've solved the wrong problem.  Work hard to improve.
 %
-Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve.
-Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem.  Work
-hard to improve.
-%
 Dealing with the problem of pure staff accumulation,
 all our researches ... point to an average increase of 5.75% per year.
 		-- C.N. Parkinson
@@ -14067,17 +12197,6 @@ Dear Lord: Please make my words sweet and tender, for tomorrow I may
 have to eat them.
 %
 Dear Miss Manners:
-	My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
-elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
-courses, is all right.  Which is correct?
-
-Gentle Reader:
-	For the purpose of answering examinations in your home
-economics class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this principle
-of education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning
-correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
-%
-Dear Miss Manners:
 I carry a big black umbrella, even if there's just a thirty percent chance of
 rain.  May I ask a young lady who is a stranger to me to share its protection?
 This morning, I was waiting for a bus in comparative comfort, my umbrella
@@ -14093,30 +12212,6 @@ attractive she is.  In order not to give Good Samaritanism a bad name, Miss
 Manners asks you to allow her two or three rainy days of unmolested protection
 before making your attack.
 %
-Dear Mister Language Person: I am curious about the expression, "Part of
-this complete breakfast".  The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old will be
-watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and they'll show a commercial for
-a children's compressed breakfast compound such as "Froot Loops" or "Lucky
-Charms", and they always show it sitting on a table next to some actual food
-such as eggs, and the announcer always says: "Part of this complete
-breakfast".  Doesn't that really mean, "Adjacent to this complete breakfast",
-or "On the same table as this complete breakfast"?  And couldn't they make
-essentially the same claim if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of
-shaving cream there, or a dead bat?
-
-Answer: Yes.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
-Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?
-
-Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs
-to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in:
-WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S.
-Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand- lettered
-small-business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random
-words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
-%
 Dear Ms. Postnews:
 	I couldn't get mail through to somebody on another site.  What
 	should I do?
@@ -14170,17 +12265,6 @@ Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort
 of like a shell leaving the nut behind.
 		-- Erma Bombeck
 %
-Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
-%
-Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
-		-- R. Geis
-%
-Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
-%
-Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
-%
-Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
-%
 Death rays don't kill people, people kill people!!
 %
 DEATH WISH:
@@ -14204,17 +12288,6 @@ ova, n:		Location above or across a specified position.  What the
 			season is when the Knicks quit playing.
 		-- Massachewsetts Unabridged Dictionary
 %
-DECISIONMAKER:
-	The person in your office who was unable
-	to form a task force before the music stopped.
-%
-Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really over-
-whelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene language may
-not be used by contestants when addressing members of the judging panel,
-or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when addressing contestants
-(unless struck by a boomerang).
-		-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing Assoc.
-%
 Declared guilty... of displaying feelings of an almost human nature.
 		-- Pink Floyd, "The Wall"
 %
@@ -14222,25 +12295,12 @@ Decorate your home.  It gives the illusion
 that your life is more interesting than it really is.
 		-- C. Schultz
 %
-"Deep" is a word like "theory" or "semantic" -- it implies all sorts of
-marvelous things.  It's one thing to be able to say "I've got a theory",
-quite another to say "I've got a semantic theory", but, ah, those who can
-claim "I've got a deep semantic theory", they are truly blessed.
-		-- Randy Davis
-%
 DEFAULT:
 	The hardware's, of course.
 %
 Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
 		-- Bill Musselman
 %
-#define	BITCOUNT(x)	(((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255)
-#define	BX_(x)		((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777) \
-			     - (((x)>>2)&0x33333333) \
-			     - (((x)>>3)&0x11111111))
-
--- Count the number of bits in a word.
-%
 Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
 %
 (defun NF (a c)
@@ -14307,7 +12367,7 @@ Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
 Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever
 skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious
 to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an
-overdose of flouride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic
+overdose of fluoride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic
 apathy, doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless
 as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred pound barbell in a
 steroid-free fitness center.
@@ -14320,29 +12380,13 @@ nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
 Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors.
 		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
-Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
-aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
-		-- Senator Soaper
-%
-Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
-incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
 Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who
 will get the blame.
 		-- Laurence J. Peter
 %
-Democracy is also a form of worship.
-It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
 Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.
 	-- Arman de Caillavet, 1913
 %
-Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half
-of the people are right more than half of the time.
-		-- E.B. White
-%
 Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and
 deserve to get it good and hard.
 	-- H.L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916
@@ -14352,17 +12396,6 @@ forms that have been tried from time to time.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
 Democracy, n:
-	A government of the masses.  Authority derived through mass meeting
-or any other form of direct expression.  Results in mobocracy.  Attitude
-toward property is communistic... negating property rights.  Attitude toward
-law is that the will of the majority shall regulate, whether it is based
-upon deliberation or governed by passion, prejudice, and impulse, without
-restraint or regard to consequences.  Result is demagogism, license,
-agitation, discontent, anarchy.
-		-- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932),
-		   since withdrawn.
-%
-Democracy, n:
 	In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
 		-- Gerald Barry
 
@@ -14388,11 +12421,6 @@ windows by Democrats.
 %
 Dental health is next to mental health.
 %
-Dentist:
-	A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth,
-	pulls coins out of one's pockets.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Denver, n:
 	A smallish city located just below the `O' in Colorado.
 %
@@ -14423,21 +12451,12 @@ prior to their emergence from the shell.
 Despite all appearances, your boss
 is a thinking, feeling, human being.
 %
-Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will
-be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over
-the table.
-		-- The Anarchist Cookbook
-%
 Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't,
 don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
 		-- Joseph Heller, "God Knows"
 %
 Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter.
 %
-DeVries' Dilemma:
-	If you hit two keys on the typewriter,
-	the one you don't want hits the paper.
-%
 Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of
 fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.
 		-- L. Ron Hubbard
@@ -14514,10 +12533,6 @@ Did you know that for the price of a 280-Z you can buy two Z-80's?
 Did you know the University of Iowa
 closed down after someone stole the book?
 %
-Did you know....
-
-That no-one ever reads these things?
-%
 Didja' ever have to make up your mind,
 Pick up on one and leave the other behind,
 It's not often easy, and it's not often kind,
@@ -14538,8 +12553,6 @@ Diet Mountain Dew has the same pH and density of urine.
 %
 Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
 %
-Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
-%
 Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
 		-- Don Vonada
 %
@@ -14597,8 +12610,6 @@ Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics:
 disbar, n:
 	As distinguished from some other bar.
 %
-Disc space -- the final frontier!
-%
 DISCLAIMER:
 Use of this advanced computing technology does not imply
 an endorsement of Western industrial civilization.
@@ -14642,12 +12653,8 @@ Do I like getting drunk?  Depends on who's doing the drinking.
 %
 Do Miami a favor.  When you leave, take someone with you.
 %
-Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
-%
 Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
 %
-Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
-%
 Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
 %
 Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
@@ -14664,8 +12671,6 @@ Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you.
 Their tastes may not be the same.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-Do not drink coffee in early A.M.  It will keep you awake until noon.
-%
 Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
 		-- Robert Heinlein
 %
@@ -14679,10 +12684,6 @@ for they are subtle and quick to anger.
 %
 Do not overtax your powers.
 %
-Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.
-Violators will be prosecuted.
-(Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
-%
 Do not seek death; death will find you.
 But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.
 		-- Dag Hammarskjold
@@ -14690,18 +12691,12 @@ But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.
 Do not simplify the design of a program if a way
 can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
 %
-Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
-%
 Do not stoop to tie your laces in your neighbor's melon patch.
 %
 Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
 %
 Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
 %
-Do not try to solve all life's problems at once --
-learn to dread each day as it comes.
-		-- Donald Kaul
-%
 Do not underestimate the power of the Farce.
 %
 Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
@@ -14721,8 +12716,6 @@ Do, or do not; there is no try.
 %
 Do people know you have freckles everywhere?
 %
-Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.
-%
 Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
 %
 Do unto others before they undo you.
@@ -14828,12 +12821,6 @@ Documentation:
 	Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for English
 	speaking persons.
 %
-Documentation is the castor oil of programming.  Managers know it must
-be good because the programmers hate it so much.
-%
-Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
-Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
-%
 Does a good farmer neglect a crop he has planted?
 Does a good teacher overlook even the most humble student?
 Does a good father allow a single child to starve?
@@ -14842,8 +12829,6 @@ Does a good programmer refuse to maintain his code?
 %
 Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?
 %
-Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
-%
 Dogs just don't seem to be able to tell the difference between important people
 and the rest of us.
 %
@@ -14853,20 +12838,6 @@ Doing gets it done.
 %
 Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
 %
-Don
-Ameche:	I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!
-	Was she pretty?
-W.C.:	Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of
-	bad road.  She had so many gold teeth, Don, she use to have
-	to sleep with her head in a safe.  She died in Bolivia.
-Don:	Oh Bill, it must be hard to lose a relative.
-W.C.:	It's almost impossible.
-		-- W.C. Fields, "The Further Adventures of Larson E.
-		   Whipsnade and other Tarradiddles"
-%
-Don't abandon hope.
-Your Captain Midnight decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
-%
 Don't assume that every sad-eyed woman has loved and lost -- she may
 have got him.
 %
@@ -14875,17 +12846,9 @@ It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of,
 Across my dreams, with neptive wonder,
 I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love.
 %
-Don't be humble, you're not that great.
-		-- Golda Meir
-%
-Don't be humble, you're not that great.
-                -- Golda Meir
-%
 Don't be irreplaceable.  If you can't
 be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
 %
-Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
-%
 Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
 %
 Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
@@ -14899,8 +12862,6 @@ Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
 Don't confuse things that need action
 with those that take care of themselves.
 %
-Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
-%
 Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers!
 		-- Firesign Theatre
 %
@@ -14931,13 +12892,9 @@ Don't everyone thank me at once!
 Don't expect people to keep in step--
 it's hard enough just staying in line.
 %
-Don't feed the bats tonight.
-%
 Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
 		-- Anthony
 %
-Don't get even, get odd.
-%
 Don't get mad, get even.
 		-- Joseph P. Kennedy
 
@@ -14948,25 +12905,13 @@ Don't get mad, get interest.
 %
 Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
 %
-Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they
-can be terribly misleading.  Debug only code.
-		-- Dave Storer
-%
 Don't get to bragging.
 %
-Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
-The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
-%
 Don't go to bed with no price on your head.
 		-- Baretta
 %
 Don't guess - check your security regulations.
 %
-Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
-%
 Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.
 %
 Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
@@ -14980,10 +12925,6 @@ Don't just eat a hamburger; eat the HELL out of it.
 %
 Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
 %
-Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
-%
-Don't knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.
-%
 Don't know what time I'll be back, Mom.
 Probably soon after she throws me out.
 %
@@ -14999,12 +12940,8 @@ remember, if you don't follow your dreams,
 you'll never know what's on the other side of the rainbow...
 		-- melba moore, "the other side of the rainbow"
 %
-Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
-%
 Don't let your status become too quo!
 %
-Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
-%
 Don't look back, the lemmings might be gaining on you.
 %
 Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
@@ -15028,9 +12965,6 @@ Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
 Don't plan any hasty moves.
 You'll be evicted soon anyway.
 %
-Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today because
-if you do it today, you can do it again tomorrow.
-%
 Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
 		-- Miguel de Cervantes
 %
@@ -15046,9 +12980,6 @@ Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
 Don't remember what you can infer.
 		-- Harry Tennant
 %
-Don't say "yes" until I finish talking.
-		-- Darryl F. Zanuck
-%
 Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
 %
 Don't shout for help at night.  You might wake your neighbors.
@@ -15103,27 +13034,14 @@ Don't worry.  Life's too long.
 %
 Don't worry -- the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
 %
-Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas
-are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
-		-- Howard Aiken
-%
-Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
-It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-		-- Charles Schultz
-%
 Don't Worry, Be Happy.
 		-- Meher Baba
 %
 Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac,
 you can always take something for it.
 %
-Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.
-They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
-%
 Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
 %
-Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
-%
 "Don't you think what we're doing is wrong?"
 "Of course it's wrong!  It's illegal!"
 "Well, I've never done anything illegal before."
@@ -15145,31 +13063,6 @@ Scarecrow:	Well, I don't know... but some people
 %
 Double!
 %
-Double Bucky, you're the one,
-You make my keyboard so much fun,
-Double Bucky, an additional bit or two, (Vo-vo-de-o)
-Control and meta, side by side,
-Augmented ASCII, 9 bits wide!
-Double Bucky, a half a thousand glyphs, plus a few!
-
-Oh, I sure wish that I,
-Had a couple of bits more!
-Perhaps a set of pedals to make the number of bits four.
-
-Double Double Bucky!  Double Bucky left and right
-OR'd together, outta sight!
-Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of,
-Double Bucky, I'm happy I heard of,
-Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of you!
-		-- to Nicholas Wirth, who suggested that an extra bit
-		be added to terminal codes on 36-bit machines for use
-		by screen editors.  [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"]
-%
-double-blind Experiment, n:
-	An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is
-fooling both the subject and the lab assistant.  Often accompanied
-by a strong belief in the tooth fairy.
-%
 Doubt is a not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.  
 		-- Voltaire
 %
@@ -15197,8 +13090,6 @@ Hustling the senoritas,
 While they dance beneath the stars.
 		-- Jimmy Buffet, "Banana Republics"
 %
-Down with the categorical imperative!
-%
 Dow's Law:
 	In a hierarchical organization,
 	the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
@@ -15238,16 +13129,10 @@ Drakenberg's Discovery:
 	If you can't seem to find your glasses,
 	it's probably because you don't have them on.
 %
-Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
-%
 Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations.
 %
 Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
 %
-Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
-	The first bug to hit a clean windshield
-	lands directly in front of your eyes.
-%
 Drilling for oil is boring.
 %
 Drink and dance and laugh and lie
@@ -15273,8 +13158,6 @@ Drinking when we are not thirsty and making love at all seasons, madam:
 that is all there is to distinguish us from the other animals.
 		-- Pierre de Beaumarchais, "Le Marriage de Figaro"
 %
-Drive defensively, buy a tank.
-%
 Driving in Texas is simple.  For the first 100 miles you swerve to
 avoid jackrabbits.  For the second 100 miles you hit whatever
 jackrabbits get in the way.  After that you chase off into the 
@@ -15299,8 +13182,6 @@ drug, n:
 	A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific
 	paper.
 %
-Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
-%
 Drunks are rarely amusing unless they know some good songs and lose a
 lot a poker.
 		-- Karyl Roosevelt
@@ -15316,19 +13197,6 @@ Duckies are fun!
 %
 Ducks?  What ducks??
 %
-Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side,
-and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
-		-- Carl Zwanzig
-%
-Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the
-production of great leaders has been discontinued.
-%
-Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your
-fate and captain of your soul.
-%
-Due to circumstances beyond your control,
-you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.
-%
 Dungeons and Dragons is just a lot of Saxon Violence.
 %
 During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has
@@ -15337,10 +13205,6 @@ pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,;
 in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution.
 		-- James Madison
 %
-During the next two hours, the VAX will be going up and down
-several times, often with lin~po_~{po	 ~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_~
-{o[po	 ~poodsou>#w4k**n~po_~{ol;lkld;f;g;dd;po\~{o
-%
 During the Reagan-Mondale debates:
 
 Q:	"Do you feel that a person's age affects his ability to
@@ -15360,10 +13224,6 @@ Duty, n:
 	What one expects from others.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  My advice to you is to have
-nothing whatever to do with it.
-		-- W. Somerset Maughm, his last words
-%
 Dying is easy.  Comedy is difficult.
 		-- Actor Edmond Gween, on his deathbed.
 %
@@ -15372,8 +13232,6 @@ Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
 %
 E = MC ** 2 +- 3db
 %
-E Pluribus UNIX.
-%
 Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
 %
 Each new user of a new system uncovers a new class of bugs.
@@ -15386,7 +13244,7 @@ imagery and Appledom.  Even words look like decorative filigrees in exotic
 typefaces.  The greatest icon of all, the inviolable Apple itself, stands in
 the dominate position at the upper-left corner of the screen.  A central
 corporate headquarters decrees the form of all rites and practices.
-Infalliable doctrine issues from one executive officer whose selection occurs
+Infallible doctrine issues from one executive officer whose selection occurs
 in a sealed boardroom.  Should anyone in his curia question his powers, the
 offender is excommunicated into outer darkness.  The expelled heretic founds
 a new company, mutters obscurely of the coming age and the next computer,
@@ -15437,23 +13295,10 @@ Early to rise and early to bed makes
 a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
 		-- James Thurber
 %
-Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
-%
 Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- film clips at eleven.
 %
 /earth: file system full.
 %
-/Earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
-%
-Earth is a great funhouse without the fun.
-		-- Jeff Berner
-%
-Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:	Black.
-
-Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the cube, and each of
-side of the cube will now be the original color of the plastic underneath
--- black.  According to the instructions, this means the puzzle is solved.
-%
 Easy come and easy go,
 	some call me easy money,
 Sometimes life is full of laughs,
@@ -15467,7 +13312,7 @@ But I'm goin' to heaven in a flash of fire,
 Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it.
 		-- Harry Secombe's diet
 %
-Eat drink and be merry!  Tommorrow you may be in Utah.
+Eat drink and be merry!  Tomorrow you may be in Utah.
 %
 Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.
 %
@@ -15485,9 +13330,6 @@ Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy.
 %
 Eating chocolate is like being in love without the aggravation.
 %
-Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
-%
 economics, n.:
 	Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J.K. Galbraith.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
@@ -15504,14 +13346,6 @@ economist, n:
 	Someone who's good with figures, but doesn't have enough
 	personality to become an accountant.
 %
-Economists can certainly disappoint you.  One said that the economy would
-turn up by the last quarter.  Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
-		-- Robert Orben
-%
-Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a
-percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
-		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
-%
 Editing is a rewording activity.
 %
 Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and
@@ -15537,18 +13371,8 @@ of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with
 royal-blue chickens.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
 %
-Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie,
-The spirits are about to speak...
-%
-Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
-		-- Adlai Stevenson
-%
 Ego sum ens omnipotens
 %
-Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature
-to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.
-		-- Bellamy Brooks
-%
 Egotism is the anesthetic which numbs the pain of stupidity.
 %
 Egotism, n:
@@ -15560,13 +13384,6 @@ Egotist, n:
 %
 egrep -n '^[a-z].*\(' $ | sort -t':' +2.0
 %
-Ehrman's Commentary:
-	1.  Things will get worse before they get better.
-	2.  Who said things would get better?
-%
-Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
-		-- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
-%
 ...eighty years later he could still recall with the young pang of his
 original joy his falling in love with Ada.
 		-- Nabokov
@@ -15588,28 +13405,6 @@ ELBONICS:
 	armrest in a movie theatre.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
 %
-Eleanor Rigby
-Sits at the keyboard and waits for a line on the screen
-Lives in a dream
-Waits for a signal, finding some code that will
-	make the machine do some more.
-What is it for?
-
-All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
-All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
-
-Hacker MacKensie
-Writing the code for a program that no one will run
-It's nearly done
-Look at him working, fixing the bugs in the night when there's
-	nobody there.
-What does he care?
-
-All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
-All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
-Ah, look at all the lonely users.
-Ah, look at all the lonely users.
-%
 ELECTRIC JELL-O
 
 2   boxes JELL-O brand gelatin	2 packages Knox brand unflavored gelatin
@@ -15631,19 +13426,12 @@ WARNING:
 	Keep ingredients away from open flame.  Not recommended for
 	children under eight years of age.
 %
-Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
-%
-Electrocution, n:
-	Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
-%
 Elegance and truth are inversely related.
 		-- Becker's Razor
 %
 Elephant, n:
 	A mouse built to government specifications.
 %
-Elevators smell different to midgets.
-%
 Eleventh Law of Acoustics:
 	In a minimum-phase system there is an inextricable link between
 	frequency response, phase response and transient response, as they
@@ -15672,23 +13460,9 @@ Barmaid: Why, we get both kinds of music, Country and Western.
 Emacs, n:
 	A slow-moving parody of a text editor.
 %
-Emersons' Law of Contrariness:
-	Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do
-	what we can.  Having found them, we shall then hate them
-	for it.
-%
 Encyclopedia for sale by father.
 Son knows everything.
 %
-Encyclopedia Salesmen:
-	Invite them all in.  Nip out the back door.  Phone the police
-	and tell them your house is being burgled.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-Endless Loop: n.	see Loop, Endless.
-Loop, Endless: n.	see Endless Loop.
-		-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
-%
 Endless the world's turn, endless the sun's spinning
 Endless the quest;
 I turn again, back to my own beginning,
@@ -15729,12 +13503,10 @@ Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
 %
 Enjoy yourself while you're still old.
 %
-Entreprenuer, n:
+Entrepreneur, n:
 	A high-rolling risk taker who would rather
 	be a spectacular failure than a dismal success.
 %
-Entropy isn't what it used to be.
-%
 Entropy requires no maintenance.
 		-- Markoff Chaney
 %
@@ -15749,19 +13521,12 @@ Enzymes are things invented by biologists
 that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking.
 		-- Jerome Lettvin
 %
-Equal bytes for women.
-%
 Ere the cock crows thrice one of you will betray me.
 		-- Early Jewish Resistance Leader
 %
 Ernest asks Frank how long he has been working for the company.
 	"Ever since they threatened to fire me."
 %
-Es brilig war.  Die schlichte Toven
-	Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben;
-Und aller-mumsige Burggoven
-	Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben.
-%
 Eschew obfuscation.
 %
 Established technology tends to persist in the face of new technology.
@@ -15769,23 +13534,12 @@ Established technology tends to persist in the face of new technology.
 %
 E.T. GO HOME!!!  (And take your Smurfs with you.)
 %
-Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 Eternity is a terrible thought.  I mean, where's it going to end?
 		-- Tom Stoppard
 %
 Etiquette is for those with no breeding;
 fashion for those with no taste.
 %
-Etymology, n:
-	Some early etymological scholars came up with derivations that
-	were hard for the public to believe.  The term 'etymology' was
-	formed from the Latin 'etus' ("eaten"), the root 'mal' ("bad"),
-	and 'logy' ("study of").  It meant "the study of things that are
-	hard to swallow."
-		-- Mike Kellen
-%
 Euch ist becannt, was wir beduerfen;
 Wir wollen stark Getraenke schluerfen.
 		-- Goethe, "Faust"
@@ -15825,16 +13579,9 @@ Even God cannot change the past.
 Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
 		-- Menander
 %
-Even if you do learn to speak correct
-English, whom are you going to speak it to?
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
 Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
 		-- Aristophanes
 %
-Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
 Even in the moment of our earliest kiss,
 When sighed the straitened bud into the flower,
 Sat the dry seed of most unwelcome this;
@@ -15858,15 +13605,6 @@ Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling
 just a bit unchivalrous...
 		-- Robert Benchley
 %
-Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
-		-- Kehlog Albran
-%
-Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
-		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
-%
-Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
-States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only 2 cents a day.
-%
 Events are not affected, they develop.
 		-- Sri Aurobindo
 %
@@ -15879,9 +13617,6 @@ Ever get the feeling that the world's
 on tape and one of the reels is missing?
 		-- Rich Little
 %
-Ever notice that even the busiest people are
-never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
-%
 Ever notice that the word "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist"?
 Simple coincidence?
 Maybe...
@@ -15974,9 +13709,6 @@ Everlasting peace will come to the world when the last man has slain
 the last but one.
 		-- Adolph Hitler
 %
-Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby.
-Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
-%
 Every cloud engenders not a storm.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
 %
@@ -15986,8 +13718,6 @@ you should have sold it, and bought titanium.
 Every country has the government it deserves.
 		-- Joseph De Maistre
 %
-Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
-%
 Every day it's the same thing -- variety.  I want something different.
 %
 Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
@@ -15995,15 +13725,6 @@ Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
 %
 Every dog has its day, but the nights belong to the pussycats.
 %
-Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
-signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not
-fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.  This world in arms is not 
-spending money alone.  It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the
-genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.  This is not
-a way of life at all in any true sense.  Under the clouds of war, it 
-is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.  
-		-- Dwight Eisenhower, 1953
-%
 Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
 		-- Don Vonada
 %
@@ -16023,9 +13744,6 @@ but he would draw his notions from the fabric of the ship, and would find
 in the mind, sails, masts, rudder, and compass.
 		-- Thomas Reid, "An Inquiry into the Human Mind", 1764
 %
-Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
-		-- Miguel de Cervantes
-%
 Every man takes the limits of his own field
 of vision for the limits of the world.
 		-- Schopenhauer
@@ -16070,7 +13788,7 @@ when they aren't.
 
 	When a politician rubs his nose, he isn't lying.
 	When a politician tugs on his ear, he isn't lying.
-	When a politician scratches his colar bone, he isn't lying.
+	When a politician scratches his collar bone, he isn't lying.
 	When his mouth starts moving, that's when he's lying!
 %
 Every paper published in a respectable journal should have a preface by
@@ -16088,9 +13806,6 @@ Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one
 instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program
 can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
 %
-Every program has (at least) two purposes:
-	the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
-%
 Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
 %
 Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper ... everyone was
@@ -16118,9 +13833,6 @@ Reality, it comes in through the window.
 Every why hath a wherefore.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"
 %
-Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
-		-- Beckett
-%
 Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is
 the best one.
 		-- Jack Hurley
@@ -16178,12 +13890,10 @@ Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
 Everybody needs a little love sometime;
 stop hacking and fall in love!
 %
-Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
-%
 Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had
 to be taught how not to.  So it is with the great programmers.
 %
-Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
+Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
 %
 Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
 %
@@ -16195,17 +13905,6 @@ Everyone is in the best seat.
 Everyone is more or less mad on one point.
 		-- Rudyard Kipling
 %
-Everyone knows that dragons don't exist.  But while this simplistic
-formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the
-scientific mind.  The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact
-wholly unconcerned with what DOES exist.  Indeed, the banality of
-existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us
-to discuss it any further here.  The brilliant Cerebron, attacking
-the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon:
-the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical.  They were
-all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely
-different way...
-%
 Everyone wants results, but no one is willing to do what it takes
 to get them.
 		-- Dirty Harry
@@ -16234,17 +13933,12 @@ Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
 Everything in this book may be wrong.
 		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
-Everything is controlled by a small evil group
-to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
-%
 Everything is possible.  Pass the word.
 		-- Rita Mae Brown, "Six of One"
 %
 Everything might be different in the present
 if only one thing had been different in the past.
 %
-Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
-%
 Everything should be built top-down, except this time.
 %
 Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
@@ -16260,26 +13954,10 @@ Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
 %
 Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
 %
-Everything you know is wrong!
-%
 Everything you read in newspapers is absolutely true, except for that
 rare story of which you happen to have first-hand knowledge.
 		-- Erwin Knoll
 %
-Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less
-obvious as you begin to study the universe.  For example, there are no
-solids in the universe.  There's not even a suggestion of a solid.
-There are no absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.  There are no
-straight lines.
-	-- R. Buckminster Fuller
-%
-Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less
-obvious as you begin to study the universe.  For example, there are no
-solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid.  There
-are no absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.  There are no
-straight lines.
-		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
-%
 Everything's great in this good old world;
 (This is the stuff they can always use.)
 God's in his heaven, the hill's dew-pearled;
@@ -16325,13 +14003,6 @@ Example is not the main thing in influencing others.
 It is the only thing.
 		-- Albert Schweitzer
 %
-Excellent day for drinking heavily.
-Spike the office water cooler.
-%
-Excellent day to have a rotten day.
-%
-Excellent time to become a missing person.
-%
 Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.
 		-- Miller
 %
@@ -16341,15 +14012,7 @@ customer working for a well-known military-affiliated research lab:
 Support:  "You're not our only customer, you know."
 Customer: "But we're one of the few with tactical nuclear weapons."
 %
-Excess on occasion is exhilarating.  It prevents moderation from
-acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham
-%
-Excess on occasion is exhilarating.  It prevents
-moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham
-%
-Excessive login messages is a sure sign of senility.
+Excessive login messages are a sure sign of senility.
 %
 Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.
 		-- Marcus Aurelius
@@ -16365,13 +14028,8 @@ Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.
 %
 Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
 %
-Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
-%
 Expedience is the best teacher.
 %
-Expense accounts, n:
-	Corporate food stamps.
-%
 Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.
 		-- Minna Antrim, "Naked Truth and Veiled Allusions"
 %
@@ -16379,20 +14037,8 @@ Experience is not what happens to you;
 it is what you do with what happens to you.
 		-- Aldous Huxley
 %
-Experience is that marvelous thing that enables
-you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
-		-- Franklin Jones
-%
-Experience is the worst teacher.  It always
-gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
-%
-Experience is what causes a person
-to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
-%
 Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
 %
-Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
-%
 Experience, n:
 	Something you don't get until just after you need it.
 		-- Olivier
@@ -16411,13 +14057,13 @@ Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary proof.  There are many examples
 of outsiders who eventually overthrew entrenched scientific orthodoxies,
 but they prevailed with irrefutable data.  More often, egregious findings
 that contradict well-established research turn out to be artifacts.  I have
-argued that accepting psychic powers, reincarnation, "cosmic conciousness,"
+argued that accepting psychic powers, reincarnation, "cosmic consciousness,"
 and the like, would entail fundamental revisions of the foundations of
 neuroscience.  Before abandoning materialist theories of mind that have paid
 handsome dividends, we should insist on better evidence for psi phenomena
 than presently exists, especially when neurology and psychology themselves
 offer more plausible alternatives.
-		-- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Conciousness:
+		-- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Consciousness:
 		   Implications for Psi Phenomena".
 %
 Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
@@ -16429,10 +14075,6 @@ of justice is no virtue.
 %
 f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
 %
-f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
-%
-F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
-%
 f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr.
 %
 FACILITY REJECTED 100044200000;
@@ -16471,9 +14113,6 @@ Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
 Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
 		-- Sir Walter Raleigh
 %
-Fairy tale:
-	A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
-%
 Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
 %
 Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam
@@ -16482,15 +14121,6 @@ on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
 Faith is under the left nipple.
 		-- Martin Luther
 %
-Faith, n:
-	That quality which enables us to
-	believe what we know to be untrue.
-%
-Fakir, n:
-	A psychologist whose charismatic data have inspired almost
-	religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources
-	seem to have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
-%
 Falling in Love
 	When two people have been on enough dates, they generally fall in
 love.  You can tell you're in love by the way you feel: your head becomes
@@ -16517,8 +14147,6 @@ autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.
 %
 Fame may be fleeting but obscurity is forever.
 %
-Familiarity breeds attempt.
-%
 Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
@@ -16532,18 +14160,6 @@ Then he will crown a tranquil life
 By becoming a Cabinet Minister
 		-- Su Tung-p'o
 %
-Famous last words:
-%
-Famous last words:
-	1: Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
-	2: Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
-	3: What happens if you touch these two wires tog...
-	4: We won't need reservations.
-	5: It's always sunny there this time of the year.
-	6: Don't worry, it's not loaded.
-	7: They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
-	8: Don't worry!  Women love it!
-%
 Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have
 forgotten your aim.
 		-- George Santayana
@@ -16565,22 +14181,10 @@ was the Empire forged.
 %
 Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
 %
-Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western
-Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.  Orbiting this
-at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly
-insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are
-so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty
-neat idea.
-		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-%
 Farmers in the Iowa State survey rated machinery breakdowns more
 stressful than divorce.
 		-- Wall Street Journal
 %
-Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter
-it every six months.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
 		-- Victor Hugo
 %
@@ -16599,8 +14203,6 @@ Fat people of the world unite, we've got nothing to lose!
 Father:	Son, it's time we talked about sex.
 Son:	Sure, Dad, what do you want to know?
 %
-Fats Loves Madelyn.
-%
 Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity.
 Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.
 		-- Joe Orton, "Loot"
@@ -16615,7 +14217,7 @@ Fear is the greatest salesman.
 		-- Robert Klein
 %
 feature, n:
-	A surprising property of a program.  Occasionaly documented.  To
+	A surprising property of a program.  Occasionally documented.  To
 	call a property a feature sometimes means the author did not
 	consider that case, and the program makes an unexpected, though
 	not necessarily wrong response.  See BUG.  "That's not a bug, it's
@@ -16632,12 +14234,12 @@ Feeling amorous, she looked under the sheets and cried, "Oh, no,
 it's Microsoft!"
 %
 Felix Catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
-An endothermic quadroped, carniverous by nature.
+An endothermic quadroped, carnivorous by nature.
 Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
 Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.
 I find myself intrigued by your sub-vocal oscillations,
 A singular development of cat communications
-That obviates your basic hedonistic predelection
+That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
 For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
 A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents:
 You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance;
@@ -16677,9 +14279,6 @@ FENDERBERG:
 Ferguson's Precept:
 	A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
 %
-Fertility is hereditary.  If your parents
-didn't have any children, neither will you.
-%
 Fess:	Well, you must admit there is something innately humorous about
 	a man chasing an invention of his own halfway across the galaxy.
 Rod:	Oh yeah, it's a million yuks, sure.  But after all, isn't that the
@@ -16700,11 +14299,6 @@ Drink and the devil had done for the rest,
 Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
 		-- Stevenson, "Treasure Island"
 %
-Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
-	If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
-Corollary:
-	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
-%
 File cabinet:
 	A four drawer, manually activated trash compactor.
 %
@@ -16714,9 +14308,6 @@ filibuster, n:
 Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.
 		-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
 %
-Finagle's Creed:
-	Science is true.  Don't be misled by facts.
-%
 Finagle's Eighth Law:
 	If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
 
@@ -16751,15 +14342,6 @@ Finagle's Sixth Law:
 Finagle's Seventh Law:
 	The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
 %
-Finagle's Third Law:
-	In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
-	beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
-
-Corollaries:
-	1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
-	2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really
-	   don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
-%
 Finality is death.
 Perfection is finality.
 Nothing is perfect.
@@ -16768,10 +14350,6 @@ There are lumps in it.
 Fine day for friends.
 So-so day for you.
 %
-Fine day to throw a party.  Throw him as far as you can.
-%
-Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
-%
 Finster's Law:
 A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 %
@@ -16790,17 +14368,10 @@ Fifth Law of Procrastination:
 	Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
 	there is nothing important to do.
 %
-First Law of Socio-Genetics:
-	Celibacy is not hereditary.
-%
 First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity, no really
 self-respecting woman would take advantage of it.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw, "John Bull's Other Island"
 %
-First Rule of History:
-	History doesn't repeat itself --
-	historians merely repeat each other.
-%
 First rule of public speaking.
 	First, tell 'em what you're goin' to tell 'em;
 	then tell 'em;
@@ -16846,9 +14417,6 @@ Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime.
 Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.
 		-- Adolfo Guzman
 %
-Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-		-- Robert Firth
-%
 Five names that I can hardly stand to hear,
 Including yours and mine and one more chimp who isn't here,
 I can see the ladies talking how the times is gettin' hard,
@@ -16895,10 +14463,6 @@ FLANNISTER:
 	The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer together.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
 %
-FLASH!
-Intelligence of mankind decreasing.
-Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....
-%
 Flattery is like cologne -- to be smelled, but not swallowed.
 		-- Josh Billings
 %
@@ -16909,38 +14473,11 @@ Flee at once, all is discovered.
 Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
 		-- Helen Rowland
 %
-Flon's Law:
-	There is not now, and never will be, a language in
-	which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
-%
-flowchart, n. & v.
-	[From flow "to ripple down in rich profusion, as hair" + chart
-	"a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated."]
-	1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni
-	construction problems in which given algoritms require geometrical
-	representation using only the 35 basic ideograms of the ANSI
-	template.  2. n. Neronic doodling while the system burns.
-	3. n. A low-cost substitute for wallpaper.  4. n.  The innumerate
-	misleading the illiterate.  "A thousand pictures is worth ten lines
-	of code." --The Programmer's Little Red Vade Mecum, Mao Tse T'umps.
-	5. v.intrans. To produce flowcharts with no particular object in mind.
-	6. v.trans. To obfuscate (a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
-		-- S. Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
-%
-Flugg's Law:
-	When you need to knock on wood is when you realize
-	that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
-%
 Fly me away to the bright side of the moon ...
 %
 Flying is the second greatest feeling you can have.  The greatest feeling?
 Landing...  Landing is the greatest feeling you can have.
 %
-Fog Lamps, n:
-	Excessively (often obnoxiously) bright lamps mounted on the fronts
-	of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
-	driver's brain is in a fog.  See also "Idiot Lights".
-%
 "Follow me around.  I don't care.  I'm serious.  If anybody wants to put a
 tail on me, go ahead.  They'd be very bored."
 		-- Gary Hart, announcing his presidential candidacy,
@@ -16968,9 +14505,6 @@ For a light heart lives long.
 %
 For adult education nothing beats children.
 %
-For an idea to be fashionable is ominous,
-since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
-%
 For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.
 		-- Gore Vidal
 %
@@ -17004,7 +14538,7 @@ when moving between an mskipand ordinary skip, the conversion factor
 %
 For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
 %
-For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel
+For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel
 and cook.
 		-- Quentin Crisp
 %
@@ -17072,17 +14606,6 @@ FOR SALE:
 	Parachute.  Used once.
 	Never opened.  Slightly Stained.
 %
-For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say
-"Canada".  Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.
-		-- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.
-%
-For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
-%
-For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the
-massive jobs of a thousand years ago.  Why not, then, the
-last step of doing away with computers altogether?"
-		-- Jehan Shuman
-%
 For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels,
 each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall
 was a gate.
@@ -17158,19 +14681,6 @@ swelling.  Boil for three hours, pricking regularly all over.  If bag not
 available, steam in greased basin covered by greaseproof paper and cloth for
 four to five hours.
 %
-For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-For three days after death hair and fingernails
-continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
-		-- Johnny Carson
-%
-For years a secret shame destroyed my peace--
-I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
-But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
-Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-		-- Justin Richardson.
-%
 Force has no place where there is need of skill.
 		-- Herodotus
 %
@@ -17253,7 +14763,7 @@ the person making the claim, not the critic.  It is not the responsibility
 of UFO skeptics to prove that a UFO has never existed, nor is it the
 responsibility of paranormal-health-claims skeptics to prove that crystals
 or colored lights never healed anyone.  The skeptic's role is to point out
-claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidcence and to
+claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidence and to
 provide plausible alternative explanations that are more in keeping with
 the accepted body of scientific evidence.
 		-- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII,
@@ -17445,7 +14955,7 @@ of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
 FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #10
 
 CARTABLANCA:
-	Bogart stars as the owner of a north african nightclub that sells
+	Bogart stars as the owner of a north African nightclub that sells
 	only Mexican beer.  Of course, this policy gets him into no end of
 	trouble with the local French authorities who would really prefer
 	wine and the occupying Germans who believe that only their beer is
@@ -17795,7 +15305,7 @@ Fortune's Exercising Truths:
 5.  No matter what anyone tells you, isometric exercises cannot be done
     quietly at your desk at work.  People will suspect manic tendencies as
     you twitter around in your chair.
-6.  Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys mosts is tripping joggers.
+6.  Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys most is tripping joggers.
 7.  Locking four people in a tiny, cement-walled room so they can run around
     for an hour smashing a little rubber ball -- and each other -- with a hard
     racket should immediately be recognized for what it is: a form of insanity.
@@ -17845,7 +15355,7 @@ Ruth, but after the oldest daughter of President Grover Cleveland.
 %
 FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL:		#37
 	Can you name the seven seas?
-		Antartic, Artic, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, Indian,
+		Antarctic, Arctic, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, Indian,
 		North Pacific, South Pacific.
 	Can you name the seven dwarfs from Snow White?
 		Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy and Bashful.
@@ -17935,7 +15445,7 @@ FORTUNE'S GUIDE TO DEALING WITH REAL-LIFE SCIENCE FICTION: #6
 What to do...
     if a starship, equipped with an FTL hyperdrive lands in your backyard?
 	First of all, do not run after your camera.  You will not have any
-	film, and, given the state of computer animation, noone will believe
+	film, and, given the state of computer animation, no one will believe
 	you anyway.  Be polite.  Remember, if they have an FTL hyperdrive,
 	they can probably vaporize you, should they find you to be rude.
 	Direct them to the White House lawn, which is where they probably
@@ -17977,7 +15487,7 @@ sharp-eared informant transcribed the following exchange between our hero
 and Rep. John D. Dingell, also of Michigan.
 
 Dingell: "There are places in the world at the present time where we are
-	  having to artifically propogate oysters and clams."
+	  having to artificially propagate oysters and clams."
 Hoffman: "You mean the oysters I buy are not nature's oysters?"
 Dingell: "They may or may not be natural.  The simple fact of the matter is
 	  that female oysters through their living habits cast out large
@@ -18050,19 +15560,6 @@ ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature.
 This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.
 		-- Robert Parker, quoted in "Murder Ink",  ed. D. Wynn
 %
-Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
-	The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
-	instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
-
-Corollary:
-	Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except
-	study for that instructor's course.
-%
-Fourth Law of Revision:
-	It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
-	interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one
-	for you.
-%
 Frankly, Scarlett, I don't have a fix.
 		-- Rhett Buggler
 %
@@ -18108,19 +15605,6 @@ Friends, n:
 
 	People who know you well, but like you anyway.
 %
-Friends, Romans, Hipsters,
-Let me clue you in;
-I come to put down Caeser, not to groove him.
-The square kicks some cats are on stay with them;
-The hip bits, like, go down under; so let it lay with Caeser.
-The cool Brutus gave you the message: Caeser had big eyes;
-If that's the sound, someone's copping a plea,
-And, like, old Caeser really set them straight.
-Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs, -- for Brutus is a
-	real cool cat;
-So are they all, all cool cats, --
-Come I to make this gig at Caeser's laying down.
-%
 Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority
 over the other.
 		-- Honore DeBalzac
@@ -18154,23 +15638,11 @@ From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was
 convulsed with laughter.  Some day I intend reading it.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-From too much love of living,
-From hope and fear set free,
-We thank with brief thanskgiving,
-Whatever gods may be,
-That no life lives forever,
-That dead men rise up never,
-That even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
-		-- Swinburne
-%
 F.S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway:
 	"Ernest, the rich are different from us."
 Hemingway:
 	"Yes.  They have more money."
 %
-Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
-	Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
-%
 Fun experiments:
 	Get a can of shaving cream, throw it in a freezer for about a week.
 	Then take it out, peel the metal off and put it where you want...
@@ -18190,27 +15662,12 @@ Function reject.
 %
 Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything.
 %
-FURBLING:
-	Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
-	even when you are the only person in line.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
-furbling, v:
-	Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
-	even when you are the only person in line.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
 		-- H. H. Williams
 %
-Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
-		-- H.H. Williams
-%
 Furthermore, if we send something by car, it's a shipment...
 but if we send it by ship, it's cargo.
 %
-Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
-%
 Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.
 		-- Joseph Stalin
 %
@@ -18220,53 +15677,12 @@ there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.
 %
 Garbage In - Gospel Out.
 %
-Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on
-our heads tomorrow.  But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!
-		-- Adventures of Asterix
-%
-Gay shlafen:  Yiddish for "go to sleep".
-
-Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the
-harsh, staccato "go to sleep"?  Listen to the difference:
-	"Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling."
-Obvious, isn't it?
-	Clearly the best thing you can do for you children is to start
-speaking Yiddish right now and never speak another word of English as
-long as you live.  This will, of course, entail teaching Yiddish to all
-your friends, business associates, the people at the supermarket, and
-so on, but that's just the point.  It has to start with committed
-individuals and then grow....
-	Some minor adjustments will have to be made, of course: those
-signs written in what look like Yiddish letters won't be funny when
-everything is written in Yiddish.  And we'll have to start driving on
-the left side of the road so we won't be reading the street signs
-backwards.  But is that too high a price to pay for world peace?
-I think not, my friend, I think not.
-		-- Arthur Naiman
-%
 GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
 	A day to take the initiative.  Put the garbage out, for
 	instance, and pick up the stuff at the dry cleaners.  Watch
 	the mail carefully, although there won't be anything good
 	in it today, either.
 %
-GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
-	Good news and bad news highlighted.  Enjoy the good news while you
-	can; the bad news will make you forget it.  You will enjoy praise
-	and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker.  A short
-	trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
-%
-GENDERPLEX:
-	The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
-	determine his or her designated restroom (e.g. turtles and tortoises).
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
-genderplex, n:
-	The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
-	determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
-	tortoises).
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 GENEALOGY:
 	An account of one's descent from an ancestor
 	who did not particularly care to trace his own.
@@ -18282,12 +15698,6 @@ Generic Fortune.
 %
 Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
 %
-Genetics explains why you look like your father,
-and if you don't, why you should.
-%
-GENIUS:
-	A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with bright.
-%
 GENIUS:
 	Person clever enough to be born in the right place at the right
 	time of the right sex and to follow up this advantage by saying
@@ -18309,10 +15719,6 @@ Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
 Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
 		-- Elbert Hubbard
 %
-genius, n:
-	A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with
-	"bright".
-%
 genlock, n:
 	Why he stays in the bottle.
 %
@@ -18354,12 +15760,6 @@ Churchill wrote back, returning the two tickets and excused himself as he
 had a previous engagement.  He also attached the following:
 	"Please send me two tickets for the next night, if there is one."
 %
-George Orwell was an optimist.
-%
-George Washington was first in war, first in peace -- and the first to
-have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
-		-- Ashley Cooper
-%
 George's friend Sam had a dog who could recite the Gettysburg Address.  "Let
 me buy him from you," pleaded George after a demonstration.
 	"Okay," agreed Sam.  "All he knows is that Lincoln speech anyway."
@@ -18378,33 +15778,6 @@ gonna get on Labor Day."
 one man ever understood me."  He fell silent for a while and then added,
 "And he didn't understand me."
 %
-Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
-	1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
-	2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
-	3) The energy required to change either one of these states
-	   will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so
-	   much as to make the task totally impossible.
-%
-Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
-%
-Get GUMMed
-----------
- 
-The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April 1, 2076
-(check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above the ground
-directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps.  Members will grep each other by the
-hand (after intro), yacc a lot, smoke filtered chroots in pipes, chown with
-forks, use the wc (unless uuclean), fseek nice zombie processes, strip, and
-sleep, but not, we hope, od.  Three days will be devoted to discussion of the
-ramifications of whodo.  Two seconds have been allotted for a complete rundown
-of all the user-friendly features of Unix.  Seminars include "Everything You
-Know is Wrong", led by Tom Kempson, "Batman or Cat:man?" led by Richie Dennis
-"cc C?  Si!  Si!" led by Kerwin Bernighan, and "Document Unix, Are You
-Kidding?" led by Jan Yeats.  No Reader Service No. is necessary because all
-GUGUs (Gurus of Unix Group of Users) already know everything we could tell
-them.
-		-- Dr. Dobb's Journal, June 1984
-%
 Get in touch with your feelings of hostility against the dying light.
 		-- Dylan Thomas
 %
@@ -18413,12 +15786,12 @@ Getting into trouble is easy.
 %
 Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked
 out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.
-		-- Melvin Belli on the occcasion of his getting kicked out
+		-- Melvin Belli on the occasion of his getting kicked out
 		   of the American Bar Association
 %
 Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
 
-Corrollary:
+Corollary:
 	Following the rules will not get the job done.
 %
 Getting there is only half as far as getting there and back.
@@ -18461,21 +15834,6 @@ in Mordor where the shadows are.
 %
 Ginger Snap
 %
-Ginsberg's Theorem:
-	1. You can't win.
-	2. You can't break even.
-	3. You can't even quit the game.
-
-Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
-
-	Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
-	meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
-	Theorem.  To wit:
-
-	1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
-	2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
-	3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
-%
 Ginsburg's Law:
 	At the precise moment you take off your shoe in a shoe store, your
 big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.
@@ -18499,9 +15857,6 @@ Give him an evasive answer.
 Give me a fish and I will eat today.
 Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
 %
-Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh
-dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
-%
 Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
 %
 Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
@@ -18522,13 +15877,8 @@ Give these, the homeless, typist-tossed to me.
 I lift my disk beside the processor.
 		-- Inscription on a Word Processor
 %
-Give thought to your reputation.
-Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
-%
 GIVE UP!!!!
 %
-Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
-%
 Give your very best today.
 Heaven knows it's little enough.
 %
@@ -18544,28 +15894,14 @@ Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
 Given sufficient time, what you put
 off doing today will get done by itself.
 %
-Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd
-rather lie around.  No contest.
-		-- Eric Clapton
-%
 Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and
 car keys to teenage boys.
 	-- P.J. O'Rourke
 %
-Giving up on assembly language was the apple in our Garden of Eden:  Languages
-whose use squanders machine cycles are sinful.  The LISP machine now permits
-LISP programmers to abandon bra and fig-leaf.
-		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
-%
 GLEEMITES:
 	Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
 %
-Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
-	Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
-	probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting
-	some useful work done.
-%
 Gloffing is a state of mine.
 %
 Glogg (a traditional Scandinavian holiday drink):
@@ -18603,8 +15939,6 @@ Go away! Stop bothering me with all your
 
 logout
 %
-Go climb a gravity well.
-%
 Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
 %
 Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.
@@ -18665,28 +15999,11 @@ God gave man two ears and one tongue so
 that we listen twice as much as we speak.
 		-- Arab proverb
 %
-God gives burdens; also shoulders.
-
-	Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech
-at the end of the 1980 election.  At least he said it was a Jewish
-saying; I can't find it anywhere.  I'm sure he's telling the truth
-though; why would he lie about a thing like that?
-		-- Arthur Naiman
-%
 God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
 %
 God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to
 change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.
 %
-God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little...
-The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do
-not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman...
-not enough to support a man and five children if he insists on smoking
-and drinking beer.  But the man who cannot live on bread and water is
-not fit to live!  A family may live on good bread and water in the
-morning, water and bread at midday, and good bread and water at night!
-		-- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher
-%
 God help the troubadour who tries to be a star.  The more
 that you try to find success, the more that you will fail.
 		-- Phil Ochs, on the Second System Effect
@@ -18703,17 +16020,6 @@ God instructs the heart, not by ideas,
 but by pains and contradictions.
 		-- De Caussade
 %
-God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
-%
-God is a polytheist.
-%
-God is Dead.
-		-- Nietzsche
-Nietzsche is Dead.
-		-- God
-Nietzsche is God.
-		-- Dead
-%
 God is dead and I don't feel all too well either....
 		-- Ralph Moonen
 %
@@ -18723,39 +16029,18 @@ God is love, but get it in writing.
 God is not dead.  He is alive and well and working on a
 much less ambitious project.
 %
-God is not dead!  He's alive and autographing Bibles at Cody's!
-%
-God is real, unless declared integer.
-%
-God is really only another artist.  He invented the giraffe, the
-elephant and the cat.  He has no real style, He just goes on trying
-other things.
-		-- Pablo Picasso
-%
-God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-		-- Alfred Jarry
-%
 God isn't dead.  He just doesn't want to get involved.
 %
-God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
-%
 God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
 		-- Paul Valery
 %
-God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
-%
 God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
 		-- Kronecker
 %
 God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
 %
-God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
 God must have loved calories, she made so many of them.
 %
-God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
-%
 God rest ye CS students now,		The bearings on the drum are gone,
 Let nothing you dismay.			The disk is wobbling, too.
 The VAX is down and won't be up,	We've found a bug in Lisp, and Algol
@@ -18772,7 +16057,7 @@ The staff committed suicide,		The turnaround time's nineteen weeks.
 We'll bury them today.			And only cards are read.
 (chorus)				(chorus)
 
-And now we'd like to say to you		CHORUS:	Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
+And now we'd like to say to you		CHORUS: Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
 Before we go away,				Comfort and joy,
 We hope the news we've brought to you		Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.
 Won't ruin your whole day.
@@ -18803,20 +16088,6 @@ Goda's Truism:
 %
 Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
 %
-Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school
-make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
-%
-Gold, n:
-	A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution.  It
-	is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich
-	men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons,
-	although gold hasn't done anything to them.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-Goldenstern's Rules:
-	1.  Always hire a rich attorney.
-	2.  Never buy from a rich salesman.
-%
 Goldfish... what stupid animals.  Even Wayne Cody stops
 eating before he bursts.
 %
@@ -18850,26 +16121,14 @@ Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)
 %
 Good advice is one of those insults that ought to be forgiven.
 %
-Good advice is something a man gives
-when he is too old to set a bad example.
-		-- La Rouchefoucauld
-%
-Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
-%
 Good day for business affairs.
 Make a pass at that the new file clerk.
 %
-Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
-%
-Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to school.
-%
 Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to work.
 %
 Good day to deal with people in high places;
 particularly lonely stewardesses.
 %
-Good day to let down old friends who need help.
-%
 Good evening, gentlemen.  I am a HAL 9000 computer.  I became operational
 at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois, on January 11th, nineteen hundred
 ninety-five.  My supervisor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a
@@ -18887,12 +16146,10 @@ government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders.
 %
 "Good health" is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
 %
-Good judgement comes from experience.
-Experience comes from bad judgement.
+Good judgment comes from experience.
+Experience comes from bad judgment.
 		-- Jim Horning
 %
-Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
-%
 Good morning.  This is the telephone company.  Due to repairs, we're
 giving you advance notice that your service will be cut off indefinitely
 at ten o'clock.  That's two minutes from now.
@@ -18901,15 +16158,10 @@ Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
 %
 Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
 %
-Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
-%
 Good night, Austin, Texas, wherever you are!
 %
 Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
 %
-Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
-new lover.
-%
 Good night to spend with family,
 but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.
 %
@@ -18919,9 +16171,6 @@ Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.
 Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.
 		-- Gail Godwin
 %
-Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.
-		-- George Saunders' dying words
-%
 Goodbye, cool world.
 %
 Goose pimples rose all over me, my hair stood on end, my eyes filled with
@@ -18940,8 +16189,6 @@ gossip, n:
 	Hearing something you like about someone you don't.
 		-- Earl Wilson
 %
-//GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
-%
 Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?  
 Call the convenient toll-free "IRS Taxpayer Complaint Hot Line Number":
 
@@ -18970,9 +16217,6 @@ Don't make no difference what nobody says,
 Ain't nobody likes to be alone.
 		-- Bruce Springsteen, "Hungry Heart"
 %
-Got Mole problems?
-Call Avogadro at 6.02 x 10^23.
-%
 Gourmet, n:
 	Anyone whom, when you fail to finish something strange or
 	revolting, remarks that it's an acquired taste and that you're
@@ -18986,11 +16230,6 @@ more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't
 know much.
 	-- The Best of Will Rogers
 %
-Government spending?  I don't know what it's all about.  I don't know
-any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he
-doesn't know much.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
 Government's Law:
 	There is an exception to all laws.
 %
@@ -18999,11 +16238,6 @@ leash.  I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on
 board.
 		-- Princess Leia Organa
 %
-Grabel's Law:
-	2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
-%
-Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
-%
 Graduate students and most professors are
 no smarter than undergrads.  They're just older.
 %
@@ -19040,15 +16274,6 @@ GRAVITY:
 %
 Gravity brings me down.
 %
-Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
-%
-Gray's Law of Programming:
-	'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be
-	accomplished in the same time as 'n' tasks.
-
-Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law:
-	'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
-%
 Great acts are made up of small deeds.
 		-- Lao Tsu
 %
@@ -19062,7 +16287,7 @@ place of residence.
 %
 GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7):  April 2, 1751
 
-Issac Newton becomes discouraged when he falls up a flight of stairs.
+Isaac Newton becomes discouraged when he falls up a flight of stairs.
 %
 GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7):  November 23, 1915
 
@@ -19077,16 +16302,9 @@ also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
 %
 Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.
 %
-Green light in A.M. for new projects.
-Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
-%
 Green's Law of Debate:
 Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
 %
-Grelb's Reminder:
-	Eighty percent of all people consider
-	themselves to be above average drivers.
-%
 grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines.
 %
 Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full
@@ -19139,9 +16357,6 @@ combining all these themes: it ends with its adolescent hero conquering the
 universe while straddling a giant worm.
 		-- Arnold Klein
 %
-Grub first, then ethics.
-		-- Bertolt Brecht
-%
 GUILLOTINE:
 	A French chopping center.
 %
@@ -19157,17 +16372,6 @@ Gunter's Airborne Discoveries:
 	(2)  The strength of the turbulence
 	     is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.
 %
-GURMLISH:
-	The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which prevents
-	the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his mouth.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
-gurmlish, n.:
-	The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which
-	prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof
-	of his mouth.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 GURU:
 	A person in T-shirt and sandals who took an elevator ride with
 	a senior vice-president and is ultimately responsible for the
@@ -19178,7 +16382,7 @@ guru, n:
 %
 gy-ro-scope:
 	A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also
-	free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to
+	free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to
 	each other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the
 	two mutually perpendicular axes results from application of
 	torque to the other when the wheel is spinning and so that the
@@ -19229,14 +16433,6 @@ Hacker's Guide To Cooking:
 	for 3.6E6 milliseconds while you work on cleaning up stderr, and
 	by time out your cheesecake will be ready for stdin.
 %
-Hacker's Law:
-	The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir
-	a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
-%
-Hacker's Law:
-	The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
-	nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
-%
 Hackers of the world, unite!
 %
 Hacker's Quicky #313:
@@ -19244,8 +16440,6 @@ Hacker's Quicky #313:
 	Microwave Egg Roll
 	Chocolate Milk
 %
-Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
-%
 "Had he and I but met
 By some old ancient inn,		But ranged as infantry,
 We should have sat us down to wet	And staring face to face,
@@ -19269,19 +16463,12 @@ useful hints for the better ordering of the universe.
 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
 	 referring to operating system initialization.]
 %
-Had this been an actual emergency, we would have
-fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
-%
 Hail to the sun god
 He's such a fun god
 Ra! Ra! Ra!
 %
 Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
 %
-Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side?  And hain't that
-a big enough majority in any town?
-		-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
-%
 Hale Mail Rule, The:
 	When you are ready to reply to a letter, you will lack at least
 	one of the following:
@@ -19295,47 +16482,18 @@ But half the bee has got to be, vis-a-vis its entity.  See?
 But can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee,
 When half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury?
 %
-Half Moon tonight.  (At least its better than no Moon at all.)
-%
 Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
 %
 Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't,
 and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
 %
-half-done, n:
-	This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy,
-	light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference between this
-	and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the
-	difference between life and death.
-
-	You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill there
-	in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the airport,
-	fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough Hall,
-	transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on
-	Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk
-	about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop.  Say to the
-	man, "Let me have a nice half-done."  Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
-		-- Arthur Naiman
-%
 Halley's Comet: It came, we saw, we drank.
 %
-Hall's Laws of Politics:
-	(1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending.
-	(2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want
-	    something fixed.
-	(3) Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend
-	    military spending, and conservatives social spending in
-	    their own districts).
-%
-hand, n:
-	A singular instrument worn at the end of a human 
-	arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-%
 Handel's Proverb:
 	You can't produce a baby in one month by impregnating 9 women!
 %
 handshaking protocol, n:
-	A process employed by hostile hardware devices to initate a
+	A process employed by hostile hardware devices to initiate a
 	terse but civil dialogue, which, in turn, is characterized by
 	occasional misunderstanding, sulking, and name-calling.
 %
@@ -19345,18 +16503,6 @@ Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.
 hangover, n:
 	The wrath of grapes.
 %
-Hanlon's Razor:
-	Never attribute to malice
-	that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
-%
-Hanson's Treatment of Time:
-	There are never enough hours in a day,
-	but always too many days before Saturday.
-%
-Hanson's Treatment of Time:
-	There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
-	before Saturday.
-%
 Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
 %
 happiness, adv:
@@ -19373,9 +16519,6 @@ Happiness is a positive cash flow.
 Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
 		-- Ingrid Bergman
 %
-Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
 %
 Happiness is the greatest good.
@@ -19384,9 +16527,6 @@ Happiness is twin floppies.
 %
 Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have.
 %
-Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
-		-- Oscar Levant
-%
 Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
 %
 Happy feast of the pig!
@@ -19400,14 +16540,9 @@ hard, adj:
 Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.
 		-- Daniel Dennett
 %
-Hard work may not kill you, but why take the chance?
-%
 Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
 		-- Charlie McCarthy
 %
-Hardware:
-	The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
-%
 Hardware met Software on the road to Changtse. Software said: "You are Yin
 and I am Yang. If we travel together we will become famous and earn vast
 sums of money." And so the set forth together, thinking to conquer the world.
@@ -19421,17 +16556,12 @@ for it is complete within itself.  It exists beyond space and time."
 hardware, n:
 	The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
 %
-Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark
-The Duke is fond of kittens
-He likes to take their insides out
-And use them for his mittens
-		-- The Thirteen Clocks
-%
 Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
 Advertising wondrous things.
 
 Angels we have heard on High
 Tell us to go out and Buy.
+	-- Tom Lehrer
 %
 Harp not on that string.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
@@ -19461,10 +16591,6 @@ to the commonplace and practicable, "that there has been an earthquake."
 hadn't been carving that pie."
 		-- Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men In A Boat"
 %
-Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
-	Experience is directly proportional to the amount of
-	equipment ruined.
-%
 Harrison's Postulate:
 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
 %
@@ -19488,39 +16614,17 @@ was an excellent shot that landed 7 feet from the hole.  "It's the least I
 could do," he said, smiling at his shot, "We were married for 22 years,
 you know."
 %
-Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he makes us
-all go to Assateague, which is an island on the Atlantic Ocean famous for
-its wild horses.  I realize that the concept of wild horses probably stirs
-romantic notions in many of you, but this is because you have never met any
-wild horses in person.  In person, they are like enormous hooved rats.  They
-amble up to your camp site, and their attitude is: "We're wild horses.
-We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes.
-We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon."
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 Harry's bar has a new cocktail.  It's called MRS punch.  They make it with
 milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful.  The milk is for vitality and the 
 sugar is for pep.  They put in the rum so that people will know what to do
 with all that pep and vitality.
 %
-Hartley's First Law:
-	You can lead a horse to water, but if you can
-	get him to float on his back, you've got something.
-%
-Hartley's Second Law:
-	Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
-%
 HARTLEY'S SECOND LAW:
 	Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
 
 My corollary:
 	The completely psychotic have all the fun.
 %
-Harvard Law:
-	Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
-	temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the
-	organism will do as it damn well pleases.
-%
 HARVARD:
 Quarterback:
 	Sophomore Dave Strewzinski... likes to pass.  And pass he does, with
@@ -19546,11 +16650,6 @@ coin toss.
 %
 Has anyone ever tasted an "end"?  Are they really bitter?
 %
-"Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?"
-"Yes; I don't have one."
-"Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..."
-		-- E. D'Azevedo, CS, University of Washington
-%
 Has anyone realized that the purpose of the fortune cookie program is to
 defuse project tensions?  When did you ever see a cheerful cookie, a
 non-cynical, or even an informative cookie?
@@ -19561,16 +16660,10 @@ serves to blunt the warning signs.
 	Long live the revolution!
 	Have a nice day.
 %
-Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word "database" are typed
-with the left hand?  Now the layout of the QWERTYUIOP typewriter keyboard
-was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use of both hands.
-It follows, therefore, that writing about databases is not only unnatural,
-but a lot harder than it appears.
-%
 Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it
 appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down,
-and its salient virtuosi a gang of umitigated scoundrels?  Then let us
-not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickel the midriff, its
+and its salient virtuosi a gang of unmitigated scoundrels?  Then let us
+not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickle the midriff, its
 incomparable services as a maker of entertainment.
 		-- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe"
 %
@@ -19593,9 +16686,6 @@ Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie,
 unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.
 		-- Mike Royko
 %
-hatred, n:
-	A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
-%
 Have a coke and a smile!
 		-- John DeLorean
 %
@@ -19635,17 +16725,10 @@ So here I am, Pickering, a confirmed old bachelor and very likely to
 remain so.
 		-- Henry Higgins, "My Fair Lady"
 %
-Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying
-to tell you `there's a time for work and a time for play'
-never find the time for play?
-%
 Have you flogged your kid today?
 %
 Have you locked your file cabinet?
 %
-Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy,
-vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
-%
 Have you seen the latest Japanese camera?  Apparently it is so fast it can
 photograph an American with his mouth shut!
 %
@@ -19728,10 +16811,6 @@ He:	"If I made love to you, would you yell?"
 She:	"What do you want me to yell?"
 		-- Benny Hill
 %
-HE:	Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science.
-SHE:	What?!?  Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains.
-		-- Walt Kelley
-%
 He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now.
 		-- S. Wright
 %
@@ -19748,18 +16827,11 @@ finer than the staple of his argument.
 %
 He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.
 %
-He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation
-perfectly delightful.
-		-- Sydney Smith
-%
 He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild
 and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned
 all hope of ever behaving "normally."
 		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"
 %
-He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 He has been known by many names;  the Prince of Lies, the Director, Lucifer,
 Belial, and once, at a party, some obnoxious drunk kept calling him "Dude".
 		-- Stig's Inferno
@@ -19874,13 +16946,6 @@ He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
 He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
 		-- Wanda, "A Fish Called Wanda"
 %
-He thought he saw an albatross
-That fluttered 'round the lamp.
-He looked again and saw it was
-A penny postage stamp.
-"You'd best be getting home," he said,
-"The nights are rather damp."
-%
 He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than
 three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked.
 In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by
@@ -19905,17 +16970,11 @@ He was part of my dream, of course --
 but then I was part of his dream too.
 		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
-He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
-%
 He was the sort of person whose personality
 would be greatly improved by a terminal illness.
 %
 He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
 %
-He who attacks the fundamentals of the American
-broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.
-		-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
-%
 He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for
 the human condition is a fool.
 		-- Albert Camus
@@ -20049,12 +17108,6 @@ education and culture.
 HEAD CRASH!!  FILES LOST!!
 Details at 11.
 %
-Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
-%
-Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
-lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
-		-- Redd Foxx
-%
 Hear about...
 	the absent minded sculptor who put his model to bed and
 	started chiseling on his wife?
@@ -20100,24 +17153,13 @@ on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.
 		-- Dr. John Lightfoot,
 		Vice-chancellor of Cambridge University
 %
-heaven, n:
-	A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of
-	their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while
-	you expound your own.
-%
 Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.
 		-- Lord Kelvin, President, Royal Society, c. 1895
 %
-heavy, adj:
-	Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
-%
 Hedonist for hire... no job too easy!
 %
 Heisenberg may have been here.
 %
-Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
-		-- Milton Friedman
-%
 Hell hath no limits, nor is circumscribed in one self place,
 for where we are is Hell, and where Hell is there must we ever be.
 		-- Christopher Marlowe, "Doctor Faustus"
@@ -20134,13 +17176,6 @@ hell, n:
 Heller's Law:
 	The first myth of management is that it exists.
 %
-Heller's Law:
-	The first myth of management is that it exists.
-
-Johnson's Corollary:
-	Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the
-	organization.
-%
 Hello.  Jim Rockford's machine, this is Larry Doheny's machine.  Will you
 please have your master call my master at his convenience?  Thank you.
 Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.
@@ -20148,7 +17183,7 @@ Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.
 Hello, friend!  You say things aren't going too well?  You say you have a 
 date with your favorite girl when it starts raining so hard you can't see?  
 And you're out on some back road when the car stalls and won't start, so 
-you set off accross the fields, and 50 feet of barbed wire hits you right 
+you set off across the fields, and 50 feet of barbed wire hits you right 
 smack in the puss?  And then there's a big explosion behind you and you 
 don't hear your girl screaming any more?  
 
@@ -20171,12 +17206,8 @@ HELP!  Man trapped in a human body!
 HELP!  MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
 		-- E. E. CUMMINGS
 %
-Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
-%
 HELP!!!! I'm being held prisoner in /usr/games/lib!
 %
-Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
-%
 Help stamp out Mickey-Mouse computer interfaces -- Menus are for Restaurants!
 %
 Hempstone's Question:
@@ -20190,22 +17221,9 @@ them better, and whether helping, or reprimanding, or indulging
 them, without any power of engaging their respect.
 		-- J. Austen
 %
-Her locks an ancient lady gave
-Her loving husband's life to save;
-And men -- they honored so the dame --
-Upon some stars bestowed her name.
-
-But to our modern married fair,
-Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
-No stellar recognition's given.
-There are not stars enough in heaven.
-%
-Here about the young Chinese woman who just won the lottery?
+Hear about the young Chinese woman who just won the lottery?
 One fortunate cookie...
 %
-Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people;
-from President's and Kings to the scum of the earth...
-%
 Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
 %
 Here I am again right where I know I shouldn't be
@@ -20219,67 +17237,9 @@ Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when
 I grow up.
 		-- Peter Drucker
 %
-Here I sit, broken-hearted,
-All logged in, but work unstarted.
-First net.this and net.that,
-And a hot buttered bun for net.fat.
-
-The boss comes by, and I play the game,
-Then I turn back to net.flame.
-Is there a cure (I need your views),
-For someone trapped in net.news?
-
-I need your help, I say 'tween sobs,
-'Cause I'll soon be listed in net.jobs.
-%
-Here in my heart, I am Helen;
-	I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
-I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Stael;
-	I'm Salome, moon of the East.
-
-Here in my soul I am Sappho;
-	Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
-In me Recamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,
-	With Dido, and Eve, and poor Nell.
-
-I'm all of the glamorous ladies
-	At whose beckoning history shook.
-But you are a man, and see only my pan,
-	So I stay at home with a book.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
-Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical
-lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your
-hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings.  Did you
-notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain?  This
-teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never
-use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson.
-	It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works.  When you scuffed
-your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects
-that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt.
-The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger,
-where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travels
-down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
 if you're alive, it isn't.
 %
-Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month.  According
-to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing severe
-marketing anxiety in China.
-
-The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either (depending on the
-inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole".
-
-Bite the wax tadpole.  There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?
-
-The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard to get
-a whole column out of it.  I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax
-tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare.  Not bad, but broad
-satiric vistas do not open up.
-	-- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle
-%
 HERE LIES LESTER MOORE
 SHOT 4 TIMES WITH A .44
 NO LES
@@ -20297,10 +17257,6 @@ the earth and if it opens wider, go, "Whoa! Whoa!" and flap your arms
 around as if you're going to fall.
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
 %
-Here's something to think about:  How come you never see a headline like
-`Psychic Wins Lottery.'
-		-- Jay Leno
-%
 Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther
 King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
 
@@ -20336,12 +17292,6 @@ He's like a function -- he returns a value, in the form of
 his opinion.  It's up to you to cast it into a void or not.
 		-- Phil Lapsley
 %
-He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd
-be there... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
-%
-Heuristics are bug ridden by definition.
-If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
-%
 Hewett's Observation:
 	The rudeness of a bureaucrat is inversely proportional to his or
 	her position in the governmental hierarchy and to the number of
@@ -20402,19 +17352,6 @@ Sir, how may I ask you a question?
 Sir, may I ask nine questions?
 	(go right ahead...)
 %
-Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet.  As
-you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal
-height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney.  Do you have
-a car or a job?  Do you ever walk around?  If so, you probably have the
-makings of an excellent legal case.  Although of course every case is
-different, I would definitely say that based on my experience and training,
-there's no reason why you shouldn't come out of this thing with at least a
-cabin cruiser.
-
-Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our
-motto is:  'It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.'
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 Hi Jimbo.  Dennis.  Really appreciate the help on the income tax.
 You wanna help on the audit now?
 %
@@ -20433,26 +17370,6 @@ Hideously disfigured by an ancient Indian curse?
 
 Call (511) 338-0959 for an immediate appointment.
 %
-Hier liegt ein Mann ganz obnegleich;
-Im Leibe dick, an Suden reich.
-Wir haben ihn in das Grab gesteckt,	Here lies a man with sundry flaws
-Weil es uns dunkt er sei verreckt.	And numerous Sins upon his head;
-					We buried him today because
-					As far as we can tell, he's dead.
-
-		-- PDQ Bach's epitaph, as requested by his cousin Betty
-		   Sue Bach and written by the local doggeral catcher;
-		   "The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter Schickele
-%
-Higgeldy Piggeldy,
-Hamlet of Elsinore
-Ruffled the critics by
-Dropping this bomb:
-"Phooey on Freud and his
-Psychoanalysis,
-Oedipus, Shmoedipus,
-I just loved Mom."
-%
 Higgins:	Doolittle, you're either an honest man or a rogue.
 Doolittle:	A little of both, Guv'nor.  Like the rest of us, a
 		little of both.
@@ -20498,17 +17415,6 @@ Him:	"Really? That's incredible...
 Hindsight is always 20:20.
 		-- Billy Wilder
 %
-Hindsight is an exact science.
-%
-hippogriff, n:
-	An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin.
-	The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half
-	eagle.  The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter
-	eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.
-	The study of zoology is full of surprises.
-%
-Hire the morally handicapped.
-%
 His designs were strictly honourable, as the phrase is: that is, to rob
 a lady of her fortune by way of marriage.
 		-- Henry Fielding, "Tom Jones"
@@ -20540,11 +17446,6 @@ His ideas of first-aid stopped short of squirting soda water.
 %
 His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
 %
-His mind is like a steel trap: full of mice.
-		-- Foghorn Leghorn
-%
-His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
-%
 Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer
 of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that
 continues to this day.
@@ -20617,15 +17518,7 @@ Hitchcock's Staple Principle:
 	The stapler runs out of staples
 	only while you are trying to staple something.
 %
-H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L. Mencken.
-There is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-		-- Maxwell Bodenhein
-%
-H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L.
-Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-		-- Maxwell Bodenheim
-%
-H.L. Mencken's Law:
+H. L. Mencken's Law:
 	Those who can -- do.
 	Those who can't -- teach.
 
@@ -20634,10 +17527,6 @@ Martin's Extension:
 
 		[No, those who can't teach, teach here.  Ed.]
 %
-Hlade's Law:
-	If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person --
-	they will find an easier way to do it.
-%
 Hoaars-Faisse Gallery presents:
 An exhibit of works by the artist known only as Pretzel.
 
@@ -20654,20 +17543,12 @@ the argument: that the alienation of the person/machine boundary has
 sapped the strength of our voices and must be destroyed for society to
 exist in a more fundamental sense.
 %
-Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
-	Inside every large problem is a small
-	problem struggling to get out.
-%
 Hodie natus est radici frater.
 %
 Hoffer's Discovery:
 	The grand act of a dying institution is to issue a newly
 	revised, enlarged edition of the policies and procedures manual.
 %
-Hofstadter's Law:
-	It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
-	Hofstadter's Law into account.
-%
 HOGAN'S HEROES DRINKING GAME --
 	Take a shot every time:
 
@@ -20721,9 +17602,6 @@ Home on the Range was originally written in beef-flat.
 Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.
 		-- Plato
 %
-Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
-		-- F.M. Hubbard
-%
 Honesty's the best policy.
 		-- Miguel de Cervantes
 %
@@ -20733,13 +17611,6 @@ honeymoon, n:
 %
 Honi soit la vache qui rit.
 %
-Honk if you love peace and quiet.
-%
-honorable, adj:
-	Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
-	bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable;
-	as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
-%
 Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
 		-- Francis Bacon
 %
@@ -20761,15 +17632,9 @@ as the mediocre verses of the young man she is in love with.
 Horner's Five Thumb Postulate:
 	Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
 %
-Horngren's Observation:
-	Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
-%
 Hors d'oeuvres -- a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
 		-- Jack Benny
 %
-Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
 HOST SYSTEM NOT RESPONDING, PROBABLY DOWN. DO YOU WANT TO WAIT? (Y/N)
 %
 HOST SYSTEM RESPONDING, PROBABLY UP...
@@ -20793,9 +17658,6 @@ Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed.
 How apt the poor are to be proud.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Twelfth-Night"
 %
-How can you be in two places at once
-when you're not anywhere at all?
-%
 How can you do 'New Math' problems with an 'Old Math' mind?
 		-- Schulz
 %
@@ -20822,8 +17684,6 @@ claim they'll make you?
 %
 How come we never talk anymore?
 %
-How come wrong numbers are never busy?
-%
 How comes it to pass, then, that we appear such cowards 
 in reasoning, and are so afraid to stand the test of ridicule?
 		-- A. Cooper
@@ -20847,7 +17707,7 @@ I would not have lost so much for recreation.
 Nor for love as the sweet pretend: the children's game
 of deliberate ignorance of each to allow the dreaming.
 Not for the impersonal belly nor the heart's drunkenness
-have I come this far, stubborn, disasterous way.
+have I come this far, stubborn, disastrous way.
 But for relish of those archipelagoes of person.
 To hold her in hand, closed as any sparrow,
 and call and call forever till she turn from bird
@@ -20861,9 +17721,6 @@ I wish I could tell you how it is in that dark,
 standing in the huge singing and the alien world.
 	-- Jack Gilbert, "Don Giovanni on his way to Hell"
 %
-How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
-		-- Elliot, "E.T."
-%
 "How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded.  "And why were you afraid
 to let her touch you?  I saw you.  You were afraid of her."
 	"I doubt that I will feel like talking for very long," the cat
@@ -20878,53 +17735,19 @@ examined his claws.
 hers and not my own, not ever again."
 		-- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
 %
-How doth the little crocodile
-	Improve his shining tail,
-And pour the waters of the Nile
-	On every golden scale!
-
-How cheerfully he seems to grin,
-	How neatly spreads his claws,
-And welcomes little fishes in,
-	With gently smiling jaws!
-%
-How doth the VAX's C-compiler
-	Improve its object code.
-And even as we speak does it
-	Increase the system load.
-
-How patiently it seems to run
-	And spit out error flags,
-While users, with frustration, all
-	Tear their clothes to rags.
-%
 How is the world ruled, and how do wars start?  Diplomats tell lies to
 journalists, and they believe what they read.
 		-- Karl Kraus, "Aphorisms and More Aphorisms"
 %
 How kind of you to be willing to live someone's life for them.
 %
-How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
-%
 How many "coming men" has one known!  Where on earth do they all go to?
 		-- Sir Arthur Wing Pinero
 %
-How many hors d'oeuvres you are allowed to take off a tray being carried by
-a waiter at a nice party?
-	Two, but there are ways around it, depending on the style of the hors
-d'oeuvre.  If they're those little pastry things where you can't tell what's
-inside, you take one, bite off about two-thirds of it, then say:  "This is
-cheese!  I hate cheese!"  Then you put the rest of it back on the tray and
-bite another one and go, "Darn it!  Another cheese!" and so on.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass?
 %
 How many weeks are there in a light year?
 %
-How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-		-- UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey, Brian Boyle
-%
 How much does she love you?
 Less than you'll ever know.
 %
@@ -20954,10 +17777,6 @@ How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
 %
 How you look depends on where you go.
 %
-However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity
-in my traditional manner... sulking and nausea.
-		-- Tom K. Ryan
-%
 However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise.  There
 is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs.
 There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ,
@@ -20979,14 +17798,6 @@ of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans
 in the name of "conservatism."
 		-- Senator Barry Goldwater, Congressional Record
 %
-HR 3128.  Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986.  Martin, R-Ill., motion
-that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making
-changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits.  The Senate amendment
-was an amendment to the House amendment to the Senate amendment to the House
-amendment to the Senate amendment to the bill.  The original Senate amendment
-was the conference agreement on the bill.  Agreed to.
-		-- Albuquerque Journal
-%
 Hubbard's Law:
 	Don't take life too seriously;
 	you won't get out of it alive.
@@ -20998,15 +17809,6 @@ Never mind.
 %
 Huh?
 %
-Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
-%
-Human cardiac catheterization was introduced by Werner Forssman in 1929.
-Ignoring his department chief, and tying his assistant to an operating
-table to prevent her interference, he placed a ureteral catheter into
-a vein in his arm, advanced it to the right atrium [of his heart], and
-walked upstairs to the x-ray department where he took the confirmatory
-x-ray film.  In 1956, Dr. Forssman was awarded the Nobel Prize.
-%
 Human kind cannot bear very much reality.
 		-- T.S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton"
 %
@@ -21024,11 +17826,6 @@ Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't get enough.
 Humility is the first of the virtues -- for other people.
 		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
 %
-Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
-%
-Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.
-		-- William Gilbert
-%
 Humorists always sit at the children's table.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
@@ -21052,10 +17849,6 @@ Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again!
 %
 Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
 %
-Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
-	The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
-	to... to... uh.....
-%
 I:
 	The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin
 	with a silk sow.  The same is true of money.
@@ -21072,10 +17865,6 @@ V:
 	output.
 		-- Norman Augustine
 %
-I  wish  there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
-There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.
-		-- Gallagher
-%
 I accept chaos.  I am not sure whether it accepts me.  I know some people
 are terrified of the bomb.  But then some people are terrified to be seen
 carrying a modern screen magazine.  Experience teaches us that silence
@@ -21085,7 +17874,7 @@ terrifies people the most.
 I acted to show my love for Jodie Foster.
 		-- John Hinckley
 %
-I ain't got no quarrle with them Viet Congs.
+I ain't got no quarrel with them Viet Congs.
 		-- Muhammad Ali
 %
 I allow the world to live as it chooses,
@@ -21220,26 +18009,10 @@ I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.
 I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
 		-- William Allen White
 %
-I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!
-		-- Paul McCracken
-%
-I am not now and never have been a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.
-		-- Gloria Steinem
-%
 I am professionally trained in computer science, which is to say
 (in all seriousness) that I am extremely poorly educated.
 		-- Joseph Weizenbaum, "Computer Power and Human Reason"
 %
-I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared
-for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
-		-- W. Churchill
-%
-I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
-has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
-		-- Professor Lowd, English, Ohio University
-%
-I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
-%
 I am the wandering glitch -- catch me if you can.
 %
 I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so.
@@ -21252,12 +18025,6 @@ I am very fond of the company of ladies.  I like their beauty,
 I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.
 		-- Samuel Johnson
 %
-I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the
-sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are
-loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
-		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
-		   University of Tennessee at Knoxville
-%
 I asked the engineer who designed the communication terminal's keyboards
 why these were not manufactured in a central facility, in view of the
 small number needed [1 per month] in his factory.  He explained that this
@@ -21299,16 +18066,13 @@ particularly if he has income and she is pattable.
 %
 I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute
 -- where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic)
-how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom
+how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom
 to vote -- where no church or church school is granted any public funds or
 political preference -- and where no man is denied public office merely
 because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or
 the people who might elect him.
 		-- John F. Kennedy
 %
-I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-		-- G.K. Chesterton
-%
 I believe in sex and death -- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
@@ -21321,12 +18085,6 @@ thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the
 total discrediting of the world of reality.
 		-- Salvador Dali
 %
-I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-I bet the human brain is a kludge.
-		-- Marvin Minsky
-%
 I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on
 the same day.  Then that night, they burned the wheel.
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
@@ -21361,9 +18119,6 @@ apparent intention of having sex.  Next thing you know, the forest burns
 down. If I were still eight, I think I'd prefer Rambo III.
 		-- Townsend Davis
 %
-I call them as I see them.  If I can't see them, I make them up.
-		-- Biff Barf
-%
 I called my parents the other night, but I forgot about the time difference.
 They're still living in the fifties.
 		-- Strange de Jim
@@ -21388,8 +18143,6 @@ and provide temporary relief to nymphomaniacs.
 %
 I can relate to that.
 %
-I can resist anything but temptation.
-%
 I can see him a'comin'
 With his big boots on,
 With his big thumb out,
@@ -21421,12 +18174,6 @@ If it be man's work I will do it.
 I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
 		-- Steven Pearl
 %
-I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
-		-- Joe Walsh
-%
-I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-		-- Florence Henderson
-%
 I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.
 		-- Phil Harris
 %
@@ -21511,9 +18258,6 @@ But maybe that's what sophisticated is -- being tired.
 %
 I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
 %
-I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.  
-The curtain was up.
-%
 "I didn't order any WOO-WOO...  Maybe a YUBBA...  But no WOO-WOO!"
 		-- Zippy the Pinhead
 %
@@ -21535,14 +18279,6 @@ I do desire we may be better strangers.
 %
 I do enjoy a good long walk -- especially when my wife takes one.
 %
-I do hate sums.  There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an
-exact science.  There are permutations and aberrations discernible to minds
-entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary accountants fail
-to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires a mind like mine to
-perceive.  For instance, if you add a sum from the bottom up, and then again
-from the top down, the result is always different.
-		-- Mrs. La Touche
-%
 I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman
 Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church,
 nor by any Church that I know of.  My own mind is my own Church.
@@ -21557,16 +18293,6 @@ and one citizen has as much right to play as another.
 		   Jackie Robinson took the field against St. Louis.  The
 		   Cardinals backed down and played.
 %
-I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them.
-		-- Isaac Asimov
-%
-I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with
-sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-		-- Galileo Galilei
-%
-I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.
-		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-%
 I do not know where to find in any literature, whether ancient or modern,
 any adequate account of that nature with which I am acquainted.  Mythology
 comes nearest to it of any.
@@ -21590,10 +18316,6 @@ tiresome.
 I do not take drugs -- I am drugs.
 		-- Salvador Dali
 %
-I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an
-Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology.
-		-- James Quirk
-%
 I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to
 run their own business.  I know men that would make my wife a better
 husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.
@@ -21623,20 +18345,10 @@ I don't get no respect.
 I don't have an eating problem.  I eat.
 I get fat.  I buy new clothes.  No problem.
 %
-I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
-I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got
-hundreds of people waiting to abuse me.
-		-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
-%
 I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds.  I hold them above
 globes.  They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm *way* too high."
 		-- Bruce Baum
 %
-I don't know anything about music.  In my line you don't have to.
-		-- Elvis Presley
-%
 I don't know what Descartes' got,
 But booze can do what Kant cannot.
 		-- Mike Cross
@@ -21650,10 +18362,6 @@ I don't know why anyone would want a computer in their home.
 %
 I don't know why we're here, I say we all go home and free associate.
 %
-I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't,
-because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I'd just hate it.
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
 I don't like the Dutchman.  He's a crocodile.  He's sneaky.
 I don't trust him.
 		-- Jack "Legs" Diamond, just before a peace conference
@@ -21671,10 +18379,6 @@ I don't mind arguing with myself.
 It's when I lose that it bothers me.
 		-- Richard Powers
 %
-I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
-streets and frighten the horses.
-		-- Victor Hugo
-%
 I don't need no arms around me...
 I don't need no drugs to calm me...
 I have seen the writing on the wall.
@@ -21734,15 +18438,6 @@ I don't wish to appear overly inquisitive, but are you still alive?
 I dote on his very absence.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
 %
-I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on
-earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has
-succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual becoming, with a
-goal in front and not behind.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-I drink to make other people interesting.
-		-- George Jean Nathan
-%
 I either want less decadence or more chance to participate in it.
 %
 I enjoy the time that we spend together.
@@ -21753,10 +18448,6 @@ I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
 %
 I feel sorry for your brain... all alone in that great big head...
 %
-I fell asleep reading a dull book,
-and I dreamt that I was reading on,
-so I woke up from sheer boredom.
-%
 I figure that if God actually does exist, He's big enough to understand an
 honest difference of opinion.
 		- Isaac Asimov
@@ -21787,23 +18478,9 @@ A building that's perfect, it has no flaw!
 A program with GOTOs, it has no end!
 I lied about the upgrade, with no cryin'!
 %
-I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
-		-- Mae West
-%
 I get my exercise acting as pallbearer to my friends who exercise.
 		-- Chauncey Depew
 %
-I get up each morning, gather my wits.
-Pick up the paper, read the obits.
-If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
-So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
-
-Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent?
-My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went.
-But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
-And think of the places my get-up has been.
-		-- Pete Seeger
-%
 I give you the man who -- the man who -- uh, I forgets the man who?
 		-- Beauregard Bugleboy
 %
@@ -21934,25 +18611,16 @@ I had the rare misfortune of being one of the first people to try and
 implement a PL/1 compiler.
 		-- T. Cheatham
 %
-I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
-%
 I hate babies.  They're so human.
 		-- H.H. Munro
 %
 I hate dying.
 		-- Dave Johnson
 %
-I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
-it's going to be up all night.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them,
 and I know how bad I am.
 		-- Samuel Johnson
 %
-I hate quotations.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
 I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park
 there's nothing else to do.
 		-- Lenny Bruce
@@ -22014,13 +18682,6 @@ People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".
 I have a rock garden.  Last week three of them died.
 		-- Richard Diran
 %
-I have a simple philosophy:  
-
-	Fill what's empty.
-	Empty what's full.
-	Scratch where it itches.
-		-- A.R. Longworth
-%
 I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything.  Every once
 in a while I turn it on and off.  On and off.  On and off.  One day I
 got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"
@@ -22053,14 +18714,6 @@ I have an existential map.  It has "You are here" written all over it.
 %
 I have become me without my consent.
 %
-I have come up with a surefire concept for a hit television show, which
-would be called "A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark."
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
-%
-I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show,
-which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per
 cent an idiot.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
@@ -22069,10 +18722,6 @@ I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable
 to sit still in a room.
 		-- Blaise Pascal
 %
-I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. 
-I tell them the truth and they never believe me.
-		-- Camillo Di Cavour
-%
 I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility and
 to discharge my duties as king as I would wish to do without the help and
 support of the woman I love.
@@ -22119,19 +18768,8 @@ The price of half a gallon
 Of Gallo extra bad
 And most of the bus fare home.
 %
-I have made mistakes but I have never made the
-mistake of claiming that I have never made one.
-		-- James Gordon Bennett
-%
-I have made this letter longer than usual
-because I lack the time to make it shorter.
-		-- Blaise Pascal
-%
 I have more hit points that you can possible imagine.
 %
-I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole BODY!
-		-- Cerebus, #82
-%
 I have never been one to sacrifice
 my appetite on the altar of appearance.
 		-- A.M. Readyhough
@@ -22205,24 +18843,18 @@ declare the construction of such machinery impracticable...
 	And at a period when the progress of physical science is obstructed
 by that exhausting intellectual and manual labor, indispensable for its
 advancement, which it is the object of the Analytical Engine to relieve, I
-think the application of machinery in aid of the most complicated and abtruse
+think the application of machinery in aid of the most complicated and abstruse
 calculations can no longer be deemed unworthy of the attention of the country.
 In fact, there is no reason why mental as well as bodily labor should not
 be economized by the aid of machinery.
 		-- Charles Babbage, "The Life of a Philosopher"
 %
-I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
-		-- Kehlog Albran
-%
 I have seen the Great Pretender and he is not what he seems.
 %
 I have that old biological urge,
 I have that old irresistible surge,
 I'm hungry.
 %
-I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink.
 		-- Richard Burton
 %
@@ -22237,14 +18869,6 @@ authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
 I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.
 		-- John D. Rockefeller
 %
-I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when
-you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-		-- Poul Anderson
-%
-I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
-%
-I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
-%
 I hear the sound that the machines make,
 and feel my heart break, just for a moment.
 %
@@ -22293,9 +18917,6 @@ speed reading accident.  I hit a bookmark.
 I just know I'm a better manager when I have Joe DiMaggio in center field.
 		-- Casey Stengel
 %
-I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-		-- Bill Hoest
-%
 "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
 "Did you ever see a doctor?"
 "No, just spots."
@@ -22326,17 +18947,9 @@ I know not how I came into this,
 shall I call it a dying life or a living death?
 		-- St. Augustine
 %
-I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but
-World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
 I know on which side my bread is buttered.
 		-- John Heywood
 %
-I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
-The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building.
-		-- Charles Schulz
-%
 I know the disposition of women: when you will, they won't; when
 you won't, they set their hearts upon you of their own inclination.
 		-- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
@@ -22400,26 +19013,15 @@ I learned to play guitar just to get the girls, and anyone who says they
 didn't is just lyin'!
 		-- Willie Nelson
 %
-I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me.
-		-- Art Leo
-%
 I like myself, but I won't say I'm as handsome as the bull
 that kidnapped Europa.
 		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero
 %
-I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to
-promote peace than our governments.  Indeed, I think that people want
-peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of
-the way and let them have it.
-		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
-%
 I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
 %
 I like young girls.  Their stories are shorter.
 		-- Tom McGuane
 %
-I like your game but we have to change the rules.
-%
 I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.
 %
 I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts
@@ -22462,7 +19064,7 @@ but for what I am when I am with you.
 %
 I loved her with a love thirsty and desperate. I felt that we two might
 commit some act so atrocious that the world, seeing us, would find it
-irresistable.
+irresistible.
 		-- Gene Wolfe, "The Shadow of the Torturer"
 %
 I married beneath me.  All women do.
@@ -22473,9 +19075,6 @@ I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up!
 I may kid around about drugs, but really, I take them seriously.
 		-- Doctor Graper
 %
-I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
 I met a wonderful new man.  He's fictional, but you can't have everything.
 		-- Cecelia, "The Purple Rose of Cairo"
 %
@@ -22494,14 +19093,6 @@ I will not Reason and Compare; my business is to Create.
 I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.
 		-- Alexander Woolcott
 %
-I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
-week sometimes to make it up.
-		-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
-%
-I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts!
-%
-I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
-%
 I myself have dreamed up a structure intermediate between Dyson spheres
 and planets.  Build a ring 93 million miles in radius -- one Earth orbit
 -- around the sun.  If we have the mass of Jupiter to work with, and if
@@ -22541,9 +19132,6 @@ I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the
 places they do today.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they
-could do was to go away.
-%
 I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
@@ -22558,9 +19146,7 @@ I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
 		-- Lucy Van Pelt
 %
 I never met a man I didn't want to fight.
-		-- Lyle Alzado, professional footbal lineman
-%
-I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
+		-- Lyle Alzado, professional football lineman
 %
 I never pray before meals -- my mom's a good cook.
 %
@@ -22626,14 +19212,6 @@ wasting the labor of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they
 will be happy.
 		-- Thomas Jefferson
 %
-I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind
-of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances
-being in widespread use.  Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms
-of talent, on who could make an album, so we made one, and it sounds like
-a group of people who have been given powerful but unfamiliar instruments
-as a therapy for a degenerative nerve disease.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 I pledge allegiance to the flag
 of the United States of America
 and to the republic for which it stands,
@@ -22655,9 +19233,6 @@ I prefer the most unjust peace to the most righteous war.
 Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
 		-- Poor Richard
 %
-I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
-		-- William F. Buckley
-%
 I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures of cats
 on them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
 		-- Stephen Wright
@@ -22713,11 +19288,6 @@ that enables men to be such incredible jerks about it.
 I really had to act; 'cause I didn't have any lines.
 		-- Marilyn Chambers
 %
-I really hate this damned machine
-I wish that they would sell it.
-It never does quite what I want
-But only what I tell it.
-%
 I really look with commiseration over the great body of my fellow citizens
 who, reading newspapers, live and die in the belief that they have known
 something of what has been passing in their time.
@@ -22739,8 +19309,6 @@ I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery.  I insist on
 believing that some men are my equals.
 		-- Brigid Brophy
 %
-I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
-%
 I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the
 morning.  A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for
 the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to
@@ -22815,11 +19383,7 @@ It's bound to take your life.
 There's a bad moon on the rise.
 		-- J. C. Fogerty, "Bad Moon Rising"
 %
-I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes.  I hope
-they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
-	-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to
+I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neighbors to
 the south.  We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
 us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.
 	-- The Best of Will Rogers
@@ -22881,9 +19445,6 @@ There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our
 lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
 		-- Robert Orben
 %
-I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-		-- Los Angeles graffito
-%
 I should have been a country-western singer.  After all, I'm older than
 most western countries.
 		-- George Burns
@@ -22925,12 +19486,8 @@ I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to
 see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
 		-- Shirley Temple
 %
-I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a
-department store, and he asked for my autograph.
-		-- Shirley Temple
-%
-I suggest a new stategy, Artoo: let the Wookiee win.
-		-- CP30
+I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: let the Wookie win.
+		-- C3P0
 %
 I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school,
 Or steal my daddy's cue and make a living out of playing pool,
@@ -23045,7 +19602,7 @@ that I am!
 		-- Monty Python
 %
 "I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'"
-"Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manafacturers of dairy products."
+"Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy products."
 		-- The Life of Brian
 %
 I think I'll snatch a kiss and flee.
@@ -23079,15 +19636,6 @@ Indeed, unless the billboards fall
 I'll never see a tree at all.
 		-- Nash
 %
-I think that I shall never see
-A thing as lovely as a tree.
-But as you see the trees have gone
-They went this morning with the dawn.
-A logging firm from out of town
-Came and chopped the trees all down.
-But I will trick those dirty skunks
-And write a brand new poem called 'Trunks'.
-%
 I think the world is ready for the story of an ugly duckling, who grew up to
 remain an ugly duckling, and lived happily ever after.
 		-- Chick
@@ -23121,7 +19669,7 @@ I think we're in trouble.
 %
 I think your opinions are reasonable,
 except for the one about my mental instability.
-		-- Psychology Professor, Farifield University
+		-- Psychology Professor, Fairfield University
 %
 "I thought that you said you were 20 years old!"
 "As a programmer, yes," she replied,
@@ -23234,8 +19782,6 @@ And punched me in the nose, he said,
 He said "You're sick, you're obscene".
 		-- Alice Cooper, "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
 %
-I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
-%
 I used to have a drinking problem.
 Now I love the stuff.
 %
@@ -23249,7 +19795,7 @@ I was pulled over for speeding today.  The officer said, "Don't you know
 the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?"  And I said, "Yes, but I wasn't going
 to be out that long."
 
-I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the ond one out.  Now
+I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the old one out.  Now
 my car goes 500 miles an hour.
 		-- Stephen Wright
 %
@@ -23257,47 +19803,16 @@ I used to think I was a child; now I think I am an adult -- not because
 I no longer do childish things, but because those I call adults are no
 more mature than I am.
 %
-I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
-%
 I used to think romantic love was a neurosis shared by two, a supreme
 foolishness.  I no longer thought that.  There's nothing foolish in
 loving anyone.  Thinking you'll be loved in return is what's foolish.
 		-- Rita Mae Brown
 %
-I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in
-my body.  Then I realized who was telling me this.
-		-- Emo Phillips
-%
-I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere near
-the place.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
-I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere
-near the place.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
-I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals.  I
-don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected
-with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,
-the food cheaper, and old men and womem warmer in the winter, and happier
-in the summer.
-		-- Brendan Behan
-%
-I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals.  I
-don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected
-with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,
-the food cheaper, and old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier
-in the summer.
-		-- Brendan Behan
-%
 I waited and waited and when no message came I knew it must be from you.
 %
 I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
 		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
 %
-I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch "St.
-Elsewhere", won't scream, "Forget it, Blanche... It's time for Hee-Haw!"
-%
 I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
 		-- Zippy the Pinhead
 %
@@ -23316,7 +19831,7 @@ the earth.
 		Sylvia Kamerman, "Book Reviewing"
 %
 I was at this restaurant.  The sign said "Breakfast Anytime."  So I
-ordered French Toast in the Rennaissance.
+ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I was born in a barrel of butcher knives
@@ -23377,10 +19892,6 @@ was on the lam at the time and not able to work at my regular line.  But
 I wouldn't consider it.  "I'm a thief," I said.  "I'm no lousy hoodlum."
 		-- Alvin Karpis, "Public Enemy Number One"
 %
-I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards.  I got a
-full house and four people died.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 I was the best I ever had.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
@@ -23518,11 +20029,6 @@ I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula
 and Superman away.
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
 %
-I wish there was a knob on the TV where you could turn up the
-intelligence.  They've got one called brightness, but it doesn't
-seem to work.
-		-- Gallagher
-%
 I wish you humans would leave me alone.
 %
 I wish you were a Scotch on the rocks.
@@ -23612,7 +20118,7 @@ I love America.  You always hurt the one you love.
 %
 I would rather be a serf in a poor man's house
 and be above ground than reign among the dead.
-		-- Achilles, "The Odessey", XI, 489-91
+		-- Achilles, "The Odyssey", XI, 489-91
 %
 I would rather say that a desire to drive fast
 sports cars is what sets man apart from the animals.
@@ -23621,10 +20127,6 @@ I wouldn't be so paranoid if you weren't all out to get me!!
 %
 I wouldn't marry her with a ten foot pole.
 %
-I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity
-for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson
-%
 I wrecked trains because I like to see people die.  I like to hear
 them scream.
 		-- Sylvestre Matuschka, "the Hungarian Train Wreck Freak",
@@ -23685,12 +20187,10 @@ I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.
 
 [I saw an eagle fly once.  Fortunately, I had my eagle fly swatter handy.  Ed.]
 %
-I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
-%
 I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
+I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.
 		-- Princess Leia Organa
 %
 I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack,
@@ -23724,7 +20224,7 @@ I'd probably settle for a vampire if he were romantic enough.
 Couldn't be any worse than some of the relationships I've had.
 	-- Brenda Starr
 %
-I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heavan.
+I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven.
 %
 I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
 		-- Fred Allen
@@ -23745,32 +20245,11 @@ I'd rather push my Harley than ride a rice burner.
 %
 Identify your visitor.
 %
-idiot box, n:
-	The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place
-	the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
-idiot box, n:
-	The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the
-	stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
-idiot, n:
-	A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence
-	in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
-%
 IDLENESS:
 	Leisure gone to seed.
 %
 Idleness is the holiday of fools.
 %
-If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
-		-- Roy Santoro
-%
-If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast
-is a camel's behind. 
-		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
-%
 If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
 %
 If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing their hair.  If this doesn't
@@ -23779,26 +20258,15 @@ work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
 If A fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.
 		-- William Blake
 %
-If a group of N persons implements a COBOL compiler,
-there will be N-1 passes.  Someone in the group has to be the manager.
-		-- T. Cheatham
-%
 If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he
 really a guru at all?
 		-- Strange de Jim, "The Metasexuals"
 %
-If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it
-is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.
-		-- Joseph C. Goulden
-%
 IF A KID ASKS YOU where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him
 is, "God is crying."  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing
 to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
 %
-If a listener nods his head when you're
-explaining your program, wake him up.
-%
 If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.
 		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
 %
@@ -23831,12 +20299,6 @@ and (c) gets better, then no power of reasoning known to medical science can
 convince him that it may not have been the treatment that restored his health.
 		-- Sir Peter Medawar, "The Art of the Soluble"
 %
-If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped.
-The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain a position
-in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop.  The law of
-gravity supercedes the law of golf.
-		-- Donald A. Metz
-%
 If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce
 love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?
 		-- Saint Augustine
@@ -23869,13 +20331,6 @@ that users can hear its key clicks and biff beeps,
 they are content to die of old age
 without ever having gone to see it.
 %
-If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good attitude.
-If it has a good attitude, it will make a commitment to playing the
-game right.  If it plays the game right, it will win -- unless, of
-course, it doesn't have enough talent to win, and no manager can make
-goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?
-		-- Sparky Anderson
-%
 If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
 		-- G.K. Chesterton
 %
@@ -23919,13 +20374,6 @@ These would not suffice
 To write down all the red tape
 Of this Government. 
 %
-If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-		-- Paul Beatty
-%
-If all the world's economists were laid end to end,
-we wouldn't reach a conclusion.
-		-- William Baumol
-%
 If an average person on the subway turns to you, like an ancient mariner,
 and starts telling you her tale, you turn away or nod and hope she stops,
 not just because you fear she might be crazy.  If she tells her tale on
@@ -23938,16 +20386,6 @@ have so many known so much about people for whom they cared so little.
 %
 If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
 %
-If an S and an I and an O and a U
-With an X at the end spell Su;
-And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
-Pray what is a speller to do?
-Then, if also an S and an I and a G
-And an HED spell side,
-There's nothing much left for a speller to do
-But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
-		-- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament"
-%
 If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last
 car he ever lays down in front of.
 		-- George Wallace
@@ -23961,16 +20399,12 @@ We're offering a substantial reward.  He's a sable collie, with three legs,
 blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his
 tail.  He's been recently fixed.  Answers to "Lucky".
 %
-If anything can go wrong, it will.
-%
 If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
 %
 If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 %
 If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
 %
-If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
-%
 If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
 		-- W.E. Hickson
 %
@@ -23997,9 +20431,6 @@ I have no doubt, and I think few people doubt, that atheists are as
 plentiful as blackberries.
 		-- Leslie Stephen
 %
-If bankers can count, how come they have
-eight windows and only four tellers?
-%
 If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by
 some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.
 		-- Philip Hale, Boston music critic, 1837
@@ -24026,8 +20457,6 @@ If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency), it will
 serve us right.
 		-- Alistair Cooke
 %
-If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
-%
 If England treats her criminals the way she has treated me, she doesn't
 deserve to have any.
 		-- Oscar Wilde, reportedly while standing handcuffed in a
@@ -24061,7 +20490,7 @@ If food be the music of love, eat up, eat up.
 %
 If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there
 is an exception to every rule.  If we accept "For every rule there is an
-exception" as a rule, then we must conced that there may not be an exception
+exception" as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception
 after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of
 exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there
 can be an exception to the rule that for every rule there is an exception.
@@ -24074,25 +20503,9 @@ If God had a beard, he'd be a UNIX programmer.
 %
 If God had intended Man to program, we'd be born with serial I/O ports.
 %
-If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
-%
 If God had intended man to use the metric system, Jesus
 would have only had ten disciples.
 %
-If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
-%
-If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
-%
-If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
-%
-If God had meant for us to be in the Army,
-we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
-%
-If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
-%
-If God had not given us sticky tape,
-it would have been necessary to invent it.
-%
 If God had really intended men to fly,
 he'd make it easier to get to the airport.
 		-- George Winters
@@ -24104,25 +20517,12 @@ have made them cute and furry.
 If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had
 only ten apostles.
 %
-If God had wanted you to go around nude,
-He would have given you bigger hands.
-%
 If God hadn't wanted you to be paranoid,
 He wouldn't have given you such a vivid imagination.
 %
-If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
-%
 If God is One, what is bad?
 		-- Charles Manson
 %
-If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
-%
-If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
-		-- Yiddish saying
-%
-If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
-		-- Marvin Kitman
-%
 If God wanted us to have a President,
 He would have sent us a candidate.
 		-- Jerry Dreshfield
@@ -24184,16 +20584,6 @@ Would it help to ease the pain?
 Ease your brain?
 		-- Rolling Stones, "It's Only Rock'N Roll"
 %
-If I don't drive around the park,
-I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
-If I'm in bed each night by ten,
-I may get back my looks again.
-If I abstain from fun and such,
-I'll probably amount to much;
-But I shall stay the way I am,
-Because I do not give a damn.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around.
 Trouble creates a capacity to handle it.  I don't say embrace trouble; that's
 as bad as treating it as an enemy.  But I do say meet it as a friend, for
@@ -24206,13 +20596,6 @@ IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it.  There's
 got to be a better way.
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
 %
-If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell,
-I'd sell the plantation and go home.
-		-- Eugene P. Gallagher
-%
-If I had any humility I would be perfect.
-		-- Ted Turner
-%
 If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from
 a laboratory jar at Harvard.
 		-- Frank Sinatra
@@ -24220,22 +20603,25 @@ a laboratory jar at Harvard.
 AS USUAL, YOUR INFORMATION STINKS.
 		-- Frank Sinatra, telegram to "Time" magazine
 %
-If I had my life to live over, I'd try to make more mistakes next time.  I
-would relax, I would limber up, I would be sillier than I have been this
-trip.  I know of very few things I would take seriously.  I would be crazier.
-I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets.  I'd
-travel and see.  I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
-You see, I am one of those people who lives prophylactically and sensibly
-and sanely, hour after hour, day after day.  Oh, I have had my moments and,
-if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them.  In fact, I'd try to
-have nothing else.  Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many
-years ahead each day.  I have been one of those people who never go anywhere
-without a thermometer, a hotwater bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute.
-If I had it to do over again, I would go places and do things and travel
-lighter than I have.  If I had my life to live over, I would start bare-footed
-earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.  I would play hooky
-more.  I probably wouldn't make such good grades, but I'd learn more.  I would
-ride on more merry-go-rounds.  I'd pick more daisies.
+If I had my life to live over, I'd try to make more mistakes next
+time.  I would relax, I would limber up, I would be sillier than
+I have been this trip.  I know of very few things I would take
+seriously.  I would be crazier.  I would climb more mountains, swim
+more rivers and watch more sunsets.  I'd travel and see.  I would
+have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.  You see, I am
+one of those people who lives prophylactically and sensibly and
+sanely, hour after hour, day after day.  Oh, I have had my moments
+and, if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them.  In fact,
+I'd try to have nothing else.  Just moments, one after another,
+instead of living so many years ahead each day.  I have been one
+of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot
+water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute.  If I had it
+to do over again, I would go places and do things and travel lighter
+than I have.  If I had my life to live over, I would start bare-footed
+earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.  I would
+play hooky more.  I probably wouldn't make such good grades, but
+I'd learn more.  I would ride on more merry-go-rounds.  I'd pick
+more daisies.
 %
 If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
 		-- Albert Einstein
@@ -24249,7 +20635,7 @@ If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
 shoulders of giants.
 		-- Isaac Newton
 
-In the sciences, we are now uniquely priviledged to sit side by side with
+In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with
 the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
 		-- Gerald Holton
 
@@ -24260,7 +20646,7 @@ my shoulders.
 Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders.
 		-- Gauss
 
-Mathemeticians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists
+Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists
 stand on each other's toes.
 		-- Richard Hamming
 
@@ -24295,12 +20681,6 @@ I'm an engineer working on something.
 %
 If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
 %
-If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
-As Dame Fortune did intend,
-Murphy would be there to tell me
-The pot's at the other end.
-		-- Bert Whitney
-%
 If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
 %
 If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could
@@ -24358,7 +20738,7 @@ If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
 %
 If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
 %
-If it were not for the presents, an elopment would be preferable.
+If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
 		-- George Ade, "Forty Modern Fables"
 %
 If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost,
@@ -24376,19 +20756,12 @@ If it doesn't work, it's physics.
 %
 If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
 %
-If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
-%
 If it's worth doing, do it for money.
 %
 If it's worth doing, it's worth doing for money.
 %
 If it's worth hacking on well, it's worth hacking on for money.
 %
-If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him.
-They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make
-fun of it.
-		-- Thomas Carlyle
-%
 If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they forgot to
 send it.  But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think the
 other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail.  And if *fifty* pieces
@@ -24411,10 +20784,6 @@ still remains: for whose amusement?
 %
 If life isn't what you wanted, have you asked for anything else?
 %
-If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women
-you've got in the house.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
@@ -24429,9 +20798,6 @@ If Machiavelli were a programmer, he'd have worked for AT&T.
 If man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform.
 		-- Mary Wilson Little
 %
-If mathematically you end up with the wrong
-answer, try multipying by the page number.
-%
 If men acted after marriage as they do during courtship, there would
 be fewer divorces -- and more bankruptcies.
 		-- Frances Rodman
@@ -24459,11 +20825,6 @@ of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking,
 and from that to incivility and procrastination.
 		-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
 %
-If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
-little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and 
-Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-		-- Thomas De Quincey
-%
 If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and
 over again, there is no use in reading it at all.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
@@ -24485,13 +20846,6 @@ If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.
 If only Dionysus were alive!  Where would he eat?
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-If only God would give me some clear sign!
-Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
-If only one could get that wonderful feeling of
-accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
-%
 If only you could be respected without having to be respectable.
 %
 If only you had a personality instead of an attitude.
@@ -24563,12 +20917,6 @@ pool cues, who would win?
 	3) The television viewing public
 		-- David Letterman
 %
-If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of
-arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical
-world.  One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by
-the use of the mathematics of probability.
-		-- Vannevar Bush
-%
 If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many
 books on how to?
 	-- Bette Midler
@@ -24587,10 +20935,6 @@ If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.
 If some people didn't tell you,
 you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
 %
-If someone had told me I would be Pope
-one day, I would have studied harder.
-		-- Pope John Paul I
-%
 If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won't.
 %
 If something has not yet gone wrong then it would
@@ -24615,24 +20959,9 @@ this would be a better world.
 If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
 		-- Norm Schryer
 %
-If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get
-the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude.  See in
-college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural
-method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall
-learn what you have no taste or capacity for.  The college, which should
-be a place of delightful labor, is made odious and unhealthy, and the
-young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits.
-I would have the studies elective.  Scholarship is to be created not
-by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge.  The wise
-instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the
-attractions the study has for himself.  The marking is a system for schools,
-not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to
-put on a professor.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
 If the designers of X-window built cars, there would be no fewer than five
 steering wheels hidden about the cockpit, none of which followed the same
-prinicples -- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo.  Useful
+principles -- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo.  Useful
 feature, that.
 		-- From the programming notebooks of a heretic, 1990.
 %
@@ -24700,17 +21029,6 @@ paper folding, or something.
 If the very old will remember, the very young will listen.
 		-- Chief Dan George
 %
-If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.
-If the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.
-If the bulletin covers are in short supply, however,
-church attendance will exceed all expectations.
-		-- Reverend Chichester
-%
-If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
-%
-If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
-the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
-
 If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure
 can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
 %
@@ -24726,9 +21044,6 @@ If there is any realistic deterrent to marriage, it's the fact that you
 can't afford divorce.
 		-- Jack Nicholson
 %
-If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
-		-- Art Hoppe
-%
 If there is no wind, row.
 		-- Polish proverb
 %
@@ -24757,20 +21072,12 @@ him because they don't like his necktie.
 %
 If things don't improve soon, you'd better ask them to stop helping you.
 %
-If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
-%
 If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
 It's not time yet.
 %
-If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
-%
 If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
-If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is
-doing the thinking.
-		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
-
 Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his
 helmet off.
 		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
@@ -24833,18 +21140,13 @@ If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to
 do something else.
 	-- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting"
 %
-If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel
-in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary
-qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.
-		-- Marguerite Emmons
-%
 If wishes were horses, then beggars would be thieves.
 %
 If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the
 beginning of our menstrual cycle, when the female hormone is at its
 lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that in those few days
 women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?
-		-- Gloria Steinham
+		-- Gloria Steinem
 %
 If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
 		-- Aristotle Onassis
@@ -24908,9 +21210,6 @@ If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons really was a nut?
 If you aren't rich you should always look useful.
 		-- Louis-Ferdinand Celine
 %
-If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
-		-- J. Paul Getty
-%
 If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
 theirs, then you clearly don't understand the situation.
 %
@@ -24923,18 +21222,13 @@ If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
 %
 If you cannot in the long run tell everyone
 what you have been doing, your doing was worthless.
-		-- Edwim Schrodinger
-%
-If you can't be good, be careful.
-If you can't be careful, give me a call.
+		-- Edwin Schrodinger
 %
 If you can't convince them, confuse them.
 		-- Harry S. Truman
 %
 If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
 %
-If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
-%
 If you can't read this, blame a teacher.
 %
 If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.
@@ -24980,9 +21274,6 @@ If you don't do the things that are not worth doing, who will?
 %
 If you don't drink it, someone else will.
 %
-If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
-		-- Clarence Day
-%
 If you don't have the time right now,
 will you have redo right time later?
 %
@@ -25002,12 +21293,12 @@ If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.
 If you drink, don't park.  Accidents make people.
 %
 If you ever want to have a lot of fun, I recommend that you go off and program
-an imbedded system.  The salient characteristic of an imbedded system is that
+an embedded system.  The salient characteristic of an embedded system is that
 it cannot be allowed to get into a state from which only direct intervention
-will suffice to remove it.  An imbedded system can't permanently trust anything
+will suffice to remove it.  An embedded system can't permanently trust anything
 it hears from the outside world.  It must sniff around, adapt, consider, sniff
 around, and adapt again.  I'm not talking about ordinary modular programming
-carefulness here.  No.  Programming an imbedded system calls for undiluted
+carefulness here.  No.  Programming an embedded system calls for undiluted
 raging maniacal paranoia.  For example, our ethernet front ends need to know
 what network number they are on so that they can address and route PUPs
 properly.  How do you find out what your network number is?  Easy, you ask a
@@ -25041,14 +21332,6 @@ enough, it will eventually break.
 %
 If you give a man enough rope, he'll claim he's tied up at the office.
 %
-If you give Congress a chance to vote on
-both sides of an issue, it will always do it.
-		-- Les Aspin, D, Wisconsin
-%
-If you go on with this nuclear arms race,
-all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
 If you go out of your mind, do it quietly,
 so as not to disturb those around you.
 %
@@ -25097,8 +21380,6 @@ If you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
 If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.
 		-- Louis Armstrong
 %
-If you have to hate, hate gently.
-%
 If you have to think twice about it, you're wrong.
 %
 If you haven't enjoyed the material in the last few lectures then a career
@@ -25110,14 +21391,6 @@ If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius -- it wasn't a
 hype.  If you hype it and it fails, then it was just a hype.
 		-- Neil Bogart
 %
-If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot
-yourself in the posterior.
-		-- A.J. Liebling, "The Press"
-%
-If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to
-boot yourself in the posterior.
-		-- A.J. Liebling
-%
 If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it.
 %
 If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of
@@ -25141,16 +21414,9 @@ If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
 %
 If you liked the Earth you'll love Heaven.
 %
-If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-		-- Graham Summer
-%
 If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.
 		-- Simone De Beauvoir
 %
-If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made
-because very few people die past the age of a hundred.
-		-- George Burns
-%
 If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets
 and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
 		-- Garrison Keillor
@@ -25184,9 +21450,6 @@ If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year
 with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
 	-- The Best of Will Rogers
 %
-If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
-but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
-%
 If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll
 be married to a man who cheats on his wife.
 		-- Ann Landers
@@ -25208,19 +21471,11 @@ Just put your lips together and blow.
 If you notice that a person is deceiving you,
 they must not be deceiving you very well.
 %
-If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not
-bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine,
-you won't get any ice.  If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get
-ice, but no cup.
-%
 If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
 %
 If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery.
 But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine,
-is somehow enobled and no-one dare criticise it.
+is somehow ennobled and no-one dare criticise it.
 		-- Pierre Gallois
 %
 If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a
@@ -25260,12 +21515,6 @@ If you stew apples like cranberries,
 they taste more like prunes than rhubarb does.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
-It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock. 
-Or some joker who is slicker,
-Will trick you of your liquor,
-If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
-%
 If you stick your head in the sand,
 one thing is for sure, you're gonna get your rear kicked.
 %
@@ -25284,57 +21533,20 @@ If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
 %
 If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
 %
-If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
-		-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
-%
-If you think last Tuesday was a drag,
-wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
-%
-If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
-try missing a couple of car payments.
-		-- Earl Wilson
-%
 If you think the pen is mightier than the sword, the next time
 someone pulls out a sword I'd like to see you get up there with
 your Bic.
 %
-If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-		-- Arthur Kasspe
-%
 If you think the system is working,
 ask someone who's waiting for a prompt.
 %
-If you think the United States has stood still,
-who built the largest shopping center in the world?
-		-- Richard Nixon
-%
 If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you
 lack sufficient imagination.
 %
-If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would be
-to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call you to
-say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be be expected to throw another party
-next year.
-	What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake
-	up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if
-they've been indicted for anything.  You want your guests to be so anxious
-to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning
-parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having
-another one ...
-	If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door,
-unless your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas
-through your living room window.  As host, your job is to make sure that
-they don't arrest anybody.  Or if they're dead set on arresting someone,
-your job is to make sure it isn't you ...
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined
 them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government!
 		-- Mr. Interesting
 %
-If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
-end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
-%
 If you took all the women at the Harvard Prom
 and laid them end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
@@ -25355,7 +21567,7 @@ If you want to be ruined, marry a rich woman.
 		-- Michelet
 %
 If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's
-read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.
+read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.
 		-- Don Marquis
 %
 If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
@@ -25372,21 +21584,6 @@ books.
 If you want to see card tricks, you have to expect to take cards.
 		-- Harry Blackstone
 %
-If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
-Constitution.  It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft.
-Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory
-containing listings for all the organizations with titles beginning with
-the word "National".
-		-- George Will
-%
-If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word
-you say, talk in your sleep.
-%
-If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
-memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin'
-it, even if they don't know what it means.
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
 If you waste your time cooking, you'll miss the next meal.
 %
 If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that
@@ -25483,30 +21680,12 @@ that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
 %
 If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.
 %
-If you're happy, you're successful.
-%
-If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-%
-If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
 If you're worried by earthquakes and nuclear war,
 As well as by traffic and crime,
 Consider how worry-free gophers are,
 Though living on burrowed time.
 	-- Richard Armour, WSJ, 11/7/83
 %
-If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
-off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe.
-%
-If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
-		-- Ronald Reagan
-%
-ignisecond, n:
-	The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car
-	door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 IGNORANCE:
 	When you don't know anything, and someone else finds out.
 %
@@ -25550,7 +21729,7 @@ in the right place, but their head is a thoroughly inefficient organ.
 		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Summing Up"
 %
 I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
-Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love;
+Thou'lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
 And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove
 And in our bound partition never part.
 
@@ -25595,9 +21774,6 @@ Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
 Illegitimi non carborundum
 (translation: no carbonated drinks allowed.)
 %
-Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot:
-it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
-%
 Illiterate?  Write today, for free help!
 %
 Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
@@ -25616,7 +21792,7 @@ that I could have evolved from man.
 		-- Devil in the Dark", when asked to patch up the Horta.
 "I'm a doctor, not an engineer."
 		-- "Mirror, Mirror", when asked by Scotty for help in
-		   Engineering aboard the ISS Enterprise.
+		   Engineering aboard the USS Enterprise.
 "I'm a doctor, not a coalminer."
 		-- "The Empath", on being beneath the surface of Minara 2.
 "I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist."
@@ -25680,9 +21856,6 @@ I'm dying beyond my means.
 "Where did you get this meat?" he bridled hoarsely.
 		-- Gyles Brandreth, "The Joy of Lex"
 %
-I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
-		-- George McGovern
-%
 I'm for bringing back the birch, but only for consenting adults.
 		-- Gore Vidal
 %
@@ -25715,9 +21888,6 @@ it with you.
 > In New York there are a million interesting people.  
 > And in LA there are 72.
 %
-I'm going to Boston to see my doctor.  He's a very sick man.
-		-- Fred Allen
-%
 I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
@@ -25739,21 +21909,6 @@ Please say that you're not mad at me
 	My tax return is late.
 		-- Modern Lines for Modern Greeting Cards
 %
-I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
-living apart.
-		-- E.E. Cummings
-%
-I'm N-ary the tree, I am,
-N-ary the tree, I am, I am.
-I'm getting traversed by the parser next door,
-She's traversed me seven times before.
-And ev'ry time it was an N-ary (N-ary!)
-Never wouldn't ever do a binary. (No sir!)
-I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary.
-N-ary the tree I am, I am,
-N-ary the tree I am.
-		-- Stolen from Paul Revere and the Raiders
-%
 I'm not a lovable man.
 		-- Richard Nixon.
 %
@@ -25791,10 +21946,6 @@ I'm not the person your mother warned you about... her imagination isn't
 that good.
 		-- Amy Gorin
 %
-I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol
-that some thinkle peep I am.
-It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
-%
 I'm often asked the question, "Do you think there is extraterrestrial intelli-
 gence?"  I give the standard arguments -- there are a lot of places out there,
 and use the word *billions*, and so on.  And then I say it would be astonishing
@@ -25805,16 +21956,6 @@ what's your gut feeling?"  But I try not to think with my gut.  Really, it's
 okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in.
 		-- Carl Sagan
 %
-I'm prepared for all emergencies but
-totally unprepared for everyday life.
-%
-I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
--- I could be just as proud for half the money.
-		-- Arthur Godfrey
-%
-I'm really enjoying not talking to you...
-Let's not talk again REAL soon...
-%
 I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
 %
 I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
@@ -25836,12 +21977,6 @@ a customer.  "Let me wrap your head in a towel."
 	"That's all right," said the customer.  "I'll just take it home under
 my arm."
 %
-I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
-I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
-In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
-I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
-		-- Gilbert & Sullivan, "The Pirates of Penzance"
-%
 I'm very old-fashioned.  I believe that people should marry for life,
 like pigeons and Catholics.
 		-- Woody Allen
@@ -25861,14 +21996,6 @@ Imagine me going around with a pot belly.
 It would mean political ruin.
 		-- Adolf Hitler
 %
-Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer.  It has a
-150 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 1500 megabytes of disk storage, a
-screen resolution of 1024 x 1024 pixels, relies entirely on voice recognition
-for input, fits in your shirt pocket and costs $300.  What's the first
-question that the computer community asks?
-
-"Is it PC compatible?"
-%
 Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try.
 		-- John Lennon, "Imagine"
 %
@@ -25896,22 +22023,11 @@ Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.
 Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.
 		-- T.S. Eliot, "Philip Massinger"
 %
-Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
-		-- Jack Paar
-%
-Immortality -- a fate worse than death.
-		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
-%
 Immutability, Three Rules of:
 	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
 	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
 	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
 %
-IMPARTIAL:
-	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
-	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
-	conflicting opinions.
-%
 Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
 Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading
 it.  Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
@@ -25952,9 +22068,6 @@ humidifier for a mid-range computer but manages to tie it into the network
 anyway.
 		-- The 5th Wave
 %
-In a five year period we can get one superb programming language.
-Only we can't control when the five year period will begin.
-%
 In a gathering of two or more people, when a lighted cigarette is
 placed in an ashtray, the smoke will waft into the face of the non-smoker.
 %
@@ -26002,16 +22115,9 @@ In any country there must be people who have to die.  They are the
 sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.
 		-- Idi Amin Dada
 %
-In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
-are to be treated as variables.
-%
 In any problem, if you find yourself doing an infinite amount of work,
 the answer may be obtained by inspection.
 %
-In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations --
-it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
-		-- Stuart Keate
-%
 IN BOX:
 	A catch basin for everything you don't want
 	to deal with, but are afraid to throw away.
@@ -26033,15 +22139,12 @@ teacher should know.  "I would not leave the definition of math," Dr. Honig
 said, "up to the mathematicians."
 		-- The New York Times, October 22, 1985
 %
-In California they don't throw their garbadge away -- they make
+In California they don't throw their garbage away -- they make
 it into television shows.
 		-- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
 %
 In case of atomic attack, all work rules will be temporarily suspended.
 %
-In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling
-against prayer in schools will be temporarily cancelled.
-%
 In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"
 		-- The Kidner Report
 %
@@ -26060,12 +22163,9 @@ be free of subjugation.
 %
 In computing, the mean time to failure keeps getting shorter.
 %
-In Cristianity, a man may have only one wife.
+In Christianity, a man may have only one wife.
 This is called Monotony.
 %
-In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.
-		-- W. Churchill, on General Montgomery
-%
 In dwelling, be close to the land.
 In meditation, delve deep into the heart.
 In dealing with others, be gentle and kind.
@@ -26074,9 +22174,6 @@ In work, be competent.
 In action, be careful of your timing.
 		-- Lao Tsu
 %
-In English, every word can be verbed.  Would that it were so in our
-programming languages.
-%
 In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.
 		-- Thomas Jefferson
 %
@@ -26144,11 +22241,6 @@ afterwards that causes the problems.
 In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.
 		-- Rex Reed
 %
-In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
-use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
-which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror,
 murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michaelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci
 and the Renaissance.  In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had
@@ -26224,10 +22316,6 @@ In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence
 is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-In our civilization, and under our republican form of government,
-intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption
-from the cares of office.
-%
 In Oz, never say "krizzle kroo" to a Woozy.
 %
 In Pierre Trudeau, Canada has finally produced
@@ -26253,8 +22341,6 @@ human and change is sometimes painful.  But it happens every day.  I cannot
 recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.
 		-- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP keynote address
 %
-In short, N is Richardian if, and only if, N is not Richardian.
-%
 In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.
 		-- Ann Frank
 %
@@ -26264,12 +22350,6 @@ In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.
 In the beginning there was nothing.  And the Lord said "Let There Be Light!"
 And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it.
 %
-In the beginning was the word.
-But by the time the second word was added to it,
-There was trouble.
-For with it came syntax ...
-		-- John Simon
-%
 In the course of reading Hadamard's "The Psychology of Invention in the
 Mathematical Field", I have come across evidence supporting a fact
 which we coffee achievers have long appreciated:  no really creative,
@@ -26335,9 +22415,6 @@ this was for practice; then he made school boards.
 %
 In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
 the proper order then why can't he?
-%
-In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
-the proper order then why can't he?
 
 
 I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
@@ -26368,13 +22445,6 @@ In the highest society, as well as in the lowest,
 woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.
 		-- Tolstoy
 %
-In the land of the dark the Ship of the
-Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead.
-		-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
-%
-In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble.
-		-- Alan Perlis
-%
 In the long run we are all dead.
 		-- John Maynard Keynes
 %
@@ -26426,25 +22496,12 @@ crunch he was all courage.  Those novels would make you retch.
 		-- Canadian novelist Robertson Davies, on the generic Canadian
 		   novel.
 %
-In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
-shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles.  Therefore ... in the Old
-Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred
-thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the
-Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long.  ... There is
-something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesome returns of
-conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 In the Spring, I have counted 136
 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
 		-- Mark Twain, on New England weather
 %
 In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
 %
-In the Top 40, half the songs are secret messages to the teen world to drop
-out, turn on, and groove with the chemicals and light shows at discotheques.
-		-- Art Linkletter
-%
 In the war of wits, he's unarmed.
 %
 In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
@@ -26535,9 +22592,6 @@ Include me out.
 Increased knowledge will help you now.
 Have mate's phone bugged.
 %
-INCUMBENT:
-	Person of livliest interest to the outcumbents.
-%
 Indecision is the true basis for flexibility.
 %
 Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as
@@ -26556,27 +22610,16 @@ is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.
 %
 Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
 %
-Individualists unite!
-%
 Indomitable in retreat; invincible in
 advance; insufferable in victory.
 		-- Winston Churchill, on General Montgomery
 %
-infancy, n:
-	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
-about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the
 Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
 Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
 %
-Information Center:
-	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
-	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
-%
 Information is the inverse of entropy.
 %
 Information Processing:
@@ -26603,7 +22646,7 @@ Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations
 		It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if
 		dressed as a man.
 
-	Above the enterance to a Cairo bar:
+	Above the entrance to a Cairo bar:
 		Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husband
 		or similar.
 
@@ -26632,19 +22675,9 @@ Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations
 
 		-- Colin Bowles, San Francisco Chronicle
 %
-ingrate, n:
-	A man who bites the hand that feeds him,
-	and then complains of indigestion.
-%
 Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
 		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
 %
-ink, n:
-	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
-	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
-	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
 Innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one
 likes oneself.
 		-- Joan Didion, "On Self Respect"
@@ -26652,9 +22685,6 @@ likes oneself.
 INNOVATE:
 	Annoy people.
 %
-Innovation is hard to schedule.
-		-- Dan Fylstra
-%
 INNUENDO:
 	Italian enema.
 %
@@ -26664,9 +22694,6 @@ token it is the shortest detour to marriage.
 %
 Insanity is inherited, you get it from your kids!
 %
-Insanity is the final defense.  It's hard to get a refund when
-the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
-%
 INSECURITY:
 	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
 	favorite words.
@@ -26719,11 +22746,6 @@ Interfere?  Of course we should interfere!  Always do what you're
 best at, that's what I say.
 		-- Doctor Who
 %
-INTERPRETER:
-	One who enables two persons of different languages to understand
-	each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the
-	interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
-%
 Into love and out again,
 	Thus I went and thus I go.
 Spare your voice, and hold your pen:
@@ -26788,9 +22810,6 @@ Iowans ask why Minnesotans don't drink more Kool-Aid.  That's because
 they can't figure out how to get two quarts of water into one of those
 little paper envelopes.
 %
-Iron Law of Distribution:
-	Them that has, gets.
-%
 IRONY:
 	A windy day, when, just as a beautiful girl with
 	a short skirt approaches, dust blows in your eyes.
@@ -26799,7 +22818,7 @@ Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
 %
 Is a person who blows up banks an econoclast?
 %
-"Is a tatoo real, like a curb or a battleship?
+"Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship?
 Or are we suffering in Safeway?"
 		-- Zippy the Pinhead
 %
@@ -26807,20 +22826,11 @@ Is a wedding successful if it comes off without a hitch?
 %
 Is death legally binding?
 %
-Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
-meant to be discarded:  that the whole point is to always see it as
-a soap bubble?
-%
 Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 Is knowledge knowable?  If not, how do we know that?
 %
-Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning
-of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out,
-and such as are out wish to get in?
-		-- Ralph Emerson
-%
 Is sex dirty?  Only if it's done right.
 		-- Woody Allen, "All You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex"
 %
@@ -26845,10 +22855,6 @@ Isn't it conceivable to you that an intelligent
 person could harbor two opposing ideas in his mind?
 		-- Adlai Stevenson, to reporters
 %
-Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction
-listen to weather forecasts and economists?
-		-- Kelvin Throop III
-%
 Isn't it ironic that many men spend a great part of their lives
 avoiding marriage while single-mindedly pursuing those things that
 would make them better prospects?
@@ -26857,18 +22863,9 @@ Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live
 there?
 		-- Herb Caen
 %
-Isn't it strange that the same people that
-laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
-%
 ISO applications:
 	A solution in search of a problem!
 %
-Issawi's Laws of Progress:
-	The Course of Progress:
-		Most things get steadily worse.
-	The Path of Progress:
-		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
-%
 It appears that PL/I (and its dialects) is, or will be, the
 most widely used higher level language for systems programming.
 		-- J. Sammet
@@ -26962,26 +22959,11 @@ He wanted all the buffalo dead
 It was sad, oh so sad.
 		-- Ted Nugent, "The Great White Buffalo"
 %
-It happened that a fire broke out backstage in a theater.  The clown came
-out to inform the public.  They thought it was just a jest and applauded.
-He repeated his warning, they shouted even louder.  So I think the world
-will come to an end amid general applause from all the wits, who believe
-that it is a joke.
-%
 It has been justly observed by sages of all lands that although a man may be
 most happily married and continue in that state with the utmost contentment,
 it does not necessarily follow that he has therefore been struck stone-blind.
 		-- H. Warner Munn
 %
-It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it
-is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists
-have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-It has been said that man is a rational animal.  All my life
-I have been searching for evidence which could support this.
-		-- Bertrand Russell
-%
 It has been said that Public Relations is the art of winning friends
 and getting people under the influence.
 		-- Jeremy Tunstall
@@ -27001,10 +22983,6 @@ and relating (to self and others), more than skill, in which minimum
 competence will be quite enough.
 		-- The Underground Grammarian
 %
-It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely
-the most important.
-		-- Sherlock Holmes
-%
 It has long been an axiom of mine that the
 little things are infinitely the most important.
 		-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"
@@ -27052,7 +23030,7 @@ three more than the schedule allowed.
 	The control program manager had 150 men.  He asserted that they
 could prepare the specifications, with the architecture team coordinating;
 it would be well-done and practical, and he could do it on schedule.
-Futhermore, if the architecture team did it, his 150 men would sit twiddling
+Furthermore, if the architecture team did it, his 150 men would sit twiddling
 their thumbs for ten months.
 	To this the architecture manager responded that if I gave the control
 program team the responsibility, the result would not in fact be on time,
@@ -27109,8 +23087,6 @@ It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
 %
 It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
 %
-It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
-%
 It is better to live rich than to die rich.
 		-- Samuel Johnson
 %
@@ -27123,10 +23099,6 @@ and weight yourself down with invisible chains.
 %
 It is better to wear out than to rust out.
 %
-It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits:
-freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 It is common sense to take a method and try it.  If it fails,
 admit it frankly and try another.  But above all, try something.
 		-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
@@ -27145,26 +23117,8 @@ remember.
 %
 It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
 %
-It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive
-and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing
-rabbits singing about toilet paper.
-		-- R. Serling
-%
 It is difficult to soar with the eagles when you work with turkeys.
 %
-It is easier for a camel to pass through the
-eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.
-		-- Kehlog Albran
-%
-It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its
-proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a
-better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat
-your own family with loving understanding; for the smaller the focus of
-attention, the harder the task.
-		-- Sydney J. Harris
-%
-It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
-%
 It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
 		-- Alfred Adler
 %
@@ -27176,8 +23130,6 @@ It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
 %
 It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
 %
-It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
-%
 It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted.
 		-- Aeschylus
 %
@@ -27212,15 +23164,11 @@ without your help.
 It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
 %
 It is fruitless:
-	to become lacrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.
+	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.
 
 	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
 		innovative maneuvers.
 %
-It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
-if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
-		-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
-%
 It is idle to attempt to talk a young woman out of her passion:
 love does not lie in the ear.
 		-- Walpole
@@ -27246,10 +23194,6 @@ It is impossible to enjoy idling unless there is plenty of work to do.
 It is impossible to make anything
 foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
 %
-It is impossible to travel faster than light, and
-certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 IT IS IN PROCESS:
 	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
 %
@@ -27270,16 +23214,8 @@ like a happy married life.
 It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
 		-- Benjamin Disraeli
 %
-It is much easier to suggest solutions
-when you know nothing about the problem.
-%
 It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
 %
-It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged
-to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the
-youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
 It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start life as children.
 		-- Kingsley Amis
 %
@@ -27325,7 +23261,7 @@ dessert she wants.  The dessert she wants is contained within yours.
 		-- Merrill Marcoe, "An Insider's Guide to the American Woman"
 %
 It is not that polar co-ordinates are complicated, it is simply
-that cartesian co-ordinates are simpler than they have a right to be.
+that Cartesian co-ordinates are simpler than they have a right to be.
 		-- Kleppner & Kolenhow, "An Introduction to Mechanics"
 %
 It is not the critic who counts, or how the strong man stumbled, or whether
@@ -27352,11 +23288,6 @@ kind of cute in the typical tinsel-town way if it wasn't for the knife
 sticking out of his chest.  *Someone had murdered a Munchkin.*
 		-- Stuart Kaminsky, "Murder on the Yellow Brick Road"
 %
-It is now 10 p.m.  Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?
-		-- Elizabeth Carpenter
-%
-It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
-%
 It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort
 to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and
 chemistry.
@@ -27387,11 +23318,6 @@ should be used in its proper place.
 It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen.
 		-- Maimie Van Doren
 %
-It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students that
-have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are
-mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
-		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
-%
 It is ridiculous to call this an industry.  This is not.  This is rat eat
 rat, dog eat dog.  I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they 
 kill me.  You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.
@@ -27409,10 +23335,6 @@ in all times and situations.  They presented him the words: "And this,
 too, shall pass away."
 		-- A. Lincoln
 %
-It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
-lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
-high as the eagle?
-%
 It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.
 		-- Epitaph, Cheltenham Churchyard
 %
@@ -27434,12 +23356,6 @@ worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour.
 It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.
 		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
 %
-It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-		-- Carl Sandburg
-%
-It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-		-- Hawkwind
-%
 It is the nature of extreme self-lovers, as they will
 set an house on fire, and it were but to roast their eggs.
 		-- Francis Bacon
@@ -27456,10 +23372,6 @@ It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously
 lives, works and has his being.
 		-- Thomas Carlyle
 %
-It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for five
-straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity.  But it takes
-Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you.
-%
 It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.
 	-- Lloyd Kaufman,
 	   producer of "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator"
@@ -27500,8 +23412,6 @@ It looked like something resembling white marble, which was
 probably what it was: something resembling white marble.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
-%
 It looks like it's up to me to save our skins.
 Get into that garbage chute, flyboy!
 		-- Princess Leia Organa
@@ -27525,14 +23435,11 @@ It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is
 better still to be a live lion.  And usually easier.
 		-- Lazarus Long
 %
-It may be that your whole purpose in life
-is simply to serve as a warning to others.
-%
 It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
 %
 It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan, more
 doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage, than the creation of
-a new system.  For the initiator has the emnity of all who would profit
+a new system.  For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit
 by the preservation of the old institutions and merely lukewarm defenders
 in those who would gain by the new ones.
 		-- Niccolo Machiavelli, 1513
@@ -27607,14 +23514,10 @@ may have saved a U.S. Army unit from heavy casualties during the Grenada
 military rescue/invasion. Major General David Nichols, Air Force ... said
 the Army unit was in a house surrounded by Cuban forces.  One soldier found
 a telephone and, using his credit card, called Ft. Bragg, N.C., telling Army
-officiers there of the perilous situation. The officers in turn called the
+officers there of the perilous situation. The officers in turn called the
 Air Force, which sent in gunships to scatter the Cubans and relieve the unit.
 		-- Aviation Week and Space Technology
 %
-It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing,
-but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
-		-- Robert Benchley
-%
 It turned out that the worm exploited three or four different holes in the
 system.  From this, and the fact that we were able to capture and examine
 some of the source code, we realized that we were dealing with someone very
@@ -27650,10 +23553,6 @@ It was kinda like stuffing the wrong card in a computer,
 when you're stickin' those artificial stimulants in your arm.
 		-- Dion, noted computer scientist
 %
-It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a breeze
-was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken ...
-		--- James Dent
-%
 It was one time too many
 One word too few
 It was all too much for me and you
@@ -27669,16 +23568,6 @@ It was pity stayed his hand.  "Pity I don't have any more bullets,"
 thought Frito.
 		-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
 %
-It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.  Perhaps
-I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it.  I
-don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and
-the signature (which I guessed at).  There's a singular and a perpetual
-charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its
-novelty.  Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but
-yours are kept forever -- unread.  One of them will last a reasonable
-man a lifetime.
-		-- Thomas Aldrich
-%
 It was raining heavily, and the motorist had car trouble on a lonely country
 road.  Anxious to find shelter for the night, he walked over to a farmhouse
 and knocked on the front door.  No one responded.  He could feel the water
@@ -27703,9 +23592,6 @@ would have been more wonderful to miss it.
 It wasn't exactly a divorce -- I was traded.
 		-- Tim Conway
 %
-It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly.
-It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
-%
 It would be nice to be sure of anything
 the way some people are of everything.
 %
@@ -27728,12 +23614,6 @@ It's a brave man who, when things are at their darkest, can kick back
 and party!
 		-- Dennis Quaid, "Inner Space"
 %
-It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-		-- Andrew Jackson
-%
-It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underware.
-		-- Cheers
-%
 It's a naive, domestic operating system without any
 breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.
 %
@@ -27757,7 +23637,7 @@ never missed.  The fact there is *nobody*... nobody really...  We come
 out of a yawning tomb of flesh and sink back finally into another tomb.
 What is the point of it all?  Who thought up this sickening circle of
 flesh and blood?  We come into the world bleeding and cut and our bones
-half-crushed only to emerge and suffer more torment, multilation, and
+half-crushed only to emerge and suffer more torment, mutilation, and
 then at the last lie down in some hole in the ground forever.  Who could
 have thought it up, I wonder?"
 		-- James Purdy
@@ -27781,9 +23661,6 @@ but why do the rats always have to win?
 It's better to be quotable than to be honest.
 		-- Tom Stoppard
 %
-It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
-		-- Marty Winch
-%
 It's better to burn out than it is to rust.
 %
 It's better to burn out than to fade away.
@@ -27806,9 +23683,6 @@ done".
 It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.
 		-- Don Price
 %
-It's easier to get forgiveness for being
-wrong than forgiveness for being right.
-%
 It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.
 		-- Washlesky
 %
@@ -27817,9 +23691,6 @@ it's much harder to forgive them for being right.
 %
 It's easy to make a friend.  What's hard is to make a stranger.
 %
-It's fabulous!  We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour!
-		-- Macy's
-%
 Its failings notwithstanding, there is much to be said in favor of journalism
 in that by giving us the opinion of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with
 the ignorance of the community.
@@ -27873,11 +23744,6 @@ It's more important that they know what you won't stand for.
 It's interesting to think that many quite
 distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
 %
-It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is.
-If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It isn't
-our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
-		-- Oxford University Press, "Edpress News"
-%
 It's just apartment house rules,
 So all you 'partment house fools
 Remember:  one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
@@ -27892,16 +23758,6 @@ Russian-American space mission has already begun.
 It's like deja vu all over again.
 		-- Yogi Berra
 %
-It's Like This
-
-Even the samurai
-have teddy bears,
-and even the teddy bears
-get drunk.
-%
-It's lucky you're going so slowly, because
-you're going in the wrong direction.
-%
 It's multiple choice time...
 
 	What is FORTRAN?
@@ -27925,27 +23781,14 @@ It's no use crying over spilt milk -- it only makes it salty for the cat.
 It's not against any religion to want to dispose of a pigeon.
 		-- Tom Lehrer
 %
-It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
-		-- Phil White
-%
-It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.
-		-- Kevin White, Mayor of Boston
-%
 It's not easy being green.
 		-- Kermit
 %
-It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
-		-- Alexander Korda
-%
 It's not hard to admit errors that are [only] cosmetically wrong.
 		-- J.K. Galbraith
 %
 It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
 %
-It's not that I'm afraid to die.
-I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 It's not the fall that kills you, it's the landing.
 %
 It's not the men in my life, but the life in my men that counts.
@@ -27960,11 +23803,6 @@ It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game.
 %
 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
 %
-It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is
-the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages
-"You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.
-		-- Sydney J. Harris
-%
 It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain
 what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.
 		-- Roger Noe
@@ -27983,8 +23821,6 @@ It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness;
 poverty and wealth have both failed.
 		-- Kim Hubbard
 %
-It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
-%
 It's reassuring to know that if you behave strangely enough,
 society will take full responsibility for you.
 %
@@ -28008,9 +23844,6 @@ So ask me just one question when this magic night is through,
 Could it have been just anyone or did it have to be you?
 		-- Billy Joel, "Glass Houses"
 %
-It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
-Devil when he is the only explanation for it.
-%
 It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
 %
 It's ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
@@ -28018,10 +23851,6 @@ It's ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
 It's the good girls who keep the diaries, the bad girls never have the time.
 		-- Tallulah Bankhead
 %
-It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon.  Which raises
-the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
 It's the same old story; boy meets beer, boy drinks beer...
 boy gets another beer.
 		-- Cheers
@@ -28087,29 +23916,10 @@ A month ago.
 %
 I've been there.
 %
-I've built a better model than the one at Data General
-For data bases vegetable, animal, and mineral
-My OS handles CPUs with multiplexed duality;
-My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality.
-My storage system's better than magnetic core polarity,
-You never have to bother checking out a bit for parity;
-There isn't any reason to install non-static floor matting;
-My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting.
-
-I feel compelled to mention what I know to be a gloating point:
-There's lots of room in memory for variables floating-point,
-Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral
-I've built a better model than the one at Data General.
-
-		-- Steve Levine, "A Computer Song", (To the tune of
-		   "Modern Major General")
-%
 I've finally learned what "upward compatible" means.
 It means we get to keep all our old mistakes.
 		-- Dennie van Tassel
 %
-I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
-%
 I've got a very bad feeling about this.
 		-- Han Solo
 %
@@ -28119,9 +23929,6 @@ I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.
 I've got some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
 		-- Stephen Wright
 %
-I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
 I've had one child.  My husband wants to have another.
 I'd like to watch him have another.
 %
@@ -28164,10 +23971,6 @@ I've tried several varieties of sex.  The conventional position makes
 me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.
 		-- Tallulah Bankhead
 %
-Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
-	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
-	legislature is in session.
-%
 jake hates
 	  all the girls(the
 shy ones, the bold		paul scorns all
@@ -28211,9 +24014,6 @@ Japan, n:
 %
 Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
 %
-Jenkinson's Law:
-	It won't work.
-%
 Jim, it's Grace at the bank.  I checked your Christmas Club account.
 You don't have five-hundred dollars.  You have fifty.  Sorry, computer foul-up!
 %
@@ -28237,9 +24037,6 @@ JOB INTERVIEW:
 	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
 	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
 %
-job Placement, n:
-	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
-%
 Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.
 		-- Snoopy
 %
@@ -28253,8 +24050,6 @@ your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..."
 	"That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought,"
 whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."
 %
-Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
-%
 jogger, n:
 	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
 %
@@ -28294,21 +24089,12 @@ Johnson's First Law:
 Johnson's law:
 	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
 %
-Join in the new game that's sweeping the country.  It's called "Bureaucracy".
-Everybody stands in a circle.  The first person to do anything loses.
-%
 Join the army, see the world, meet interesting,
 exciting people, and kill them.
 %
 Join the Navy; sail to far-off exotic lands,
 meet exciting interesting people, and kill them.
 %
-Jones' First Law:
-	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
-	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
-	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
-	importance of their original contribution.
-%
 Jones' Second Law:
 	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
 	to blame it on.
@@ -28372,18 +24158,6 @@ remember any time when I did not exercise my imagination in daydreams about
 women.
 		-- G.B. Shaw
 %
-Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good solutions
-seldom black or white.  Beware of the solution that requires one side to be
-totally the loser and the other side to be totally the winner.  The reason
-there are two sides to begin with usually is because neither side has all
-the facts.  Therefore, when the wise mediator effects a compromise, he is
-not acting from political motivation.  Rather, he is acting from a deep
-sense of respect for the whole truth.
-		-- Stephen R. Schwambach
-%
-Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
-		-- Irene Peter
-%
 Just because he's dead is no reason to lay off work.
 %
 Just because I turn down a contract on a guy doesn't mean he isn't
@@ -28404,8 +24178,6 @@ Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.
 Just because your doctor has a name for your
 condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
 %
-Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
-%
 Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times,
 and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'
 		-- Glynda
@@ -28425,23 +24197,9 @@ What a beautiful world this will be,
 What a glorious time to be free.
 		-- Donald Fagon, "What A Beautiful World"
 %
-Just once, I wish we would encounter
-an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
-		-- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
-%
 Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.
 		-- Buckeroo Banzai
 %
-`Just the place for a Snark!' the Bellman cried,
-	As he landed his crew with care;
-Supporting each man on the top of the tide
-	By a finger entwined in his hair.
-
-`Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it twice:
-	That alone should encourage the crew.
-Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it thrice:
-	What I tell you three times is true.'
-%
 Just to have it is enough.
 %
 Just weigh your own hurt against the hurt
@@ -28462,15 +24220,9 @@ But I always thought that I'd see you again.
 Thought I'd see you one more time again.
 		-- James Taylor, "Fire and Rain"
 %
-JUSTICE:
-	A decision in your favor.
-%
 Justice is incidental to law and order.
 		-- J. Edgar Hoover
 %
-Justice, n:
-	A decision in your favor.
-%
 Kafka's Law:
 	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
 		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
@@ -28485,7 +24237,7 @@ Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
 For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
 package of snack food.
 
-Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
+Gibson the Cat's Corollary:
 
 For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
 of lunch meat.
@@ -28514,8 +24266,6 @@ Kaufman's Law:
 Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you.
 		-- Mae West
 %
-Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
-%
 Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp! cries she
 With silent lips.  Give me your tired, your poor,
 Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
@@ -28523,13 +24273,6 @@ The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
 Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me...
 		-- Emma Lazarus, "The New Colossus"
 %
-Keep cool, but don't freeze.
-		-- Hellman's Mayonnaise
-%
-Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
-%
-Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
-%
 Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
 	1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
 	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
@@ -28567,13 +24310,6 @@ at the end of six months.
 %
 Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
 %
-Keep your Eye on the Ball,
-Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
-Your Nose to the Grindstone,
-Your Feet on the Ground,
-Your Head on your Shoulders.
-Now... try to get something DONE!
-%
 Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
 		-- Benjamin Franklin
 %
@@ -28603,15 +24339,7 @@ Kettering's Observation:
 %
 Kids always brighten up a house; mostly by leaving the lights on.
 %
-Kids have *never* taken guidance from their parents.  If you could travel
-back in time and observe the original primate family in the original tree,
-you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate teenager for sitting
-around and sulking all day instead of hunting for grubs and berries like
-dad primate.  Then you'd see the primate teenager stomp up to his branch
-and slam the leaves.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
-Kill a commy for your mommy.
+Kill a commie for your mommy.
 %
 Kill 'em all, and let God sort 'em out.
 %
@@ -28632,9 +24360,6 @@ Kilroe hic erat!
 Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
 	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
 %
-KIN:
-	An affliction of the blood.
-%
 Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
@@ -28646,25 +24371,13 @@ Kington's Law of Perforation:
 	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
 	part of the paper.
 %
-Kinkler's First Law:
-	Responsibility always exceeds authority.
-
-Kinkler's Second Law:
-	All the easy problems have been solved.
-%
 Kirk to Enterprise...
 %
-Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
-%
 Kiss a non-smoker; taste the difference.
 %
 Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
 %
-Kiss me twice.  I'm schizophrenic.
-%
-Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
-%
 Kissing a fish is like smoking a bicycle.
 %
 Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
@@ -28686,11 +24399,6 @@ Klatu barada nikto.
 %
 Kleeneness is next to Godelness.
 %
-Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
-%
-KLEPTOMANIAC:
-	A rich thief.
-%
 Kliban's First Law of Dining:
 	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
 %
@@ -28746,11 +24454,6 @@ GOOD!
 %
 Know Thy User.
 %
-Know thyself.  If you need help, call the C.I.A.
-%
-Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.
-		-- Henry N. Camp
-%
 KNOWLEDGE:
 	Things you believe.
 %
@@ -28774,20 +24477,11 @@ Kramer's Law:
 Kramer's Law:
 You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
 %
-KROGT:
-	(chemical symbol: Kr) The metallic silver coating found
-	on fast-food game cards.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
 LA:
 	Where the only way to determine that the seasons have changed
 	is to note that people have changed the main topic of conversation.
 	From mud slides to brush fires.
 %
-Labor, n:
-	One of the processes whereby A acquires property for B.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.
 %
 Lack of money is the root of all evil.
@@ -28798,11 +24492,6 @@ Lackland's Laws:
 	2. Never be last.
 	3. Never volunteer for anything.
 %
-LACTOMANGULATION:
-	Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that
-	one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
 La-dee-dee, la-dee-dah.
 %
 Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps,
@@ -28866,18 +24555,6 @@ white meat or dark meat."  Churchill apologized profusely.
 her guest of honor.  The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if
 you would pin this on your white meat."
 %
-Ladybug, ladybug,
-Look to your stern!
-Your house is on fire,
-Your children will burn!
-So jump ye and sing, for
-The very first time
-The four lines above
-Have been put into rhyme.
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
-Laetrile is the pits.
-%
 Laissez Faire Economics is the theory that if
 each acts like a vulture, all will end as doves.
 %
@@ -28922,9 +24599,6 @@ Yorkshire.  Disappointingly, she passed at the fortieth attempt (3 August
 reported as saying that she still didn't like doing right-hand turns.
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
-Larkinson's Law:
-	All laws are basically false.
-%
 LASER:
 	Failed death ray.
 %
@@ -28944,9 +24618,6 @@ Last night the power went out.  Good thing my camera had a flash....
 The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.
 		-- Stephen Wright
 %
-Last week a cop stopped me in my car.  He asked me if I had a police record.  
-I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album.    Cops have no sense of humor.
-%
 Last week's pet, this week's special.
 %
 Last year we drove across the country...  We switched on the driving...
@@ -28965,15 +24636,10 @@ Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
 %
 Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
 %
-Laugh at your problems:  everybody else does.
-%
 Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
 %
 Laughing at you is like drop kicking a wounded humming bird.
 %
-Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
-		-- Victor Borge
-%
 Laura's Law:
 	No child throws up in the bathroom.
 %
@@ -28984,32 +24650,14 @@ Law enforcement officers should use only the minimum
 force necessary in dealing with disorders when they arise.
 		-- Richard M. Nixon
 %
-Law of Communications:
-	The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications
-	between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased
-	area of misunderstanding.
-%
 Law of Continuity:
 	Experiments should be reproducible.
 	They should all fail the same way.
 %
-Law of Probable Dispersal:
-	Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
-%
 Law of Procrastination:
 	Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has
 	the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
 %
-Law of Selective Gravity:
-	An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
-
-Jenning's Corollary:
-	The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side
-	down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
-
-Law of the Perversity of Nature:
-	You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
-%
 Law of the Jungle:
 	He who hesitates is lunch.
 %
@@ -29059,10 +24707,6 @@ Have failed to notice is that herds
 Of bears may come with buns
 And steal the bags to hold the crumbs.
 %
-Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
-	No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
-	approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
-%
 LAZY:
 	Marrying a pregnant woman.
 %
@@ -29075,8 +24719,6 @@ Learn from other people's mistakes, you don't have time to make your own.
 %
 Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
 %
-Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
-%
 Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
 %
 LEARNING CURVE:
@@ -29134,17 +24776,6 @@ LEO (Jul. 23 to Aug. 22)
 	Look over your shoulder; an ugly person may be following you.  Be on
 	your toes.  Brush your teeth.  Take Geritol.
 %
-LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
-	You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are pushy.
-	Most Leo people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike honest
-	criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people are thieves.
-%
-LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
-	Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore.  Your
-	ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because you've got
-	a day coming you wouldn't believe.  As a matter of fact, if you can
-	laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor.
-%
 Lesbian QOTD:
 I didn't give up sex, I just gave up premature ejaculation.
 %
@@ -29156,11 +24787,6 @@ Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
 Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
 		-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
 %
-Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
-number.  Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and
-another number.
-					-- James Estes
-%
 Let me not to the marriage of true minds
 Admit impediments.  Love is not love
 Which alters when it alteration finds,
@@ -29236,12 +24862,6 @@ To lead you to an overwhelming question...
 Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
 		-- T.S. Eliot, "Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
 %
-Let us live!!!
-Let us love!!!
-Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!
-
-You first.
-%
 Let us never negotiate out of fear,
 but let us never fear to negotiate.
 		-- John F. Kennedy
@@ -29272,22 +24892,6 @@ Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
 Let's just be friends and make no special
 effort to ever see each other again.
 %
-Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted.  In every
-relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive.  If you
-really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end.
-For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the qualities
-I most admired in myself I gave up.  I stopped being loud and bossy ...
-Oh, all right.  I was still loud and bossy, but only behind his back.
-		-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
-%
-Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted.  In every
-relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive.  If you
-really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end.
-For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the qualities
-I most admired in myself I gave up.  I stopped being loud and bossy...
-Oh, all right.  I was still loud and bossy, but only behind his back."
-		-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
-%
 Let's love each other slowly,
 reaching for a plane,
 of exquisite pleasure,
@@ -29302,39 +24906,15 @@ Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
 Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.
 		-- Austen Briggs
 %
-Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your
-hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental
-Anguish.  You would sue:
-
-* The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions
-  section that says you should never never never ever stick you hand
-  into the toaster, the statement "Not even if your wedding ring falls
-  in there".
-
-* The store where you bought the toaster, for selling it to an obvious
-  cretin like yourself.
-
-* Union Carbide Corporation, which is not directly responsible in this
-  case, but which is feeling so guilty that it would probably send you
-  a large cash settlement anyway.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 LEVERAGE:
 	Even if someone doesn't care what the world thinks
 	about them, they always hope their mother doesn't find out.
 %
 Leveraging always beats prototyping.
 %
-Lewis's Law of Travel:
-	The first piece of luggage out of the
-	chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
-%
 L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.  
 		-- L. Pasteur
 %
-LIAR:
-	A lawyer with a roving commission.
-%
 Liar: one who tells an unpleasant truth.
 		-- Oliver Herford
 %
@@ -29348,27 +24928,12 @@ trouble.  Conservatives are better.  They never run out on you.
 Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
 	-- The Best of Will Rogers
 %
-LIBRA (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22)
-	Your desire for justice and truth will be overshadowed by your desire
-	for filthy lucre and a decent meal.  Be gracious and polite.  Someone
-	is watching you, so stop staring like that.
-%
 LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
 	Major achievements, new friends, and a previously unexplored way
 	to make a lot of money will come to a lot of people today, but
 	unfortunately you won't be one of them.  Consider not getting out
 	of bed today.
 %
-LIE:
-	A very poor substitute for the truth,
-	but the only one discovered to date.
-%
-Lieberman's Law:
-	Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
-%
-Lieberman's Law:
-Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, cuz nobody listens.
-%
 Lies!  All lies!  You're all lying against my boys!
 		-- Ma Barker
 %
@@ -29445,8 +25010,6 @@ humane person would wantonly inflict on someone else.
 %
 Life is a sexually transferred disease with 100% mortality.
 %
-Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
-%
 Life is an exciting business, and most
 exciting when it is lived for others.
 %
@@ -29468,8 +25031,6 @@ Life is knowing how far to go without crossing the line.
 Life is like a 10 speed bicycle.  Most of us have gears we never use.
 		-- C. Schultz
 %
-"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
-%
 Life is like a diaper - short and loaded.
 %
 Life is like a sewer.
@@ -29487,10 +25048,6 @@ Life is like an onion: you peel it off
 one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
 		-- Carl Sandburg
 %
-Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after
-layer and then you find there is nothing in it.
-		-- James Huneker
-%
 Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was
 going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then
 being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends.
@@ -29649,14 +25206,6 @@ religions.
 %
 Like punning, programming is a play on words.
 %
-Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct
-a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.
-		-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
-%
-Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking
-for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
-		-- Alan McKay
-%
 Like the time I ran away...
 And turned around and you were standing close to me.
 		-- YES, "Going For The One/Awaken"
@@ -29689,12 +25238,6 @@ Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions,
 wins few friends, Germans excepted.
 		-- Darwin Porter "Scandinavia On $50 A Day"
 %
-Limericks are art forms complex,
-Their topics run chiefly to sex.
-	They usually have virgins,
-	And masculine urgin's,
-And other erotic effects.
-%
 "Lines that are parallel meet at Infinity!"
 Euclid repeatedly, heatedly, urged.
 
@@ -29707,18 +25250,6 @@ Linus:	Hi!  I thought it was you.
 Snoopy:	That's nice to know.
 	The secret of life is to look good at a distance.
 %
-Linus:	I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow.
-	Maybe we should think only about today.
-Charlie Brown:
-	No, that's giving up.  I'm still hoping that yesterday
-	will get better.
-%
-Linus:	I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow.  Maybe
-	we should think only about today.
-Charlie Brown:
-	No, that's giving up.  I'm still hoping that yesterday will get
-	better.
-%
 Linus' Law:
 	There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
 %
@@ -29764,10 +25295,6 @@ a panacea so alleged.
 %
 Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children.
 Life is the other way around.
-		-- David Lodge
-%
-Literature is mostly about sex and not much about having children and life
-is the other way round.
 		-- David Lodge, "The British Museum is Falling Down"
 %
 Littering is dumb.
@@ -29794,7 +25321,7 @@ Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
 		-- Lazarus Long
 %
 Little known fact about Middle Earth: The Hobbits had a very
-sophisticated computer network!  It was a Tolkein Ring...
+sophisticated computer network!  It was a Tolkien Ring...
 %
 Little Known Facts, #23:
 	Did you know... that if you dial 911 in Los Angeles you get
@@ -29839,57 +25366,12 @@ to want things that nobody else wants.
 Living in the complex world of the future is somewhat
 like having bees live in your head.  But, there they are.
 %
-Living on Earth may be expensive, but it
-includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
-%
 LIVING YOUR LIFE:
 	A task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
 %
-Lizzie Borden took an axe,
-And plunged it deep into the VAX;
-Don't you envy people who
-Do all the things YOU want to do?
-%
 Lo!  Men have become the tool of their tools.
 		-- Henry David Thoreau
 %
-Lobster:
-	Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
-squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only
-proper method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
-guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked.
-The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea
-floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs.  Grasp the lobster
-behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say,
-"Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a
-scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural
-apparatus you call a memory!"  The lobster will squirm noticeably.  It may
-even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.  Incorrigible.  Pop it into
-the pot.  Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will
-be, too.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
-Lobster:
-  Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish
-  about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper
-  method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
-  guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're
-  cooked.  The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on
-  the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs.  Grasp the
-  lobster behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty
-  eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then
-  flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will
-  refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a memory!"  The lobster will
-  squirm noticeably.  It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.
-  Incorrigible.  Pop it into the pot.  Justice has been served, and shortly
-  you and your friends will be, too.
-		-- Cooking: The Art of Turning Appliances and Utensils
-                   into Excuses and Apologies
-%
-Lockwood's Long Shot:
-	The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street
-	aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
-%
 Logic doesn't apply to the real world.
 		-- Marvin Minsky
 %
@@ -29902,12 +25384,6 @@ to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
 %
 Logic is the chastity belt of the mind!
 %
-Logicians have but ill defined
-As rational the human kind.
-Logic, they say, belongs to man,
-But let them prove it if they can.
-		-- Oliver Goldsmith
-%
 LOGO for the Dead
 
 LOGO for the Dead lets you continue your computing activities from
@@ -29929,7 +25405,7 @@ from NecroSoft inc., 6502 Charnelhouse Blvd., Cleveland, OH 44101.
 Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
 %
 Lonely is a man without love.
-		-- Englebert Humperdinck
+		-- Engelbert Humperdinck
 %
 Lonely men seek companionship.
 Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet.
@@ -29977,8 +25453,6 @@ Look before you leap.
 Look ere ye leap.
 		-- John Heywood
 %
-Look out!  Behind you!
-%
 Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters,
 con-men.  That's the way businesses get started.  That's the way this
 country was built.
@@ -29987,17 +25461,12 @@ country was built.
 Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...
 		-- Stephen Sondheim
 %
-Loose bits sink chips.
-%
 Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies.
 		-- Charles D'Hericault
 %
 Lord, what fools these mortals be!
 		-- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer-Night's Dream"
 %
-Losing your drivers' license is just
-God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
-%
 Lost: gray and white female cat.
 Answers to electric can opener.
 %
@@ -30043,7 +25512,7 @@ Me see Jamaica moon above
 It won't be long, me see my love
 I take her in my arms and then
 Me tell her I never leave again
-		-- the real words to "Louie Louie"
+		-- The real words to the Kingsmen's classic "Louie Louie"
 %
 LOVE:
 	I'll let you play with my life if you'll let me play with yours.
@@ -30071,11 +25540,6 @@ Love ain't nothin' but sex misspelled.
 %
 Love America - or give it back.
 %
-Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
-%
-Love at first sight is one of the greatest
-labor-saving devices the world has ever seen.
-%
 Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.
 		-- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
 %
@@ -30089,20 +25553,6 @@ Love is a grave mental disease.
 Love is a slippery eel that bites like hell.
 		-- Matt Groening
 %
-Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra, which suddenly flips
-over, pinning you underneath.  At night the ice weasels come.
-		-- Matt Groening, "Love is Hell"
-%
-Love is a word that is constantly heard,
-Hate is a word that is not.
-Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
-Love, I have read, is hot.
-But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
-And Love but a drug on the mart.
-Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
-But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 Love is always open arms.  With arms open you allow love to come and
 go as it wills, freely, for it will do so anyway.  If you close your
 arms about love you'll find you are left only holding yourself.
@@ -30111,10 +25561,6 @@ Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real
 with the ideal never goes unpunished.
 		-- Goethe
 %
-Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the
-real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
-		-- Goethe
-%
 Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
 		-- Dr. Karl Bowman
 %
@@ -30143,8 +25589,6 @@ Love is never asking why?
 %
 Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
 %
-Love is sentimental measles.
-%
 Love is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult.
 %
 Love is the answer; but while you are waiting for the answer, sex
@@ -30164,9 +25608,6 @@ Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness.
 Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.
 		-- Saint Exupery
 %
-Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
 Love IS what it's cracked up to be.
 %
 Love is what you've been through with somebody.
@@ -30183,8 +25624,6 @@ momentum.
 Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.
 		-- Sidney Paternoster, "The Folly of the Wise"
 %
-Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
-%
 Love means never having to say you're sorry.
 		-- Eric Segal, "Love Story"
 
@@ -30198,9 +25637,6 @@ Love tells us many things that are not so.
 %
 Love the sea?  I dote upon it -- from the beach.
 %
-Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
-		-- Louise Beal
-%
 Love thy neighbor, tune thy piano.
 %
 Love to eat them mousies,
@@ -30230,21 +25666,9 @@ Love, which absolves no loved one from loving,
 Love brought us to one death.
 		-- La Divina Commedia: Inferno V, vv. 100-06
 %
-Love your enemies:  they'll go crazy
-trying to figure out what you're up to.
-%
 Love your neighbour, yet don't pull down your hedge.
 		-- Benjamin Franklin
 %
-Lowery's Law:
-	If it jams -- force it.  If it
-	breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
-%
-LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
-%
-Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
-	There's always one more bug.
-%
 Lucas is the source of many of the components of the legendarily reliable
 British automotive electrical systems.  Professionals call the company "The
 Prince of Darkness".  Of course, if Lucas were to design and manufacture
@@ -30274,14 +25698,9 @@ Snoopy: She is right!  I think I had better think
 Luke, I'm yer father, eh.  Come over to the dark side, you hoser.
 		-- Dave Thomas, "Strange Brew"
 %
-LUNATIC ASYLUM:
-	The place where optimism most flourishes.
-%
 Lying is an indispensable part of making life tolerable.
 		-- Bergan Evans
 %
-Lysistrata had a good idea.
-%
 Ma Bell is a mean mother!
 %
 MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator?  Never heard of that.
@@ -30306,13 +25725,6 @@ macho, adj.:
 Macho does not prove mucho.
 		-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
 %
-MAD:
-	Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
-%
-Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child --
-if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
 Madison's Inquiry:
 	If you have to travel on the Titanic, why not go first class?
 %
@@ -30325,23 +25737,6 @@ Magary's Principle:
 %
 Magic is always the best solution -- especially reliable magic.
 %
-Magnet, n.:  Something acted upon by magnetism.
-
-Magnetism, n.:  Something acting upon a magnet.
-
-The two preceding definitions are condensed from the works of one
-thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a
-great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.
-%
-MAGNOCARTIC:
-	Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
-magnocartic, adj:
-	Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping
-	carts.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 MAGPIE:
 	A bird whose thievish disposition suggested
 	to someone that it might be taught to talk.
@@ -30366,22 +25761,6 @@ Male, n:
 	has two varieties:  good providers and bad providers.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
-Maier's Law:
-	If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
-		-- N.R. Maier, "American Psychologist", March 1960
-
-Corollaries:
-	1.  The bigger the theory, the better.
-	2.  The experiment may be considered a success if no more than
-	    50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to
-	    obtain a correspondence with the theory.
-%
-Main's Law:
-	For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
-%
-Maintainer's Motto:
-	If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
-%
 Maj. Bloodnok:	Seagoon, you're a coward!
 Seagoon:	Only in the holiday season.
 Maj. Bloodnok:	Ah, another Noel Coward!
@@ -30400,9 +25779,6 @@ Secondary Conclusion:
 Majorities, of course, start with minorities.
 		-- Robert Moses
 %
-MAJORITY:
-	That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
-%
 Make a wish, it might come true.
 %
 Make headway at work.  Continue to let things deteriorate at home.
@@ -30416,26 +25792,9 @@ Make sure your code does nothing gracefully.
 %
 Make war not sex.  (It's safer.)
 %
-Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system.  Therefore, users
-tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space.  It has
-been said that the only standard thing about all UNIX systems is the
-message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files.
-		-- System V.2 administrator's guide
-%
-Malek's Law:
-	Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
-%
 MALPRACTICE:
 	The reason surgeons wear masks.
 %
-MAN:
-	An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he
-	is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief
-	occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species,
-	which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest
-	the whole habitable earth and Canada.
-		-- A. Bierce
-%
 Man and wife make one fool.
 %
 Man belongs wherever he wants to go.
@@ -30453,9 +25812,6 @@ Man has made his bedlam; let him lie in it.
 %
 Man has never reconciled himself to the ten commandments.
 %
-Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
 Man is a military animal,
 Glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.
 		-- P.J. Bailey
@@ -30464,10 +25820,6 @@ Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon
 to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he
-is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this--
 no dog exchanges bones with another.
 		-- Adam Smith
@@ -30475,20 +25827,12 @@ no dog exchanges bones with another.
 Man is by nature a political animal.
 		-- Aristotle
 %
-Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...
-and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
-		-- Wernher von Braun
-%
 Man is the measure of all things.
 		-- Protagoras
 %
 Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms
-with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-		-- Samuel Butler, 1835-1902
-%
 Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps;
 for he is the only animal that is struck with the
 difference between what things are and what they ought to be.
@@ -30500,10 +25844,6 @@ Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.
 Man proposes, God disposes.
 		-- Thomas a Kempis
 %
-Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else --
-unless it is an enemy.
-		-- A. Einstein
-%
 Man who arrives at party two hours late
 will find he has been beaten to the punch.
 %
@@ -30511,7 +25851,7 @@ Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
 %
 Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
 %
-Man who sleep in beer keg wake up stickey.
+Man who sleep in beer keg wake up sticky.
 %
 Man will never fly.
 Space travel is merely a dream.
@@ -30570,12 +25910,6 @@ Man's unique agony as a species consists in his perpetual
 conflict between the desire to stand out and the need to blend in.
 		-- Sydney J. Harris
 %
-manual, n:
-	A unit of documentation.  There are always three or more on a given
-	item.  One is on the shelf; someone has the others.  The information
-	you need in in the others.
-		-- Ray Simard
-%
 Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.
 		-- George M. Cohan
 %
@@ -30670,12 +26004,6 @@ Many people write memos to tell you they have nothing to say.
 Many receive advice, few profit by it.
 		-- Publilius Syrus
 %
-Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon,
-there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he
-was so Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how
-completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday....
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
 Margaret, are you grieving
 Over Goldengrove unleaving?
 Leaves, like the things of man,
@@ -30707,7 +26035,7 @@ Rose, thornless, any:	Early attachment
 Rose, white:		I am worthy of you
 Rose, yellow:		Decrease of love, rise of jealousy
 Rosebud, white:		Girlhood, and a heart ignorant of love
-Rosemary:		Rememberance
+Rosemary:		Remembrance
 Sunflower:		Haughtiness
 Tulip, red:		Declaration of love
 Tulip, yellow:		Hopeless love
@@ -30723,14 +26051,10 @@ who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize
 it in order to protect themselves.
 		-- Lenny Bruce
 %
-Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
-	Dentists are incapable of asking questions
-	that require a simple yes or no answer.
-%
 MARRIAGE:
 	An old, established institution, entered into by two people deeply
-	in love and desiring to make a committment to each other expressing
-	that love.  In short, committment to an institution.
+	in love and desiring to make a commitment to each other expressing
+	that love.  In short, commitment to an institution.
 %
 MARRIAGE:
 	Convertible bonds.
@@ -30780,9 +26104,6 @@ Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucine, but sharing the
 burden of finding the fettucine restaurant in the first place.
 		-- Calvin Trillin
 %
-Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
 Marriage is the process of finding out what
 kind of man your wife would have preferred.
 %
@@ -30864,9 +26185,6 @@ Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!
 Mater artium necessitas.
 	[Necessity is the mother of invention].
 %
-Maternity pay?	Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-		-- Malcolm Smith
-%
 MATH AND ALCOHOL DON'T MIX!
 	Please, don't drink and derive.
 
@@ -30875,21 +26193,9 @@ MATH AND ALCOHOL DON'T MIX!
 	Drunk
 	Deriving
 %
-Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
-		-- R. Drabek
-%
 mathematician, n:
 	Some one who believes imaginary things appear right before your i's.
 %
-Mathematicians are like Frenchmen:  whatever you say to them they
-translate into their own language and forthwith it is something
-entirely different.
-		-- Goethe
-%
-Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate
-into their own language, and forthwith it is something entirely different.
-		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-%
 Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.
 		-- Henry Adams
 %
@@ -30914,11 +26220,6 @@ to be found in mathematics as surely as in poetry.
 %
 Matrimony is the root of all evil.
 %
-Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
-%
-Matter cannot be created or destroyed,
-nor can it be returned without a receipt.
-%
 Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
 %
 [Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment
@@ -30926,23 +26227,16 @@ where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand
 more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.
 		-- S. Kierkegaard
 %
-Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
-		-- Jules Feiffer
-%
 Matz's Law:
 	A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 %
 May a hundred thousand midgets invade your home singing cheezy lounge-lizard
 versions of songs from The Wizard of Oz.
 %
-May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts
-%
 May all your PUSHes be POPped.
 %
 May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits.
 %
-May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
-%
 May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
 %
 May those that love us love us; and those that don't love us, may
@@ -30956,7 +26250,7 @@ May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
 May you have many handsome and obedient sons.
 %
 May you have warm words on a cold evening,
-a full mooon on a dark night,
+a full moon on a dark night,
 and a smooth road all the way to your door.
 %
 May you live in uninteresting times.
@@ -30966,9 +26260,6 @@ May your camel be as swift as the wind.
 %
 May your SO always know when you need a hug.
 %
-May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your
-Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.
-%
 Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that
 lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.
 		-- Will Rogers
@@ -30986,11 +26277,8 @@ earth -- but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.
 other, and loved each other... and then let each other go before anyone
 had to seek professional help."
 %
-Maybe you can't buy happiness, but
-these days you can certainly charge it.
-%
 May's Law:
-	The quality of correlation is inversly proportional to the density
+	The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density
 	of control.  (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)
 %
 McDonald's -- Because you're worth it.
@@ -30999,10 +26287,6 @@ McEwan's Rule of Relative Importance:
 	When traveling with a herd of elephants,
 	don't be the first to lie down and rest.
 %
-Meader's Law:
-	Whatever happens to you, it will previously
-	have happened to everyone you know, only more so.
-%
 Meade's Maxim:
 Always remember that you are absolutely unique,
 just like everyone else.
@@ -31032,7 +26316,7 @@ moonlit night, some horrible persona has been jabbing away at, dragging
 magnets over, and surging these voodoo boxen.  Fortunately, they seem to
 have gotten a bit bored and fallen asleep, for it looks like Cynthia may
 get to go home.  However, she has made note to quickly put together a totem
-of sweaty, sordid static straps, random bits of wire, flecks of once meaniful
+of sweaty, sordid static straps, random bits of wire, flecks of once meaningful
 oxide, bus grant cards, gummy worms, and some bits of old pdp backplane to
 hang above the machine room.  This totem must be blessed by the old and wise
 venerable god of unibus at once, before the idolatization of vme, q and pc
@@ -31044,8 +26328,6 @@ to mouth...
 %
 Measure twice, cut once.
 %
-Measure with a micrometer.  Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.
-%
 Mediocrity finds safety in standardization.
 		-- Frederick Crane
 %
@@ -31067,7 +26349,7 @@ MEETINGS:
 %
 Meetings are an addictive, highly self indulgent activity that
 corporations and other large organizations habitually engage
-in only becuase they cannot actually masturbate.
+in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
 MEMO:
@@ -31098,21 +26380,6 @@ Memory should be the starting point of the present.
 Men are always ready to respect anything that bores them.
 		-- Marilyn Monroe
 %
-Men are amused by almost any idiot thing -- that is why professional ice
-hockey is so popular -- so buying gifts for them is easy.  But you should
-never buy them clothes.  Men believe they already have all the clothes they
-will ever need, and new ones make them nervous.  For example, your average
-man has 84 ties, but he wears, at most, only three of them.  He has learned,
-through humiliating trial and error, that if he wears any of the other 81
-ties, his wife will probably laugh at him ("You're not going to wear THAT
-tie with that suit, are you?").  So he has narrowed it down to three safe
-ties, and has gone several years without being laughed at.  If you give him
-a new tie, he will pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you.
-	If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires.  More
-than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set
-of tires.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
-%
 Men are superior to women.
 	-- The Koran
 %
@@ -31175,12 +26442,6 @@ Men use thought only to justify their wrong doings,
 and speech only to conceal their thoughts.
 		-- Voltaire
 %
-Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures
-from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
-Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man had split
-before.  Thus was the Empire forged.
-		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-%
 Men who cherish for women the highest
 respect are seldom popular with them.
 		-- Joseph Addison
@@ -31220,72 +26481,29 @@ Meskimen's Law:
 %
 Message from Our Sponsor on ttyTV at 13:58 ...
 %
-Message will arrive in the mail.
-Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
-%
 METEOROLOGIST:
 	One who doubts the established fact that it is
 	bound to rain if you forget your umbrella.
 %
 Metermaids eat their young.
 %
-Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
-%
 MICRO:
 	Thinker toys.
 %
-Micro Credo:
-	Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
-%
 Microbiology Lab:  Staph Only!
 %
 Microwaves frizz your heir.
 %
 Mieux vaut tard que jamais!
 %
-Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to
-get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
-		-- Casablanca
-%
-Miksch's Law:
-	If a string has one end, then it has another end.
-%
 Militant agnostic: I don't know, and you don't either.
 %
-Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
 Miller's Slogan:
 	Lose a few, lose a few.
 %
 millihelen, adj:
 	The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
 %
-Millions long for immortality who do not know what
-to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
-		-- Susan Ertz
-%
-Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that politics is
-almost always the choice of the lesser evil.  "Tweedledum and Tweedledee,"
-they say.  "I will not vote."  Having abstained, they are presented with a
-President who appoints the people who are going to rummage around in their
-lives for the next four years.  Consider all the people who sat home in a
-stew in 1968 rather than vote for Hubert Humphrey.  They showed Humphrey.
-Those people who taught Hubert Humphrey a lesson will still be enjoying the
-Nixon Supreme Court when Tricia and Julie begin to find silver threads among
-the gold and the black.
-		-- Russel Baker, "Ford without Flummery"
-%
-Mind!  I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is
-particularly dead about a door-nail.  I might have been inclined, myself,
-to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.
-But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands
-shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for.  You will therefore permit
-me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
-%
 "Mind if I smoke?"
 	"I don't care if you burst into flames and die!"
 %
@@ -31314,8 +26532,6 @@ Minnesota --
 	land of the ski and home of the crazed.
 	land of 10,000 Petersons.
 %
-Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
-%
 MIPS:
 	Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed
 %
@@ -31324,19 +26540,8 @@ Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.
 %
 Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
 %
-Misery no longer loves company.
-Nowadays it insists on it.
-		-- Russell Baker
-%
-MISFORTUNE:
-	The kind of fortune that never misses.
-%
 Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot.
 %
-MISS:
-	A title with which we brand unmarried
-	women to indicate that they are in the market.
-%
 Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to utter failure.
 %
 Mistrust first impulses; they are always right.
@@ -31344,10 +26549,6 @@ Mistrust first impulses; they are always right.
 MIT:
 	The Georgia Tech of the North
 %
-Mitchell's Law of Committees:
-	Any simple problem can be made insoluble
-	if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
-%
 mittsquinter, adj:
 	A ballplayer who looks into his glove after missing the ball, as
 	if, somehow, the cause of the error lies there.
@@ -31367,24 +26568,6 @@ Mix's Law:
 %
 Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
 %
-MOCK APPLE PIE (No Apples Needed)
-
-  Pastry to two crust 9-inch pie	36 RITZ Crackers
-2 cups water				 2 cups sugar
-2 teaspoons cream of tartar		 2 tablespoons lemon juice
-  Grated rind of one lemon		   Butter or margarine
-  Cinnamon
-
-Roll out bottom crust of pastry and fit into 9-inch pie plate.  Break
-RITZ Crackers coarsley into pastry-lined plate.  Combine water, sugar
-and cream of tartar in saucepan, boil gently for 15 minutes.  Add lemon
-juice and rind.  Cool.  Pour this syrup over Crackers, dot generously
-with butter or margarine and sprinkle with cinnamon.  Cover with top
-crust.  Trim and flute edges together.  Cut slits in top crust to let
-steam escape.  Bake in a hot oven (425 F) 30 to 35 minutes, until crust
-is crisp and golden.  Serve warm.  Cut into 6 to 8 slices.
-		-- Found lurking on a Ritz Crackers box
-%
 Modeling paged and segmented memories is tricky business.
 		-- P.J. Denning
 %
@@ -31402,8 +26585,6 @@ Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade
 themselves that they have a better idea.
 		-- John Ciardi
 %
-Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
-%
 Modern psychology takes completely for granted that behavior and neural
 function are perfectly correlated, that one is completely caused by the
 other.  There is no separate soul or lifeforce to stick a finger into the
@@ -31437,10 +26618,6 @@ Joe:	The usual gift -- she ate my heart out.
 %
 Moebius always does it on the same side.
 %
-Mohandas K. Gandhi often changed his mind publicly.  An aide once asked him
-how he could so freely contradict this week what he had said just last week.
-The great man replied that it was because this week he knew better.
-%
 Moishe Margolies, who weighed all of 105 pounds and stood an even five feet
 in his socks, was taking his first airplane trip. He took a seat next to a
 hulking bruiser of a man who happened to be the heavyweight champion of
@@ -31454,17 +26631,6 @@ awakened?  The sudden voice of the stewardess on the plane's intercom, finally
 woke the bruiser, and Moishe, his heart in his mouth, rose to the occasion.
 	"Feeling better now?" he asked solicitously.
 %
-MOLECULE:
-	The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter.  It is distinguished from
-	the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a
-	closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit
-	of matter...  The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and
-	the atom in that it is an ion...
-%
-Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
-	If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review
-	and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
-%
 MOMENTUM:
 	What you give a person when they are going away.
 %
@@ -31478,11 +26644,9 @@ MONDAY:
 	In Christian countries, the day after the football game.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
-Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
-%
 Money and women are the most sought after and the least known of any two
 things we have.
-	-- The Best of Will Rogers
+		-- The Best of Will Rogers
 %
 Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
 %
@@ -31511,10 +26675,6 @@ Money is a powerful aphrodisiac.  But flowers work almost as well.
 %
 Money is its own reward.
 %
-Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
-%
-Money is the root of all wealth.
-%
 Money is truthful.  If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
 		-- Lazarus Long
 %
@@ -31549,20 +26709,10 @@ in California ... [it] is also a great place for cock-fighting, gambling
 of all sorts, fandangos, and various kinds of amusements and knavery.
 		-- Richard Henry Dama, "Two Years Before the Mast", 1840
 %
-moon, n:
-	1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to
-hackers.  See PHASE OF THE MOON.  2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
-%
 Moore's Constant:
 	Everybody sets out to do something, and everybody
 	does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.
 %
-MOPHOBIA:
-	Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
-%
-mophobia, n:
-	Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
-%
 More are taken in by hope than by cunning.
 		-- Vauvenargues
 %
@@ -31573,21 +26723,6 @@ More people died at Chappaquidick than at 3-mile island.
 %
 More people have died in Ted Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
 %
-MORE SPORTS RESULTS:
-The Beverly Hills Freudians tied the Chicago Rogerians 0-0 last Saturday
-night.  The match started with a long period of silence while the Freudians
-waited for the Rogerians to free associate and the Rogerians waited for
-the Freudians to say something they could paraphrase.  The stalemate was
-broken when the Freudians' best player took the offensive and interpreted
-the Rogerians' silence as reflecting their anal-retentive personalities.
-At this the Rogerians' star player said "I hear you saying you think we're
-full of ka-ka."  This started a fight and the match was called by officials.
-%
-More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.  One path
-leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.
-Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Side Effects"
-%
 Morris had been down on his luck for months, and, though not a devoutly
 religious man, had begun to visit the local synagogue to ask God's help.
 One week, out of desperation, he prayed, "God, I've been a good and decent
@@ -31606,10 +26741,6 @@ Mos Eisley Spaceport; you'll not find a more
 wretched collection of villainy and disreputable types...
 		-- Obi-wan Kenobi, "Star Wars"
 %
-Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
-	Don't worry if it doesn't work right.
-	If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
-%
 MOSQUITO:
 	The state bird of New Jersey.
 %
@@ -31725,8 +26856,6 @@ there would be so many.
 Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there
 would be so many.
 %
-Mother told me to be good but she's been wrong before.
-%
 Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President, but they
 don't want them to become politicians in the process.
 		-- John F. Kennedy
@@ -31742,10 +26871,6 @@ MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
 Mountain Dew and doughnuts...  because breakfast is the most important meal
 of the day.
 %
-Mr. Cole's Axiom:
-	The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
-	population is growing.
-%
 Mr. Rockford?  This is Betty Joe Withers.  I got four shirts of yours from
 the Bo Peep Cleaners by mistake.  I don't know why they gave me men's
 shirts but they're going back.
@@ -31799,16 +26924,6 @@ None the less, since it *was* his, they ate it -- that's what haggis is.
 %
 Multics is security spelled sideways.
 %
-"Multiply in your head" (ordered the compassionate Dr. Adams) "365,365,365,
-365,365,365 by 365,365,365,365,365,365".  He [ten-year-old Truman Henry
-Safford] flew around the room like a top, pulled his pantaloons over the
-tops of his boots, bit his hands, rolled his eyes in their sockets, sometimes
-smiling and talking, and then seeming to be in an agony, until, in not more
-than one minute, said he, 133,491,850,208,566,925,016,658,299,941,583,255!"
-An electronic computer might do the job a little faster but it wouldn't be
-as much fun to watch.
-		-- James R. Newman, "The World of Mathematics"
-%
 MUMMY:
 	An Egyptian who was pressed for time.
 %
@@ -31844,14 +26959,6 @@ talk about after dinner.
 %
 Murphy was an optimist.
 %
-Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
-%
-Murphy's Law of Research:
-	Enough research will tend to support your theory.
-%
-Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem.
-		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
-%
 Murphy's Laws:
 	(1) If anything can go wrong, it will.
 	(2) Nothing is as easy as it looks.
@@ -31868,14 +26975,6 @@ Must be getting close to town -- we're hitting more people.
 Must I hold a candle to my shames?
 		-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
 %
-MUSTGO:
-	Any item of food that has been sitting in the
-	refrigerator so long it has become a science project.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
-My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
-		-- The Dragon to Grendel, in John Gardner's "Grendel"
-%
 My analyst told me that I was right out of my head,
 	But I said, "Dear Doctor, I think that it is you instead.
 Because I have got a thing that is unique and new,
@@ -31906,7 +27005,7 @@ said, "So will you."
 My brain is my second favorite organ.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big sattelite photo
+My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big satellite photo
 of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here".
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
@@ -32060,10 +27159,6 @@ it has become quite friendly with my legs.
 My mother drinks to forget she drinks.
 		-- Crazy Jimmy
 %
-My mother loved children -- she would
-have given anything if I had been one.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
 My mother once said to me, "Elwood," (she always called me Elwood)
 "Elwood, in this world you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant."
 For years I tried smart.  I recommend pleasant.
@@ -32093,8 +27188,6 @@ My only love sprung from my only hate!
 Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"
 %
-My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
-%
 My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
 		-- O. Wilde
 %
@@ -32118,16 +27211,7 @@ from which we can explore and understand and utilize it. To turn back now
 would be to deny our history, our capabilities.
 		-- James A. Michener
 %
-"My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!"
-		-- Zippy the Pinhead
-%
-My parents went to Niagra Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
-%
-My pen is at the bottom of a page,
-Which, being finished, here the story ends;
-'Tis to be wished it had been sooner done,
-But stories somehow lengthen when begun.
-		-- Byron
+My parents went to Niagara Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
 %
 My philosophy is: Don't think.
 		-- Charles Manson
@@ -32178,9 +27262,6 @@ I shudder at the thought of men
 I'm due to fall in love again.
 		-- Dorothy Parker, "Enough Rope"
 %
-My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-		-- Christopher Morley
-%
 My uncle was the town drunk -- and we lived in Chicago.
 		-- George Gobel
 %
@@ -32188,17 +27269,9 @@ My way of joking is to tell the truth.
 That's the funniest joke in the world.
 		-- Muhammad Ali
 %
-My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
-%
 Mystics always hope that science will some day overtake them.
 		-- Booth Tarkington
 %
-mythology, n:
-	The body of a primitive people's beliefs, concerning its origin,
-	early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished
-	from the true accounts which it invents later.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
 Naches (rhymes with Bach' us, with "Bach" pronounced like the composer)
 is what every Jewish parent wants from their children, lots of good
 returns, good grades, good spouse, good grandchildren.
@@ -32231,50 +27304,11 @@ Madam, I'm Adam.
 Sit on a potato pan, Otis.
 		-- The Mad Palindromist
 %
-NAPOLEON:	What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe?
-		Everything he says is wrong.
-GUISEPPE:	Make him a general, Excellency,
-		and then everything he says will be right.
-
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
 narcolepulacyi, n:
 	The contagious action of yawning, causing everyone in sight
 	to also yawn.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
 %
-Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity.  The servant said
-"My master is out."  Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next time he
-goes out, he should not leave his face at the window.  Someone might steal
-it."
-%
-Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers
-gathered around to hear what had passed.  "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I
-only want to say that the King spoke to me."  All the villagers but the
-stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news.  The remaining villager
-asked, "What did the King say to you?"  "What he said -- and quite distinctly,
-for everyone to hear -- was 'Get out of my way!'" The simpleton was overjoyed;
-he had heard words actually spoken by the King, and seen the very man they
-were spoken to.
-%
-Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve
-him.  Nasrudin said, "First things first.  Did you see me walk into your
-shop?"
-	"Of course."
-	"Have you ever seen me before?"
-	"Never."
-	"Then how do you know it was me?"
-%
-Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
-than the sun."
-	"Why?", he was asked.
-	"Because at night we need the light more."
-%
-Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver pie.
-Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of meat from
-his hand.  As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it, "Foolish bird!
-You have the liver, but what can you do with it without the recipe?"
-%
 National security is in your hands - guard it well.
 %
 Natural laws have no pity.
@@ -32289,31 +27323,15 @@ for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger.  It works the same
 in every country.
 		-- Hermann Goering
 %
-Nature abhors a hero.  For one thing, he violates the law of conservation
-of energy.  For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the
-fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be
-creamed?
-		-- Solomon Short
-%
 Nature abhors a virgin -- a frozen asset.
 		-- Clare Booth Luce
 %
 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
 %
-Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night,
-God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light.
-
-It did not last; the devil howling "Ho!
-Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
-%
 Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely
 given them little.
 		-- Dr. Samuel Johnson
 %
-Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where,
-it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz
-%
 Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be
 tolerated until they acquire some sense.
 		-- William Phelps
@@ -32351,10 +27369,6 @@ when the moon is out,
 he can feel it on his face"
 		-- Barry Gifford
 %
-Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you
-want to test a man's character, give him power.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
 Nearly every complex solution to a programming problem that I
 have looked at carefully has turned out to be wrong.
 		-- Brent Welch
@@ -32365,8 +27379,6 @@ Necessity has no law.
 Necessity hath no law.
 		-- Oliver Cromwell
 %
-Necessity is a mother.
-%
 "Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb.  "Necessity
 is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.
 		-- Alfred North Whitehead
@@ -32375,9 +27387,6 @@ Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.
 It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
 		-- William Pitt, 1783
 %
-Neckties strangle clear thinking.
-		-- Lin Yutang
-%
 Needs are a function of what other people have.
 %
 Negative expectations yield negative results.
@@ -32439,8 +27448,6 @@ the one you are least interested, and say nothing about the other.
 Never be afraid to tell the world who you are.
 		-- Anonymous
 %
-Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
-%
 Never buy from a rich salesman.
 		-- Goldenstern
 %
@@ -32448,10 +27455,6 @@ Never buy what you do not want
 because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.
 		-- Thomas Jefferson
 %
-Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
-%
-Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
-%
 Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
 %
 Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
@@ -32469,9 +27472,6 @@ Never eat at a place called Mom's.  Never play cards with a man named Doc.
 And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
 		-- Nelson Algren, "What Every Young Man Should Know"
 %
-Never eat more than you can lift.
-		-- Miss Piggy
-%
 Never, ever lie to someone you love unless you're
 absolutely sure they'll never find out the truth.
 %
@@ -32502,8 +27502,6 @@ Never have children, only grandchildren.
 Never have so many understood so little about so much.
 		-- James Burke
 %
-Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with a baseball bat.
-%
 Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.
 %
 Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
@@ -32526,22 +27524,11 @@ Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
 Never let someone who says it cannot be done
 interrupt the person who is doing it.
 %
-Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
-		-- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
-%
 Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
 		-- Saint Jerome
 %
 Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
 %
-Never make anything simple and efficient when a
-way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
-%
-Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
-		-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
-%
-Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.
-%
 Never pay a compliment as if expecting a receipt.
 %
 Never play pool with anyone named "Fats".
@@ -32552,8 +27539,6 @@ Never promise more than you can perform.
 Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time.
 		-- D. Gries
 %
-Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
-%
 Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after.
 %
 Never raise your hand to your children -- it leaves your midsection
@@ -32607,14 +27592,9 @@ sex to a virgin.
 
 (Note, however, that virgins tend to know a lot about computers.)
 %
-Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
 Never try to teach a pig to sing.
 It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
 %
-Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
-%
 Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
 %
 Never use "etc." -- it makes people think there is more where
@@ -32623,15 +27603,9 @@ there is not or that there is not space to list it all, etc.
 Never volunteer for anything.
 		-- Lackland
 %
-Never worry about theory as long as the
-machinery does what it's supposed to do.
-		-- R.A. Heinlein
-%
 new, adj:
 	Different color from previous model.
 %
-New crypt.  See /usr/news/crypt.
-%
 New England Life, of course.  Why?
 %
 New England Life, of course.  Why do you ask?
@@ -32644,12 +27618,6 @@ New release:
 	time to get one is lengthening rapidly. Experts predict that at this
 	rate there will soon be an up to a one year wait.
 %
-New systems generate new problems.
-%
-New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his
-age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it.
-		-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
-%
 New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around
 whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
 		-- David Letterman
@@ -32659,26 +27627,16 @@ Flyin' in from London to your door
 New York-- lookin' down on Central Park
 Where they say you should not wander after dark.
 New York.
-		-- Simon and Garfunkle
-%
-New York's got the ways and means, just won't let you be.
-%
-Newlan's Truism:
-	An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the 
-	government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
+		-- Simon and Garfunkel
 %
 Newman's Discovery:
 	Your best dreams may not come true;
 	fortunately, neither will your worst dreams.
 %
-Newpaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then
+Newspaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then
 print the chaff.
 	-- Adlai Stevenson
 %
-NEWS FLASH!!
-	Today the East German pole-vault champion
-	became the West German pole-vault champion.
-%
 news: gotcha
 %
 NEWSFLASH!!
@@ -32689,12 +27647,6 @@ It was.  Age 31.
 Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
 	A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
 %
-Next Friday will not be your lucky day.
-As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
-%
-Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
-		-- Foghorn Leghorn
-%
 Nice guys don't finish nice.
 %
 Nice guys finish last.
@@ -32716,34 +27668,6 @@ Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again.
 God -- I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
 		-- Woody Allen, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
 %
-Nihilism should commence with oneself.
-%
-Niklaus Wirth has lamented that, whereas Europeans pronounce his
-name correctly (Ni-klows Virt), Americans invariably mangle it into
-(Nick-les Worth).  Which is to say that Europeans call him by name,
-but Americans call him by value.
-%
-Nine megs for the secretaries fair,
-Seven megs for the hackers scarce,
-Five megs for the grads in smoky lairs,
-Three megs for system source;
-
-One disk to rule them all,
-One disk to bind them,
-One disk to hold the files
-And in the darkness grind 'em.
-%
-Nine-track tapes and seven-track tapes
-And tapes without any tracks;
-Stretchy tapes and snarley tapes
-And tapes mixed up on the racks --
-	Take hold of the tape
-	And pull off the strip,
-	And then you'll be sure
-	Your tape drive will skip.
-
-		-- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
-%
 Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
 %
@@ -32756,10 +27680,6 @@ would.  The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect
 that much.
 		-- Augustine
 %
-Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
-	The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
-	the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
-%
 Nirvana?  That's the place where the powers
 that be and their friends hang out.
 		-- Zonker Harris
@@ -32817,9 +27737,6 @@ No friendship is so cordial or so delicious as that of girl for girl;
 no hatred so intense or immovable as that of woman for woman.
 		-- Landor
 %
-No good deed goes unpunished.
-		-- Clare Booth Luce
-%
 No group of professionals meets except to
 conspire against the public at large.
 		-- Mark Twain
@@ -32879,10 +27796,6 @@ No man can have a reasonable opinion of women until he has long lost
 interest in hair restorers.
 	-- Austin O'Malley
 %
-No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating
-one peanut.
-		-- Channing Pollock
-%
 No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the
 Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea,
 Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if
@@ -32891,8 +27804,6 @@ me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know
 for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.
 		-- John Donne, "No Man is an Iland"
 %
-No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
-%
 No man is an island if he's on at least one mailing list.
 %
 No man is useless who has a friend,
@@ -32924,9 +27835,6 @@ No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for
 signs of improvement.
 		-- Florida Scott-Maxwell
 %
-No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will seriously
-cramp his style.
-%
 No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would.
 %
 No matter where I go, the place is always called "here".
@@ -33021,13 +27929,6 @@ their wish has been granted.
 %
 No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
 %
-No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-%
-No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-		-- C. Schulz
-%
-No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
-%
 "No program is perfect,"
 They said with a shrug.
 "The customer's happy--
@@ -33049,13 +27950,6 @@ Logic, deduction.			Accepted his fate.
 "Just change one instruction."		He's just working late."
 		-- The Perfect Programmer
 %
-No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied
-occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an
-indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining occurrence
-different from the one identified by the given indication as an
-indication-applied occurrence.
-		-- ALGOL 68 Report
-%
 No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.
 %
 No rock so hard but that a little wave
@@ -33114,7 +28008,7 @@ No wonder you're tired!  You understood so much today.
 %
 No yak too dirty; no dumpster too hollow.
 %
-Nobert Weiner was the subject of many dotty professor stories.  Weiner was, in
+Norbert Weiner was the subject of many dotty professor stories.  Weiner was, in
 fact, very absent minded.  The following story is told about him: when they
 moved from Cambridge to Newton his wife, knowing that he would be absolutely
 useless on the move, packed him off to MIT while she directed the move.  Since
@@ -33149,8 +28043,6 @@ Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
 %
 Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
 %
-NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
-%
 Nobody is one block of harmony.  We are all afraid of something, or feel
 limited in something.  We all need somebody to talk to.  It would be good
 if we talked to each other--not just pitter-patter, but real talk.  We
@@ -33188,20 +28080,12 @@ Only Capone kills like that.
 The only man who kills like that is Bugs Moran.
 		-- Al Capone, on the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
 %
-Nobody suffers the pain of birth or the anguish of loving a child in order
-for presidents to make wars, for governments to feed on the substance of
-their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young and rob the old.
-		-- Lewis Lapham
-%
 Nobody takes a bribe.  Of course at Christmas if you happen to hold our
 your hat and somebody happens to put a little something in it, well, that's
 different.
 		-- New York City Police Commissioner (Ret.) William P.
 		   O'Brien, instructions to the force.
 %
-Nobody wants constructive criticism.
-It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
-%
 Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start
 coming in late and lying about it.
 %
@@ -33218,15 +28102,9 @@ nolo contendere:
 nominal egg:
 	New Yorkerese for expensive.
 %
-Noncombatant:
-	A dead Quaker.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.
 		-- M.J. 0'Donnell
 %
-Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
-%
 None love the bearer of bad news.
 		-- Sophocles
 %
@@ -33246,7 +28124,7 @@ Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.
 Nonsense and beauty have close connections.
 		-- E.M. Forster
 %
-Noone ever built a statue to a critic.
+No one ever built a statue to a critic.
 %
 No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good
 intentions.  He had money as well.
@@ -33382,23 +28260,12 @@ Not every question deserves an answer.
 %
 Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.
 %
-Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the
-Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care: no spats
-in their vats, no rules, no schools, no gloom, no evil influence of the
-moon, no trouble from matter or antimatter -- for they had a machine,
-a dream of a machine, with springs and gears and perfect in every
-respect. And they lived with it, and on it, and under it, and inside
-it, for it was all they had -- first they saved up all their atoms,
-then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they
-chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine...
-		-- Stanislaw Lem
-%
 Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is
 ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.
 		-- Professor, EECS, George Washington University
 
 I'm looking forward to working with you on this next year.
-		-- Professor, Harvard, on a  senior thesis.
+		-- Professor, Harvard, on a senior thesis.
 %
 Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad.
 	-- Rob Pike
@@ -33427,28 +28294,9 @@ and/or frogs falling from the sky.
 %
 Note to myself: use real bullets next time.
 %
-Notes for a ballet, "The Spell:"  ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the
-flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ...
-Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part
-woman -- unfortunately, divided lengthwise.  She enchants Sigmund, who
-is careful not to make any poultry jokes...
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of
-wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is
-astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman --
-unfortunately, divided lengthwise.  She enchants Sigmund, who is careful
-not to make any poultry jokes.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
 Nothing can be done in one trip.
 		-- Snider
 %
-Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
-%
 Nothing endures but change.
 		-- Heraclitus
 	[Yeah, yeah, "Everything changes but change itself." --JFK Ed.]
@@ -33476,23 +28324,11 @@ Nothing is but what is not.
 %
 Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
 %
-Nothing is faster than the speed of light.
-
-To prove this to yourself, try opening the
-refrigerator door before the light comes on.
-%
 Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
 %
-Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
-		-- Andrew Young
-%
 Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
 		-- A.H. Weiler
 %
-Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which 
-millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-		-- Nero Wolfe
-%
 Nothing is more quiet than the sound of hair going grey.
 %
 Nothing is rich but the inexhaustible wealth of nature.
@@ -33510,10 +28346,6 @@ Where do I find nothing?
 %
 Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
 %
-Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.
-Conscience makes egotists of us all.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.
 		-- Arthur Balfour
 %
@@ -33526,9 +28358,6 @@ the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult
 which can be offered to a personality.
 		-- Soren Kierkegaard
 %
-Nothing recedes like success.
-		-- Walter Winchell
-%
 Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at
 which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
 		-- Quentin Crisp
@@ -33545,13 +28374,6 @@ Nothing succeeds like success.
 Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
 		-- Christopher Lascl
 %
-Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-		-- Charlie Brown
-%
-Nothing takes the taste out of peanut
-butter quite like unrequited love.
-		-- Charlie Brown
-%
 Nothing that's forced can ever be right,
 If it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
 That's what she said as she turned out the light,
@@ -33606,16 +28428,11 @@ Tapas, n:
 Dim Sum, n:
 	Chinese for more food than you've ever seen in your entire life.
 %
-November:
-	The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
-%
 Novinson's Revolutionary Discovery:
 
 	When comes the revolution, things will be different --
 	not better, just different.
 %
-Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
-%
 Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure;
 Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure.
 		-- George Gordon, Lord Byron, "Don Juan"
@@ -33626,11 +28443,6 @@ If he should stop before I wake,
 Give me a nudge for goodness' sake.
 		-- Anonymous
 %
-Now I lay me down to sleep
-I pray the double lock will keep;
-May no brick through the window break,
-And, no one rob me till I awake.
-%
 Now I lay me down to sleep,
 I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
 If I should die before I wake,
@@ -33645,9 +28457,6 @@ Just lay my bones in the study hall.
 Tell my teacher I've done my best,
 Then pile my books upon my chest.
 %
-Now is the time for all good men to come to.
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
 Now is the time for drinking;
 now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot.
 		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
@@ -33685,25 +28494,6 @@ To live in night's magical sphere
 More profoundly, more variously.
 		-- Hermann Hesse, "Going to Sleep"
 %
-Now that you've read Fortune's diet truths, you'll be prepared the next time
-some housewife or boutique owner turned diet expert appears on TV to plug
-her latest book.  And, if you still feel a twinge of guilt for eating coffee
-cake while listening to her exhortations, ask yourself the following questions:
-
-1: Do I dare trust a person who actually considers alfalfa sprouts a food?
-2: Was the author's sole motive in writing this book to get rich
-	exploiting the forlorn hopes of chubby people like me?
-3: Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as prescribed...
-	without French-fried onion rings, pizza with double cheese, or the
-	occasional Mai-Tai?  (Remember, living right doesn't really make
-	you live longer, it just *seems* like longer.)
-
-That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
-%
-Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
-Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange trees that
-were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST...
-%
 Now there's a violent movie titled, "The Croquet Homicide,"
 or "Murder With Mallets Aforethought."
 	-- Shelby Friedman, WSJ.
@@ -33712,22 +28502,6 @@ Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game:
 you can win or you can lose or it can rain.
 		-- Casey Stengel
 %
-Now you're ready for the actual shopping.  Your goal should be to get it
-over with as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay in the mall,
-the longer your children will have to listen to holiday songs on the mall
-public-address system, and many of these songs can damage children
-emotionally.  For example: "Frosty the Snowman" is about a snowman who
-befriends some children, plays with them until they learn to love him, then
-melts.  And "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is about a young reindeer who,
-because of a physical deformity, is treated as an outcast by the other
-reindeer.  Then along comes good, old Santa.  Does he ignore the deformity?
-Does he look past Rudolph's nose and respect Rudolph for the sensitive
-reindeer he is underneath?  No.  Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh, as
-if Rudolph were nothing more than some kind of headlight with legs and a
-tail.  So unless you want your children exposed to this kind of insensitivity,
-you should shop quickly.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 Nowlan's Theory:
 	He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from
 	the next freeway exit.
@@ -33755,31 +28529,18 @@ You got nothing -- you got nothing at all...
 	It would take one shot -- to blow him away...
 		-- Shriekback, "Gunning for the Buddah"
 %
-Nuclear powered vacuuum cleaners will probably be a reality within 10 years.
+Nuclear powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within 10 years.
 		-- Alex Lewyt (President of the Lewyt Corporation,
 		   manufacturers of vacuum cleaners), quoted in The New York
 		   Times, June 10, 1955.
 %
-[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
-		-- Edwin Meese III
-%
-Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of
-normal routines, for children and adults alike.
-		-- Willard F. Libby, "You Can Survive Atomic Attack"
-%
-Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
-%
 Nuke the unborn gay female whales for Jesus.
 %
 Nuke them till they glow, then shoot them in the dark.
 %
-(null cookie; hope that's ok)
-%
 Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit.
 		-- Seneca
 %
-Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
-%
 Nurse Donna:	Oh, Groucho, I'm afraid I'm gonna wind up an old maid.
 Groucho:	Well, bring her in and we'll wind her up together.
 Nurse Donna:	Do you believe in computer dating?
@@ -33801,13 +28562,6 @@ They needn't flush after they pish!
 Yes, and life's just swish, swish, swish,
 For all the fish!!!
 %
-O give me a home,
-Where the buffalo roam,
-Where the deer and the antelope play,
-Where seldom is heard
-A discouraging word,
-'Cause what can an antelope say?
-%
 O imitators, you slavish herd!
 		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
 %
@@ -33882,15 +28636,6 @@ Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this:
 to know so much and have control over nothing.
 		-- Herodotus
 %
-Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-		-- Plato
-%
-Of all the words of witch's doom
-There's none so bad as which and whom.
-The man who kills both which and whom
-Will be enshrined in our Who's Whom.
-		-- Fletcher Knebel
-%
 Of all things man is the measure.
 		-- Protagoras
 %
@@ -33905,20 +28650,11 @@ Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power
 tools aren't soluble in alcohol...
 		-- Crazy Nigel
 %
-Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
-%
 Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon.
 After awhile you'd run out of air to push against.
 %
 Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
 %
-Of what you see in books, believe 75%.  Of newspapers, believe 50%.  And of
-TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a blazer.
-%
-Office Automation:
-	The use of computers to improve efficiency in the office
-	by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.
-%
 Official Project Stages:
 	1. Uncritical Acceptance
 	2. Wild Enthusiasm
@@ -33933,9 +28669,6 @@ lampposts -- for support rather than illumination.
 %
 Often things ARE as bad as they seem!
 %
-Ogden's Law:
-	The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
-%
 Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
 %
 Oh, by the way, which one's Pink?
@@ -33982,7 +28715,7 @@ Oh, give me a locus where the gravitons focus
 	Where the three-body problem is solved,
 	Where the microwaves play down at three degrees K,
 	And the cold virus never evolved.			(chorus)
-We eat algea pie, our vacuum is high,
+We eat algae pie, our vacuum is high,
 	Our ball bearings are perfectly round.
 	Our horizon is curved, our warheads are MIRVed,
 	And a kilogram weighs half a pound.			(chorus)
@@ -34040,11 +28773,6 @@ said Don Carlos was afraid the ducks might run away, and since he didn't
 know how to build a cage he put them in holes.  He's a smart dog."
 		-- R. Bradford, "Red Sky At Morning"
 %
-Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
-	I muck with indices and structs all day
-And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
-	Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
-%
 Oh, I am just a typical American boy
 From a typical American town.
 I believe in God and Senator Dodd
@@ -34077,44 +28805,6 @@ Oh, I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
 be irresponsible, too.
 		-- Lichty & Wagner
 %
-Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
-And danced the skies on laughter silvered wings;
-Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
-Of sun-split clouds and done a hundred things
-You have not dreamed of --
-Wheeled and soared and swung
-High in the sunlit silence.
-Hovering there
-I've chased the shouting wind along and flung
-My eager craft through footless halls of air.
-Up, up along delirious, burning blue
-I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace,
-Where never lark, or even eagle flew;
-And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
-The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
-Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
-		-- John Gillespie Magee Jr., "High Flight"
-%
-Oh I'm just a typical American boy
-From a typical American town.
-I believe in God and Senator Dodd
-And keeping old Castro down.
-And when it came my time to serve
-I knew "Better Dead Than Red",
-But when I got to my old draft board,
-Buddy, this is what I said:
-
-Chorus:
-	Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I've got a ruptured spleen,
-	And I always carry a purse!
-	I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat,
-	And my asthma's getting worse!
-	Yes, think of my career and my sweetheart dear,
-	And my poor old invalid aunt!
-	Besides I ain't no fool, I'm a-going to school
-	And I'm a-working in a defense plant!
-		-- Phil Ochs, "Draft Dodger Rag"
-%
 Oh Lord, won't you buy me a 4BSD?
 My friends all got sources, so why can't I see?
 Come all you moby hackers, come sing it out with me:
@@ -34143,24 +28833,9 @@ Oh wearisome condition of humanity!
 Born under one law, to another bound.
 		-- Fulke Greville, Lord Brooke
 %
-Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
-%
 Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
 		-- Shakespeare
 %
-Oh, when I was in love with you,
-	Then I was clean and brave,
-And miles around the wonder grew
-	How well did I behave.
-
-And now the fancy passes by,
-	And nothing will remain,
-And miles around they'll say that I
-	Am quite myself again.
-		-- A.E. Housman
-%
-Oh, wow!  Look at the moon!
-%
 Oh, ya doesn't have ta call me 'Johnson'!  Well, you can call me 'Ray', or
 you can call me 'Jay', or you can call me 'R.J.', or you can call me 'Ray
 J.', or you can call me 'R.J.J.', or you can call me 'Ray J. Johnson', or
@@ -34214,22 +28889,14 @@ Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
 %
 Old programmers never die, they just become managers.
 %
-Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
-%
 Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.
 %
-Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
-%
 Old timer, n:
 	One who remembers when charity was a virtue and not an organization.
 %
 Oliver's Law:
 	Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 %
-omnibiblious, adj.:
-	Indifferent to type of drink.  Ex: "Oh, you can get me anything.
-	I'm omnibiblious."
-%
 On a clear day, U.C.L.A.
 %
 On a clear disk you can seek forever.
@@ -34251,16 +28918,6 @@ On ability:
 	a colossus keeps his height, even if he stands in a well.
 		-- Lucius Annaeus Seneca, 4BC - 65AD
 %
-On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only
-nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter
-what it does.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only
-nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter
-what it does.
-	-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
 On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one
 car looked exactly like his neighbor's.  Stopping hurriedly on the side of
 the road, he ran toward the smoldering debris.
@@ -34275,10 +28932,6 @@ pulled forth the head, holding it at arm's length.  "Is this your friend?"
 	"That's not him -- thank heavens," the man said.  "Henry's much
 taller."
 %
-On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the
-proposition that all men are created jerks.
-		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
-%
 On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the
 same moment -- halftime.
 %
@@ -34289,24 +28942,9 @@ girl knelt by her bed to say her prayers.  "God bless Mommy and Daddy and
 Keith and Kim," she said.  As she began to get up, she quickly added, "Oh,
 and God, this is goodbye.  We're moving to Hollywood."
 %
-On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.
-%
-On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without
-a purpose, but never without a POINT.
-%
 On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
 		-- W.C. Fields' epitaph
 %
-On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], "Pray, Mr.
-Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers
-come out?"  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of
-ideas that could provoke such a question.
-		-- Charles Babbage
-%
-Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew,
-and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
-		-- W.C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"
-%
 Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
 		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
 %
@@ -34330,7 +28968,7 @@ held captive by his unblinking eye.
 Three golden orbs stand watch;
 one each to toll the day, hour, minute
 until predestiny decrees his reawakening.
-When that feared moment arives,
+When that feared moment arrives,
 "Ask not for whom the bell tolls,
 It tolls for thee."
 		-- "I extended the loan on your Camera, at the Pine
@@ -34367,11 +29005,6 @@ children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus;
 that ought to shut them up.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir,
-that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease".  Disraeli
-replied, "That all depends upon whether I embrace your principals or your
-mistress".
-%
 Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
 		-- Homer
 %
@@ -34412,12 +29045,6 @@ Then Justice came.  His Honor cried:
 "Begone!" he shouted -- "There's the door --
 I never saw your face before!"
 %
-Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings
-infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can
-grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it
-possible for each to see each other whole against the sky.
-		-- Rainer Rilke
-%
 Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
 		-- H.R. Haldeman
 %
@@ -34445,7 +29072,7 @@ You must mind the file protections and not snoop around,
 	Or the bio bug'll getcha and bring the system down!
 %
 Once there was this conductor see, who had a bass problem.  You see, during
-a portion of Beethovan's Ninth Symphony in which there are no bass violin
+a portion of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in which there are no bass violin
 parts, one of the bassists always passed a bottle of scotch around.  So,
 to remind himself that the basses usually required an extra cue towards the
 end of the symphony, the conductor would fasten a piece of string around the
@@ -34500,11 +29127,6 @@ One can search the brain with a microscope and not find the
 mind, and can search the stars with a telescope and not find God.
 		-- J. Gustav White
 %
-One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing
-how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
-%
-One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
-%
 One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast
 to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists,
 a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also
@@ -34543,18 +29165,6 @@ life, my son.  You take the parachute and leave me in God's hands."  "That's
 very kind of you," the observant scout replied, "but there is no need.  Reagan
 just jumped out with my knapsack."
 %
-One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to tell the
-truth.  A gallows was erected in front of the city gates.  A herald announced,
-"Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to a question
-which will be put to him."  Nasrudin was first in line.  The captain of the
-guard asked him, "Where are you going?  Tell the truth -- the alternative
-is death by hanging."
-	"I am going," said Nasrudin, "to be hanged on that gallows."
-	"I don't believe you."
-	"Very well, if I have told a lie, then hang me!"
-	"But that would make it the truth!"
-	"Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."
-%
 One day this guy is finally fed up with his middle-class existence and
 decides to do something about it.  He calls up his best friend, who is a
 mathematical genius.  "Look," he says, "do you suppose you could find some
@@ -34598,9 +29208,6 @@ Finally chose,
 To bring his mad poem,
 To some sort of close".
 %
-One difference between a man and a machine
-is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
-%
 One doesn't have a sense of humor.  It has you.
 		-- Larry Gelbart
 %
@@ -34638,9 +29245,6 @@ a rivalry of aim.
 One girl can be pretty -- but a dozen are only a chorus.
 		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The Last Tycoon"
 %
-One good reason why computers can do more work than
-people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
-%
 One good suit is worth a thousand resumes.
 %
 One good thing about music,
@@ -34664,9 +29268,6 @@ and end up with the atomic bomb.
 One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.
 	-- Confucius
 %
-One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.
-		-- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
-%
 One is often kept in the right road by a rut.
 		-- Gustave Droz
 %
@@ -34687,8 +29288,6 @@ One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
 One man's Mede is another man's Persian.
 		-- George M. Cohan
 %
-One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
-%
 One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends
 can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
 		-- Clifton Fadiman
@@ -34703,13 +29302,6 @@ One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
 %
 One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.
 %
-One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from
-one end to the other.  Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70
-percent discipline, like learning Latin.  But the good parts are, of course,
-simply amazing.  God is an extremely uneven writer, but when He's good,
-nobody can touch him.
-		-- John Gardner, NYT Book Review, Jan. 1983
-%
 One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an 
 advisor... is to discourage... from expecting too much from
 mathematics.
@@ -34723,17 +29315,13 @@ One of the large consolations for experiencing anything
 unpleasant is the knowledge that one can communicate it.
 		-- Joyce Carol Oates
 %
-One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
-do and always a clever thing to say.
-		-- Will Durant
-%
 One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with
 Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just
 to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't
 be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending
 to be so outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't
 understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid.  He was
-reknowned for being quite clever and quite clearly was so -- but not all the
+renowned for being quite clever and quite clearly was so -- but not all the
 time, which obviously worried him, hence the act.  He preferred people to be
 puzzled rather than contemptuous.  This above all appeared to Trillian to be
 genuinely stupid, but she could no longer be bothered to argue about.
@@ -34751,12 +29339,6 @@ One of the pleasures of reading old letters is the knowledge that they
 need no answer.
 		-- George Gordon, Lord Byron
 %
-One of the rules of Busmanship, New York style, is never surrender your
-seat to another passenger.  This may seem callous, but it is the best
-way, really.  If one passenger were to give a seat to someone who fainted
-in the aisle, say, the others on the bus would become disoriented and
-imagine they were in Topeka Kansas.
-%
 One of the signs of Napoleon's greatness is the fact that he
 once had a publisher shot.
 		-- Siegfried Unseld
@@ -34808,27 +29390,6 @@ is that there never was a plan in the first place.
 One possible reason why things aren't going
 according to plan is that there never was a plan.
 %
-One promising concept that I came up with right away was that you could
-manufacture personal air bags, then get a law passed requiring that they be
-installed on congressmen to keep them from taking trips.  Let's say your
-congressman was trying to travel to Paris to do a fact-finding study on how
-the French government handles diseases transmitted by sherbet.  Just when
-he got to the plane, his mandatory air bag, strapped around his waist, would
-inflate -- FWWAAAAAAPPPP -- thus rendering him too large to fit through the
-plane door.  It could also be rigged to inflate whenever the congressman
-proposed a law.  ("Mr. Speaker, people ask me, why should October be
-designated as Cuticle Inspection Month?  And I answer that FWWAAAAAAPPPP.")
-This would save millions of dollars, so I have no doubt that the public
-would violently support a law requiring airbags on congressmen.  The problem
-is that your potential market is very small: there are only around 500
-members of congress.
-%
-One reason why George Washington
-Is held in such veneration:
-He never blamed his problems
-On the former Administration.
-		-- George O. Ludcke
-%
 One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not there
 should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los Angeles
 to San Diego.  We passed several state beaches, some crowded and some
@@ -34839,8 +29400,6 @@ people won't go to because they prefer to be crowded together on one beach
 is a ridiculous waste of our natural resources and our taxes.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
-One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
-%
 One should always be in love.  That is the reason one should never marry.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
@@ -34862,14 +29421,6 @@ I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty
 late.
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
 %
-One thing the inventors can't seem to
-get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
-%
-One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that
-sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer
-terror.
-		-- W.K. Hartmann
-%
 One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
 %
 One time the police stopped me for speeding.  They said, "Don't you know the
@@ -34886,20 +29437,10 @@ Hopin' that the train is on time,
 Sittin' downtown in a railway station,
 One toke over the line.
 %
-One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
-%
-One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at
-the stake while the votes were being counted.
-		-- Thomas B. Reed
-%
 One would like to stroke and caress human beings, but one dares not do so,
 because they bite.
 		-- Vladimir Lenin
 %
-One-Shot Case Study, n:
-	The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover, from which
-it is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes green.
-%
 On-line:
 	The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
 %
@@ -34908,13 +29449,9 @@ Only a fool has no doubts.
 Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
 		-- Laurence Peter
 %
-Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
-%
 Only fools are quoted.
 		-- Anonymous
 %
-Only God can make random selections.
-%
 Only great masters of style can succeed in being obtuse.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 
@@ -34990,7 +29527,7 @@ Oppernockity tunes but once.
 Opportunities are usually disguised as hard
 work, so most people don't recognize them.
 %
-Oprah Winfrey has an incredible talent for getting the wierdest people to
+Oprah Winfrey has an incredible talent for getting the weirdest people to
 talk to.  And you just HAVE to watch it.  "Blind, masochistic minority,
 crippled, depressed, government latrine diggers, and the women who love
 them too much on the next Oprah Winfrey."
@@ -35024,8 +29561,6 @@ OPTIMIST:
 optimist, n:
 	A bagpiper with a beeper.
 %
-Optimization hinders evolution.
-%
 Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes.  I would rather it were you.
 I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but
 we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.
@@ -35049,17 +29584,10 @@ Cleanliness is next to impossible
 %
 Oreo
 %
-Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
-Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
-		-- Mike Adams
-%
 Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born
 to people you could not have possibly met.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
 %
-Osborn's Law:
-	Variables won't; constants aren't.
-%
 Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?
 %
 Other women cloy
@@ -35069,9 +29597,6 @@ Where most she satisfies.
 %
 Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.
 %
-Others will look to you for stability,
-so hide when you bite your nails.
-%
 O'Toole's commentary on Murphy's Law:
 	Murphy was an optimist.
 %
@@ -35090,13 +29615,13 @@ but to continue to fail in high spirits.
 		-- Robert Louis Stevenson
 %
 Our congratulations go to a Burlington Vermont civilian employee of the
-local Army National Guard base.  He recently received a substational cash
+local Army National Guard base.  He recently received a substantial cash
 award from our government for inventing a device for optical scanning.
 His device reportedly will save the government more than $6 million a year
 by replacing a more expensive helicopter maintenance tool with his own,
 home-made, hand-held model.
 
-Not suprisingly, we also have a couple of money-saving ideas that we submit
+Not surprisingly, we also have a couple of money-saving ideas that we submit
 to the Pentagon free of charge:
 
 	a. Don't kill anybody.
@@ -35109,14 +29634,6 @@ We expect annual savings to be in the billions.
 Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars,
 but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.
 %
-Our documentation manager was showing her 2 year old son around the office.
-He was introduced to me, at which time he pointed out that we were both
-holding bags of popcorn.  We were both holding bottles of juice.  But only
-*he* had a lollipop.
-	He asked his mother, "Why doesn't HE have a lollipop?"
-	Her reply: "He can have a lollipop any time he wants to.  That's
-what it means to be a programmer."
-%
 Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in a
 continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave national
 emergency...  Always there has been some terrible evil to gobble us up if we
@@ -35135,18 +29652,11 @@ They have their day and cease to be;
 They are but broken lights of thee.
 		-- Tennyson
 %
-Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
-Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
-In kernel as it is in user.
-%
 Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict.  They didn't want us
 to grow up to be spoiled and rich.  If we left our tennis racquets in the
 rain, we were punished.
 		-- Nancy Ellis (George Bush's sister), in the New Republic
 %
-Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.
-		-- Roy L. Ash, ex-president, Litton Industries
-%
 Our problems are so serious that the best
 way to talk about them is lightheartedly.
 %
@@ -35168,9 +29678,6 @@ And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,
 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!
 		-- Monty Python
 %
-Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
-		-- General Omar N. Bradley
-%
 Ours is a world where people don't know what they
 want and are willing to go through hell to get it.
 %
@@ -35182,17 +29689,6 @@ Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made.
 %
 Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
 %
-Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.  Inside a dog it's too
-dark to read.
-%
-Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it is too
-dark to read.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it's too
-dark to read.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
 Over the shoulder supervision is more a
 need of the manager than the programming task.
 %
@@ -35215,15 +29711,9 @@ victim may wail, `But who could have dreamt of such an idiotic-looking
 move?'
 		-- Fred Reinfeld, "The Complete Chess Course"
 %
-Overdrawn?  But I still have checks left!
-%
-Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
-%
 Overheard:
 	"How do I feel?  Great!  And I kiss pretty good, too!"
 %
-Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
-%
 Owe no man any thing...
 		-- Romans 13:8
 %
@@ -35254,12 +29744,6 @@ tasteless, so that its presence can not be readily detected until it is
 too late.
 		-- Chemical & Engineering News February 6, 1956
 %
-Ozman's Laws:
-	(1)  If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't.
-	(2)  The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make.
-	(3)  People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
-	(4)  Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
-%
 paak, n:	A stadium or inclosed playing field. To put or leave (a
 			a vehicle) for a time in a certain location.
 patato, n:	The starchy, edible tuber of a widely cultivated plant.
@@ -35288,9 +29772,7 @@ Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
 Pandora's Rule:
 	Never open a box you didn't close.
 %
-panic: can't find /
-%
-panic: kernal segmentation violation. core dumped		(only kidding)
+panic: kernel segmentation violation. core dumped		(only kidding)
 %
 Paprika Measure:
 
@@ -35308,8 +29790,6 @@ Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world isn't out to get you.
 %
 Paranoia is heightened awareness.
 %
-Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
-%
 Paranoid Club meeting this Friday.
 Now ... just try to find out where!
 %
@@ -35322,49 +29802,20 @@ Pardon me while I laugh.
 Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they
 didn't have much of anything to do with it.
 %
-Parkinson's Fifth Law:
-	If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good
-	bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
-%
-Parkinson's Fourth Law:
-	The number of people in any working group tends to increase
-	regardless of the amount of work to be done.
-%
 Parsley is gharsley.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
-%
 PARTY:
 	A gathering where you meet people who drink
 	so much you can't even remember their names.
 %
-Pascal:
-	A programming language named after a man who would turn over
-	in his grave if he knew about it.
-		-- Datamation, January 15, 1984
-%
-Pascal:
-	A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his
-	grave if he knew about it.
-%
 Pascal is a language for children wanting to be naughty.
 		-- Dr. Kasi Ananthanarayanan
 %
-Pascal is not a high-level language.
-		-- Steven Feiner
-%
 Pascal Users:
 	The Pascal system will be replaced next Tuesday by Cobol.
 	Please modify your programs accordingly.
 %
-Pascal Users:
-	To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the
-	death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
-%
-Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-		-- Eric Hoffer
-%
 Password:
 %
 Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
@@ -35401,7 +29852,7 @@ patent:
 "Pathetic," he said.  "That's what it is.  Pathetic."
 (crosses stream)
 "As I thought," he said, "no better from *this* side."
-		-- Eyeore
+		-- Eeyore
 %
 Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, on qualifiers
@@ -35430,15 +29881,6 @@ Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
 Pauca sed matura.  (Few but excellent.)
 		-- Gauss
 %
-Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
-%
-Paulg's Law:
-	In America, it's not how much an
-	item costs, it's how much you save.
-%
-Paul's Law:
-	You can't fall off the floor.
-%
 Pause for storage relocation.
 %
 paycheck:
@@ -35472,28 +29914,6 @@ Peace is much more precious than a piece
 of land... let there be no more wars.
 		-- Mohammed Anwar Sadat, 1918-1981
 %
-Peace, n:
-	In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
-	periods of fighting.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-Peanut Blossoms
-
-4 cups sugar           16 tbsp. milk
-4 cups brown sugar     4 tsp. vanilla
-4 cups shortening      14 cups flour
-8 eggs                 4 tsp. soda
-4 cups peanut butter   4 tsp. salt
-
-Shape dough into balls. Roll in sugar and bake on ungreased
-cookie sheet at 375 F. for 10-12 minutes.  Immediately top
-each cookie with a Hershey's kiss or star pressing down firmly
-to crack cookie.  Makes a hell of a lot.
-%
-Pecor's Health-Food Principle:
-	Never eat rutabaga on any day of
-	the week that has a "y" in it.
-%
 pediddel:
 	A car with only one working headlight.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
@@ -35530,9 +29950,6 @@ people and I'll show you someone who has built up a false image of himself
 -- no offense intended."
 		-- Asimov, "Foundation's Edge"
 %
-Penguin Trivia #46:
-	Animals who are not penguins can only wish they were.
-%
 PENGUINICITY!!
 %
 pension:
@@ -35578,9 +29995,6 @@ People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction
 rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.
 		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
 %
-People often find it easier to be a
-result of the past than a cause of the future.
-%
 People respond to people who respond.
 %
 People say I live in my own little fantasy world... well, at least they
@@ -35602,18 +30016,6 @@ People that can't find something to live for always seem to find something
 to die for.  The problem is, they usually want the rest of us to die for
 it too.
 %
-People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.
-		-- Ken Kesey
-%
-People usually get what's coming to them -- unless it's been mailed.
-%
-People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get
-much better press than people who are just funny and smart.
-		-- Howard Simons, "The Washington Post"
-%
-People who claim they don't let little things bother
-them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
-%
 People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
 		-- Abigail Van Buren
 %
@@ -35622,14 +30024,6 @@ People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
 People who have no faults are terrible;
 there is no way of taking advantage of them.
 %
-People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't
-what they want that they don't want it.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-People who have what they want are very fond of telling
-people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 People who make no mistakes do not usually make anything.
 %
 People who push both buttons should get their wish.
@@ -35642,14 +30036,6 @@ cold baths.
 People who think they know everything
 greatly annoy those of us who do.
 %
-People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin
-Franklin said it first.
-%
-People will accept your ideas much more readily if
-you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
-%
-People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
-%
 People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
 %
 People's Action Rules:
@@ -35668,8 +30054,6 @@ or
 [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]
 		-- Aelius Donatus
 %
-Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
-%
 perfect guest:
 	One who makes his host feel at home.
 %
@@ -35737,8 +30121,6 @@ Personifiers of the world, unite!
 You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
 		-- Bernadette Bosky
 %
-Personifiers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
-%
 Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;
 persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting
 to find a plot in it will be shot.  By Order of the Author
@@ -35790,11 +30172,6 @@ petribar:
 %
 Phasers locked on target, Captain.
 %
-Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so
-because it is next to exciting Camden, New Jersy.
-%
-Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
-%
 philosophy:
 	The ability to bear with calmness the misfortunes of our friends.
 %
@@ -35831,7 +30208,7 @@ Carefree Highway, let me slip away, slip away, on you...
 Turning back the pages to the times I love best,
 I wonder if she'll ever do the same,
 Now the thing that I call livin' is just bein' satisfied,
-With knowing I got noone left to blame.
+With knowing I got no one left to blame.
 Carefree Highway, I got to see you, my old flame...
 
 Searching through the fragments of my dream shattered sleep,
@@ -35853,13 +30230,7 @@ Pie are not square.  Pie are round.  Cornbread are square.
 Piece of cake!
 		-- G.S. Koblas
 %
-pig, n:
-	An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by
-	the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is
-	inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-Pilfering Treasure property is paticularly dangerous: big thieves are
+Pilfering Treasure property is particularly dangerous: big thieves are
 ruthless in punishing little thieves.
 		-- Diogenes
 %
@@ -35881,19 +30252,6 @@ the infant on her head provoking her drunken father to drag the physician
 outside where he would beat him to death with a live ocelot.
 		-- Love and Rockets
 %
-PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
-	You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed
-	by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over your associates
-	and people resent your flaunting of your power.  You lack confidence
-	and you are generally a coward.  Pisces people do terrible things to
-	small animals.
-%
-PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
-	Take the high road, look for the good things, carry the American
-	Express card and a weapon.  The world is yours today, as nobody
-	else wants it.  Your mortgage will be foreclosed.  You will probably
-	get run over by a bus.
-%
 PISCES (Feb.19 - Mar.20)
 	You will get some very interesting news of a promotion today.
 	It will go to someone in the office you dislike and will be the
@@ -35908,10 +30266,6 @@ pixel, n:
 %
 P-K4
 %
-PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more
-to the problem set than to the solution set.
-		-- E.W. Dijkstra
-%
 Plagiarize, plagiarize,
 Let no man's work evade your eyes,
 Remember why the good Lord made your eyes,
@@ -35958,8 +30312,6 @@ Please go away.
 %
 Please help keep the world clean: others may wish to use it.
 %
-Please ignore previous fortune.
-%
 Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
 %
 Please, Mother!  I'd rather do it myself!
@@ -36023,19 +30375,6 @@ Please stand for the National Anthem:
 
 Thank you.  You may resume your seat.
 %
-Please take note:
-%
-Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas"
-until you are told that those rooms are "punched out."  Once punched out,
-we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.
-		-- N. Meyrowitz
-%
-Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
-%
-PL/I -- "the fatal disease" -- belongs more to the problem set than to the
-solution set.
-		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
-%
 Plots are like girdles.  Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're
 of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain
 an uncontainable experience.
@@ -36045,9 +30384,6 @@ PLUG IT IN!!!
 %
 Plus ca change, plus c'est le meme chose.
 %
-Pohl's law:
-	Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
-%
 poisoned coffee, n:
 	Grounds for divorce.
 %
@@ -36064,16 +30400,6 @@ here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween.
 Political television commercials prove one thing: some candidates
 can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
 %
-POLITICIAN:
-	From the Greek 'poly' ("many") and the French 'tete' ("head" or
-	"face," as in 'tete-a-tete': head to head or face to face).
-	Hence 'polytetien', a person of two or more faces.
-		-- Martin Pitt
-%
-Politicians are the same everywhere.  They promise
-to build a bridge even where there is no river.
-		-- Nikita Khrushchev
-%
 Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
 		-- Arthur C. Clarke
 %
@@ -36098,9 +30424,6 @@ Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the
 systematic organisation of hatreds.
 		-- Henry Adams, "The Education of Henry Adams"
 %
-Politics is like coaching a football team.  You have to be smart
-enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
-%
 Politics is not the art of the possible.  It consists in choosing
 between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
 		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
@@ -36115,7 +30438,7 @@ explain why it didn't happen.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
 Politics, like religion, hold up the
-torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.
+torches of martyrdom to the reformers of error.
 		-- Thomas Jefferson
 %
 Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.
@@ -36132,39 +30455,17 @@ Pollyanna's Educational Constant:
 POLYGON:
 	Dead parrot.
 %
-Polymer physicists are into chains.
-%
 Poorman's Rule:
 	When you pull a plastic garbage bag from its handy dispenser
 	package, you always get hold of the closed end and try to
 	pull it open.
 %
-Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history of the
-Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866.  The white
-smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before it dawned
-on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his name had hilarious
-possibilities.  The crowds fell about, helpless with laughter, singing
-
-	Half a pound of tuppenny rice
-	Half a pound of treacle
-	That's the way the chimney smokes
-	Pope Goestheveezl
-
-The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of laughter
-streaming down their faces.  The event set a record for hilarious civic
-functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron Hans Neizant
-Bompzidaize was elected Landburgher of Koln in 1653.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 Populus vult decipi.
 [The people like to be deceived.]
 %
 Porsche; there simply is no substitute.
 		-- Risky Business
 %
-POSITIVE:
-	Being mistaken at the top of your voice.
-%
 Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.
 		-- Ryan
 %
@@ -36219,9 +30520,6 @@ poor people.
 POWER:
 	The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
 %
-Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat.
-		-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987
-%
 Power is poison.
 %
 Power is the finest token of affection.
@@ -36235,10 +30533,6 @@ Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.
 %
 PPRB -- Pillage, plunder, rape and burn.
 %
-Practical people would be more practical if
-they would take a little more time for dreaming.
-		-- J.P. McEvoy
-%
 Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.
 		-- Henry Adams
 %
@@ -36269,8 +30563,6 @@ pray, n:
 Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
 		-- Russian Proverb
 %
-Predestination was doomed from the start.
-%
 Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.
 		-- Niels Bohr
 %
@@ -36287,15 +30579,6 @@ Preserve wildlife -- pickle a squirrel today!
 %
 Preserve Wildlife!  Throw a party today!
 %
-President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic 
-pundits and forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
-%
-President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50%
-of the vote.  In a democracy, that's not called quitting.
-		-- The Washington Post
-%
-Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
-%
 Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
 	It's on the other side.
 %
@@ -36335,14 +30618,6 @@ Prizes are for children.
 		-- Charles Ives,
 		upon being given, but refusing, the Pulitzer prize
 %
-Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
-%
-Probable-Possible, my black hen,
-She lays eggs in the Relative When.
-She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now
-Because she's unable to postulate How.
-		-- Frederick Winsor
-%
 PROBLEM DRINKER:
 	A man who never buys.
 %
@@ -36354,11 +30629,6 @@ I can.  Why doesn't anyone send me the scripts that Faye Dunaway gets?
 %
 Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
 %
-Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem Eng. 130
-midterm.  Once again a student did not receive a single point on his exam.
-Newell has now tossed 5 shutouts this quarter.  Newell's earned exam average
-has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%.
-%
 PROGRAM:
 	Any task that can't be completed in one telephone call or one
 	day.  Once a task is defined as a program ("training program,"
@@ -36411,40 +30681,6 @@ PROMOTION FROM WITHIN:
 %
 Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
 %
-Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction.
-
-This technique is used on equations with 'n' in them.  Induction
-techniques are very popular, even the military use them.
-
-SAMPLE:  Proof of induction without proof of induction.
-
-	We know it's true for n equal to 1.  Now assume that it's true 
-for every natural number less than n.  N is arbitrary, so we can take n 
-as large as we want.  If n is sufficiently large, the case of n+1 is 
-trivially equivalent, so the only important n are n less than n.  We can
-take n = n (from above), so it's true for n+1 becuase it's just about n.
-	QED.	(QED translates from the Latin as "So what?")
-%
-Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity.
-	SAMPLE: To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs.
-[1] Horses have an even number of legs.
-[2] They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
-[3] This makes a total of six legs,
-	which certainly is an odd number of legs for a horse.
-[4] But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity. 
-[5] Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
-
-Topics is be covered in future issues include proof by:
-	intimidation,
-	gesticulation (handwaving),
-	"try it; it works",
-	constipation (I was just sitting there and...),
-	blatant assertion,
-	changing all the 2's to n's,
-	mutual consent,
-	lack of a counterexample, and,
-	"it stands to reason".
-%
 Proper treatment will cure a cold in seven days,
 but left to itself, a cold will hang on for a week.
 		-- Darrell Huff
@@ -36518,15 +30754,6 @@ Pudder's Law:
 %
 Punning is the worst vice, and there's no vice versa.
 %
-Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to
-spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate
-that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person
-on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are
-thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other
-passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they
-have plenty of food and water.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 PURGE COMPLETE.
 %
 PURITAN:
@@ -36578,24 +30805,13 @@ Or just call in and say you're sick.
 %
 Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.
 %
-Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
-		-- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
-%
 Put your trust in those who are worthy.
 %
-Putt's Law:
-	Technology is dominated by two types of people:
-		Those who understand what they do not manage.
-		Those who manage what they do not understand.
-%
 Pyro's of the world... IGNITE !!!
 %
 Q:	Are we not men?
 A:	We are Vaxen.
 %
-Q:	Do you know what the death rate around here is?
-A:	One per person.
-%
 Q:	Have you heard about the man who didn't pay for his exorcism?
 A:	He got re-possessed!
 %
@@ -36683,16 +30899,6 @@ A:	Three.  One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all
 Q:	How many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A:	Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
 %
-Q:	How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
-A:	Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
-
-Q:	How long does it take?
-A:	It's indeterminate.
-	It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.
-
-Q:	What happens if you've got TWO flats?
-A:	They replace your generator.
-%
 Q:	How many Democrats does it take to enjoy a good joke?
 A:	One more than you can find.
 %
@@ -36729,23 +30935,6 @@ A:	Just one.  He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.
 Q:	How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
 A:	Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
 %
-Q:	How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right shift?
-A:	33.  1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
-%
-Q:	How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
-A:	Fifteen.  One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
-	GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,
-	of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally
-	left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....
-	consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
-%
-Q:	How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-A:	Three.  One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
-	light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot
-	to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for
-	reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb-assassin to break
-	the bulb in the first place.
-%
 Q:	How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A:	One.  Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
 %
@@ -36803,7 +30992,7 @@ A:	Seven.  Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
 	the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
 	from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
 	Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
-	beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
+	beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promptly
 	killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
 	As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
 	Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must
@@ -36831,7 +31020,7 @@ A:	"Twelve; one to screw the light-bulb in, and eleven to self-destruct
 	the ship out of disgrace."
 
 	[Warning: do not tell this joke to Romulans or else be ready for
-	a fight.  They consider this it to be a discrace, though it's
+	a fight.  They consider this it to be a disgrace, though it's
 	pretty good for a LBJ.  Ed.]
 %
 Q:	How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
@@ -36857,19 +31046,6 @@ Q:	Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"
 A:	Easy.  It's because they can't figure out how to get the little
 	bottles into the typewriter.
 %
-Q:	Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars.
-	What should I do?
-
-A:	Post the correct answer at once!  We can't have people go on
-	believing that!  Very good of you to spot this.  You'll probably
-	be the only one to make the correction, so post as soon as you
-	can.  No time to lose, so certainly don't wait a day, or check to
-	see if somebody else has made the correction.  And it's not good
-	enough to send the message by mail.  Since you're the only one who
-	really knows that it was Francis Coppola, you have to inform the
-	whole net right away!
-		-- Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette
-%
 Q:	What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
 A:	"The elephants are coming over the hill."
 
@@ -36978,7 +31154,7 @@ A:	Hot cross bunnies!
 Q:	What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?
 A:	Not enough sand.
 %
-Q:	What does a blonde do first theing in the morning?
+Q:	What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
 A:	She goes home.
 
 Q:	Why does blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
@@ -37060,7 +31236,7 @@ Q:	What's bruised, bleeding, and lies in a ditch?
 A:	Somebody who tells Aggie jokes.
 %
 Q:	What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
-A:	A doberman.
+A:	A Doberman.
 %
 Q:	What's the Blonde's cheer?
 A:	I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N... ah, oh well..
@@ -37140,7 +31316,7 @@ Q:	Why did the germ cross the microscope?
 A:	To get to the other slide.
 %
 Q:	Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto?
-A:	He found out what "kimosabe" really means.
+A:	He found out what "kemosabe" really means.
 %
 Q:	Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?
 A:	Because he left a residue at every pole.
@@ -37151,18 +31327,9 @@ A:	Because that was her name.
 Q:	Why did the WASP cross the road?
 A:	To get to the middle.
 %
-Q:	Why do ducks have big flat feet?
-A:	To stamp out forest fires.
-
-Q:	Why do elephants have big flat feet?
-A:	To stamp out flaming ducks.
-%
 Q:	Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
 A:	To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
 %
-Q:	Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
-A:	To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
-%
 Q:	Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?
 A:	Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise?
 	Oh, right, *of course*!
@@ -37219,7 +31386,7 @@ A:	It wasn't IBM compatible.
 Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?
 A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
 %
-Q: What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
+Q: What's the difference between USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
 A: The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
 %
 Q: What's the difference between USL and the Titanic?
@@ -37297,7 +31464,7 @@ QOTD:
 	I love your outfit, does it come in your size?
 %
 QOTD:
-	"I may not be able to walk, but I drive from the sitting posistion."
+	"I may not be able to walk, but I drive from the sitting position."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
@@ -37577,7 +31744,7 @@ QOTD:
 "It wouldn't have been anything, even if it were gonna be a thing."
 %
 QOTD:
-Lack of planning on your part doesn't consitute an emergency
+Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency
 on my part.
 %
 QOTD:
@@ -37597,10 +31764,6 @@ Quality control:
 	Assuring that the quality of a product does not get out of hand
 	and add to the cost of its manufacture or design.
 %
-QUALITY CONTROL:
-	The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a
-	production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
-%
 Quantity is no substitute for quality,
 but its the only one we've got.
 %
@@ -37616,7 +31779,7 @@ Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
 %
 Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in
 exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday.  Mannis feels he must
-devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might eminate
+devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate
 from a recent statement he made comparing New York Mayor Ed Koch to
 Nazi Martin Bormann.  A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are
 weighing the odds of a slander suit.  Mayor Koch could naturally be
@@ -37644,16 +31807,6 @@ Ask somebody something.
 Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-Quick!!  Act as if nothing has happened!
-%
-Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
-
-(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
-%
-Quigley's Law:
-	Whoever has any authority over you,
-	no matter how small, will attempt to use it.
-%
 Quit worrying about your health.  It'll go away.
 		-- Robert Orben
 %
@@ -37701,33 +31854,6 @@ Rarely do people communicate; they just take turns talking.
 Rascal, am I?  Take THAT!
 		-- Errol Flynn
 %
-Rattling around the back of my head is a disturbing image of something I
-saw at the airport...   Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of computer
-magazines right next to "People" and "Time" in the airport store.  Does it
-bother anyone else that half the world is being told all of our hard-won
-secrets of computer technology?  Remember how all the lawyers cried foul
-when "How to Avoid Probate" was published?  Are they taking no-fault
-insurance lying down?  No way!  But at the current rate it won't be long
-before there are stacks of the "Transactions on Information Theory" at the
-A&P checkout counters.  Who's going to be impressed with us electrical
-engineers then?  Are we, as the saying goes, giving away the store? 
-		-- Robert W. Lucky, IEEE president
-%
-Razors pain you;
-Rivers are damp;
-Acids stain you;
-And drugs cause cramp.
-Guns aren't lawful;
-Nooses give;
-Gas smells awful;
-You might as well live.
-		-- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926
-%
-Re: Graphics:
-	A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
-	the picture.  Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately
-	described with pictures.
-%
 Reach into the thoughts of friends,
 And find they do not know your name.
 Squeeze the teddy bear too tight,
@@ -37752,14 +31878,6 @@ Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
 %
 Reagan can't act either.
 %
-Real computer scientists despise the idea of actual hardware.  Hardware has
-limitations, software doesn't.  It's a real shame that Turing machines are
-so poor at I/O.
-%
-Real computer scientists don't write code.  They occasionally tinker with
-`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count 
-(and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications).
-%
 Real computer scientists like having a computer on their desk, else how
 could they read their mail?
 %
@@ -37775,44 +31893,16 @@ still arguing over what else to add to ADA.
 Real programmers don't document; if it was
 hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
 %
-Real programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Flowcharts are, after all, the
-illiterate's form of documentation.  Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much
-good it did them.
-%
-Real Programmers don't eat quiche.  They eat Twinkies and Szechwan food.
-%
-Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires
-you to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers
-wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly
-spring up in the middle of the machine room.
+Real Programmers don't eat quiche.  They eat Twinkies and Szechuan food.
 %
 Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN.
 FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
 %
-Real Programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for
-programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
-%
-Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
-%
 Real programs don't eat cache.
 %
-Real Programs don't use shared text.  Otherwise, how can they
-use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
-%
 Real wealth can only increase.
 		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
 %
-Real World, The n.:
-	1. In programming, those institutions at which programming may be
-used in the same sentence as FORTRAN, COBOL, RPG, IBM, etc.  2. To
-programmers, the location of non-programmers and activities not related to
-programming.  3. A universe in which the standard dress is shirt and tie
-and in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5.  4.  The location
-of the status quo.  5. Anywhere outside a university.  "Poor fellow, he's
-left MIT and gone into T.R.W."  Used pejoratively by those not in residence
-there.  In conversation, talking of someone who has entered the real world
-is not unlike talking about a deceased person.
-%
 Reality -- what a concept!
 		-- Robin Williams
 %
@@ -37838,18 +31928,12 @@ Reality must take precedence over public
 relations, for Mother Nature cannot be fooled.
 		-- R.P. Feynman
 %
-Really??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
-%
 Reappraisal, n:
 	An abrupt change of mind after being found out.
 %
 Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
 %
-Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being
-flat broke and having a stomach ache.
-		-- Dolph Sharp
-%
 Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
 %
 Recent research has tended to show that the Abominable No-Man
@@ -37873,11 +31957,6 @@ Reception area, n:
 	while the receptionist blithely reads her own trade magazine --
 	Cosmopolitan.
 %
-Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you
-lose your job.  These economic downturns are very difficult to predict,
-but sophisticated econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and
-Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions.
-%
 Recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:
 	(1) Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit
 	(2) Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of
@@ -37906,15 +31985,6 @@ Recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:
 	(8) Add an olive.
 	(9) Drink... but... very carefully...
 %
-Reclaimer, spare that tree!
-Take not a single bit!
-It used to point to me,
-Now I'm protecting it.
-It was the reader's CONS
-That made it, paired by dot;
-Now, GC, for the nonce,
-Thou shalt reclaim it not.
-%
 Recursion is the root of computation
 since it trades description for time.
 %
@@ -37937,9 +32007,6 @@ Reichel's Law:
 Reinhart was never his mother's favorite -- and he was an only child.
 		-- Thomas Berger
 %
-Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
-	If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
-%
 Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't the remotest
 knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
 		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Importance of Being Earnest"
@@ -37951,9 +32018,6 @@ has no need to put up a front of any kind.
 Reliable source, n:
 	The guy you just met.
 %
-Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
-		-- Anatole France
-%
 Religion is a crutch, but that's okay... humanity is a cripple.
 %
 Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
@@ -37994,9 +32058,6 @@ Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure
 that you're the one holding it.
 		-- Mr. Greenfatigues
 %
-Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
-		-- Dave Butler
-%
 Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when
 you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
@@ -38004,9 +32065,6 @@ you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
 Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.
 		-- Hans Liepmann
 %
-Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot,
-it could only be worse in Cleveland.
-%
 Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
 %
 Remember the... the... uhh.....
@@ -38039,9 +32097,6 @@ Yet kindly sells himself for nought;
 Removing the straw that broke the camel's back
 does not necessarily allow the camel to walk again.
 %
-Renning's Maxim:
-	Man is the highest animal.  Man does the classifying.
-%
 Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
@@ -38050,21 +32105,12 @@ Repel them.  Repel them.  Induce them to relinquish the spheroid.
 %
 Reply hazy, ask again later.
 %
-Reporter:
-	A writer who guesses his way to the truth
-	and dispels it with a tempest of words.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Reporter:   "How did you like school when you were growing up, Yogi?"
 Yogi Berra: "Closed."
 %
 Reporter:   "What would you do if you found a million dollars?"
 Yogi Berra: "If the guy was poor, I would give it back."
 %
-Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi):
-		Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization?
-Gandhi:		I think it would be a good idea.
-%
 Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians and eyebrows.
 Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes.
 
@@ -38091,9 +32137,6 @@ so you're still a valiant nerd.
 Research is to see what everybody else has seen,
 and think what nobody else has thought.
 %
-Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-		-- Wernher von Braun
-%
 Research, n:
 	Consider Columbus:
 	He didn't know where he was going.
@@ -38101,9 +32144,6 @@ Research, n:
 	When he got back he didn't know where he had been.
 	And he did it all on someone else's money.
 %
-Resisting temptation is easier when you
-think you'll probably get another chance later on.
-%
 Responsibility:
 	Everyone says that having power is a great responsibility.  This is
 a lot of bunk.  Responsibility is when someone can blame you if something
@@ -38126,23 +32166,6 @@ Revenge is a form of nostalgia.
 %
 Revenge is a meal best served cold.
 %
-Review Questions
-
-1:	If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts out in his spaceship at 20 KPH,
-	and his speed doubles every 3.2 seconds, how long will it be before
-	he exceeds the speed of light?  How long will it be before the
-	Galactic Patrol picks up the pieces of his spaceship?
-
-2:	If Roger Rowdy wrecks his car every week, and each week he breaks
-	twice as many bones as before, how long will it be before he breaks
-	every bone in his body?  How long will it be before they cut off
-	his insurance?  Where does he get a new car every week?
-
-3:	If Johnson drinks one beer the first hour (slow start), four beers
-	the next hour, nine beers the next, etc., and stacks the cans in
-	a pyramid, how soon will Johnson's pyramid be larger than King
-	Tut's?  When will it fall on him?  Will he notice?
-%
 Revolution, n:
 	A form of government abroad.
 %
@@ -38153,29 +32176,6 @@ Revolution, n:
 revolutionary, adj:
 	Repackaged.
 %
-Rhode's Law:
-	When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance,
-	or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or
-	circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted,
-	estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose
-	of convenience, expediency, political advantage, material gain, or
-	personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the
-	above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and
-	adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally, immutably,
-	and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to
-	assume otherwise, maybe.
-%
-Rhode's Law:
-	When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance,
-or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or circuitously
-proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or
-scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience,
-expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal comfort, or any
-combination of the above, or none of the above, be unilaterally and
-unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be
-undeniably, universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as
-it becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
-%
 Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed.  It is not fair that some men
 should be happier than others.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
@@ -38301,34 +32301,11 @@ not necessarily consent, even the reluctant variety.  They simply may
 sit in stunned silence and figure ways of sabotaging the plan after they
 regain their composure.
 %
-Rule of Creative Research:
-	1) Never draw what you can copy.
-	2) Never copy what you can trace.
-	3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
-%
-Rule of Defactualization:
-	Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
-%
-Rule of Feline Frustration:
-	When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
-	content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the
-	bathroom.
-%
 Rule of Life #1 -- Never get separated from your luggage.
 %
-Rule of the Great:
-	When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
-	thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
-%
 Rule the Empire through force.
 		-- Shogun Tokugawa
 %
-Rules for driving in New York:
-	1) Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
-	2) You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
-	3) A red light means the next six cars may go through the
-		intersection.
-%
 Rules for Good Grammar #4.
  1:	Don't use no double negatives.
  2:	Make each pronoun agree with their antecedents.
@@ -38344,9 +32321,9 @@ Rules for Good Grammar #4.
 12:	Proofread your writing to see if you any words out.
 13:	Correct speling is essential.
 14:	A preposition is something you never end a sentence with.
-15:	While a transcendant vocabulary is laudable, one must be eternally
+15:	While a transcendent vocabulary is laudable, one must be eternally
 	careful so that the calculated objective of communication does not
-	become ensconsed in obscurity.  In other words, eschew obfuscation.
+	become ensconced in obscurity.  In other words, eschew obfuscation.
 %
 Rules for Writers:
 	Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.  Don't use no double
@@ -38364,24 +32341,6 @@ avoid awkward or affected alliteration.  Don't string too many prepositional
 phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of
 death.  "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
 %
-RULES OF EATING -- THE BRONX DIETER'S CREED
-	 1. Never eat on an empty stomach.
-	 2. Never leave the table hungry.
-	 3. When traveling, never leave a country hungry.
-	 4. Enjoy your food.
-	 5. Enjoy your companion's food.
-	 6. Really taste your food.  It may take several portions to
-		accomplish this, especially if subtly seasoned.
-	 7. Really feel your food.  Texture is important.  Compare, for
-		example, the texture of a turnip to that of a brownie.
-		Which feels better against your cheeks?
-	 8. Never eat between snacks, unless it's a meal.
-	 9. Don't feel you must finish everything on your plate. You can
-		always eat it later.
-	10. Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
-	11. Avoid blue food.
-		-- The Bronx Diet, "Richard Smith"
-%
 Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish.
 		-- Lao Tsu
 %
@@ -38414,19 +32373,6 @@ sadoequinecrophilia, n:
 %
 Safety Third.
 %
-Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
-	Tip #1: How to tell when you are dead.
-
-	1. Little things start bothering you:  little things like worms,
-		bugs, ants.
-	2. Something is missing in your personal relationships.
-	3. Your dog becomes overly affectionate.
-	4. You have a hard time getting a waiter.
-	5. Exotic birds flock around you.
-	6. People ignore you at parties.
-	7. You have a hard time getting up in the morning.
-	8. You no longer get off on cocaine.
-%
 SAGDEEV CALLED ON THE U.S. TO MAKE A RECIPROCAL GESTURE:
 
 	In a recent speech in London, the irrepressible former head of the
@@ -38437,12 +32383,6 @@ violate the ABM treaty.  Sagdeev suggested that the U.S. reciprocate by
 turning the unfinished U.S. embassy in Moscow into a nuclear crisis reduction
 center.  The communication system, he pointed out, is already in place.
 %
-SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
-	You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless
-	tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.  The majority of
-	Sagitarians are drunks or dope fiends or both.  People laugh at
-	you a great deal.
-%
 SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
 	Move slowly today, be deliberate.  Indications are for bleeding
 	ulcers.  Drink milk.  Try not to be your usual offensive and
@@ -38549,18 +32489,12 @@ SAN DIEGO:
 	Four million people, where you can't get a
 	good cheeseburger, no matter how hard you try.
 %
-SAN FRANCISCO:
-	Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
-%
 San Francisco has always been my favorite booing city.  I don't mean the
 people boo louder or longer, but there is a very special intimacy.  When
 they boo you, you know they mean *you*.  Music, that's what it is to me.
 One time in Kezar Stadium they gave me a standing boo.
 		-- George Halas, professional footbal coach
 %
-San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-		-- Herb Caen
-%
 Sanity and insanity overlap a fine grey line.
 %
 Sank heaven for leetle curls.
@@ -38602,9 +32536,6 @@ MICRO ARTISTS GANG!  MAY 1988 BE A HAPPY YEAR!
 %
 Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
 %
-Satellite Safety Tip #14:
-	If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
-%
 Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
 %
 Satire is tragedy plus time.
@@ -38615,15 +32546,6 @@ Satire is what closes in New Haven.
 Satire is what closes Saturday night.
 		-- George Kaufman
 %
-Sattinger's Law:
-	It works better if you plug it in.
-%
-Saturday night in Toledo Ohio,
-Is like being nowhere at all,
-All through the day how the hours rush by,
-You sit in the park and you watch the grass die.
-		-- John Denver, "Saturday Night in Toledo Ohio"
-%
 Satyrs have more faun.
 %
 Savage's Law of Expediency:
@@ -38643,8 +32565,6 @@ Save gas, don't use the shell.
 %
 Save the bales!
 %
-Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
-%
 Save yourself!  Reboot in 5 seconds!
 %
 Say!  You've struck a heap of trouble--
@@ -38691,9 +32611,6 @@ Say something you'll be sorry for, I love receiving apologies.
 %
 Say "twenty-three-skiddoo" to logout.
 %
-SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out!
-		-- Ken Thompson
-%
 SCENARIO:
 	An imagined sequence of events that provides the context in
 	which a business decision is made.  Scenarios always come in
@@ -38710,18 +32627,7 @@ shoulder.  His eyebrows are raised, matter-of-factly, as he spies the boy
 intently watching him.
 
 Caption:
-	"I'm sorry you've seen me, Billy.  Now I'll have to kill you.
-%
-Schapiro's Explanation:
-	The grass is always greener on the other side --
-	but that's because they use more manure.
-%
-Schizophrenia beats being alone.
-%
-schlattwhapper, n:
-	The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down,
-	hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
+	"I'm sorry you've seen me, Billy.  Now I'll have to kill you."
 %
 Schmidt's Observation:
 	All things being equal, a fat person  uses more soap
@@ -38747,8 +32653,6 @@ is a house.
 %
 Science is to computer science as hydrodynamics is to plumbing.
 %
-Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
-%
 Science may someday discover what faith has always known.
 %
 Science! true daughter of Old Time thou art!
@@ -38781,20 +32685,15 @@ was a loud crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky,
 struck the computers, and welded all the connections permanently
 together.  "There is now", came the reply.
 %
-Scintilate, scintilate, globule vivific,
+Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
 Fain how I pause at your nature specific,
 Loftily poised in the ether capacious,
 Highly resembling a gem carbonaceous.
-Scintilate, scintilate, globule vivific,
+Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
 Fain how I pause at your nature specific.
 %
 Scintillation is not always identification for an auric substance.
 %
-SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
-	You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You will achieve
-	the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.  Most
-	Scorpio people are murdered.
-%
 SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
 	Friends abound today, seeking repayment of past loans.  Smile.  Check
 	for concealed weapons.  Your natural cheerfulness makes others want
@@ -38817,14 +32716,6 @@ Corollary:
 	impossible to fit the original quantity back into the
 	equation.
 %
-Scotty:	Captain, we din' can reference it!
-Kirk:	Analysis, Mr. Spock?
-Spock:	Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table.
-Kirk:	Then it's of external origin?
-Spock:	Affirmative.
-Kirk:	Mr. Sulu, go to pass two.
-Sulu:	Aye aye, sir, going to pass two.
-%
 Scratch the disks, dump the core,	Shut it down, pull the plug
 Roll the tapes across the floor,	Give the core an extra tug
 And the system is going to crash.	And the system is going to crash.
@@ -38844,8 +32735,6 @@ Scratch the disks!
 Drop the core!
 Roll the tapes across the floor!
 %
-Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else.
-%
 SCRIBLINE:
 	The blank area on the back of credit cards where one's signature goes.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
@@ -38857,14 +32746,6 @@ Sears has everything.
 %
 Seattle is so wet that people protect their property with watch-ducks.
 %
-Second Law of Business Meetings:
-	If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you
-	will pick the wrong one.
-
-Corollary:
-	If there is only one way to spell a name,
-	you will spell it wrong, anyway.
-%
 Second Law of Final Exams:
 	In your toughest final -- for the first time all year -- the most
 	distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you.
@@ -38879,21 +32760,13 @@ Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
 Sed quis custodiet ipsos Custodes?
 [Who guards the Guardians?]
 %
-Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.
-She scissored short.  Sorely shorn,
-Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed,
-Silently scheming,
-Sightlessly seeking
-Some savage, spectacular suicide.
-		-- Stanislaw Lem
-%
 See, these two penguins walked into a bar, which was really stupid, 'cause
 the second one should have seen it.
 %
 Seeing a commotion in Harvard Square, a man strolled over and asked what
 was going on.  One of the onlookers explained to him that there was a Mooney
 who had immersed himself in gasoline and was threatening to set fire to
-himself to demonstrate his committment to the Rev. Moon.  The man gasped and
+himself to demonstrate his commitment to the Rev. Moon.  The man gasped and
 asked what was being done to defuse the obviously dangerous situation.
 	"Well", replied the onlooker, "we're taking up a collection -- so
 far I've got two Bics, four Zippos and eighteen books of matches."
@@ -38958,8 +32831,8 @@ register.
 bears know yer there so's they can run away ...  I'll take one fer black
 bears, and one fer them grizzlies.  Say, how do you know yer in grizzly
 country, anyhow?"
-	"Look fer scatt.  Grizzly scatt's different from black bear scatt."
-	"Well now, what's IN grizzly scatt that's different?"
+	"Look fer scat.  Grizzly scat's different from black bear scat."
+	"Well now, what's IN grizzly scat that's different?"
 	"Bear bells."
 %
 Seems that a pollster was taking a worldwide opinion poll.
@@ -39032,8 +32905,6 @@ Serfs up!
 Serocki's Stricture:
 	Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
 %
-Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
-%
 Set the cart before the horse.
 		-- John Heywood
 %
@@ -39081,7 +32952,7 @@ Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
 Sex is like pizza -- when it's good, it's great; and when it's bad,
 it's still darn tasty!
 %
-Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation...  The other eight are
+Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.  The other eight are
 unimportant.
 		-- Henry Miller
 %
@@ -39098,10 +32969,6 @@ repeated until infinity.
 		   Party), in a manual of the party's official sex guidelines,
 		   1973.
 %
-Sex without love is an empty experience, but,
-as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 Sexual enlightenment is justified insofar as girls cannot learn too soon
 how children do not come into the world.
 		-- Karl Kraus
@@ -39123,10 +32990,6 @@ Shannon's Observation
 share, n:
 	To give in, endure humiliation.
 %
-Shaw's Principle:
-	Build a system that even a fool can use,
-	and only a fool will want to use it.
-%
 She always believed in the old adage -- leave them while you're looking
 good.
 		-- Anita Loos, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"
@@ -39163,18 +33026,12 @@ She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
 %
 She has an alarm clock and a phone that don't ring - they applaud.
 %
-She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
-		-- Gypsy Rose Lee
-%
 She just came in, pounced around this thing with me for a few
 years, enjoyed herself, gave it a sort of beautiful quality and
 left.  Excited a few men in the meantime.
 	-- Patrick Macnee, reminiscing on Diana Rigg's
 	   involvement in "The Avengers".
 %
-She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him
-a look that you could have poured on a waffle.
-%
 She often gave herself very good advice
 (though she very seldom followed it).
 		-- Lewis Carroll
@@ -39183,7 +33040,7 @@ She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.
 		-- Dorothy Parker, on a Kate Hepburn performance
 %
 She say, Miss Colie, You better hush.  God might hear you.
-Let 'im hear me, I say.  If he ever listened to poor colored
+Let 'em hear me, I say.  If he ever listened to poor colored
 women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.
 		-- Alice Walker, "The Color Purple"
 %
@@ -39243,16 +33100,6 @@ aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
 		-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton
 		   bad fiction contest.
 %
-Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken
-him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.  Such an excess of
-stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
-		-- Samuel Johnson
-%
-Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken
-him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.  Such an excess
-of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
-		-- Samuel Johnson
-%
 She's learned to say things with her eyes
 that others waste time putting into words.
 %
@@ -39276,11 +33123,6 @@ Shift to the right,
 Mask in, mask out,
 BYTE, BYTE, BYTE !!!
 %
-SHIFT TO THE LEFT!
-SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
-POP UP, PUSH DOWN,
-BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
-%
 Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.
 %
 Shirley MacLaine died today in a freak psychic collision today.  Two freaks
@@ -39310,11 +33152,6 @@ Show me a good loser in professional sports and I'll show you an idiot.
 Show me a good sportsman and I'll show you a player I'm looking to trade.
 		-- Leo Durocher
 %
-Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll
-show you a man who playing golf with his boss.
-%
-Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
-%
 Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
 %
 Showing up is 80% of life.
@@ -39339,9 +33176,6 @@ Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
 %
 Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
 %
-Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
-		-- The Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
-%
 Silence can be the biggest lie of all.  We have a responsibility to speak
 up; and whenever the occasion calls for it, we have a responsibility to
 raise bloody hell.
@@ -39375,12 +33209,6 @@ And when your father gets home, you are going to get a good licking!"  BUT!
 Silly Sally just laughed and la.....ug.......h....e....d...........
 BECAUSE!  SHE KNEW HER FATHER WAS IN THE GARAGE WHEN SHE BURNED IT DOWN!
 %
-Silverman's Law:
-	If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
-%
-Simon's Law:
-	Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
-%
 Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
 %
 Simulations are like miniskirts, they show a lot and hide the essentials.
@@ -39411,29 +33239,15 @@ having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well
 burst out in laughter.
 		-- Long Chen Pa
 %
-Since I hurt my pendulum
-My life is all erratic.
-My parrot who was cordial
-Is now transmitting static.
-The carpet died, a palm collapsed,
-The cat keeps doing poo.
-The only thing that keeps me sane
-Is talking to my shoe.
-		-- My Shoe
-%
 Since we cannot hope for order, let us withdraw with style from the chaos.
 		-- Tom Stoppard
 %
-Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
-alive.
-		-- John Sloan
-%
 Sink or Swim with Teddy!
 %
 Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
 %
 Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.
-		-- CP30
+		-- C3P0
 %
 [Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues
 I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
@@ -39460,11 +33274,6 @@ objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets.  Imagination without skill
 gives us modern art.
 		-- Tom Stoppard
 %
-Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
-	That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to,
-	or subtracted from the answer you got, gives you the answer you
-	should have gotten.
-%
 skldfjkljklsR%^&(IXDRTYju187pkasdjbasdfbuil
 h;asvgy8p	23r1vyui135	2
 kmxsij90TYDFS$$b	jkzxdjkl bjnk ;j	nk;<[][;-==-<<<<<';[,
@@ -39474,42 +33283,17 @@ kmxsij90TYDFS$$b	jkzxdjkl bjnk ;j	nk;<[][;-==-<<<<<';[,
 
 Now look what you've gone and done!  You've broken it!
 %
-Slang is language that takes off its coat,
-spits on its hands, and goes to work.
-%
-Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not, when
-a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and apparently incoherent
-songs.  I was myself within the circle, so that I neither saw nor heard as
-those without might see and hear.  They told a tale which was then altogether
-beyond my feeble comprehension: they were tones, loud, long and deep,
-breathing the prayer and complaint of souls boiling over with the bitterest
-anguish.  Every tone was a testimony against slavery, and a prayer to God
-for deliverance from chains.
-		-- Frederick Douglass
-%
 Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.
 		-- W.C. Fields
 %
 Sleep is for the weak and sickly.
 %
-Slick's Three Laws of the Universe:
-	1)  Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
-	2)  A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
-	3)  There are two types of dirt:  the dark kind, which is
-	    attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is
-	    attracted to dark objects.
-%
 Slous' Contention:
 	If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it.
 %
 Slow day.
 Practice crawling.
 %
-SLURM:
-	The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it
-	sits in the dish too long.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
 Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
 %
 Small is beautiful.
@@ -39538,9 +33322,6 @@ SMOKING IS NOW ALLOWED !!!
 	the environment, and anticipated opposition.  Statements must be
 	filed 30 days in advance.
 %
-Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
-		-- Fletcher Knebel
-%
 Smoking Prohibited.  Absolutely no ifs, ands, or butts.
 %
 Smuggling... It's not just a job, it's an adventure!
@@ -39584,17 +33365,13 @@ strength.  For theirs is a strength born of things other than mere force.
 Theirs is a strength supreme... theirs is the strength -- to restore.
 		-- Gerry Conway, "Thor", #193
 %
-So far as I can remember, there is not one
-word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.
-		-- Bertrand Russell
-%
 So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far
 as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical
 way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist.
 		-- T.S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire
 %
 So from the depths of its enchantment, Terra was able to calculate a course
-of action.  Here at last was an opportunity to consort with Dirbanu on a
+of action.  Here at last was an opportunity to consort with Durbanu on a
 friendly basis -- great Durbanu which, since it had force fields which Earth
 could not duplicate, must of necessity have many other things Earth could
 use; mighty Durbanu before whom we would kneel in supplication (with purely-
@@ -39675,24 +33452,6 @@ into this.
 	   composed for Linda Wertheimer of National Public Radio.
 	   From SPY Magazine, November 1992
 %
-So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and
-at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into
-the shop. "What! no soap?"  So he died, and she very imprudently married
-the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand Panjandrum
-himself, with the little round button at top, and they all fell to playing
-the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran out at the heels of
-their boots.
-		-- Samuel Foote
-%
-So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
-and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
-into the shop. "What! no soap?"  So he died, and she very imprudently
-married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand
-Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all
-fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran
-out at the heels of their boots.
-		-- Samuel Foote
-%
 So so is good, very good, very excellent good:
 and yet it is not; it is but so so.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
@@ -39709,26 +33468,8 @@ Do you think you can tell?		Cold comfort for change?
 					For the lead role in a cage?
 		-- Pink Floyd, "Wish You Were Here"
 %
-So the documentary-makers stick with sharks.  Generally, their procedure is
-to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as to infest the
-waters.  I would estimate that the primary food source of sharks today is
-bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making documentaries.  Once the
-sharks arrive, they are generally fairly listless.  The general shark attitude
-seems to be: "Oh God, another documentary."  So the divers have to somehow
-goad them into attacking, under the guise of Scientific Research.  "We know
-very little about the effect of electricity on sharks," the narrator will
-say, in a deeply scientific voice.  "That is why Todd is going to jab this
-Great White in the testicles with a cattle prod."  The divers keep this kind
-of thing up until the shark finally gets irritated and snaps at them, and
-then they act as though this was a totally unexpected and very dangerous
-development, although clearly it is what they wanted all along.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 So this it it.  We're going to die.
 %
-So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
-And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
-%
 So, you better watch out!
 You better not cry!
 You better not pout!
@@ -39831,9 +33572,6 @@ Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
 %
 Some marriages are made in heaven -- but so are thunder and lightning.
 %
-Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
-		-- Ed Howe
-%
 Some men are all right in their place -- if they only the knew the right
 places!
 		-- Mae West
@@ -39976,9 +33714,6 @@ Some things have to be believed to be seen.
 Somebody left the cork out of my lunch.
 		-- W.C. Fields
 %
-Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers
-so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.
-%
 Somebody's moggy, by the side of the road,
 Somebody's pussy, who forgot his highway code,
 Somebody's favourite feline, who ran clean out of luck,
@@ -40043,8 +33778,6 @@ Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
 %
 Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
 %
-Someone will try to honk your nose today.
-%
 Something better...
 
  1 (obvious): Excuse me.  Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
@@ -40114,9 +33847,6 @@ Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind.
 Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.
 		-- Samuel Beckett, "Endgame"
 %
-Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
 Sometimes it happens.  People just explode.  Natural causes.
 		-- Repo Man
 %
@@ -40154,8 +33884,6 @@ else is driving.
 %
 Sometimes you get an almost irresistible urge to go on living.
 %
-Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
-%
 Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a
 woman giving birth to a child.  She must be found and stopped.
 		-- Sam Levenson
@@ -40169,18 +33897,10 @@ make the Ace of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ears.
 But son, do not bet this man, for you will end up with a ear full of cider.
 		-- Sky Masterson's Father
 %
-Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
-(Those who have already paid may disregard this cookie).
-%
 Sorry.  Nice try.
 %
 Sorry never means having you're say to love.
 %
-Space is big.  You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly
-big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the
-drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
-		-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
-%
 Space is to place as eternity is to time.
 		-- Joseph Joubert
 %
@@ -40196,32 +33916,6 @@ SPAGMUMPS:
 	Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
 %
-Speak roughly to your little boy,
-	And beat him when he sneezes:
-He only does it to annoy
-	Because he knows it teases.
-
-	Wow! wow! wow!
-
-I speak severely to my boy,
-	And beat him when he sneezes:
-For he can thoroughly enjoy
-	The pepper when he pleases!
-
-	Wow! wow! wow!
-%
-Speak roughly to your little Vax,
-And boot it when it crashes;
-It knows that one cannot relax
-Because the paging thrashes!
-
-I speak severely to my Vax,
-And boot it when it crashes;
-In spite of all my favorite hacks,
-My jobs it always trashes!
-%
-Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
-%
 "Speak, thou vast and venerable head," muttered Ahab, "which, though
 ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses; speak,
 mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee.  Of all divers,
@@ -40242,25 +33936,6 @@ seen enough to split the planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one
 syllable is thine!"
 		-- H. Melville, "Moby Dick"
 %
-Speaking as someone who has delved into the intricacies of PL/I, I am sure
-that only Real Men could have written such a machine-hogging, cycle-grabbing,
-all-encompassing monster.  Allocate an array and free the middle third?
-Sure!  Why not?  Multiply a character string times a bit string and assign the
-result to a float decimal?  Go ahead!  Free a controlled variable procedure
-parameter and reallocate it before passing it back?  Overlay three different
-types of variable on the same memory location?  Anything you say!  Write a
-recursive macro?  Well, no, but Real Men use rescan.  How could a language
-so obviously designed and written by Real Men not be intended for Real Man use?
-%
-Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these
-days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people to communicate
-with the people they love; Husbands and wives who can't communicate, children
-who can't communicate with their parents, and so on.  And the characters in
-these books and plays and so on (and in real life, I might add) spend hours
-bemoaning the fact that they can't communicate.  I feel that if a person can't
-communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up!
-		-- Tom Lehrer, "That Was the Year that Was"
-%
 Speaking of purchasing a dog, never buy a watchdog that's
 on sale.  After all, everyone knows a bargain dog never bites!
 %
@@ -40278,16 +33953,9 @@ when the driver will be permitted to make what he can.
 Spence's Admonition:
 	Never stow away on a kamikaze plane.
 %
-Spend extra time on hobby.  Get plenty of rolling papers.
-%
 SPINSTER:
 	A bachelor's wife.
 %
-SPIRTLE:
-	The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands
-	right in your eye.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
 Spock: The odds of surviving another
 attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.
 %
@@ -40355,12 +34023,6 @@ Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
 Stanford women are responsible for the success of many Stanford men:
 they give them "just one more reason" to stay in and study every night.
 %
-Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel;
-Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest
-science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who!  And I'll take you all
-on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
-		-- Harlan Ellison
-%
 Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
 		-- W.C. Fields
 %
@@ -40415,10 +34077,6 @@ Statistics are no substitute for judgement.
 %
 Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
 %
-Stay away from flying saucers today.
-%
-Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
-%
 Stay the curse.
 %
 Stay together, drag each other down.
@@ -40449,15 +34107,9 @@ hooks into, there is room for lateral movement.  Once this begins,
 its rate is a matter of discretion.
 		-- Corwin, "Prince of Amber"
 %
-Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
-%
 Steckel's Rule to Success:
 	Good enough is never good enough.
 %
-Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:
-	Everybody should believe in something --
-	I believe I'll have another drink.
-%
 Stellar rays prove fibbing never pays.
 Embezzlement is another matter.
 %
@@ -40500,11 +34152,6 @@ on the credulity of human nature.
 %
 Stop me, before I kill again!
 %
-Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
-%
-Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
-Now, if they'd only take a bath...
-%
 Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
 %
 Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
@@ -40552,10 +34199,6 @@ real understanding.  An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an
 understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors.
 		-- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
 %
-Stult's Report:
-	Our problems are mostly behind us.
-	What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
-%
 STUPID:
 	Losing $25 on the tackle and $25 on the instant replay.
 %
@@ -40566,16 +34209,6 @@ Style may not be the answer, but at least it's a workable alternative.
 Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re.
 Se non e vero, e ben trovato.
 %
-Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your
-editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the
-way before it is understood.
-%
-Subtlety is the art of saying what you think
-and getting out of the way before it is understood
-%
 Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names
 the streets after them.
 		-- Bill Vaughn
@@ -40596,8 +34229,6 @@ Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
 Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.
 		-- Adolph Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
 %
-Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
-%
 Such a fine first dream!
 But they laughed at me; they said
 I had made it up.
@@ -40704,18 +34335,6 @@ dishonest men in national government too.
 %
 Surly to bed, surly to rise, makes you about average.
 %
-Surprise!  You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S Audit!
-Just type in your name and social security number.
-Please remember that leaving the room is punishable under law:
-
-Name       #
-
-
-%
-Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
-%
-Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
-%
 sushi, n:
 	When that-which-may-still-be-alive is put on top of rice and
 	strapped on with electrical tape.
@@ -40728,9 +34347,6 @@ Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.
 %
 Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
 %
-SWEATER:
-	A garment worn by a child when their mother feels chilly.
-%
 Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.
 		-- Thomas Tusser
 %
@@ -40743,9 +34359,6 @@ the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly
 I rush!
 		-- Captain Ahab, "Moby Dick"
 %
-Swipple's Rule of Order:
-	He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
-%
 Symptom:		Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is
 			unusually pale and clear.
 Problem:		Glass empty.
@@ -40807,7 +34420,7 @@ Fault:			You have fallen forward.
 Action Required:	See above.
 
 Symptom:		Opposite wall covered with acoustic tile and several
-			flourescent light strips.
+			fluorescent light strips.
 Fault:			You have fallen over backward.
 Action Required:	If your glass is full and no one is standing on your
 			drinking arm, stay put.  If not, get someone to help
@@ -40828,20 +34441,9 @@ System going down in 5 minutes.
 %
 System restarting, wait...
 %
-System/3!  System/3!
-See how it runs! See how it runs!
-	Its monitor loses so totally!
-	It runs all its programs in RPG!
-	It's made by our favorite monopoly!
-System/3!
-%
 SYSTEM-INDEPENDENT:
 	Works equally poorly on all systems.
 %
-Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad
-infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
-		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
-%
 Systems programmer:
 	A person in sandals who has been in the elevator with the senior
 	vice president and is ultimately responsible for a phone call you
@@ -40850,18 +34452,9 @@ Systems programmer:
 Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.
 		-- R.S. Barton
 %
-T:	One big monster, he called TROLL.
-	He don't rock, and he don't roll;
-	Drink no wine, and smoke no stogies.
-	He just Love To Eat Them Roguies.
-		-- The Roguelet's ABC
-%
 TACKY:
 	Serving grape kool-aid at religious functions.
 %
-TACT:
-	The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
-%
 Tact consists in knowing how far to go in going too far.
 		-- Jean Cocteau
 %
@@ -40885,21 +34478,12 @@ necessities will take care of themselves.
 Take Care of the Molehills, and the Mountains Will Take Care of Themselves.
 		-- Motto of the Federal Civil Service
 %
-Take everything in stride.
-Trample anyone who gets in your way.
-%
 TAKE FORCEFUL ACTION:
 	Do something that should have been done a long time ago.
 %
-Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
-%
 Take me drunk,
 I'm home again!
 %
-Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man,
-but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
-		-- Kipling
-%
 Take time to reflect on all the things you have, not as a result of your
 merit or hard work or because God or chance or the efforts of other people
 have given them to you.
@@ -40907,11 +34491,6 @@ have given them to you.
 Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
 		-- Ken Kesey
 %
-Take your dying with some seriousness, however.
-Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood
-by less-advanced life-forms, and they'll call you crazy.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
-%
 Take your Senator to lunch this week.
 %
 Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not
@@ -40928,12 +34507,6 @@ You do what you get paid to do.
 %
 Talk is cheap because supply always exceeds demand.
 %
-Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
-		-- Euripides
-%
-Talkers are no good doers.
-		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
-%
 Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
 		-- Laurie Anderson
 %
@@ -40959,11 +34532,6 @@ Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey
 will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.
 		-- B. Franklin
 %
-TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
-	You are practical and persistent.  You have a dogged determination
-	and work like hell.  Most people think you are stubborn and bull
-	headed.  You are a Communist.
-%
 TAURUS (Apr. 20 to May 20)
 	Let your self-confidence and determination shine, and people will
 	find you boorish and headstrong.  Travel, promotion, and romance
@@ -40977,39 +34545,22 @@ TAURUS (Apr.20 - May 20)
 TAX OFFICE:
 	Den of inequity.
 %
-Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't
-tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."
-		-- Russell Long
-%
-TAXES:
-	Of life's two certainties,
-	the only one for which you can get an extension.
-%
-TAXES:
-	Of life's two certainties, the only one for
-	which you can get an extension.
-%
 Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
 %
 TCP/IP Slang Glossary, #1:
 
-Gong, n: Medieval term for privvy, or what pased for them in that era.
+Gong, n: Medieval term for privvy, or what passed for them in that era.
 Today used whimsically to describe the aftermath of a bogon attack. Think
 of our community as the Galapagos of the English language.
 
 "Vogons may read you bad poetry, but bogons make you study obsolete RFCs."
 		-- Dave Mills
 %
-Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and,
-when they grow up, they won't be able to edge a car onto a freeway.
-%
 Teachers have class.
 %
 TEAMWORK:
 	Having someone to blame.
 %
-Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
-%
 Technicality, n.  In an English court a man named Home was tried for
 slander in having accused a neighbor of murder.  His exact words were:
 "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the
@@ -41020,7 +34571,7 @@ not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that
 being only an inference.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Technique?" said the programmer turning from his terminal, "What I follow
+"Technique?" said the programmer turning from his terminal, "What I follow
 is Tao -- beyond all technique! When I first began to program I would see
 before me the whole problem in one mass. After three years I no longer saw
 this mass.  Instead, I used subroutines.  But now I see nothing.  My whole
@@ -41032,10 +34583,6 @@ difficulties vanish like puffs of idle smoke.  I then compile the program.
 I sit still and let the joy of the work fill my being.  I close my eyes for
 a moment and then log off.
 %
-Technological progress has merely provided us
-with more efficient means for going backwards.
-		-- Aldous Huxley
-%
 Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
 %
 Tehee quod she, and clapte the wyndow to.
@@ -41047,11 +34594,6 @@ but weren't sure.  But if you're searching for something you don't
 already know, your fingers could walk themselves to death.
 		-- Erma Bombeck
 %
-telephone, n.:
-	An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of
-making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 TELEPRESSION:
 	The deep-seated guilt which stems from knowing that you did not try
 	hard enough to look up the number on your own and instead put the
@@ -41085,12 +34627,6 @@ Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll
 believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have
 to touch to be sure.
 %
-Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
-Is those things arms, or is they legs?
-I marvel at thee, Octopus;
-If I were thou, I'd call me us.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 Tell me what to think!!!
 %
 Tell me why the stars do shine,
@@ -41135,36 +34671,10 @@ and handed the others to Dutsky.
 Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.
 		-- Napoleon I
 %
-Ten years of rejection slips is nature's
-way of telling you to stop writing.
-		-- R. Geis
-%
-Terence, this is stupid stuff:
-You eat your victuals fast enough;
-There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,
-To see the rate you drink your beer.
-But oh, good Lord, the verse you make,
-It gives a chap the belly-ache.
-The cow, the old cow, she is dead;
-It sleeps well the horned head:
-We poor lads, 'tis our turn now
-To hear such tunes as killed the cow.
-Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme
-Your friends to death before their time.
-Moping, melancholy mad:
-Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad.
-		-- A.E. Housman
-%
 Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave
 school, and then work, work, work till we die.
 		-- C.S. Lewis
 %
-Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising
-amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered
-the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling
-to risk offending God's grandmother.
-		-- Len Cool, "American Pie"
-%
 Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D.  He was a pagan,
 and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about
 his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...]  To him is ascribed the
@@ -41185,11 +34695,9 @@ Test for paraquat:
 	bicarbonate and sodium dithionite. If paraquat is present,
 	the solution will turn blue-green.
 %
-Testing can show the presense of bugs, but not their absence.
+Testing can show the presence of bugs, but not their absence.
 		-- Dijkstra
 %
-Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
-%
 TEUTONIC:
 	Not enough gin.
 %
@@ -41238,9 +34746,6 @@ I heard it once,
 It said "Good-bye.
 		-- Richard Armour
 %
-That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.
-		-- Moliere
-%
 That segment of the community with which one has the greatest
 sympathy as a liberal, inevitably turns out to be one of the most
 narrow-minded and bigoted segments of the community.
@@ -41262,9 +34767,6 @@ REAL-TIME EXECUTIONER to delete liveware that adversely affects ...
 %
 That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
 %
-That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is
 remarkable.  Amid all the scolding, to be able to think!  But he could not
 write: that was impossible.  Socrates has not left us a single book.
@@ -41333,15 +34835,10 @@ The 357.73 Theory --
 	Auditors always reject expense accounts
 	with a bottom line divisible by 5.
 %
-The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
-%
 The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it.
 Don't ever do this to my eyes again.
 		-- Professor Ronald Brady, Philosophy, Ramapo State College
 %
-The Abrams' Principle:
-	The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
-%
 The absence of labels [in ECL] is probably a good thing.
 		-- T. Cheatham
 %
@@ -41489,19 +34986,6 @@ and all spare parts are non-lethal.  The plainest print cannot be read
 through a solid gold sovereign, or a ruble or a golden eagle.
 		-- Sam Cummings, American arms dealer
 %
-The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion.
-Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed
-and color, but also on ability.
-		-- T. Lehrer
-%
-The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-		-- Bill Murray
-%
-The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in
-effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the
-Declaration not for that, but for future use.
-		--  Abraham Lincoln
-%
 The astronomer Francesco Sizi, a contemporary of Galileo, argues that
 Jupiter can have no satellites:
 
@@ -41525,8 +35009,6 @@ The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in
 the morning feeling just terrible.
 		-- Jean Kerr
 %
-The average income of the modern teenager is about 2AM.
-%
 The average individual's position in any hierarchy is a lot like pulling
 a dogsled -- there's no real change of scenery except for the lead dog.
 %
@@ -41561,20 +35043,6 @@ The red ink was a sight of great awe!
 Their figures and mine might have balanced,
 But my wife was too quick on the draw.
 %
-The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities.
-Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to
-park in.  Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also
-dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big
-difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES.  You're allowed to
-do anything.  You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want.
-I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup
-truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie"
-on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the
-accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular,
-whereas I was neither.  This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall
-parking lots.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
 And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
 The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
@@ -41597,9 +35065,6 @@ The beer-cooled computer does not harm the ozone layer.
 The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.
 		-- Maurice Baring
 %
-The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
-but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
-%
 The best case:	   Get salary from America, build a house in England,
 			live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food.
 Pretty good case:  Get salary from England, build a house in America,
@@ -41609,11 +35074,6 @@ The worst case:    Get salary from China, build a house in Japan,
 
 		--Bungei Shunju, a popular Japanese magazine
 %
-The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
-The best defense against logic is ignorance.
-%
 The best definition of a gentleman is a man who can play the accordion --
 but doesn't.
 		-- Tom Crichton
@@ -41663,8 +35123,6 @@ drifting side by side to our common doom.
 The best thing about being bald is, that, when unexpected
 company arrives, all you have to do is straighten your tie.
 %
-The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
-%
 The best thing that comes out of Iowa is I-80.
 %
 The best things in life are for a fee.
@@ -41732,9 +35190,6 @@ hungry all the time?
 %
 The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
 %
-The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.
-		-- Merrick Furst
-%
 The biggest mistake you can make is to believe that you are
 working for someone else.
 %
@@ -41754,8 +35209,6 @@ containers in wild areas have been difficult, because as one biologist
 put it, "There is a considerable overlap between the intelligence levels
 of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists."
 %
-The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
-%
 The bomb will never go off.  I speak as an expert in explosives.
 	-- Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb Project
 %
@@ -41776,11 +35229,6 @@ For he loved those peanuts so.
 The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment
 you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to work.
 %
-The Briggs - Chase Law of Program Development:
-	To determine how long it will take to write and debug a
-	program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add
-	one, and convert to the next higher units.
-%
 The British are coming!  The British are coming!
 %
 The broad mass of a nation... will more easily
@@ -41824,7 +35272,7 @@ people, and don't come in clearly enough.
 %
 The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted
 sullenly and, buffing her already impeccable nails -- not for the first
-time since the journey begain -- pondered snidely if this would dissolve
+time since the journey began -- pondered snidely if this would dissolve
 into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent
 with Basil.
 		-- Winning sentence, 1983 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
@@ -41842,25 +35290,15 @@ From C to shining C.
 The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
 		-- Herbert von Fritzlar
 %
-The Celts invented two things, Whiskey and self-distruction.
+The Celts invented two things, Whiskey and self-destruction.
 %
 The chains of marriage are so heavy that it takes two to carry them, and
 sometimes three.
 		-- Alexandre Dumas
 %
-The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up
-at the steam fitters picnic.
-%
-The chief cause of problems is solutions.
-		-- Eric Sevareid
-%
-The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense
+The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense.
 		-- Picasso
 %
-The church is near but the road is icy,
-the bar is far away but I will walk carefully.
-		-- Russian Proverb
-%
 The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture.
 		-- Elbert Hubbard
 %
@@ -41881,8 +35319,6 @@ and the soldiers' pay was lavished on the useless multitudes of both sexes
 who could only plead the merits of abstinence and chastity.
 		-- Edward Gibbons, "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire"
 %
-The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
-%
 The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a
 job application.
 %
@@ -41992,10 +35428,6 @@ The cost of feathers has risen, even down is up!
 The cost of living has just gone up another dollar a quart.
 		-- W.C. Fields
 %
-The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
-%
-The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
-%
 The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first
 female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,
 rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what
@@ -42009,28 +35441,13 @@ The course of true anything never does run smooth.
 The courtroom was pregnant (pun intended) with anxious silence as the
 judge solemnly considered his verdict in the paternity suit before him.
 Suddenly, he reached into the folds of his robes, drew out a cigar and
-cermoniously handed it to the defendant.
+ceremoniously handed it to the defendant.
 	"Congratulations!" declaimed the jurist.  "You have just become a
 father!"
 %
 The covers of this book are too far apart.
 		-- Book review by Ambrose Bierce.
 %
-The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
-		-- John McNulty
-%
-The Crown is full of it!
-		-- Nate Harris, 1775
-%
-The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should therefore
-be hushed.  A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be
-propagated.  If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to declare war
-and they are screened at once from scrutiny. ...  In war, then, as in peace,
-assert the freedom of speech and of the press.  Cling to this as the bulwark
-of all our rights and privileges.
-		-- William Ellery Channing
-
-%
 The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the
 words to a song -- it's that they know them *all*.
 		-- Susan Dooley
@@ -42072,12 +35489,6 @@ The days are all empty and the nights are unreal.
 The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction
 to a tedious book.
 %
-The day-to-day travails of the IBM programmer are so amusing to most of us
-who are fortunate enough never to have been one -- like watching Charlie
-Chaplin trying to cook a shoe.
-%
-The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
-%
 The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.
 %
 The default Magic Word, "Abracadabra", actually is a corruption of the
@@ -42105,7 +35516,7 @@ into a drawer.
 young man opened the first envelope, which said, "Blame it all on me."
 	The next day, he held a press conference and did just that.  The
 crisis passed.
-	Six months later, sales dropped precipitously.  The beleagured
+	Six months later, sales dropped precipitously.  The beleaguered
 manager opened the second envelope.  It said, "Reorganize."
 	He held another press conference, announcing that the division
 would be restructured.  The crisis passed.
@@ -42120,8 +35531,6 @@ The descent to Hades is the same from every place.
 The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
 %
-The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
-%
 The devil finds work for idle glands.
 %
 The die is cast.
@@ -42135,11 +35544,6 @@ The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is
 exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?  If Gladstone fell into
-the Thames, it would be a misfortune.  But if someone dragged him out again,
-it would be a calamity.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
 The difference between America and England is, the English think 100
 miles is a long distance and the Americans think 100 years is a long time.
 %
@@ -42164,10 +35568,6 @@ The difference between reality and unreality
 is that reality has so little to recommend it.
 		-- Allan Sherman
 %
-The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science
-requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.
-		-- Robert Heinlein
-%
 The difference between sentiment and being sentimental is the following:
 Sentiment is when a driver swerves out of the way to avoid hitting a
 rabbit on the road.  Being sentimental is when the same driver, when
@@ -42219,14 +35619,6 @@ and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.
 %
 The door is the key.
 %
-The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water.  Eager to show off 
-this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his next
-hunting trip.  Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the duck fell,
-the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the duck and returned
-it to his master.
-	"Notice anything?" the owner asked eagerly.
-	"Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't swim."
-%
 The duration of passion is proportionate with the original resistance
 of the woman.
 		-- Honore DeBalzac
@@ -42235,16 +35627,10 @@ The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine.
 %
 The early bird gets the coffee left over from the night before.
 %
-The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
-and owns the worm farm.
-		-- Travis McGee
-%
 The early worm gets the bird.
 %
 The early worm gets the late bird.
 %
-The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
-%
 "The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly
 teaches me to suspect that my own is also."
 
@@ -42252,12 +35638,12 @@ teaches me to suspect that my own is also."
 or to weaken it.  I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his
 hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be.
 But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life -- hence it is a
-valuable posession to him."
+valuable possession to him."
 
 "I do not see how eternal punishment hereafter could accomplish any good
 end, therefore I am not able to believe in it. To chasten a man in order
 to perfect him might be reasonable enough; to annihilate him when he shall
-have proved himself incapable of reaching perfection mught be reasonable
+have proved himself incapable of reaching perfection might be reasonable
 enough; but to roast him forever for the mere satisfaction of seeing him
 roast would not be reasonable -- even the atrocious God imagined by the Jews
 would tire of the spectacle eventually."
@@ -42288,9 +35674,6 @@ The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
 %
 The end of labor is to gain leisure.
 %
-The end of the world will occur at three p.m., this Friday,
-with symposium to follow.
-%
 The ends justify the means.
 		-- after Matthew Prior
 %
@@ -42304,15 +35687,11 @@ The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable
 in full pursuit of the uneatable.
 		-- Oscar Wilde, "A Woman of No Importance"
 %
-The English have no respect for their language,
-and will not teach their children to speak it.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
 The English instinctively admire any man
 who has no talent and is modest about it.
 		-- James Agate, British film and drama critic
 %
-The entire work force of the Communist countries is sunjected to periodic
+The entire work force of the Communist countries is subjected to periodic
 purges (called verifications in Newspeak).  One of the most severe took
 place in 1957 when Novotny, rattled by the Hungarian Revolution the year
 before, tried hard to weed out "radishes" (red outside, white inside) from
@@ -42385,13 +35764,10 @@ utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind,
 a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.
 		-- Bertrand Russell, in "Marriage and Morals", 1929
 %
-The fact that hitler was a politcal genius unmasks the nature of politics
+The fact that Hitler was a political genius unmasks the nature of politics
 in general as no other can.
 	-- Wilhelm Reich
 %
-The fact that it works is immaterial.
-		-- L. Ogborn
-%
 The fact that people are poor or discriminated against doesn't necessarily
 endow them with any special qualities of justice, nobility, charity or
 compassion.
@@ -42432,7 +35808,7 @@ either a Q-KR5 check or the loss of his queen.
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
 The father, passing through his son's college town late one evening on a
-business trip, thought he would pay his boy a suprise visit.  Arriving at the
+business trip, thought he would pay his boy a surprise visit.  Arriving at the
 lad's fraternity house, dad rapped loudly on the door.  After several minutes
 of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second-floor window,
 	"Whaddaya want?"
@@ -42464,9 +35840,6 @@ anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their
 husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism
 and become lesbians."
 %
-The Fifth Rule:
-	You have taken yourself too seriously.
-%
 The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.
 		-- Maurice Chapelain, "Main courante"
 %
@@ -42485,33 +35858,10 @@ to man are contained in it.
 		-- Abraham Lincoln
 
 ... the Bible ... is the one supreme source of revelation of the meaning of
-life, the nature of God and spirtual nature and need of men.  It is the only
+life, the nature of God and spiritual nature and need of men.  It is the only
 guide of life which really leads the spirit in the way of peace and salvation.
 		-- Woodrow Wilson
 %
-The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-		-- Abbie Hoffman
-%
-The first Great Steward, Parrafin the Climber, was employed in King
-Chloroplast's kitchen as second scullery boy when the old King met a tragic
-death.  He apparently fell backward by accident on a dozen salad forks.
-Simultaneously the true heir, his son Carotene, mysteriously fled the city,
-complaining of some sort of plot and a lot of threatening notes left on his
-breakfast tray.  At the time, this looked suspicious what with his father's
-death, and Carotene was suspected of foul play.  Then the rest of the King's
-relatives began to drop dead one after the other in an odd fashion.  Some
-were found strangled with dishrags and some succumbed to food poisoning.  A
-few were found drowned in the soup vats, and one was attacked by assailants
-unknown and beaten to death with a pot roast.  At least three appear to have
-thrown themselves backward on salad forks, perhaps in a noble gesture of
-grief over the King's untimely end.  Finally there was no one left in Minas
-Troney who was either eligible or willing to wear the accursed crown, and
-the rule of Twodor was up for grabs.  The scullery slave Parrafin bravely
-accepted the Stewardship of Twodor until that day when a lineal descendant
-of Carotene's returns to reclaim his rightful throne, conquer Twodor's
-enemies, and revamp the postal system.
-		-- Bored of the Rings, "Harvard Lampoon"
-%
 The first guy that rats gets a bellyful of slugs in the head.  Understand?
 		-- Joey Glimco, trade unionist
 %
@@ -42535,23 +35885,6 @@ The first myth of management is that it exists.
 The first requisite for immortality is death.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem
 %
-The first riddle I ever heard, one familiar to almost every Jewish child,
-was propounded to me by my father:
-
-	"What is it that hangs on the wall, is green, wet -- and whistles?"
-I knit my brow and thought and thought, and in final perplexity gave up.
-	"A herring," said my father.
-	"A herring," I echoed.  "A herring doesn't hang on the wall!"
-	"So hang it there."
-	"But a herring isn't green!" I protested.
-	"Paint it."
-	"But a herring isn't wet."
-	"If it's just painted it's still wet."
-	"But -- " I sputtered, summoning all my outrage,
-		"a herring doesn't whistle!!"
-	"Right, " smiled my father.  "I just put that in to make it hard."
-		-- Leo Rosten
-%
 The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."
 		-- H.L. Mencken
 %
@@ -42561,13 +35894,6 @@ The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
 The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
 		-- Paul Erlich
 %
-The First Rule of Program Optimization:
-	Don't do it.
-
-The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
-	Don't do it yet.
-		-- Michael Jackson
-%
 The first thing I do in the morning
 is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
@@ -42618,9 +35944,6 @@ because it lives in a forest.  Likewise the friendship of persons
 rests on mutual help.
 		-- Laukikanyay.
 %
-The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions
-and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
-%
 The founding fathers tried to set up a judicial system where the accused
 received a fair trial, not a system to insure an acquittal on technicalities.
 %
@@ -42637,9 +35960,6 @@ if the character does not have fire resistance.
 [The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.
 		-- Somerset Maugham
 %
-The full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the
-number of your kids by thirty-two teeth.
-%
 The full potentialities of human fury cannot be reached until a friend
 of both parties tactfully interferes.
 		-- G.K. Chesterton
@@ -42678,8 +35998,6 @@ And slowly
 Close her weary eyes.
 		-- Hermann Hesse, "September"
 %
-The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
-%
 The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the
 people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people
 drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.
@@ -42687,8 +36005,6 @@ drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.
 %
 The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
 %
-The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
-%
 The girl who remembers her first kiss now has a daughter who can't even
 remember her first husband.
 %
@@ -42702,15 +36018,6 @@ That seemed to be so sweet
 Don't seem quite so amorous
 Over Shredded Wheat
 %
-The goal of Computer Science is to build something
-that will at least last until we've finished building it.
-%
-The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
-The goal of nature is to build better mice.
-%
-The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.
-They gave him love and he invented marriage.
-%
 The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it
 is your move.
 		-- Frank Crane
@@ -42718,10 +36025,6 @@ is your move.
 The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences:
 	He who has the gold makes the rules.
 %
-The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
-to be good.
-		-- John Barrymore
-%
 The good (I am convinced, for one)
 Is but the bad one leaves undone.
 Once your reputation's done
@@ -42731,7 +36034,7 @@ You can live a life of fun.
 The good life was so elusive
 It really got me down
 I had to regain some confidence
-So I got into camaflouge
+So I got into camouflage
 %
 The good time is approaching,
 The season is at hand.
@@ -42781,14 +36084,6 @@ but none, I think, do there embrace.
 The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
 		-- Charles de Gaulle
 %
-The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
-	The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship,
-	his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks.
-	Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of
-	time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
-	Hedgehog Eater.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 The great merit of society is to make one appreciate solitude.
 		-- Charles Chincholles, "Reflections on the Art of Life"
 %
@@ -42821,7 +36116,7 @@ unimaginable hell.
 NEW -- SICKENING HORROR to make your STOMACH TURN and FLESH CRAWL!
 		-- Frankenstein's Bloody Terror (1968)
 
-LUST-MAD MEN AND LAWLESS WOMEN IN A VICIOUS AND SENTUOUS ORGY OF
+LUST-MAD MEN AND LAWLESS WOMEN IN A VICIOUS AND SENSUOUS ORGY OF
 SLAUGHTER!
 		-- Five Bloody Graves (1969)
 
@@ -42904,7 +36199,7 @@ Do Native Women Live With Apes?
 JUNGLE KISS!!
 	When she looked into his eyes, felt his arms around her -- she
 was no longer Tura, mysterious white goddess of the jungle tribes --
-she was no longer the frozen-harted high priestess under whose hypnotic
+she was no longer the frozen-hearted high priestess under whose hypnotic
 spell the worshippers of the great crocodile god meekly bowed -- she
 was a girl in love!
 	SEE the ravening charge of the hundred scared CROCODILES!
@@ -42921,7 +36216,7 @@ POWERFUL! SHOCKING! RAW! ROUGH! CHALLENGING! SEE A LITTLE GIRL MOLESTED!
 She Sins in Mobile --
 Marries in Houston --
 Loses Her Baby in Dallas --
-Leaves Her Husband in Tuscon --
+Leaves Her Husband in Tucson --
 MEETS HARRU IN SAN DIEGO!...
 FIRST -- HARLOW!
 THEN -- MONROE!
@@ -42929,7 +36224,7 @@ NOW -- McCLANAHAN!!!
 		-- The Rotton Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan
 
 *NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN! 
-A Horrifying Movie of Wierd Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
+A Horrifying Movie of Weird Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
 1001 WIERDEST SCENES EVER!!  MOST SHOCKING THRILLER OF THE CENTURY!
 		-- Teenage Psycho meets Bloody Mary (1964)  (Alternate Title:
 		   The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and
@@ -43029,7 +36324,7 @@ The nightmare terror of the slithering eye that unleashed agonizing
 horror on a screaming world!
 		-- The Crawling Eye (1958)
 
-SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, scyscraper limbs,
+SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, skyscraper limbs,
 giant desires!
 		-- Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman (1958)
 
@@ -43097,7 +36392,7 @@ The Greatest Mathematical Error
 July 1962 towards Venus.  After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would
 give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells
 would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course
-corrections and after 100 days the craft would cirlce the unknown planet,
+corrections and after 100 days the craft would circle the unknown planet,
 scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.  
 	However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I
 plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff.
@@ -43126,9 +36421,6 @@ The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.
 The hardest part of climbing the ladder of
 success is getting through the crowd at the bottom.
 %
-The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
 The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when
 you put a lot of relatives on the train for home.
 %
@@ -43144,9 +36436,6 @@ The health of a democratic society may be measured by the quality
 of functions performed by private citizens.
 		-- Alexis de Tocqueville
 %
-The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom
-whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
-%
 The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.
 		-- Blaise Pascal
 %
@@ -43158,17 +36447,11 @@ The heaviest object in the world is the
 body of the woman you have ceased to love.
 		-- Marquis de Lac de Clapiers Vauvenargues
 %
-The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
-	You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
-%
 "The hell with the prime directive!  Let's kill something!"
 %
 The help people need most urgently is
 help in admitting that they need help.
 %
-The herd instinct among economists
-makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
-%
 The heroic hours of life do not announce their presence by drum and trumpet,
 challenging us to be true to ourselves by appeals to the martial spirit that
 keeps the blood at heat.  Some little, unassuming, unobtrusive choice presents
@@ -43213,32 +36496,10 @@ she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.
 %
 The horror... the horror!
 %
-The human animal differs from the lesser
-primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".
-		-- H. Allen Smith
-%
 The human brain is a wonderful thing.  It starts working the moment
 you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
 		-- Sir George Jessel
 %
-The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of
-its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
-%
-The human mind treats a new idea the way the
-body treats a strange protein: it rejects it.
-		-- P. Medawar
-%
-The human race has been fascinated by sharks for as long as I can remember.
-Just like the bluebird feeding its young, or the spider struggling to weave
-its perfect web, or the buttercup blooming in spring, the shark reveals to
-us yet another of the infinite and wonderful facets of nature, namely the
-facet that it can bite your head off.  This causes us humans to feel a
-certain degree of awe.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
-%
-The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 The human race never solves any of its problems.  It merely outlives them.
 		-- David Gerrold
 %
@@ -43287,11 +36548,6 @@ The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than
 golf has.
 	-- The Best of Will Rogers
 %
-The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important
-point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly
-important thing to people.
-		-- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
-%
 The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is
 a delight to moralists.  That is why they invented hell.
 		-- Bertrand Russell
@@ -43308,15 +36564,12 @@ pointer and a mark.
 The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling
 the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without
 affecting the most important political institutions. ...  The new
-style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely insinuates itself into
+style, gradually gaining a lodgment, quietly insinuates itself into
 manners and customs, and from it ... goes on to attack laws and
 constitutions, displaying the utmost impudence, until it ends by
 overturning everything.
 		-- Plato, "Republic", 370 B.C.
 %
-The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of
-the group divided by the number of people in the group.
-%
 The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East.  They
 treat the Arabs like postmen.
 		-- Franklyn Ajaye
@@ -43359,9 +36612,6 @@ drug-using worker is the purest of hypocrisy and the worst of rationalization.
 		   Tim Moore, Harvard Journal of Law & Public Policy, vol.
 		   10, No. 3 (Summer 1987), pp. 762-768.
 %
-The Kennedy Constant:
-	Don't get mad -- get even.
-%
 The key elements in human thinking are not numbers but labels of fuzzy sets.
 		-- L. Zadeh
 %
@@ -43370,8 +36620,6 @@ an artist to the people can be to destroy him.  It isn't to anyone's
 advantage to see the truth.
 		-- Bob Ezrin, rock music producer
 %
-The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
-%
 The kind of danger people most enjoy is
 the kind they can watch from a safe place.
 %
@@ -43403,18 +36651,6 @@ drinking Iron City Lite, and then I encountered the kosher dill pickle.
 I realized that there was far more to haute cuisine then I'd ever imagined.
 And now, just look at me."
 %
-The ladies men admire, I've heard,
-Would shudder at a wicked word.
-Their candle gives a single light;
-They'd rather stay at home at night.
-They do not keep awake till three,
-Nor read erotic poetry.
-They never sanction the impure,
-Nor recognize an overture.
-They shrink from powders and from paints...
-So far, I've had no complaints.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 The language of politics is poetry, not prose.  Jackson is poetry.
 Cuomo is poetry.  Dukakis is a word processor.
 		-- Richard M. Nixon, on Meet the Press, April, 1988
@@ -43435,17 +36671,9 @@ The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own
 hand.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
-The last time somebody said, "I find I can write much better with a word
-processor.", I replied, "They used to say the same thing about drugs."
-		-- Roy Blount, Jr.
-%
 The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.
 		-- Governor Tarkin
 %
-The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor,
-to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
-		-- Anatole France
-%
 The Law of Probable Dispersal:
 	That which hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
 %
@@ -43455,12 +36683,6 @@ The Law of the Letter:
 The Law of the Perversity of Nature:
 	You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
 %
-The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all men
-should behave as though the law compelled him.  But it is the universal
-weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine
-we own.
-		-- H.G. Wells
-%
 The Least Perceptive Literary Critic
 	The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax.  A
 most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to
@@ -43503,7 +36725,7 @@ works of Shakespeare.
 legibility.  Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms.  The
 remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
 	The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned
-the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the
+the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The History of the
 French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
@@ -43566,33 +36788,6 @@ The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
 %
 The less time planning, the more time programming.
 %
-THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #10 -- SIMPLE
-
-	SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming
-Language Environment.  This language, developed at the Hanover College
-for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write
-code with errors in it.  The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN,
-END and STOP.  No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a
-syntax error.  Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful, thus achieving
-the results of programs written in other languages without the tedious,
-frustrating process of testing and debugging.
-%
-THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #12 -- LITHP
-
-	This otherwise unremarkable language, originally developed in San
-Francisco, is distinguished by the absence of an "S" in its character set;
-users must substitute "TH".  LITHP is thaid to be utheful in protheththing
-lithtth.
-%
-THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #13 -- SLOBOL
-
-	SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
-Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they compile,
-SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the beans.  Forty-
-three programmers are known to have died of boredom sitting at their terminals
-while waiting for a SLOBOL program to compile.  Weary SLOBOL programmers
-often turn to a related (but infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.
-%
 THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #14 -- VALGOL
 
 	VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the
@@ -43625,34 +36820,6 @@ SIT, STAY, HEEL, and ROLL OVER.  An innovative feature of DOGO is "puppy
 graphics", a small cocker spaniel that occasionally leaves a deposit as
 it travels across the screen.
 %
-THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #17 -- SARTRE
-
-	Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an extremely
-unstructured language.  Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just are.
-Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions.  SARTRE
-programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are no fun at parties.
-%
-THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18 -- C-
-
-	This language was named for the grade received by its creator when
-he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.  C- is
-best described as a "low-level" programming language.  In fact, the language
-generally requires more C- statements than machine-code statements to execute
-a given task.  In this respect, it is very similar to COBOL.
-%
-THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18 -- FIFTH
-
-	FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types
-refer to quantity.  The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and JIGGER to
-FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM and BLOTTO.  Commands
-refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY, CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH,
-VODKA, SCOTCH, BOURBON, and WHATEVERSAROUND.
-	The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and
-financial status of its users.  Commands in the ELITE dialect include VSOP and
-LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH, THUNDERBIRD,
-RIPPLE and HOUSERED.  The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers
-who end up using this language.
-%
 THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #5 -- LAIDBACK
 
 	LAIDBACK was developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for
@@ -43673,10 +36840,6 @@ The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
 %
 The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
 %
-The lion and the calf shall lie down
-together but the calf won't get much sleep.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 The little girl expects no declaration of tenderness from her doll.
 She loves it -- and that's all.  It is thus that we should love.
 		-- DeGourmont
@@ -43706,9 +36869,6 @@ for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be
 simply making a limiting statement about himself.
 		-- Sidney Harris
 %
-The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
-		-- Henry Kissinger
-%
 The longer the title, the less important the job.
 %
 The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.
@@ -43768,11 +36928,6 @@ The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of
 consistency.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
-The makers may make,
-And the users may use,
-But the fixers must fix
-With but minimal clues.
-%
 The man she had was kind and clean
 And well enough for every day,
 But oh, dear friends, you should have seen
@@ -43796,11 +36951,6 @@ that it was by the simple expedient of kneeling down, pursing his lips and
 sucking the back of an armchair.  "I almost choked," he said afterwards.
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
-The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd.
-The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever
-been.
-		-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
-%
 The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
 		-- Menander
 %
@@ -43817,10 +36967,6 @@ The man who sees, on New Year's day, Mount
 Fuji, a hawk, and an eggplant is forever blessed.
 		-- Old Japanese proverb
 %
-The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
-will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 The man who understands one woman is
 qualified to understand pretty well everything.
 		-- Yeats
@@ -43866,7 +37012,7 @@ which, when properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years.
 The mate for beauty should be a man and not a money chest.
 		-- Bulwer
 %
-The mature bohemian is one whose woman works full time.
+The mature Bohemian is one whose woman works full time.
 %
 The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers,
 always end up on their ends without any means.
@@ -43879,8 +37025,6 @@ The meek don't want it.
 %
 The meek inherit the earth -- usually in small sections... about 6 by 3.
 %
-The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
-%
 The meek shall inherit the earth; but by that
 time there won't be anything left worth inheriting.
 %
@@ -43917,16 +37061,6 @@ mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same
 being who produces the impressions.
 		-- Marquis D.A.F. de Sade
 %
-The misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead to what might be
-general systems laws.  For example, Frank Harary once suggested the law that
-any field that had the word "science" in its name was guaranteed thereby
-not to be a science.  He would cite as examples Military Science, Library
-Science, Political Science, Homemaking Science, Social Science, and Computer
-Science.  Discuss the generality of this law, and possible reasons for its
-predictive power.
-		-- Gerald Weinberg, "An Introduction to General Systems
-		   Thinking"
-%
 The Modelski Chain Rule:
 1:	Look intently at the problem for several minutes.  Scratch your
 	head at 20-30 second intervals.  Try solving the problem on your
@@ -43950,8 +37084,6 @@ The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
 The moon is made of green cheese.
 		-- John Heywood
 %
-The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
-%
 The Moral Majority is neither.
 %
 The more complex the mind, the greater
@@ -43965,10 +37097,6 @@ the odds that the competition already has the order.
 %
 The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
 %
-The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
-lower the mailing cost.
-		-- S. Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
-%
 The more he talked of his honor the faster we counted our spoons.
 		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 %
@@ -43980,10 +37108,6 @@ The more I see of men the more I admire dogs.
 The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
 		-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
 %
-The more laws and order are made prominent,
-the more thieves and robbers there will be.
-		-- Lao Tsu
-%
 The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.  (For
 instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law,
 contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...)
@@ -43997,8 +37121,6 @@ the easier it is to stop up the drain.
 The more things change, the more they remain the same.
 		-- Alphonse Karr
 %
-The more things change, the more they stay insane.
-%
 The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
 %
 The more we disagree, the more chance
@@ -44048,20 +37170,12 @@ the country is the one on which you resell it.
 The most difficult thing about surviving AIDS
 is trying to convince your parents that you're Haitian.
 %
-The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a 
-thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.
-		-- T.H. White
-%
 The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.
 %
 The most disagreeable thing that your worst enemy says to your face does
 not approach what your best friends say behind your back.
 		-- Alfred De Musset
 %
-The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
-discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-		-- Isaac Asimov
-%
 The most exquisite peak in culinary art is conquered when you do right by a
 ham, for a ham, in the very nature of the process it has undergone since last
 it walked on its own feet, combines in its flavor the tang of smoky autumnal
@@ -44154,8 +37268,6 @@ The most winning woman I ever knew was hanged for poisoning three little
 children for their insurance money.
 		-- Sherlock Holmes
 %
-The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
-%
 The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
 	Moves on: nor all they Piety nor Wit
 Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
@@ -44179,31 +37291,12 @@ in it here and there. Any given spoonful will likely have an IQ of 1, but
 occasional spoonfuls may have an IQ more than six times that!
 	-- James 'Kibo' Parry
 %
-The net of law is spread so wide,
-No sinner from its sweep may hide.
-Its meshes are so fine and strong,
-They take in every child of wrong.
-O wondrous web of mystery!
-Big fish alone escape from thee!
-		-- James Jeffrey Roche
-%
-The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around.
-I hope I don't get run over again.
-%
 The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10
 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
 %
 THE NEW RIGHT:
 	A javelin team that elects to receive.
 %
-The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory,
-in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.
-
-	But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay:
-	for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
-
-		-- Matthew 5:37
-%
 The next person to mention spaghetti stacks
 to me is going to have his head knocked off.
 		-- Bill Conrad
@@ -44235,10 +37328,6 @@ bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim,
 'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and at last I knew Pittsburgh.
 		-- Winning sentence, 1987 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
 %
-The notion of a "record" is an obsolete
-remnant of the days of the 80-column card.
-		-- D.M. Ritchie
-%
 The number of computer scientists in a room is inversely
 proportional to the number of bugs in their code.
 %
@@ -44256,24 +37345,10 @@ is read by the people who think they run the country.   The National Enquirer
 is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country.
 		-- Robert Woodhead
 %
-The objective of all dedicated employees should be to thoroughly analyze
-all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their occurrence, have
-answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve these problems
-when called upon.
-	However...
-When you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to remind
-yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
-%
 The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.
 %
 The Official Colorado State Vegetable is now the "state legislator".
 %
-The Official MBA Handbook on business cards:
-
-	Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the
-	Realm, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director
-	of Corporate Planning."
-%
 The Official MBA Handbook on doing company business on an airplane:
 
 	Do not work openly on top-secret company cost documents unless
@@ -44308,24 +37383,11 @@ floor.
 "Sorry," he said with a smile.
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
 %
-The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
-%
-The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.  
-Let the reader catch his own breath.
-		-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
-%
-The older I grow, the more I distrust the
-familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
-The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a neccessity.
+The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
 The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
 %
-The one good thing about repeating your
-mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
-%
 The one L lama, he's a priest
 The two L llama, he's a beast
 And I will bet my silk pyjama
@@ -44407,16 +37469,6 @@ The only person to get all of his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
 %
 The only person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
 %
-The only possible interpretation of any research
-whatever in the "social sciences" is: some do, some don't.
-%
-The only possible interpretation of any research
-whatever in the 'social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
-		-- Ernest Rutherford
-%
-The only problem with being a man of leisure
-is that you can never stop and take a rest.
-%
 The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.
 		-- Phaedrus
 %
@@ -44437,9 +37489,6 @@ The only real argument for marriage is that it remains the best method
 for getting acquainted.
 		-- Heywood Broun
 %
-The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
-		-- C. Schultz
-%
 The only really masterful noise a man makes in a house is the noise
 of his key, when he is still on the landing, fumbling for the lock.
 		-- Colette
@@ -44461,10 +37510,6 @@ The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that
 the first one was useless.
 		-- Nicolas Chamfort
 %
-The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
-It is never any use to oneself.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn.
 		-- Earl Warren
 
@@ -44490,9 +37535,6 @@ and guilt.
 The only way to amuse some people
 is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
 %
-The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 The only way to keep you health is to eat what you don't want,
 drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
 		-- Mark Twain
@@ -44504,19 +37546,10 @@ The onset and the waning of love make themselves felt
 in the uneasiness experienced at being alone together.
 		-- Jean de la Bruyere
 %
-The opossum is a very sophisticated animal.  It doesn't even get up
-until 5 or 6 PM.
-%
-The opossum is a very sophisticated animal.
-It doesn't even get up until 5 or 6 pm.
-%
 The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite
 of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
 		-- Niels Bohr
 %
-The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
-		-- Bohr
-%
 The opposite of talking isn't listening.  The opposite of talking is
 waiting.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
@@ -44530,9 +37563,6 @@ almost gently.  The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all
 possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
 		-- James Cabell, "The Silver Stallion"
 %
-The optimum committee has no members.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
 The opulence of the front office door varies
 inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
 %
@@ -44570,10 +37600,6 @@ she wanted from her rather dense boyfriend.  Finally she asked,
 	"Would you like to see where I was operated on for appendicitis?"
 	"Gosh, no!" he replied.  "I hate hospitals."
 %
-The past always looks better than it was.
-It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
-		-- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
-%
 The people sensible enough to give
 good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.
 %
@@ -44619,18 +37645,6 @@ is like the treatment of an illness.
 The Phone Booth Rule:
 	A lone dime always gets the number nearly right.
 %
-The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
-Gives us ham and pork and Bacon.
-Let others think his heart is big,
-I think it stupid of the Pig.
-%
-The pitcher wound up and he flang the ball at the batter.  The batter swang
-and missed.  The pitcher flang the ball again and this time the batter
-connected.  He hit a high fly right to the center fielder. The center
-fielder was all set to catch the ball, but at the last minute his eyes were
-blound by the sun and he dropped it.
-		-- Dizzy Dean
-%
 The plural of spouse is spice.
 %
 The Poems, all three hundred of them,
@@ -44663,7 +37677,7 @@ begged that his life be spared.  When asked his reason, Sir John replied,
 worst poet in England."
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
-The poetry of heroism appeals irresitably to those who don't go to a war,
+The poetry of heroism appeals irresistibly to those who don't go to a war,
 and even more so to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy."
 		-- Celine
 %
@@ -44671,15 +37685,6 @@ The point is, you see, that there is no point in driving yourself mad
 trying to stop yourself going mad.  You might just as well give in and
 save your sanity for later.
 %
-The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be
-addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified.  But it is equally
-important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not
-expecting everyone else to adapt to one's own preferences.  Only then can
-we hope to restore the insult to its proper social function of expressing
-true distaste.
-		-- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly
-		   Correct Behavior"
-%
 The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment.
 To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.
 		-- Buckminster Fuller
@@ -44696,17 +37701,6 @@ prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively,
 or to the people.
 		-- U.S. Constitution, Amendment 10. (Bill of Rights)
 %
-The Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher,
-	Were each of them once a kiddie.
-A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
-	Do I want one?  God Forbiddie!
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-The president publicly apologized today to all those offended by his brother's
-remark, "There's more Arabs in this country than there is Jews!".  Those
-offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers.
-		-- Channel 11 News, Baltimore, on Billy Carter
-%
 The prettiest women are almost always the most
 boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
 		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
@@ -44723,34 +37717,10 @@ knowledge of its ugly side.
 The primary function of the design engineer is to make things
 difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
 %
-The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants;
-instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the
-variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead
-of the longer form of the constant.  This also simplifies modifying the
-program, should the value of pi change.
-		-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
-%
-The primary theme of SoupCon is communication.  The acronym "LEO"
-represents the secondary theme:
-
-	Law Enforcement Officials
-
-The overall theme of SoupCon shall be:
-
-	Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials
-		-- M. Gallaher
-%
-The probability of someone watching you is directly
-proportional to the stupidity of your action.
-%
 The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed,
 a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.
 		-- Mike Smith
 %
-The problem with any unwritten law is that
-you don't know where to go to erase it.
-		-- Glaser and Way
-%
 The problem with graduate students, in general, is that they have
 to sleep every few days.
 %
@@ -44763,18 +37733,12 @@ The problem with most conspiracy theories is that they seem to believe that
 for a group of people to behave in a way detrimental to the common good
 requires intent.
 %
-The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can
-be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-		-- Elizabeth Taylor
-%
-The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
-%
 The problem with this country is that there is no death penalty
 for incompetence.
 %
 The problems of business administration in general, and database management in
 particular are much to difficult for people that think in IBMese, compounded
-with sloppy english.
+with sloppy English.
 		-- Edsger Dijkstra
 %
 The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid,
@@ -44803,13 +37767,6 @@ The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper
 thoughts about their neighbours.
 		-- F.H. Bradley
 %
-The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's
-outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by mistake
-since its colors are those of the London Reform Club.  Once tied around its
-victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims the insurance before
-running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 The public demands certainties;  it must be told definitely and a bit
 raucously that this is true and that is false.  But there are no
 certainties.
@@ -44826,10 +37783,6 @@ The purpose of Physics 7A is to make the engineers realize that they're
 not perfect, and to make the rest of the people realize that they're not
 engineers.
 %
-"The pyramid is opening!"
-"Which one?"
-"The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
-%
 The quality of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
 %
 The Queen is most anxious to enlist every one who can speak or write to
@@ -44858,12 +37811,6 @@ The race is not always to the swift, nor the
 battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
 		-- Damon Runyon
 %
-The rain it raineth on the just
-And also on the unjust fella:
-But chiefly on the just, because
-The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
-		-- Lord Bowen
-%
 The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
 %
 The rate at which a disease spreads through a corn field is a precise
@@ -44874,7 +37821,7 @@ illiterates can read.
 		-- Alberto Moravia
 %
 The real man's Bloody Mary:
-	Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire 
+	Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tabasco, Worcestershire 
 	sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
 
 	Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
@@ -44893,8 +37840,6 @@ psychologists are trying to do the impossible.
 %
 The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
 %
-The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
-%
 The reason people sweat is so they won't catch fire when making love.
 		-- Don Rose
 %
@@ -44914,9 +37859,9 @@ depends on the unreasonable man.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
 The reasons that each of these countries has had to renege on its
-financial committments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of
+financial commitments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of
 a war, Poland because of its vast misguided overinvestment in heavy
-industry, Honduras because the coffeee price went sour, Zaire because
+industry, Honduras because the coffee price went sour, Zaire because
 nobody in the government there has a clue as to how to run a country.
 		-- Paul Erdman's Money Book
 %
@@ -44938,19 +37883,11 @@ And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
 The reverse side also has a reverse side.  
 		-- Japanese proverb
 %
-The revolution will not be televised.
-%
 The reward for working hard is more hard work.
 %
-The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-		-- Emerson
-%
 The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer.
 The haves get more, the have-nots die.
 %
-The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.
-This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
-%
 The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
 taken seriously.
 		-- Hubert Humphrey
@@ -44968,11 +37905,6 @@ infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and
 upon the successful management of which so much remains.
 		-- George F. Baer, railroad industrialist
 %
-The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
-House Un-American Activities Committee].  We will determine what rights
-you have and what rights you have not got.
-		-- J. Parnell Thomas
-%
 The ripest fruit falls first.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
 %
@@ -44986,29 +37918,15 @@ The road to ruin is always in good repair,
 and the travellers pay the expense of it.
 		-- Josh Billings
 %
-The Roman Rule
-	The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
-	one who is doing it.
-%
 The root of all superstition is that men
 observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.
 		-- Francis Bacon
 %
 The rose of yore is but a name, mere names are left to us.
 %
-The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in
-his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on
-one leg.  The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
-take it too seriously.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.
 		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
-The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
-give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
-		-- Jane Bryant Quinn
-%
 The rules:
 
 1:  Thou shalt not worship other computer systems.
@@ -45082,19 +38000,6 @@ The sendmail configuration file is one of those files that looks like someone
 beat their head on the keyboard.  After working with it... I can see why!
 		-- Harry Skelton
 %
-The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood as he
-reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all.  The Gray
-Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in the palace
-of Gilpkerio Kistomerces.  Even though twenty-four parts in twenty-five of
-him are dead, he is alive.
-	Now about Lankhmar.  She's been invaded, her walls breached
-everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a fierce
-host which out-numbers Lankhamar's inhabitants by fifty to one -- and
-equipped with all modern weapons.  Yet you can save the city."
-	"How?" demanded Fafhrd.
-	Ningauble shrugged.  "You're a hero.  You should know."
-		-- Fritz Leiber, "The Swords of Lankhmar"
-%
 The seven year itch comes from fooling around during the fourth, fifth,
 and sixth years.
 %
@@ -45105,9 +38010,6 @@ The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
 %
 The shortest distance between any two puns is a straight line.
 %
-The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-		-- Noelie Altito
-%
 The Shuttle is now going five times the sound of speed.
 		-- Dan Rather, first landing of Columbia
 %
@@ -45115,7 +38017,7 @@ The six great gifts of an Irish girl are beauty, soft
 voice, sweet speech, wisdom, needlework, and chastity.
 		-- Theodore Roosevelt, 1907
 %
-The sixth shiek's sixth sheep's sick.
+The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
 		-- [just say that five times...]
 %
 The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.
@@ -45153,11 +38055,6 @@ The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the
 rationalizations of the victors.  History is written by the survivors.
 		-- Max Lerner
 %
-The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and
-tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will
-have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy... neither its pipes nor
-its theories will hold water.
-%
 The soldier came knocking upon the queen's door
 He said, "I am not fighting for you anymore"
 The queen knew she had seen his face someplace before
@@ -45182,8 +38079,8 @@ The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
 The somewhat old and crusty vicar was taking a well-earned retirement from
 his rather old and crusty parish.  As is usual in these cases, a locum was
 sent to cover the transition period.  This particular man was young and
-active, and had the strange notion that church should also be avtive and 
-exciting.  As a consequence he was more than a little dissapointed with the
+active, and had the strange notion that church should also be active and 
+exciting.  As a consequence he was more than a little disappointed with the
 dull and tradition-bound church.  He decided to do something about it.
 	For his first Sunday, he didn't wear the traditional robes and
 vestments, but lead the service wearing a nice 2-piece suit.  The congregation
@@ -45199,12 +38096,6 @@ the table as the children gathered around him.
 	Eventually, one timid youngster put up his hand and said, "Please,
 sir, I know the answer is Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me."
 %
-The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money.
-		-- Ed Bluestone, The National Lampoon
-%
-The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money.
-	-- Ed Bluestone
-%
 The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
 %
 The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
@@ -45214,7 +38105,7 @@ In town a noun might wear a gown,
 or further down, might dress a clown.
 A noun that's sound would never clown,
 but unsound nouns jump up and down.
-The sound of a noun could distrub the plowing,
+The sound of a noun could disturb the plowing,
 and then, my dear, you'd be put in the pound.
 But please don't let that get you down,
 the renown of your gown is the talk of the town.
@@ -45284,10 +38175,10 @@ The strong give up and move on, while the weak give up and stay.
 %
 The strong individual loves the earth so much he lusts for recurrence.  He
 can smile in the face of the most terrible thought: meaningless, aimless
-existance recurring eternally.  The second characteristic of such a man is
+existence recurring eternally.  The second characteristic of such a man is
 that he has the strength to recognise -- and to live with the recognition --
 that the world is valueless in itself and that all values are human ones.
-He creates himself by fashoning his own values; he has the pride to live
+He creates himself by fashioning his own values; he has the pride to live
 by the values he wills.
 		-- Nietzsche
 %
@@ -45301,20 +38192,9 @@ The population is, of course, growing.
 The sun never sets on those who ride into it.
 		-- RKO
 %
-The sun was shining on the sea,
-Shining with all his might:
-He did his very best to make
-The billows smooth and bright --
-And this was very odd, because it was
-The middle of the night.
-		-- Lewis Carroll
-%
 The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.
 		-- Ursula K. LeGuin, "The Dispossessed"
 %
-The superfluous is very necessary.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
 The superior man understands what is right;
 the inferior man understands what will sell.
 		-- Confucius
@@ -45322,7 +38202,7 @@ the inferior man understands what will sell.
 The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling their
 way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from the other,
 whom he assumes to have perfect vision.  Each tends to ascribe to the other
-side a consistency, forsight and coherence that its own experience belies.
+side a consistency, foresight and coherence that its own experience belies.
 Of course, even two blind men can do enormous damage to each other, not to
 speak of the room.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
@@ -45390,28 +38270,6 @@ The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer
 them a drink.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Interview"
 %
-The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed from available
-data.  Our authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon
-shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold,
-as the light of seven days."  Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much
-radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition seven times seven (49) times
-as much as the Earth does from the Sun, or fifty times in all.  The light we
-receive from the Moon is one ten-thousandth of the light we receive from the
-Sun, so we can ignore that.  With these data we can compute the temperature
-of Heaven.  The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where
-the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation,
-i.e., Heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the Earth by radiation.  Using
-the Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute
-temperature of the earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C).  The exact
-temperature of Hell cannot be computed, but it must be less than 444.6C, the
-temperature at which brimstone or sulphur changes from a liquid to a gas.
-Revelations 21:8 says "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their
-part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone."  A lake of molten
-brimstone means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point,
-or 444.6C  (Above this point it would be a vapor, not a lake.)  We have,
-then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
-		-- "Applied Optics", vol. 11, A14, 1972
-%
 The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled
 culinary vessel will not achieve 100 degrees on the Celsius scale.
 %
@@ -45443,12 +38301,7 @@ and causes the most amount of trouble is sex.
 %
 The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
 %
-The Third Law of Photography:
-	If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined
-	when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of
-	the dark leaks out.
-%
-The thought of being President fightens me and I do not think I
+The thought of being President frightens me and I do not think I
 want the job.
 		-- Ronald Reagan in 1973
 
@@ -45482,11 +38335,6 @@ The three biggest software lies:
 		will fix the microcode.
 	3: Beta test site?  No, *of course* you're not a beta test site.
 %
-The three laws of thermodynamics:
-	(1) You can't get anything without working for it.
-	(2) The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
-	(3) You can only break even at absolute zero.
-%
 THE THREE MOST COMMONLY-ASKED QUESTIONS AT DISNEYLAND:
 
 1) Where's the bathroom?
@@ -45546,18 +38394,10 @@ but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.
 %
 The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship their creator.
 %
-The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
-%
-The trouble with being punctual is that people
-think you have nothing more important to do.
-%
 The trouble with computers is that they do
 what you tell them, not what you want.
 		-- D. Cohen
 %
-The trouble with doing something right the first
-time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
-%
 The trouble with eating Italian food is that
 five or six days later you're hungry again.
 		-- George Miller
@@ -45612,9 +38452,6 @@ The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.
 The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
-And vice versa.
-%
 The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.
 		-- Stanley Kubrick
 %
@@ -45624,20 +38461,9 @@ The Truth Shall Rape You Over.
 The truth you speak has no past and no future.
 It is, and that's all it needs to be.
 %
-The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
-Which practically conceal its sex.
-I think it clever of the turtle
-In such a fix to be so fertile.
-		-- O. Nash
-%
 The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-%
-The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-		-- Harlan Ellison
-%
 The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.
 		-- G.B. Shaw
 %
@@ -45649,16 +38475,12 @@ by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.
 The two things that can get you into trouble
 quicker than anything else are fast women and slow horses.
 %
-The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more
-annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 The, uh, snowy mountains are like really cold, eh?
 And the, um, plains stretch out like my moms girdle, eh?
 There's lotsa beers and doughnuts for everyone, eh?
 So the last one to be peaceful and everything is a big idiot,
 Eh?
-So shut yer face up and dry yer mucklucks by the fire, eh?
+So shut yer face up and dry yer mukluks by the fire, eh?
 And dream about girls with their high beams on, eh?
 They may be cold, but that's okay!  Beer's better that way!
 Eh?
@@ -45691,11 +38513,6 @@ It cannot be ruled by interfering.
 The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.
 		-- Sagan
 %
-The University of California Bears announced the signing of Reggie
-Philbin to a letter of intent to attend Cal next Fall.  Philbin is
-said to make up for no talent by cheating well.  Says Philbin of
-his decision to attend Cal, "I'm in it for the free ride."
-%
 The University of California Statistics Department; where mean is normal,
 and deviation standard.
 %
@@ -45706,25 +38523,10 @@ The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable
 that I assume it must be evil.
 		-- Heywood Broun
 %
-The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and
-religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging
-from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its
-yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledegook than the rest of the
-world put together.
-		-- Sir Peter Medawar
-%
 The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems
 is a symptom of professional immaturity.
 		-- Edsger Dijkstra
 %
-The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
-regarded as a criminal offence.
-		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
-%
-The use of COBOL cripples the mind;
-its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
-		-- E.W. Dijkstra
-%
 The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.
 		-- B. Franklin
 %
@@ -45803,9 +38605,6 @@ The way to fight a woman is with your hat.  Grab it and run.
 %
 The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
 %
-The way to make a small fortune in the
-commodities market is to start with a large fortune.
-%
 The weather is here.  Wish you were beautiful.
 %
 The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.
@@ -45876,11 +38675,6 @@ The world is a comedy to those who think,
 and a tragedy to those who feel.
 		-- Horace Walpole
 %
-The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
-%
-The world is coming to an end!
-Repent and return those library books!
-%
 The world is full of people who have never, since
 childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.
 		-- E.B. White
@@ -45906,10 +38700,6 @@ The world wants to be deceived.
 %
 The world will end in 5 minutes.  Please log out.
 %
-The world's as ugly as sin,
-And almost as delightful
-		-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
-%
 The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars,
 nor its great scholars great men.
 		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
@@ -46116,10 +38906,6 @@ They were just the first not to crash.
 The yankees, son, are up north.  
 The damnyankees are down here.
 %
-The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
-four and eighteen.  At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
-the answers.
-%
 The young Georgia miss came to the hospital for a checkup.
 	"Have you been X-rayed?" asked the doctor.
 	"Nope," she said, "but ah've been ultraviolated."
@@ -46160,7 +38946,7 @@ right.
 Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
 %
 Then there was the ScoutMaster who got a fantastic deal on this case of
-Tates brand compasses for his troup; only $1.25 each!  Only problem was,
+Tates brand compasses for his troop; only $1.25 each!  Only problem was,
 when they got them out in the woods, the compasses were all stuck pointing
 to the "W" on the dial.
 
@@ -46252,10 +39038,6 @@ There are few virtues that the Poles do not possess --
 and there are few mistakes they have ever avoided.
 		-- W. Churchill, Parliament, August, 1945
 %
-There are four kinds of homicide: felonious,
-excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy...
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 There are four stages to a marriage.  First there's the affair, then there's
 the marriage, then children and finally the fourth stage, without which you
 cannot know a woman, the divorce.
@@ -46321,12 +39103,6 @@ ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet.
 There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.
 		-- The Duke of Wellington
 %
-There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence
-of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally
-competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make
-some other part of hell comfortably cool.  This is obviously impossible.
-		-- Richard Davisson
-%
 There are no rules for March.  March is spring, sort
 of, usually, March means maybe, but don't bet on it.
 %
@@ -46341,10 +39117,6 @@ There are only two things in this world that I am sure of, death and
 taxes, and we just might do something about death one of these days.
 		-- shades
 %
-There are people so addicted to exaggeration
-that they can't tell the truth without lying.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
 There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals
 in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so
 people who find nothing odd about it.
@@ -46372,11 +39144,6 @@ In my life I'll love you more.
 There are running jobs.
 Why don't you go chase them?
 %
-There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both
-plants and animals.  When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis;
-and when the lights go out, they turn into animals.  But then again,
-don't we all.
-%
 There are strange things done in the midnight sun
 	By the men who moil for gold;
 The Arctic trails have their secret tales
@@ -46391,39 +39158,8 @@ There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life
 is the process of discovering them over and over and over.
 		-- David Nichols
 %
-There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and
-fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here
-and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for
-wonder.  There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
-your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence.
-			-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
-%
-"There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and
-fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here
-and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for
-wonder.  There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
-your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence."
-		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
-%
-There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
 There are three kinds of people: men, women, and unix.
 %
-There are three possibilities:
-Pioneer's solar panel has turned away from the sun;
-there's a large meteor blocking transmission;
-someone loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor.
-%
-There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be
-offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a
-series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of
-food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection
-increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the
-affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no
-circumstances can the food be omitted.
-		-- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour
-%
 There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need
 the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the
 world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the
@@ -46440,10 +39176,6 @@ Try to find a pattern.  Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that's
 science.  Three:  Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled
 by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's Factor; that's engineering.
 %
-There are three things I always forget.  Names, faces -- the third I
-can't remember.
-		-- Italo Svevo
-%
 There are three things I have always loved 
 and never understood -- art, music, and women.
 %
@@ -46451,15 +39183,6 @@ There are three things men can do with women:
 love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.
 		-- Stephen Stills
 %
-There are three ways to get something done:
-
-	1: Do it yourself.
-	2: Hire someone to do it for you.
-	3: Forbid your kids to do it.
-%
-There are three ways to get something done:
-do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
-%
 There are twenty-five people left in the world,
 and twenty-seven of them are hamburgers.
 		-- Ed Sanders
@@ -46488,10 +39211,6 @@ There are two kinds of fool.  One says, "This is old, and therefore good."
 And one says "This is new, and therefore better."
 		-- John Brunner, "The Shockwave Rider"
 %
-There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good."
-And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"
-		-- John Brunner, "The Shockwave Rider"
-%
 There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
 		-- Lord Thomas Rober Dewar
 %
@@ -46515,13 +39234,6 @@ One is to dislike it.
 The other is to like it rationally.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-There are two ways of disliking poetry;
-one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-There are two ways to write error-free
-programs; only the third one works.
-%
 There are very few personal problems that cannot be
 solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
 %
@@ -46551,10 +39263,6 @@ has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
 There comes a time to stop being angry.
 		-- A Small Circle of Friends
 %
-There exist tasks which cannot be done
-by more than 10 men or fewer than 100.
-		-- Steele's Law
-%
 There goes the good time that was had by all.
 		-- Bette Davis, remarking on a passing starlet
 %
@@ -46580,9 +39288,6 @@ was the result of a long debate, spread over several meetings.)
 There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.
 		-- Thomas W. Lamont, October 29, 1929
 %
-There has been an alarming increase in the
-number of things you know nothing about.
-%
 There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
 %
 There is a building with four floors.  On the first floor, there
@@ -46599,10 +39304,6 @@ is, if not an antidote, at least an alleviation.  If
 you are in a fit of the blues, go nowhere else.
 	--Robert Louis Stevenson: Immortelles
 %
-There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
-opinion.
-		-- Anatole France
-%
 There is a fly on your nose.
 %
 There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital
@@ -46610,11 +39311,6 @@ and labour.  As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting
 each other's throat.
 		-- Brooks Atkinson, "Once Around the Sun"
 %
-There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature:
-that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
-%
-There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
-%
 There is a limit to the admiration we may hold for a man who spends
 his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.
 		-- Tom Robbins, "Jitterbug Perfume"
@@ -46624,17 +39320,6 @@ wooden toilet seats.
 
 It's called the Birch John Society.
 %
-There is a road to freedom.  Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty,
-Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and love of the
-Fatherland.
-		-- Adolf Hitler
-%
-There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
-what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
-and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.  There
-is another theory which states that this has already happened.
-		-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
-%
 There is a time in the tides of men,
 Which, taken at its flood, leads on to success.
 On the other hand, don't count on it.
@@ -46677,9 +39362,6 @@ most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.
 There is hardly a thing in the world that some man can
 not make a little worse and sell a little cheaper.
 %
-There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
-		-- Arthur C. Clarke
-%
 There is in certain living souls
 A quality of loneliness unspeakable,
 So great it must be shared
@@ -46709,14 +39391,14 @@ man who eats Grapenuts on principle.
 		-- G.K. Chesterton
 %
 There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the
-man who eats Grap-Nuts on principle.
+man who eats Grape-Nuts on principle.
 		-- G.K. Chesterton
 %
 There is more to life than increasing its speed.
 		-- Mahatma Gandhi
 %
 There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-		-- Mohandis K. Gandhi
+		-- Mohandas K. Gandhi
 %
 There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.
 		-- Darth Vader
@@ -46736,7 +39418,7 @@ No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.
 %
 There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law.
 No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
-	-- Jean Giradoux
+	-- Jean Giraudoux
 %
 "There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing 
 the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries 
@@ -46758,9 +39440,6 @@ As long as it is somebody else's.
 %
 There is no distinction between any AI program and some existent game.
 %
-There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest.  For example, when he
 filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary
 as 'unearned income.'
@@ -46809,7 +39488,7 @@ There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools
 to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it.
 So it is written in the genetic cards -- only physics and war hold him in
 check.  And also the wife who wants him home by five, of course.
-		-- Encyclopadia Apocryphia, 1990 ed.
+		-- Encyclopaedia Apocryphia, 1990 ed.
 %
 There is no royal road to geometry.
 		-- Euclid
@@ -46883,14 +39562,6 @@ when you do it reluctantly.
 There is nothing stranger in a strange land than the stranger who
 comes to visit.
 %
-There is nothing which cannot be answered by means of my doctrine," said
-a monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.
-	"And yet just a short time ago, I was challenged by a scholar with
-an unanswerable question," said Nasrudin.
-	"I could have answered it if I had been there."
-	"Very well.  He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in
-the middle of the night?'"
-%
 There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation.
 %
 There is nothing wrong with writing ... as long as it
@@ -46926,10 +39597,6 @@ There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which
 it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.
 		-- James Boswell
 %
-There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesale
-returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 There is something in the pang of change
 More than the heart can bear,
 Unhappiness remembering happiness.
@@ -46979,9 +39646,6 @@ that I had promised."
 There seems no plan because it is all plan.
 		-- C.S. Lewis
 %
-There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."
-		-- C.S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"
-%
 There was a little girl
 Who had a little curl
 Right in the middle of her forehead.
@@ -46989,7 +39653,7 @@ When she was good, she was very, very good
 And when she was bad, she was very, very popular.
 		-- Max Miller, "The Max Miller Blue Book"
 %
-There was a man who enjoyed playing golf, and could occasionallly put up
+There was a man who enjoyed playing golf, and could occasionally put up
 with taking in a round with his wife.  One time (with his wife along) he
 was having an extremely bad round.  On the 12th hole, he sliced a drive
 over by a grounds-keepers' shack.  Although he did not have a clear shot
@@ -47010,16 +39674,6 @@ to hit through, if he was to open both doors.
 %
 There was a phone call for you.
 %
-There was a plane crash over mid-ocean, and only three survivors were
-left in the life-raft: the Pope, the President, and Mayor Daley.
-Unfortunately, it was a one-man life-raft, and quickly sinking, so
-they started debating who should be allowed to stay.  The Pope pointed
-out that he was the spiritual leader of millions all over the world,
-the President explained that if he died then America would be stuck
-with the Vice-President, and so forth.  Then Mayor Daley said, "Look!
-We're not solving anything like this!  The only fair thing to do is
-to vote on it."  So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97 votes.
-%
 There was a writer in 'Life' magazine ... who claimed that rabbits have
 no memory, which is one of their defensive mechanisms.  If they recalled
 every close shave they had in the course of just an hour life would become
@@ -47105,12 +39759,6 @@ Josh Gibson.  Only one thing is keeping them out of the big leagues, the
 pigmentation of their skin.  They happen to be colored.
 		-- Shirley Povich, 1941
 %
-There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.  Too bad it's not
-a fence.
-%
-There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.
-Too bad it's not a fence.
-%
 There's a lesson that I need to remember
 When everything is falling apart
 In life, just like in loving
@@ -47187,22 +39835,6 @@ There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
 %
 There's just something I don't like about Virginia; the state.
 %
-There's little in taking or giving,
-	There's little in water or wine:
-This living, this living, this living,
-	Was never a project of mine.
-Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is
-	The gain of the one at the top,
-For art is a form of catharsis,
-	And love is a permanent flop,
-And work is the provence of cattle,
-	And rest's for a clam in a shell,
-So I'm thinking of throwing the battle --
-	Would you kindly direct me to hell?
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
-There's no future in time travel.
-%
 There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
 %
 There's no justice in this world.
@@ -47211,9 +39843,6 @@ There's no justice in this world.
 		saved Dewey from assassination by Dutch Schultz (by ordering
 		the assassination of Schultz instead)
 %
-There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
-		-- Dr. Who
-%
 There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
 		-- Raoul Duke
 %
@@ -47233,20 +39862,12 @@ There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
 %
 There's no time like the pleasant.
 %
-There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
-working for you.
-		-- Will Rodgers
-%
 There's no use being precise about something
 when you don't even know what you're talking about.
 		-- John von Neumann
 %
 There's no use in having a dog and doing your own barking.
 %
-There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead
-armadillos.
-		-- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner
-%
 There's nothing like a girl with a plunging
 neckline to keep a man on his toes.
 %
@@ -47273,9 +39894,6 @@ There's nothing worse for your business than
 extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.
 		-- W. Bossert
 %
-There's nothing wrong with teenagers that
-reasoning with them won't aggravate.
-%
 There's one consolation about matrimony.  When you look around you can
 always see somebody who did worse.
 		-- Warren H. Goldsmith
@@ -47284,17 +39902,9 @@ There's one fool at least in every married couple.
 %
 There's only one everything.
 %
-There's only one way to have a happy marriage
-and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
-		-- Clint Eastwood
-%
 There's small choice in rotten apples.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
 %
-There's so much plastic in this culture that
-vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
 There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
 %
 There's something different about us -- different from people of Europe,
@@ -47314,9 +39924,6 @@ These activities have their own rules and methods
 of concealment which seek to mislead and obscure.
 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1960
 %
-These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what
-they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
-%
 They also serve who only stand and wait.
 		-- John Milton
 %
@@ -47328,7 +39935,7 @@ the only significant job that has so far been given to them.
 They are cold-blooded. They are completely ruthless about protecting
 what they have. The only thing they connect to is the money aspect of
 life.  Let's face it: That's the American way.
-		-- Jeffery M. Johnson, regional chairman of the District
+		-- Jeffrey M. Johnson, regional chairman of the District
 		   of Columbia United Way, speaking of drug dealers.
 %
 They are ill discoverers that think there is no land,
@@ -47404,29 +40011,10 @@ my skin.  I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons.  First we take Manhattan,
 then we take Berlin.
 
 I'd really like to live beside you, baby.  I love your body and your spirit
-and your clothes.  But you see that line there moving throug the station?
+and your clothes.  But you see that line there moving through the station?
 I told you I told you I told you I was one of those.
 	-- Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan"
 %
-They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy.
-Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-They told me you had proven it		When they discovered our results
-About a month before.			Their hair began to curl
-The proof was valid, more or less	Instead of understanding it
-But rather less than more.		We'd run the thing through PRL.
-
-He sent them word that we would try	Don't tell a soul about all this
-To pass where they had failed		For it must ever be
-And after we were done, to them		A secret, kept from all the rest
-The new proof would be mailed.		Between yourself and me.
-
-My notion was to start again
-Ignoring all they'd done
-We quickly turned it into code
-To see if it would run.
-%
 They told me you had proven it
 	About a month before.
 The proof was valid, more or less	He sent them word that we would try
@@ -47494,8 +40082,6 @@ their property that they may more perfectly respect it.
 Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
 		-- Dwight Eisenhower
 %
-Things are more like they used to be than they are new.
-%
 Things are not always what they seem.
 		-- Phaedrus
 %
@@ -47506,9 +40092,6 @@ Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.
 Things past redress and now with me past care.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
 %
-Things will be bright in P.M.
-A cop will shine a light in your face.
-%
 Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
@@ -47517,21 +40100,14 @@ Things worth having are worth cheating for.
 Think big.
 Pollute the Mississippi.
 %
-Think honk if you're a telepath.
-%
 Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.
 		-- Darrell Royal
 %
 Think of it!  With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
 %
-Think of your family tonight.
-Try to crawl home after the computer crashes.
-%
 Think sideways!
 		-- Ed De Bono
 %
-Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
-%
 Thinking you know something is a sure way to blind yourself.
 		-- Frank Herbert, "Chapterhouse: Dune"
 %
@@ -47581,14 +40157,6 @@ This dungeon is owned and operated by Frobazz Magic Co., Ltd.
 %
 This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
 %
-This fortune cookie program out of order.  For those in desperate
-need, please use the program "randchar".  This program generates
-random characters, and, given enough time, will undoubtedly come
-up with something profound.  It will, however, take it no time at
-all to be more profound than THIS program has ever been.
-%
-This fortune intentionally not included.
-%
 This fortune intentionally says nothing.
 %
 This fortune is dedicated to your mother, without whose
@@ -47596,8 +40164,6 @@ invaluable assistance last night would never have been possible.
 %
 This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
 %
-This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
-%
 This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
 %
 This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
@@ -47645,8 +40211,6 @@ Sorry, Jim, bring it on over.
 This is Marilyn Reed, I wanta talk to you...   Is this a machine?
 I don't talk to machines!  [Click]
 %
-This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
-%
 This is NOT a repeat.
 %
 This is not the age of pamphleteers. It is the age of the engineers.  The
@@ -47665,20 +40229,6 @@ This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future,
 which is a little ironic since we may not have one.
 		-- Arthur Clarke
 %
-This is the first numerical problem I ever did.  It demonstrates the
-power of computers:
-
-Enter lots of data on calorie & nutritive content of foods.  Instruct the
-thing to maximize a function describing nutritive content, with a minimum
-level of each component, for fixed caloric content.  The results are that
-one should eat each day:
-
-	1/2 chicken
-	1 egg
-	1 glass of skim milk
-	27 heads of lettuce.
-		-- Rev. Adrian Melott
-%
 This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
@@ -47716,8 +40266,6 @@ to what to do and where to go.
 This life is yours.  Some of it was given
 to you; the rest, you made yourself.
 %
-This login session: $13.76, but for you $11.88.
-%
 This login session: $13.99
 %
 This must be morning.  I never could get the hang of mornings.
@@ -47725,10 +40273,6 @@ This must be morning.  I never could get the hang of mornings.
 This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
 %
-This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
-great force.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 This one is for all you military types.  For those who don't know, Rangers
 are *extremely* well trained members of the U.S. Army.  Marines are people
 who start out as normal soldiers and then are made to believe that bullets
@@ -47753,18 +40297,6 @@ replies, "Sir, it's a... a trap, sir.  They're two of them!"
 This place just isn't big enough for all of us.  We've
 got to find a way off this planet.
 %
-This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this:  most of
-the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.  Many
-solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were
-largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper,
-which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of
-paper that were unhappy.
-		-- Douglas Adams
-%
-This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
-something child-like.
-		-- Forbes Burkowski, CS, University of Washington
-%
 This product is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real
 persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited.  Some
 assembly may be required.  Batteries not included.  Contents may settle during
@@ -47828,8 +40360,6 @@ This was terrible with raisins in it.
 %
 This week only, all our fiber-fill jackets are marked down!
 %
-This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
-%
 This yuppie, see, was in a car wreck.  His BMW was mangled, and so was he.
 The paramedic was leaning over him getting his vitals, and all the yup
 could groan was "My BMW!  My BMW!"
@@ -47843,9 +40373,6 @@ and was lying about twenty feet away.
 Those lovable Brits department:
 	They also have trouble pronouncing `vitamin'.
 %
-Those of you who think you know everything
-are annoying those of us who do.
-%
 Those of you who think you know it all upset those of us who do.
 %
 Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised)
@@ -47875,11 +40402,6 @@ Those who can't write, write manuals.
 Those who claim the dead never return
 to life haven't ever been around here at quitting time.
 %
-Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
-%
-Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
-		-- Henry Spencer
-%
 Those who do things in a noble spirit of
 self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.
 		-- N. Alexander.
@@ -47896,22 +40418,11 @@ Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the
 world is love.  The poor know that it is money.
 		-- Gerald Brenan
 %
-Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
-%
-Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
-will make violent revolution inevitable.
-		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy
-%
-Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are
-men who want rain without thunder and lightning.  They want the ocean
-without the roar of its many waters.
-		-- Frederick Douglass
-%
 Those who sweat in flames of hell,	Leaden eared, some thought their bowels
 Here's the reason that they fell:	Lispeth forth the sweetest vowels.
 While on earth they prayed in SAS,	These they offered up in praise
 PL/1, or other crass,			Thinking all this fetid haze
-Vulgar tongue.				A rapsody sung.
+Vulgar tongue.				A rhapsody sung.
 
 Some the lord did sorely try		Jabber of the mindless horde
 Assembling all their pleas in hex.	Sequel next did mock the lord
@@ -47956,13 +40467,6 @@ Make a little birdhouse in your soul
 %
 Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
 %
-Three great scientific theories of the structure of the universe are
-the molecular, the corpuscular and the atomic.  A fourth affirms, with
-Haeckel, the condensation or precipitation of matter from ether --
-whose existence is proved by the condensation or precipitation...
-A fifth theory is held by idiots, but it is doubtful if they know any
-more about the matter than the others.
-%
 Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.
 		-- Trollope
 %
@@ -48112,8 +40616,6 @@ Time and tide wait for no man.
 Time as he grows old teaches all things.
 		-- Aeschylus
 %
-Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
-%
 Time goes, you say?
 Ah no!
 Time stays, *we* go.
@@ -48323,7 +40825,7 @@ Do be do be do.
 To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.
 %
 To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects
-but your own; to be moral, all pretences but your own.
+but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.
 		-- Lionel Strachey
 %
 To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.
@@ -48409,7 +40911,7 @@ To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
 To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
 %
 To err is human; to forgive is simply not our policy.
-		-- MIT Assasination Club
+		-- MIT Assassination Club
 %
 To err is human, to forgive unusual.
 %
@@ -48429,7 +40931,7 @@ To purr feline.
 %
 To err is humor.
 %
-To everything there is a season, a time for every pupose under heaven:
+To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:
 A time to be born, and a time to die;
 A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
 A time to kill, and a time to heal;
@@ -48474,12 +40976,6 @@ To have died once is enough.
 To hell with the Prime Directive;
 Let's KILL something!
 %
-To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
-		-- Thomas Edison
-%
-To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
-		-- Robert Heller
-%
 To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.
 		-- W. Churchill, on Korean War negotiations
 %
@@ -48544,7 +41040,7 @@ and give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly.  It was
 agreeable, too -it really was- to see him cut it off, so smooth and juicy.
 There was nothing savage in the act, although the knife was large and keen;
 it was a piece of art, high art; there was delicacy of touch, clearness of
-tone, skilful handling of the subject, fine shading.  It was the triumph of
+tone, skillful handling of the subject, fine shading.  It was the triumph of
 mind over matter; quite.
 		-- Dickens, "Martin Chuzzlewit"
 %
@@ -48588,16 +41084,6 @@ To think contrary to one's era is heroism.  But to speak against it is
 madness.
 		-- Eugene Ionesco
 %
-To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional
-system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy,
-inelegant, and unsatisfying.  But it's a question of congruence:
-precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel,
-uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar,
-well-defined ones.  Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures
-of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very
-secure ecological niche.
-		-- Beau Sheil, "Power Tools for Programmers"
-%
 TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DESIRE IT, I GRANT YOU MADRAK'S BLESSING:
 
 	Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care
@@ -48607,9 +41093,9 @@ may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness.
 to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the
 destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted
 or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your
-receving said benefit.
+receiving said benefit.
 	I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between
-yourself and that which may have an interest in the matter of your receving
+yourself and that which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving
 as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may
 in some way be influenced by this ceremony.
 	Amen.
@@ -48657,16 +41143,8 @@ TODAY:
 Today is a good day for information-gathering.
 Read someone else's mail file.
 %
-Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
-%
-Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
-%
-Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
-%
 Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
 %
-Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
-%
 Today is the last day of your life so far.
 %
 Today is what happened to yesterday.
@@ -48677,29 +41155,17 @@ boarder.
 %
 Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures.
 %
-Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
-cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream.  Join us soon for more 
-spectacular adventure starring...  Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-		-- Bob & Ray
-%
 Todays weirdness is tomorrows reason why.
 		-- H.S. Thompson
 %
 Toddlers are the stormtroopers of the Lord of Entropy.
 %
-toilet toupee, n:
-	Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
-	creating endless annoyance to male users.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 Tom Hayden is the kind of politician who gives opportunism a bad name.
 		-- Gore Vidal
 %
 Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past
 but fortunately, it can still be changed today.
 %
-Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
-%
 Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
 %
 Tomorrow's computers some time next month.
@@ -48710,8 +41176,6 @@ Tom's hungry, time to eat lunch.
 Tonight you will pay the wages of sin;
 Don't forget to leave a tip.
 %
-Tonight's the night:  Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
-%
 Toni's Solution to a Guilt-Free Life:
 	If you have to lie to someone, it's their fault.
 %
@@ -48723,9 +41187,6 @@ TOO BAD YOU CAN'T BUY a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin
 real fast and freak everybody out.
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
 %
-Too clever is dumb.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 Too cool to calypso,
 Too tough to tango,
 Too weird to watusi
@@ -48747,9 +41208,6 @@ Too much is just enough.
 %
 Too much is not enough.
 %
-Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
-		-- Mae West
-%
 Too often people have come to me and said, "If I had just one wish for
 anything in all the world, I would wish for more user-defined equations
 in the HP-51820A Waveform Generator Software."
@@ -48827,8 +41285,6 @@ Trap full -- please empty.
 TRAVEL:
 	Something that makes you feel like you're getting somewhere.
 %
-Travel important today;  Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
-%
 Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
 		-- Han Solo
 %
@@ -48856,9 +41312,6 @@ Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the
 next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of
 a brand new series of three.
 %
-Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are
-beautiful and wealthy and live in eucalyptus trees.
-%
 Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
 %
 True happiness will be found only in true love.
@@ -48871,9 +41324,6 @@ True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of
 personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.
 		-- David Mamet
 %
-Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
-		-- Henrik Tikkanen
-%
 Truly simple systems... require infinite testing.
 		-- Norman Augustine
 %
@@ -48904,24 +41354,12 @@ Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
 %
 "Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."
 %
-Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy
 of him that brought her birth.
 		-- Milton
 %
-Truth will out this morning.  (Which may really mess things up.)
-%
-TRUTHFUL:
-	Dumb and illiterate.
-%
 try again
 %
-Try not to have a good time ...
-This is supposed to be educational.
-		-- Charles Schulz
-%
 Try not.
 Do.
 Or do not.
@@ -48931,19 +41369,8 @@ Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.
 %
 Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
 %
-Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
-%
 Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
 %
-Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading:  Was it done, is
-it being done, or is something to be done?  Reports are now written in four
-tenses:  past tense, present tense, future tense, and pretense.  Watch for
-novel uses of CONGRAM (CONtractor GRAMmer), defined by the imperfect past,
-the insufficient present, and the absolutely perfect future.
-		-- Amrom Katz
-%
-Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
-%
 Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
 %
 Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
@@ -48957,9 +41384,6 @@ specification is that it should run noiselessly.
 Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for
 which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly.
 %
-Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
-		-- Alan Watts
-%
 Trying to get an education here is like
 trying to take a drink from a fire hose.
 %
@@ -48976,16 +41400,6 @@ Turn on, tune in, and take over.
 Turn the other cheek.
 		-- Jesus Christ
 %
-Turnaucka's Law:
-	The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
-	electrical cord.
-%
-Tussman's Law:
-	Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
-%
-TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-		-- Frank Lloyd Wright
-%
 'Twas a woman who drove me to drink,
 and I never even had the decency to thank her.
 		-- R.B. Gossling
@@ -49076,16 +41490,6 @@ All flimsy were the Dow Jones stokers
 And mammon's wrath them bash!
 		-- Peter Stucki, "Jabberstocky"
 %
-'Twas midnight, and the UNIX hacks
-Did gyre and gimble in their cave
-All mimsy was the CS-VAX
-And Cory raths outgrave.
-
-"Beware the software rot, my son!
-The faults that bite, the jobs that thrash!
-Beware the broken pipe, and shun
-The frumious system crash!"
-%
 'Twas midnight on the ocean,		Her children all were orphans,
 Not a streetcar was in sight,		Except one a tiny tot,
 So I stepped into a cigar store		Who had a home across the way
@@ -49125,7 +41529,7 @@ Only programmed for battle, it hadn't a heart;
 It couldn't be tested, and no one could tell,
 If the crazy contraption would work very well.
 So after a trillion or two had been spent
-The system thought Santa a Red missle sent.
+The system thought Santa a Red missile sent.
 So kids dry your tears now, and get off to bed,
 There won't be a Christmas -- since Santa is dead.
 %
@@ -49158,9 +41562,6 @@ battleship, change course 20 degrees."
 	We changed course.
 		-- The Naval Institute's "Proceedings"
 %
-Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
-		-- Howard Kandel
-%
 Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
 %
 Two Finns and a penguin are sitting on the front porch of a large house.  The
@@ -49211,15 +41612,6 @@ You're lost!"
 	"For three reasons.  First, he took a long time to answer, second,
 he was absolutely correct, and, third, his answer was absolutely useless."
 %
-Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man said,
-"This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation."  The second man said,
-"He bit it himself."  Nasrudin withdrew to his chambers, and spent an hour
-trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded only in falling over and bruising
-his forehead.  Returning to the courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced, "Examine
-the man whose ear was bitten.  If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself
-and the case is dismissed.  If his forehead is not bruised, the other man
-did it and must pay three silver pieces."
-%
 Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
 %
 Two men were sitting over coffee, contemplating the nature of things,
@@ -49282,18 +41674,10 @@ Were thy eyes of fury roll'd?
 %
 Type louder, please.
 %
-U:	There's a U -- a Unicorn!
-	Run right up and rub its horn.
-	Look at all those points you're losing!
-	UMBER HULKS are so confusing.
-		-- The Roguelet's ABC
-%
 Udall's Fourth Law:
 	Any change or reform you make
 	is going to have consequences you don't like.
 %
-UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
-%
 Uh-oh -- I've let the cat out of the bag.  Let me, then,
 straightforwardly state the thesis I shall now elaborate:
 Making variations on a theme is really the crux of creativity.
@@ -49309,13 +41693,6 @@ leaves.  He drifts lazily through the soft foliage.  Soon he starts
 coughing and drops dead.
 		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
 %
-Uncle Cosmo, why do they call this a word processor?
-It's simple, Skyler.  You've seen what food processors do to food, right? 
-%
-Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
-	Never use your thumb for a rule.
-	You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
-%
 Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some
 ordinance under which you can be booked.
 		-- Robert D. Sprecht, Rand Corp.
@@ -49324,10 +41701,6 @@ Under capitalism, man exploits man.
 Under communism, it's just the opposite.
 		-- J.K. Galbraith
 %
-Under deadline pressure for the next week.
-If you want something, it can wait.
-Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic...
-%
 Under every stone lurks a politician.
 		-- Aristophanes
 %
@@ -49350,9 +41723,6 @@ These be the words that tell the way:
 Brought down the machine for nearly a day,
 And Rogue playing to an awful standstill."
 %
-Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics:
-	Superiority is recessive.
-%
 understand, v:
 	To reach a point, in your investigation of some subject, at which
 	you cease to examine what is really present, and operate on the
@@ -49362,13 +41732,6 @@ Understanding is always the understanding of a smaller problem
 in relation to a bigger problem.
 		-- P.D. Ouspensky
 %
-Unfair animal names:
-
--- tsetse fly		-- bullhead
--- booby		-- duck-billed platypus
--- sapsucker		-- Clarence
-		-- Gary Larson
-%
 UNFAIR COMPETITION:
 	Selling cheaper than we do.
 %
@@ -49384,19 +41747,6 @@ Unhappy the land that needs heroes.
 UNION:
 	A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.
 %
-United Nations, New York, December 25.  The peace and joy of the Christmas
-season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of all the military
-forces of the world.  Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of
-every persuasion.  Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time
-low over the world.
-		-- Isaac Asimov
-%
-UNIVERSE:
-	The problem.
-%
-universe, n:
-	The problem.
-%
 Universities are places of knowledge.  The freshman each bring a little
 in with them, and the seniors take none away, so knowledge accumulates.
 %
@@ -49446,8 +41796,6 @@ Unix, n:
 	impotent, that now shows a surprising interest in making off
 	with the workstation harem.
 %
-unix soit qui mal y pense
-%
 UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that
 would also stop you from doing clever things.
 	-- Doug Gwyn
@@ -49469,17 +41817,10 @@ time waste me.
 Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.
 		-- E.E. Cummings
 %
-Unnamed Law:
-	If it happens, it must be possible.
-%
 Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking,
 unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.
 		-- Edward Gibbon
 %
-Unquestionably, there is progress.  The average American now
-pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
 Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.
 		-- Richard Amour
 %
@@ -49511,9 +41852,6 @@ USENET would be a better laboratory is there were
 more labor and less oratory.
 		-- Elizabeth Haley
 %
-USER:
-	A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
-%
 User hostile.
 %
 user, n:
@@ -49523,9 +41861,6 @@ user, n:
 [I always thought "computer professional" was the phrase hackers used
  when they meant "idiot."  Ed.]
 %
-Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
-		-- S.C. Johnson
-%
 Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.
 		-- Tom Robbins
 %
@@ -49540,9 +41875,6 @@ VACATION:
 	life-style to recuperate.
 %
 Van Roy's Law:
-	An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
-%
-Van Roy's Law:
 	Honesty is the best policy - there's less competition.
 
 Van Roy's Truism:
@@ -49558,11 +41890,7 @@ Fish are fast moving vegetables.
 Mushrooms are what grows on vegetables when food's done with them.
 		-- Meat Eater's Credo, according to Jim Williams
 %
-Vegeterians beware!  You are what you eat.
-%
-Velilind's Laws of Experimentation:
-	1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
-	2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
+Vegetarians beware!  You are what you eat.
 %
 Veni, Vidi, VISA:
 	I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
@@ -49577,7 +41905,7 @@ reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of
 thirty-five.
 		-- Joel Hildebrand
 %
-Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
+Very few profundities can be expressed in fewer than 80 characters.
 %
 Very few things actually get manufactured these days, because in an
 infinitely large Universe, such as the one in which we live, most things one
@@ -49641,9 +41969,6 @@ Violence is a sword that has no handle -- you have to hold the blade.
 %
 Violence is molding.
 %
-Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
-		-- Salvador Hardin
-%
 Violence stinks, no matter which end of it you're on.  But now and then
 there's nothing left to do but hit the other person over the head with a
 frying pan.  Sometimes people are just begging for that frypan, and if we
@@ -49656,18 +41981,6 @@ VIRGINIA:
 	A group of beautifully mounted hunters galloping behind
 	baying hounds in pursuit of a union organizer.
 %
-VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
-	You are the logical type and hate disorder.  This nitpicking is
-sickening to your friends.  You are cold and unemotional and sometimes
-fall asleep while making love.  Virgos make good bus drivers.
-%
-VIRGO (Aug.23 - Sept.22)
-	Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to count
-	to ten without using your fingers.  Be careful dressing this
-	morning.  You may be hit by a car later in the day and you
-	wouldn't want to be taken to the doctor's office in some of
-	that old underwear you own.
-%
 Virtue does not always demand a heavy sacrifice --
 only the willingness to make it when necessary.
 		-- Frederick Dunn
@@ -49697,7 +42010,7 @@ VMS, n:
 %
 VMS version 2.0 ==>
 %
-Voicless it cries,
+Voiceless it cries,
 Wingless flutters,
 Toothless bites,
 Mouthless mutters.
@@ -49723,8 +42036,6 @@ how to solve problems.  One time one of his students tried to get more helpful
 information by asking if there was another way to solve the problem.  Von
 Neumann looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered, "Yes.".
 %
-Vote anarchist.
-%
 Vote early and vote often.
 		-- Al Capone's slogan for Big Bill Thompson's anti-reform
 		campaign for Mayor of Chicago, 1926.  Big Bill won.
@@ -49736,18 +42047,9 @@ Wad some power the giftie gie us
 To see oursels as others see us.
 		-- R. Browning
 %
-Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.
 		-- Pericles
 %
-Waiter:	"Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
-1st customer: "I'll have tea."
-2nd customer: "Me, too -- and be sure the glass is clean!"
-	(Waiter exits, returns)
-Waiter: "Two teas.  Which one asked for the clean glass?"
-%
 Wake up all you citizens, hear your country's call,
 Not to arms and violence, But peace for one and all.
 Crush out hate and prejudice, fear and greed and sin,
@@ -49805,9 +42107,6 @@ So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly -- Hills, that is;
 %
 War doesn't prove who's right, just who's left.
 %
-War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
-		-- Charles Edward Montague
-%
 War is an equal opportunity destroyer.
 %
 War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.
@@ -49822,12 +42121,6 @@ War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.
 War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.
 		-- Anacreon
 %
-WARNING:
-	Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your
-	mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth
-	of hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome
-	of your favorite war.
-%
 WARNING!
 	This system is subject to breakdowns during periods of critical need!
 A special circuit in the computer called a "critical detector" senses the
@@ -49870,9 +42163,6 @@ Washington, D.C.   Wasting your money since 1810.
 %
 Washington, D.C: Fifty square miles almost completely surrounded by reality.
 %
-Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-		-- John F. Kennedy
-%
 [Washington, D.C.] is the home of... taste for
 the people -- the big, the bland and the banal.
 		-- Ada Louise Huxtable
@@ -49883,10 +42173,6 @@ knowing the value of everything and the Wirth of nothing?
 Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
 		-- Euripides
 %
-Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
-%
-Wasting time is an important part of living.
-%
 Watch all-night Donna Reed reruns until your mind resembles oatmeal.
 %
 Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.
@@ -49898,10 +42184,6 @@ Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.
 Watership Down:
 You've read the book.  You've seen the movie.  Now eat the stew!
 %
-Watson's Law:
-	The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the
-	number and significance of any persons watching it.
-%
 WE:
 	The single most important word in the world.
 %
@@ -49925,11 +42207,6 @@ We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.
 We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
 		-- Dr. Konrad Adenauer
 %
-We are all agreed that your theory is crazy.  The question which divides us is
-whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct.  My own feeling
-is that it is not crazy enough. 
-		-- Niels Bohr
-%
 We are all born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized
 before we are fit to participate in society.
 		-- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly
@@ -49942,24 +42219,12 @@ We are all born mad.  Some remain so.
 %
 We are all dying -- and we're gonna be dead for a long time.
 %
-We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 We are all so much together and yet we are all dying of loneliness.
 		-- A. Schweitzer
 %
-We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
 We are anthill men upon an anthill world.
 		-- Ray Bradbury
 %
-We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
-		-- Whole Earth Catalog
-%
-We are confronted with unsurmountable opportunities.
-		-- Pogo
-%
 We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge.
 	-- John Naisbitt, Megatrends
 %
@@ -49976,17 +42241,6 @@ We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese
 dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.
 		-- J.Hoover
 %
-We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to
-socialism, because socialism is defunct.  It dies all by itself.  The bad
-thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say socialism?
-		-- Fidel Castro
-%
-We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to
-socialism, because socialism is defunct.  It dies all by itself.  The
-bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its...
-Did I say socialism?
-		-- Fidel Castro
-%
 We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
 %
@@ -50012,7 +42266,7 @@ Manual.
 We are simple killers of people and destroyers of property.
 %
 We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.
-		-- Jonathon Swift
+		-- Jonathan Swift
 %
 We are sorry.  We cannot complete your call as dialed.  Please check
 the number and dial again or ask your operator for assistance.
@@ -50036,8 +42290,6 @@ We are what we are.
 We are what we pretend to be.
 		-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
 %
-We can defeat gravity.  The problem is the paperwork involved.
-%
 We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.
 		-- Yates
 %
@@ -50068,8 +42320,6 @@ beautiful Universe, Our home.
 We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.
 		-- Marie Ebner von Eschenbach
 %
-We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company.
-%
 We don't care how they do it in New York.
 %
 We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand.
@@ -50077,8 +42327,6 @@ We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand.
 %
 We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
 %
-We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a fish.
-%
 We don't know who it was that discovered water, but we're pretty sure
 that it wasn't a fish.
 	-- Marshall McLuhan
@@ -50144,9 +42392,6 @@ redundancy of such grotesque dimensions as to defy rational understanding.
 We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.
 		-- Carl Sagan
 %
-We have met the enemy, and he is us.
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
 We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent
 than from the machinations of the wicked.
 %
@@ -50165,23 +42410,9 @@ We have reason to be afraid.  This is a terrible place.
 %
 We have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's out.
 %
-We have the flu.  I don't know if this particular strain has an official
-name, but if it does, it must be something like "Martian Death Flu".  You
-may have had it yourself.  The main symptom is that you wish you had another
-setting on your electric blanket, up past "HIGH", that said "ELECTROCUTION".
-	Another symptom is that you cease brushing your teeth, because (a)
-your teeth hurt, and (b) you lack the strength.  Midway through the brushing
-process, you'd have to lie down in front of the sink to rest for a couple
-of hours, and rivulets of toothpaste foam would dribble sideways out of your
-mouth, eventually hardening into crusty little toothpaste stalagmites that
-would bond your head permanently to the bathroom floor, which is how the
-police would find you.
-	You know the kind of flu I'm talking about.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
 %
-"We invented a new protocol and called it Kermit, after Kermit the Frog,
+We invented a new protocol and called it Kermit, after Kermit the Frog,
 star of "The Muppet Show." [3]
 
 [3]  Why?  Mostly because there was a Muppets calendar on the wall when we
@@ -50252,17 +42483,9 @@ We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue
 than malnutrition.
 		-- Alex Comfort
 %
-We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all purely
-intellectual fields.  But which are the best ones to start with?  Many people
-think that a very abstract activity, like the playing of chess, would be
-best.  It can also be maintained that it is best to provide the machine with
-the best sense organs that money can buy, and then teach it to understand
-and speak English.
-		-- Alan M. Turing
-%
 We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern
 their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of
-their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor
+their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prophet, nor
 Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual concerns, to say
 nothing of the fact that we may not be able to get Christians to agree among
 themselves about their relationship to God.  But all will agree on a
@@ -50282,9 +42505,6 @@ of jurisprudence, but rather precedents, objections, appeals, stays,
 filings and forms, motions and counter-motions, all at $250 an hour.
 		-- Nolo News, summer 1989
 %
-We may not return the affection of those who like us,
-but we always respect their good judgement.
-%
 ...we must be wary of granting too much power to natural selection
 by viewing all basic capacities of our brain as direct adaptations.
 I do not doubt that natural selection acted in building our oversized
@@ -50323,10 +42543,6 @@ the front is always propaganda and what is said on our side of the front
 is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace.
 		-- Walter Lippmann
 %
-We must remember the First Amendment which
-protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking.
-		-- F.G. Withington
-%
 We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to
 the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his
 children smart.
@@ -50352,9 +42568,6 @@ content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.
 %
 We read to say that we have read.
 %
-We really don't have any enemies.
-It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
-%
 We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
 		-- Thucydides
 %
@@ -50487,48 +42700,11 @@ We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog.
 If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.
 		-- Crazy Jimmy
 %
-We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength.  But there was
-also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a
-French restaurant. [...]
-	I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk
-white BMW and her Jordache smile.  There had been a fight.  I had punched her
-boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls.  Everyone told him, "You ride the
-bull, senor.  You do not fight it."  But he was lean and tough like a bad
-rib-eye and he fought the bull.  And then he fought me.  And when we finished
-there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. [...]
-	"Stop the car," the girl said.
-	There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes.  She knew about the
-woman of the tollway.  I knew not how.  I started to speak, but she raised an
-arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget.
-	"I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the tollway
-belle's for thee."
-	The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie.
-Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey
-onto my granola and faced a new day.
-		-- Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway
-		   Competition
-%
 We who revel in nature's diversity and feel instructed by every animal
 tend to brand Homo sapiens as the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous
 extinction.
 		-- S.J. Gould
 %
-We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve
-one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
-%
-we will invent new lullabies, new songs, new acts of love,
-we will cry over things we used to laugh &
-our new wisdom will bring tears to eyes of gentle
-creatures from other planets who were afraid of us till then &
-in the end a summer with wild winds &
-new friends will be.
-%
-We wish you a Hare Krishna
-We wish you a Hare Krishna
-We wish you a Hare Krishna
-And a Sun Myung Moon!
-		-- Maxwell Smart
-%
 WEAPON:
 	An index of the lack of development of a culture.
 %
@@ -50647,8 +42823,6 @@ night.  Live, on the Death label.
 Well begun is half done.
 		-- Aristotle
 %
-We'll cross that bridge when we come back to it later.
-%
 Well, didja wake up grouchy or did you let her sleep?
 %
 Well, don't worry about it...  It's nothing.
@@ -50674,19 +42848,6 @@ Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government,
 to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.
 		-- Laurie Anderson
 %
-Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a lot
-of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke.  Hartke is a governor or
-mayor or something from one of the flatter states, and the reason you'll be
-reading about him is that he's one of the 50 top contenders for the 1984
-Democratic presidential nomination.  These men will spend the next 18 months
-going around the country engaging in the most degrading activities imaginable,
-such as wearing idiot hats and appearing on "Meet the Press".  "Meet the
-Press" is one of those Sunday morning public interest shows that the public
-is not the least bit interested in.  It features a panel of reporters who
-ask questions of a guest politician, who wins an Amana home freezer if he
-can get through the entire show without answering a single question.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 Well I looked at my watch and it said a quarter to five,
 The headline screamed that I was still alive,
 I couldn't understand it, I thought I died last night.
@@ -50706,16 +42867,6 @@ Take my advice, take the next flight,
 And grow some funk, grow your funk at home.
 		-- Elton John, "Grow Some Funk of Your Own"
 %
-Well, I would -- if they realized that we -- again if -- if we led them
-back to that stalemate only because our retaliatory power, our seconds,
-or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive they
-they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
-		-- Ronald Reagan, on the MX missile
-%
-Well, if you can't believe what you read
-in a comic book, what *can* you believe?
-		-- Bullwinkle J. Moose
-%
 Well, I'm disenchanted too.  We're all disenchanted.
 		-- James Thurber
 %
@@ -50753,22 +42904,6 @@ From a wornout picture that my Mother had,
 And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye...
 		-- Johnny Cash, "A Boy Named Sue"
 %
-Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail,
-And I can't recall the last time that my program didn't fail;
-I've got stacks in my structs, I've got arrays in my queues,
-I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
-
-If you think that it's nice that you get what you C,
-Then go : illogical statement with your whole family,
-'Cause the Supreme Court ain't the only place with : Bus error views.
-I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
-
-On a PDP-11, life should be a breeze,
-But with VAXen in the house even magnetic tapes would freeze.
-Now you might think that unlike VAXen I'd know who I abuse,
-I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
-		-- Core Dumped Blues
-%
 We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu!
 %
 Well, some take delight in the carriages a-rolling,
@@ -50859,7 +42994,7 @@ We're all in this alone.
 %
 We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which
 people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products.
-Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual
+Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spiritual
 and emotional feelings.  It might taste good or clever, but in the long run,
 it's not going to do anything for you.
 		-- Bob Dylan, "LA Times", September 5, 1984
@@ -50914,21 +43049,11 @@ learn to make every act count, since you are going to be here for only a
 short while, in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it."
 		-- Don Juan
 %
-We're only in it for the volume.
-		-- Black Sabbath
-%
 Were there no women, men might live like gods.
 		-- Thomas Dekker
 %
 Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
 %
-Westheimer's Discovery:
-	A couple of months in the laboratory can
-	frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
-%
-Wethern's Law:
-	Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
-%
 We've tried each spinning space mote
 And reckoned its true worth:
 Take us back again to the homes of men
@@ -50981,8 +43106,6 @@ We are as gods, but know it not.
 %
 What causes the mysterious death of everyone?
 %
-What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
-%
 What did ya do with your burder and your cross?
 Did you carry it yourself or did you cry?
 You and I know that a burden and a cross,
@@ -51012,8 +43135,6 @@ What does education often do?
 It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.
 		-- Henry David Thoreau
 %
-What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
-%
 What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to
 win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent?
 In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded
@@ -51100,25 +43221,9 @@ broken down into subjects and predicates.  This is not because Quality
 is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.
 		-- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
 %
-What I tell you three times is true.
-		-- Lewis Carroll
-%
-What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
-%
-What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
-In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
-What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
-Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
 What if there had been room at the inn?
 		-- Linda Festa on the origins of Christianity
 %
-What is a magician but a practising theorist?
-		-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
-%
 What is algebra, exactly?  Is it one of those three-cornered things?
 		-- J.M. Barrie
 %
@@ -51150,10 +43255,6 @@ an accomplice.
 What is love but a second-hand emotion?
 		-- Tina Turner
 %
-What is mind?  No matter.
-What is matter?  Never mind.
-		-- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
-%
 What is now proved was once only imagin'd.
 		-- William Blake
 %
@@ -51179,9 +43280,6 @@ What is the difference between a Turing machine and the modern computer?
 It's the same as that between Hillary's ascent of Everest and the
 establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
 %
-What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
-		-- Bertold Brecht
-%
 What is the sound of one hand clapping?
 %
 What is this line of duty, and suffering?  You are not supposed to suffer
@@ -51210,8 +43308,6 @@ What is wanted is not the will-to-believe,
 but the wish to find out, which is exact opposite.
 		-- Bertrand Russell
 %
-What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
-%
 What kind of sordid business are you on now?  I mean, man, whither
 goest thou?  Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?
 		-- Jack Kerouac
@@ -51219,9 +43315,6 @@ goest thou?  Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?
 What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
 		-- Adolph Hitler
 %
-What makes the Universe so hard to comprehend
-is that there's nothing to compare it with.
-%
 What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us
 is that they think themselves cleverer than we are.
 %
@@ -51268,15 +43361,6 @@ more than man's transparency.
 What passes for woman's intuition
 is often nothing more than man's transparency.
 %
-What publishers are looking for these days isn't radical feminism.
-It's corporate feminism -- a brand of feminism designed to sell books
-and magazines, three-piece suits, airline tickets, Scotch, cigarettes
-and, most important, corporate America's message, which runs:  Yes,
-women were discriminated against in the past, but that unfortunate
-mistake has been remedied; now every woman can attain wealth, prestige
-and power by dint of individual rather than collective effort.
-		-- Susan Gordon
-%
 What really shapes and conditions and makes us is somebody only a few
 of us ever have the courage to face:  and that is the child you once
 were, long before formal education ever got its claws into you -- that
@@ -51289,9 +43373,6 @@ discovery in life, because they are trying to achieve what lay beyond
 their grasp before they were five years old.
 		-- Robertson Davies, "The Rebel Angels"
 %
-What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-		-- U.K. LeGuin
-%
 What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?
 		-- J.D. Farley
 %
@@ -51337,8 +43418,6 @@ What the hell is it good for?
 		   Division of IBM), to colleagues who insisted that the
 		   microprocessor was the wave of the future, c. 1968
 %
-What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
-%
 What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying.
 		-- Nikita Khruschev
 %
@@ -51358,7 +43437,7 @@ a long way with his skills."
 	(We hoped he'd go as far as possible.)
 "You won't find many people like her."
 	(In fact, most people can't stand being around her.)
-"I cannot reccommend him too highly."
+"I cannot recommend him too highly."
 	(However, to the best of my knowledge, he has never committed a
 	 felony in my presence.)
 %
@@ -51405,7 +43484,7 @@ What they say:				What they mean:
 A major technological breakthrough...	Back to the drawing board.
 Developed after years of research	Discovered by pure accident.
 Project behind original schedule due	We're working on something else.
-	to unforseen difficulties
+	to unforeseen difficulties
 Designs are within allowable limits	We made it, stretching a point or two.
 Customer satisfaction is believed	So far behind schedule that they'll be
 	assured					grateful for anything at all.
@@ -51443,16 +43522,10 @@ Meets Tough Quality Standards	It compiles without errors.
 Satisfaction Guaranteed		We'll send you another pack if it fails.
 Stock Item			We shipped it before and can do it again.
 %
-What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
-%
 What this country needs is a good 5 dollar plasma weapon.
 %
 What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
 %
-What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
-%
-What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
-%
 What time is it?
 I don't know, it keeps changing.
 %
@@ -51497,14 +43570,6 @@ something to occur to you.
 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
 	 referring to AST's.]
 %
-Whatever became of eternal truth?
-%
-Whatever became of Strange de Jim?  Well, he found a substitute for
-cocaine: "You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your
-nostrils as far as they will go.  Then you sniff talcum powder while
-shredding hundred dollar bills."
-		-- Herb Caen
-%
 Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will
 never succeed.
 		-- Rev. Henry Durant, founder of the University of California
@@ -51549,9 +43614,6 @@ What's a cult?  It just means not enough people to make a minority.
 %
 What's all this bru-ha-ha?
 %
-What's another word for "thesaurus"?
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 What's done to children, they will do to society.
 %
 What's page one, a preemptive strike?
@@ -51573,18 +43635,10 @@ But I think it's your mind.
 What's this stuff about people being "released on their
 own recognizance"?  Aren't we all out on own recognizance?
 %
-When a Banker jumps out of a window, 
-jump after him -- that's where the money is. 
-		-- Robespierre
-%
 When a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far!
 %
 When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
 %
-When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but
-the principle of the thing," it's the money.
-		-- Kim Hubbard
-%
 When a girl can read the handwriting on
 the wall, she may be in the wrong rest room.
 %
@@ -51632,16 +43686,6 @@ liar who has broken his promises.
 %
 When a person goes on a diet, the first thing he loses is his temper.
 %
-When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not
-far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.  The best thing about space travel
-is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
-		-- R.A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
-%
-When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see
-the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes.  The dog has certain
-relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
-		-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
-%
 When a woman gives me a present I have always two surprises:
 first is the present, and afterward, having to pay for it.
 		-- Donnay
@@ -51663,7 +43707,7 @@ poor.  In that lawsuit, you will lose.  If, on the other hand, you kill
 him, the most that you can expect is that a relative will bring a wrongful
 death action. You will have two advantages: first, there be only your
 story; forget Mother Teresa.  Second, even if you lose, how much could
-the bum's life be worth anyway?  A Lot less than 50 years worth of
+the bum's life be worth anyway?  A lot less than 50 years worth of
 paralysis.  Don't play George Bush and Saddam Hussein.  Finish the job.
 	-- G. Gordon Liddy's Forbes column on personal security
 %
@@ -51683,8 +43727,6 @@ When all else fails, read the instructions.
 %
 When all else fails, try Kate Smith.
 %
-When all other means of communication fail, try words.
-%
 When among apes, one must play the ape.
 %
 When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
@@ -51735,18 +43777,12 @@ When Dexter's on the Internet, can Hell be far behind?"
 %
 When does later become never?
 %
-When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask?
-Well, last year, I think it was a Tuesday.
-%
 When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.
 		-- Gen. C. Abrams
 %
 When forecasting, give them a number
 or give them a date, but never both.
 %
-When God endowed human beings with brains,
-He did not intend to guarantee them.
-%
 When God saw how faulty was man He tried again and made woman.  As to
 why he then stopped there are two opinions.  One of them is woman's.
 		-- DeGourmont
@@ -51786,15 +43822,6 @@ When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket
 and a willingness to compromise.
 		-- Weber cartoon caption
 %
-When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great
-parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me
-if i'm leaving.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
-When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
-then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 When I grow up, I want to be an honest
 lawyer so things like that can't happen.
 		-- Richard Nixon, as a boy, on the Teapot Dome scandal
@@ -51810,9 +43837,6 @@ for him.  All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.
 %
 When I kill, the only thing I feel is recoil.
 %
-When I said "we", officer, I was referring to
-myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
-%
 When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said
 to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."
 		-- Franklyn Ajaye
@@ -51847,10 +43871,6 @@ When I think about my folks.
 When I was 16, I thought there was no hope for my father.
 By the time I was 20, he had made great improvement.
 %
-When I was a boy I was told that anyone could become President.
-Now I'm beginning to believe it.  
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
 When I was a child...  We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...
 I was an only child...  eventually.
 		-- Stephen Wright
@@ -51868,10 +43888,6 @@ When I was a young man, I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal
 woman.  Well, I found her -- but alas, she was waiting for the ideal man.
 		-- Robert Schuman
 %
-When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if
-I had any firearms with me.  I said, "Well, what do you need?"
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 When I was growing up my mother kept telling me we're just friends.
 
 I tell ya I was an ugly kid.  I was so ugly that my Dad kept the kid's
@@ -51881,24 +43897,9 @@ picture that came with the wallet he bought.
 When I was in college, there were a lot of four-letter words you couldn't
 say in front of girls.  Now you can say them.  But you can't say "girls".
 %
-When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam:
-I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 When I was little, I went into a pet shop and they asked how big I'd get.
 		-- Rodney Dangerfield
 %
-When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an act
-of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school.  A group of
-seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a six-year-old.  "It is
-always so," my mother said.  "You do things together which not one of you
-would think of doing alone."  ...  Wherever one looks in the world of human
-organization, collective responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.
-The military establishment is an extreme case, an organization which seems
-to have been expressly designed to make it possible for people to do things
-together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
-		-- Freeman Dyson, "Weapons and Hope"
-%
 When I was young we didn't have MTV; we
 had to take drugs and go to concerts.
 		-- Steven Pearl
@@ -51936,8 +43937,6 @@ When in doubt, do it.  It's much easier
 to apologize than to get permission.
 		-- Grace Murray Hopper
 %
-When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
-%
 When in doubt, follow your heart.
 %
 When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.
@@ -51948,12 +43947,6 @@ When in doubt, lead trump.
 When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.
 		-- James H. Boren
 %
-When in doubt, tell the truth.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-When in doubt, use brute force.
-		-- Ken Thompson
-%
 When in Rome, live in the Roman way.
 		-- St. Ambrose
 %
@@ -52012,12 +44005,6 @@ solved.
 
 Truly, this is the Tao of Programming.
 %
-When Marriage is Outlawed,
-Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
-%
-When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
-		-- Calvin Coolidge
-%
 When my brain begins to reel from my
 literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.
 		-- Ignatius Reilly
@@ -52068,11 +44055,6 @@ but when one studies men, one excuses women.
 When one wants to get rid of an unsupportable pressure, one needs hashish.
 		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
 %
-When one woman was asked how long she had been going to symphony concerts,
-she paused to calculate and replied, "Forty-seven years -- and I find I mind
-it less and less."
-		-- Louise Andrews Kent
-%
 When oxygen Tech played Hydrogen U.
 The Game had just begun, when Hydrogen scored two fast points
 And Oxygen still had none
@@ -52106,7 +44088,7 @@ every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss
 is away and you get twice as much done.
 		-- Daniel B. Luten
 %
-When smashing monuments, save the pedstals -- they always come in handy.
+When smashing monuments, save the pedestals -- they always come in handy.
 		-- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
 %
 When some people decide it's time for everyone to make
@@ -52134,9 +44116,6 @@ Till somebody we like can be elected.	We hate that expression!
 					So when in doubt, send the Marines!
 		-- Tom Lehrer, "Send The Marines"
 %
-When someone says "I want a programming language in
-which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
-%
 When speculation has done its worst, two plus two still equals four.
 		-- S. Johnson
 %
@@ -52193,12 +44172,6 @@ When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
 When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
 %
-When the government bureau's remedies do not match
-your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
-%
-When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify
-the problem, not the remedy.
-%
 When the Guru administers, the users 
 are hardly aware that he exists.
 Next best is a sysop who is loved.
@@ -52228,11 +44201,6 @@ I take my place among the sellers.
 When the lights are out, all women are fair.
 		-- Plutarch
 %
-When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies,
-the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a
-nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look
 like a nail.
 %
@@ -52251,13 +44219,6 @@ the wrong joke."
 When the sun shineth, make hay.
 		-- John Heywood
 %
-When the Universe was not so out of whack as it is today, and all the
-stars were lined up in their proper places, you could easily count them
-from left to right, or top to bottom, and the larger and bluer ones were
-set apart, and the smaller yellowing types pushed off to the corners as
-bodies of a lower grade...
-		-- Stanislaw Lem
-%
 When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in a movie theatre,
 he walked over and whispered, "I'm sorry, sir, but you're allowed only a single
 seat." The man moaned, but did not budge.  "Sir," the user said more loudly,
@@ -52283,12 +44244,6 @@ When there is an old maid in the house, a watch dog is unnecessary.
 When things go well, expect something to
 explode, erode, collapse or just disappear.
 %
-When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane,
-most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear
-that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition
-continuously until death do them part.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
 When users see one GUI as beautiful,
 other user interfaces become ugly.
 When users see some programs as winners,
@@ -52310,10 +44265,6 @@ acts but doesn't expect.
 When his work is done, he deletes it.
 That is why it lasts forever.
 %
-When we are planning for posterity,
-we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.
-		-- Thomas Paine
-%
 When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't find
 anyone.  Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three captains,
 two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge.  Never in the
@@ -52322,9 +44273,6 @@ history of war have so few been led by so many.
 %
 When we talk of tomorrow, the gods laugh.
 %
-When we understand knowledge-based systems, it will be
-as before -- except our finger-tips will have been singed.
-%
 When we write programs that "learn",
 it turns out we do and they don't.
 %
@@ -52339,18 +44287,10 @@ even our virtues.
 When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.
 		-- Roger Zelazny, "Doorways in the Sand"
 %
-When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of investigation
-of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand, so that you can
-proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or swayed, directly to the
-goal.
-		-- Amrom Katz
-%
 When you are at Rome live in the Roman style;
 when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.
 		-- St. Ambrose
 %
-When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
-%
 When you are working hard, get up and retch every so often.
 %
 When you are young, you enjoy a sustained illusion that sooner or later
@@ -52434,15 +44374,6 @@ When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever
 remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
 		-- Sherlock Holmes, "The Sign of Four"
 %
-When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure
-clarified your attitude toward him.  You have given a definite
-answer to a definite problem.  For better or worse you have
-acted decisively.  In a way, the next move is up to him.
-		-- R.A. Lafferty
-%
-When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
-		-- W. Churchill, on formal declarations of war
-%
 When you jump for joy, beware that no-one
 moves the ground from beneath your feet.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
@@ -52552,27 +44483,17 @@ laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.  Struggle
 to become a parrot or something.
 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
 %
-Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean "not really".
-		-- Dave Parnas
-%
 Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children
 to spend their weekends with?
 		-- Rita Rudner
 %
 Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
 %
-Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel
-a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
-		-- A. Lincoln
-%
 Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct
 is to laugh.  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
 Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
 	-- Jack Handey
 %
-Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 Whenever Richard Cory went downtown,
 	We people on the pavement looked at him:
 He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
@@ -52594,17 +44515,8 @@ And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
 Whenever someone tells you to take their advice,
 you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.
 %
-Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that
-is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges
-on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Whenever you find that you are on the
-side of the majority, it is time to reform.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vaccuum tubes and
-weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes
+Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and
+weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes
 and perhaps weight 1 1/2 tons.
 		-- Popular Mechanics, March 1949
 %
@@ -52612,12 +44524,6 @@ Where am I?  Who am I?  Am I?  I
 %
 Where are the calculations that go with a calculated risk?
 %
-WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE
-	Oh, dear, where can the matter be
-	When it's converted to energy?
-	There is a slight loss of parity.
-	Johnny's so long at the fair.
-%
 Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?
 		-- Karl Kraus
 %
@@ -52667,8 +44573,6 @@ Where there's a whip there's a way.
 %
 Where there's a will, there's a relative.
 %
-Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
-%
 Where will it all end?
 Probably somewhere near where it all began.
 %
@@ -52691,9 +44595,6 @@ Do not cease your single-handed struggle.
 Go on, do not rest.
 		-- An old Gujarati hymn
 %
-Whether you can hear it or not,
-The Universe is laughing behind your back.
-%
 Which would you rather have, a bursting
 planet or an earthquake here and there?
 		-- John Joseph Lynch
@@ -52701,26 +44602,6 @@ planet or an earthquake here and there?
 While anyone can admit to themselves they were
 wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.
 %
-While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things,
-The fate of empires and the fall of kings;
-While quacks of State must each produce his plan,
-And even children lisp the Rights of Man;
-Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,
-The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
-		-- Robert Burns,
-		Address on "The Rights of Woman", November 26, 1792
-%
-While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things,
-The fate of empires and the fall of kings;
-While quacks of State must each produce his plan,
-And even children lisp the Rights of Man;
-Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,
-The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
-		-- Robert Burns, Address on "The Rights of Woman", 1792
-%
-While having never invented a sin,
-I'm trying to perfect several.
-%
 While he was in New York on location for _Bronco Billy_ (1980), Clint
 Eastwood agreed to a television interview.  His host, somewhat hostile,
 began by defining a Clint Eastwood picture as a violent, ruthless,
@@ -52743,14 +44624,6 @@ The very pulse of the machine.
 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
 	 referring to software interrupts.]
 %
-While money can't buy happiness, it certainly
-lets you choose your own form of misery.
-%
-While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
-%
-While most peoples' opinions change,
-the conviction of their correctness never does.
-%
 While passing a vacant lot late one night, a jogger was stopped by a man who
 held a gun to his head.
 	"Who are you for," the gunman snarled, "Bush or Dukakis?"
@@ -52785,20 +44658,11 @@ Dat his mudder t'inks he is."		Your mother thinks you are.
 While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.
 		-- Dean Rusk
 %
-While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's
-still very reassuring to know that it's still there.
-%
 While you recently had your problems on the run,
 they've regrouped and are making another attack.
 %
-While your friend holds you affectionately by both
-your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his.
-%
 Whip it, whip it good!
 %
-Whistler's Law:
-	You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
-%
 Whistler's mother is off her rocker.
 %
 White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
@@ -52824,9 +44688,6 @@ Who are you?
 Who can take the demands of the SDS seriously?
 		-- Nathan Pusey
 %
-Who cares if it doesn't do anything?  It was made with
-our new Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process...
-%
 Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?
 		-- Hattie McDaniel
 %
@@ -52855,15 +44716,6 @@ But he whose love is thin and wise
 Will view John Knox in Paradise.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-Who made the world I cannot tell;
-'Tis made, and here am I in hell.
-My hand, though now my knuckles bleed,
-I never soiled with such a deed.
-		-- A.E. Housman
-%
-Who needs companionship when you
-can sit alone in your room and drink?
-%
 Who on earth would eat a charred caterpillar!?
 No, no, you SINGE 'em!  You SINGE 'em and eat 'em!
 %
@@ -52956,25 +44808,10 @@ implications.
 Why attack God?  He may be as miserable as we are.
 		-- Erik Satie
 %
-Why be a man when you can be a success?
-		-- Bertolt Brecht
-%
 Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you could be impossible?
 %
 Why be difficult, when, with just a little effort, you can be impossible?
 %
-Why be difficult, when, with just a
-little more effort, you can be impossible?
-%
-Why bother building anymore nuclear
-warheads until we use the ones we have?
-%
-Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of
-movement unless it was to avoid responsibility with?
-%
-Why did the Roman Empire collapse?
-What's the Latin for office automation?
-%
 Why do mathematicians insist on using words that already have another
 meaning?  "It is the complex case that is easier to deal with."  "If it
 doesn't happen at a corner, but at an edge, it nonetheless happens at a
@@ -52998,10 +44835,6 @@ Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?
 %
 Why does a ship carry cargo and a truck carry shipments?
 %
-Why does man kill?  He kills for food.
-And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
 Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?
 		-- Jimmy Durante
 %
@@ -53100,16 +44933,6 @@ Why is it called a funny bone when it hurts so much?
 %
 Why is it taking so long for her to bring out all the good in you?
 %
-Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?
-It is because we are not the person involved.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
-Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
 Why isn't there some cheap and easy
 way to prove how much she means to me?
 %
@@ -53132,9 +44955,6 @@ Isn't that where the fruit is?
 Why on earth do people buy old bottles of wine when they can get a
 fresh one for a quarter of the price?
 %
-Why was I born with such contemporaries?
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is
 wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that
 unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant?  Is it
@@ -53144,7 +44964,7 @@ incessantly repeated blunders, obtaining a glimmering of truth by falling
 into every conceivable error, dimly discerning light enough for our daily
 needs, but hopelessly differing whenever we attempt to describe the ultimate
 origin or end of our paths; and yet, when one of us ventures to declare that
-we don't know the map of the universe as well as the map of our infintesimal
+we don't know the map of the universe as well as the map of our infinitesimal
 parish, he is hooted, reviled, and perhaps told that he will be damned to all
 eternity for his faithlessness.
 		-- Leslie Stephen, "An Agnostic's Apology",
@@ -53175,29 +44995,6 @@ Will your long-winded speeches never end?
 What ails you that you keep on arguing?
 		-- Job 16:3
 %
-William Safire's Rules for Writers:
-	Remember to never split an infinitive.  The passive voice
-should never be used.  Do not put statements in the negative form.
-Verbs have to agree with their subjects.  Proofread carefully to see if
-you words out.  If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a
-great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.  A
-writer must not shift your point of view.  And don't start a sentence
-with a conjunction.  (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word
-to end a sentence with.)  Don't overuse exclamation marks!!  Place
-pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10
-or more words, to their antecedents.  Writing carefully, dangling
-participles must be avoided.  If any word is improper at the end of a
-sentence, a linking verb is.  Take the bull by the hand and avoid
-mixing metaphors.  Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.  Everyone
-should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in
-their writing.  Always pick on the correct idiom.  The adverb always
-follows the verb.  Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague;
-seek viable alternatives.
-%
-Williams and Holland's Law:
-	If enough data is collected,
-	anything may be proven by statistical methods.
-%
 Willie in the cauldron fell;		Willie saw some dynamite,
 See the grief on mother's brow;		Couldn't understand it quite;
 Mother loved her darling well --	Curiosity never pays:
@@ -53230,9 +45027,6 @@ head... if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick...
 Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
 		-- Robert Byrne
 %
-Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house
-as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
-%
 [Wisdom] is a tree of life to those laying
 hold of her, making happy each one holding her fast.
 		-- Proverbs 3:18, NSV
@@ -53245,15 +45039,6 @@ Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
 Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.
 		-- Frank Tyger
 %
-WIT:
-	The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery...
-	by leaving it out.
-%
-With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-%
-With all the fancy scientists in the world,
-why can't they just once build a nuclear balm.
-%
 With all the talent around, it's sort of
 amazing that a woman could be up here with us.
 		-- Ralph Kiner, on introducing an award winner
@@ -53264,12 +45049,6 @@ With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time
 they make a law it's a joke.
 		-- W. Rogers
 %
-With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand
-miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules,
-and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there
-is no such thing as progress.
-		-- Ransom K. Ferm
-%
 With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind
 she lies.  And when she lies, she does not believe herself.
 		-- Tolstoy
@@ -53332,8 +45111,6 @@ important to him than his table or his white robe.
 %
 Without fools there would be no wisdom.
 %
-Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
-%
 Without life, Biology itself would be impossible.
 %
 Without love intelligence is dangerous;
@@ -53661,20 +45438,6 @@ error in the world."
 Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair--
 It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
 %
-Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing:
-	August.  The lift lines are the shortest, though.
-		-- Steve Rubenstein
-%
-Worst Month of the Year:
-	February.  February has only 28 days in it, which means that if
-	you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you
-	don't get.  Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.
-		-- Steve Rubenstein
-%
-Worst Vegetable of the Year:
-	Brussel sprout.  This is also the worst vegetable of next year.
-		-- Steve Rubenstein
-%
 Worth seeing?
 Yes, but not worth going to see.
 %
@@ -53718,10 +45481,6 @@ stuff....
 Would you *really* want to get on a non-stop flight?
 		-- George Carlin
 %
-"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
-"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
-		-- Lewis Carrol
-%
 Wouldn't this be a great world if being insecure and desperate were
 a turn-on?
 		-- "Broadcast News"
@@ -53734,20 +45493,6 @@ Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
 %
 Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
 %
-WRITE-PROTECT TAB:
-	A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
-	left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an error
-	message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs
-	the momentary inconvenience.
-		-- Robb Russon
-%
-write-protect tab, n:
-	A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly left
-	by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an error message
-	once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs the momentary
-	inconvenience.
-		-- Robb Russon
-%
 Writers who use a computer swear to its liberating power in tones that bear
 witness to the apocalyptic power of a new divinity.  Their conviction results
 from something deeper than mere gratitude for the computer's conveniences.
@@ -53908,10 +45653,6 @@ X windows:
 Incompatibility.  Shoddiness.  Uselessness.
 	X windows.
 %
-Xerox does it again and again and again and...
-%
-Xerox never comes up with anything original.
-%
 XEROX never does anything original.
 %
 XI:
@@ -53973,9 +45714,6 @@ LII:
 	There remains the possibility that it may someday be valuable again.
 		-- Norman Augustine
 %
-X-rated movies are all alike -- the only thing
-they leave to the imagination is the plot.
-%
 XVI:
 	In the year 2054, the entire defense budget will purchase just one
 	aircraft.  This aircraft will have to be shared by the Air Force and
@@ -54067,13 +45805,6 @@ XL:
 %
 Ya know, Quaker Oats make you feel good twice!
 %
-Yacc owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have
-goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
-their endless search for "one more feature".  Their irritating
-unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
-doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
-		-- Stephen C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
-%
 Ya'll hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch some
 rays and became a tangent ?
 %
@@ -54097,9 +45828,6 @@ a private eye.
 Yeah, there are more important things in life than money,
 but they won't go out with you if you don't have any.
 %
-YEAR:
-	A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
-%
 Year  Name				James Bond	Book
 ----  --------------------------------	--------------	----
 50's  James Bond TV Series		Barry Nelson
@@ -54122,10 +45850,6 @@ Year  Name				James Bond	Book
 1987  The Living Daylights		Timothy Dalton	1965 (novelette)
 	* -- Not a Broccoli production.
 %
-Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
-%
-Yes, but which self do you want to be?
-%
 Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those
 L-shaped ones.  Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
 		-- Rita Rudner
@@ -54146,21 +45870,6 @@ Yes, we will be going to OSI, Mars and, Pluto, but not necessarily in
 that order.
 		-- Jeffrey Honig
 %
-Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.
-Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
-Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
-		-- Snoopy
-%
-Yesterday upon the stair
-I met a man who wasn't there.
-He wasn't there again today --
-I think he's from the CIA.
-%
-Yesterday upon the stair
-I met a man who wasn't there.
-He wasn't there again today.
-I think he's from the CIA.
-%
 Ye've also got to remember that ... respectable people do the most
 astonishin' things to preserve their respectability.  Thank God
 I'm not respectable.
@@ -54170,13 +45879,6 @@ Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty
 feet.
 		-- John Cheever
 %
-Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
-%
-YINKEL:
-	A person who combs his hair over his bald spot,
-	hoping no one will notice.
-		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
-%
 You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
 %
 You always have the option of pitching baseballs at empty
@@ -54327,7 +46029,7 @@ chewing on your leg, a troglodyte is bashing your brains out with a
 gold nugget, a crocodile is removing large chunks of flesh from you, a
 rhinoceros is goring you with his horn, a sabre-tooth cat is busy
 trying to disembowel you, you are being trampled by a large mammoth, a
-vampire is sucking you dry, a Tyranosaurus Rex is sinking his six inch
+vampire is sucking you dry, a Tyrannosaurus Rex is sinking his six inch
 long fangs into various parts of your anatomy, a large bear is
 dismembering your body, a gargoyle is bouncing up and down on your
 head, a burly troll is tearing you limb from limb, several dire wolves
@@ -54339,9 +46041,6 @@ You scored 0 out of 250 possible points.
 That gives you a ranking of junior beginning adventurer.
 To achieve the next higher rating, you need to score 32 more points.
 %
-You are wise, witty, and wonderful,
-but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
-%
 You ask what a nice girl will do?
 She won't give an inch, but she won't say no.
 		-- Marcus Valerius Martialis
@@ -54355,8 +46054,6 @@ You auto buy now.
 "Sure.  Whaddya got?"
 	 -- Marlon Brando, "The Wild Ones"
 %
-You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
-%
 You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard.  A justice of the
 peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill.  In the
 municipal courts, he will cost you ten.  In the circuit or superior
@@ -54404,20 +46101,9 @@ Girl, bathing on Bikini, eyeing boy,
 A man, a plan, a canal -- Panama!
 		-- The Palindromist
 %
-You can create your own opportunities this week.
-Blackmail a senior executive.
-%
 You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.
 		-- Janis Joplin
 %
-You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
-Why do you find that funny?
-		-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350
-%
-You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
-Why do you find that funny?
-		-- D. Taylor, CS, University of Washington
-%
 You can do very well in speculation where
 land or anything to do with dirt is concerned.
 %
@@ -54480,17 +46166,6 @@ You can imagine my embarrassment when I killed the wrong guy.
 You can lead a horse to water, but if you can
 get him to float on his back, you've got something.
 %
-You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have,
-for instance.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-You can make it illegal, but can't make it unpopular.
-%
-You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
-%
-You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting
-his attitude on the continuing vitality of FORTRAN.
-%
 You can move the world with an idea,
 but you have to think of it first.
 %
@@ -54522,15 +46197,6 @@ You can observe a lot just by watching.
 %
 You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
 %
-You can take all the impact that science considerations have on funding
-decisions at NASA, put them in the navel of a flea, and have room left
-over for a caraway seed and Tony Calio's heart.
-		-- F. Allen
-%
-You can tell how far we have to go,
-when Fortran is the language of supercomputers.
-		-- Steven Feiner
-%
 You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.
 		-- Norman Douglas
 %
@@ -54540,8 +46206,6 @@ You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
 You canna change the laws of physics, Captain;
 I've got to have thirty minutes!
 %
-You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
-%
 You cannot choose your battlefield, the gods do that for you.
 But you can plant a standard where a standard never flew.
 		-- Nathalia Crane
@@ -54549,10 +46213,6 @@ But you can plant a standard where a standard never flew.
 You cannot have a science without measurement.
 		-- R. W. Hamming
 %
-You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
-%
-You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
-%
 You cannot see the wood for the trees.
 		-- John Heywood
 %
@@ -54594,16 +46254,11 @@ You can't get there from here.
 %
 You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
 %
-You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 You can't have your cake and let your neighbor eat it too.
 		-- Ayn Rand
 %
 You can't hug a child with nuclear arms.
 %
-You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
-%
 You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly --
 only sooner than she thought you would.
 %
@@ -54635,10 +46290,6 @@ You can't take damsel here now.
 You can't take it with you --
 especially when crossing a state line.
 %
-You can't teach people to be lazy --
-either they have it, or they don't.
-		-- Dagwood Bumstead
-%
 You can't underestimate the power of fear.
 		-- Tricia Nixon Cox
 %
@@ -54646,24 +46297,15 @@ You climb to reach the summit, but once
 there, discover that all roads lead down.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
 %
-You could get a new lease on life -- if only you
-didn't need the first and last month in advance.
-%
 You could live a better life, if you
 had a better mind and a better body.
 %
-You couldn't even prove the White House
-staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.
-		-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
-%
 You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
 %
 You dialed 5483.
 %
 You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
 %
-You do not have mail.
-%
 You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.
 %
 You don't have to be nice to people on the way up
@@ -54676,16 +46318,9 @@ You don't have to explain something you never said.
 You don't have to know how the computer
 works, just how to work the computer.
 %
-You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
-		-- J.D. Salinger
-%
 You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.
 		-- Guindon
 %
-You don't sew with a fork, so I see no
-reason to eat with knitting needles.
-		-- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
-%
 You enjoy the company of other people.
 %
 You feel a whole lot more like you do
@@ -54695,11 +46330,7 @@ You fill a much-needed gap.
 %
 You first parent of the human race... who ruined yourself for an apple,
 what might you have done for a truffled turkey?
-		-- Brillat-savarin, "Physiologie du Gout"
-%
-You first parents of the human race... who ruined yourself for
-an apple, what might you not have done for a truffled turkey?
-		-- Brillat-Savarin
+		-- Brillat-Savarin, "Physiologie du Gout"
 %
 You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
 %
@@ -54761,8 +46392,6 @@ You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
 You have a strong desire for a home
 and your family interests come first.
 %
-You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
-%
 You have a truly strong individuality.
 %
 You have a will that can be influenced
@@ -54810,9 +46439,6 @@ and few words in your sleep to get divorced.
 %
 You have taken yourself too seriously.
 %
-You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.
-You'll learn a lot today.
-%
 You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
 %
 You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are.
@@ -54960,8 +46586,6 @@ when you go out to the junk food machine and start wondering how to
 make it give you the CADR of Item H so you can get that yummie
 chocolate cupcake that's stuck behind the disgusting vanilla one.
 %
-You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
-%
 You learn to write as if to someone else
 because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE "SOMEONE ELSE".
 %
@@ -54998,10 +46622,6 @@ That a young man married is a young man marred.
 %
 You may get an opportunity for advancement today.  Watch it!
 %
-You may have heard that a dean is
-to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
-		-- Alfred Kahn
-%
 You may my glories and my state dispose,
 But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
@@ -55020,8 +46640,6 @@ obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and
 an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.
 		-- Sherlock Holmes, "The Norwood Builder"
 %
-You might have mail.
-%
 You must dine in our cafeteria.
 You can eat dirt cheap there!!!!
 %
@@ -55040,14 +46658,8 @@ to his own concept of the obligations of manhood.  All other loyalties
 are merely deputies of that one.
 		-- Nero Wolfe
 %
-You must realize that the computer has it in for you.  The irrefutable
-proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.
-%
 You need more time; and you probably always will.
 %
-You need no longer worry about the future.
-This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
-%
 You need not worry about your future.
 %
 You never gain something but that you lose something.
@@ -55061,18 +46673,6 @@ You never have to change anything you
 got up in the middle of the night to write.
 		-- Saul Bellow
 %
-You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they will
-tell you exactly what they want.  They spend months and months researching
-these kinds of things by watching Saturday- morning cartoon-show
-advertisements.  Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for,
-even if you disapprove of their choices.  If your child thinks he wants
-Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, you'd better
-get it.  You may be worried that it might help to encourage your child's
-antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial tendencies
-until you've seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not get the
-right gift.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
-%
 You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
 %
 You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
@@ -55080,9 +46680,6 @@ You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
 %
 You never learned anything by doing it right.
 %
-You never realize how many friends you
-have until you rent a house at the beach.
-%
 You notice that after Ginzburg admitted he had tried marijuana everyone
 got in line to admit it, too.  But you also notice they all said they
 "experimented" with marijuana.  The didn't "use" it; they "experimented"
@@ -55097,15 +46694,9 @@ You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
 You plan things that you do not even
 attempt because of your extreme caution.
 %
-You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
-%
 You prefer the company of the opposite
 sex, but are well liked by your own.
 %
-You probably wouldn't worry about what people
-think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
-		-- Olin Miller
-%
 You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
 %
 You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
@@ -55125,7 +46716,7 @@ You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty
 attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.  A fool
 takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
 which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
-alot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
+a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
 Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
 brain-attic.  He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
 his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
@@ -55172,10 +46763,6 @@ You should never ride in an airplane with a sports team,
 because if the plane goes down, it's you they're gonna eat!
 		-- Gordon Downie, singer for Tragically Hip
 %
-You should never wear your best trousers
-when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.
-		-- Henrik Ibsen
-%
 You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh.
 		-- Pat Benatar, "Hell is for Children"
 %
@@ -55220,8 +46807,6 @@ You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
 %
 You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
 %
-You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
-%
 You will be advanced socially, 
 without any special effort on your part.
 %
@@ -55270,16 +46855,12 @@ You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
 %
 You will be successful in love.
 %
-You will be surprised by a loud noise.
-%
 You will be surrounded by luxury.
 %
 You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
 %
 You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
 %
-You will be Told about it Tomorrow.  Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
-%
 You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
 %
 You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
@@ -55292,8 +46873,6 @@ You will engage in a profitable business activity.
 %
 You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
 %
-You will feel hungry again in another hour.
-%
 You will find me drinking gin
 In the lowest kind of inn,
 Because I am a rigid Vegetarian.
@@ -55371,16 +46950,6 @@ You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
 %
 You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
 %
-You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family
-was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into
-the butter upon a hot day.
-		-- Sherlock Holmes
-%
-You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty
-family was first brought to my notice by the |depth which the parsley
-had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
-		-- Sherlock Holmes
-%
 You will soon forget this.
 %
 You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
@@ -55403,9 +46972,6 @@ You won't skid if you stay in a rut.
 %
 You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
 %
-You worry too much about your job.
-Stop it.  You are not paid enough to worry.
-%
 "You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said.  "Anything that seems
 of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note.
 Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care.
@@ -55442,8 +47008,6 @@ Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's heel.
 %
 You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
 %
-You'll never be the man your mother was!
-%
 You'll never see all the places, or read all the
 books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended.
 %
@@ -55480,9 +47044,6 @@ Your aim is high and to the right.
 %
 Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
 %
-Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.
-Don't believe a thing he tells you.
-%
 Your best consolation is the hope that the things
 you failed to get weren't really worth having.
 %
@@ -55539,8 +47100,6 @@ Your domestic life may be harmonious.
 %
 Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
 %
-Your fault - core dumped
-%
 Your files are now being encrypted and thrown into the bit bucket.
 EOF
 %
@@ -55553,7 +47112,7 @@ AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
 	You have nothing better to think about than what to wear and what
 type of champagne to take to the neighbors Halloween Party.  Just take beer!
 Don't try to copy the "Joneses", pull them up to your level and remember, in
-California Hoalloween is redundant anyhow.
+California Halloween is redundant anyhow.
 
 PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
 	Focus on strengthening friendships this Fall.  You find others are
@@ -55617,21 +47176,12 @@ Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
 %
 Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
 %
-Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
-%
 Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
 %
 Your love life will be... interesting.
 %
 Your lover will never wish to leave you.
 %
-Your lucky color has faded.
-%
-Your lucky number has been disconnected.
-%
-Your lucky number is 3552664958674928.
-Watch for it everywhere.
-%
 Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not
 original and the part that is original is not good.
 		-- Samuel Johnson
@@ -55711,8 +47261,6 @@ Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
 Your temporary financial embarrassment will
 be relieved in a surprising manner.
 %
-Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
-%
 Your wig steers the gig.
 		-- Lord Buckley
 %
@@ -55753,8 +47301,6 @@ You're at the end of the road again.
 %
 You're at Witt's End.
 %
-You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
-%
 You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
 %
 You're definitely on their list.
@@ -55770,14 +47316,8 @@ but there are others that you're growing into.
 except, y'know, not green... and without all the patches of fungus."
 		-- Swamp Thing
 %
-You're never too old to become younger.
-		-- Mae West
-%
 You're not Dave.  Who are you?
 %
-You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-		-- Dean Martin
-%
 You're reasoning is excellent -- it's
 only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
 %
@@ -55825,17 +47365,12 @@ You've always made the mistake of being yourself.
 %
 You've been Berkeley'ed!
 %
-You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
-%
 You've been telling me to relax all the way here,
 and now you're telling me just to be myself?
 		-- The Return of the Secaucus Seven
 %
 You've got to pity New Mexico... so far from heaven and so close to Texas.
 %
-"Yow!  Am I having fun yet?"
-		-- Zippy the Pinhead
-%
 "Yow!  Am I in Milwaukee?"
 		-- Zippy the Pinhead
 %
@@ -55868,9 +47403,6 @@ Zall's Laws:
 zeal, n:
 	Quality seen in new graduates -- if you're quick.
 %
-ZERO DEFECTS:
-	The result of shutting down a production line.
-%
 Zero Mostel: That's it baby!  When you got it, flaunt it!  Flaunt it!
 		-- Mel Brooks, "The Producers"
 %
@@ -55879,10 +47411,3 @@ Zeus gave Leda the bird.
 Zisla's Law:
 	If you're asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
 %
-Zounds!  I was never so bethumped with words
-since I first called my brother's father dad.
-		-- William Shakespeare, "Kind John"
-%
-Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
-	People are always available for work in the past tense.
-%
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick b/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
index f7521b03ef6..0e8d1b7e1eb 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
@@ -19,12 +19,6 @@ You expected this line to be lewd.
 A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
 I am not I, I'm a tree."
 	But another, more sane,
-	Shouted, "I'm a great dane "
-And covered his pants leg with pee.
-%
-A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
-I am not I, I'm a tree."
-	But another, more sane,
 	Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
 And covered his pants leg with pee.
 %
@@ -62,12 +56,6 @@ With the aid of his constable's truncheon.
 A broken-down harlot named Tupps
 Was heard to confess in her cups:
 	"The height of my folly
-	Was diddling a collie-
-But I got a nice price for the pups."
-%
-A broken-down harlot named Tupps
-Was heard to confess in her cups:
-	"The height of my folly
 	Was fucking a collie --
 But I got a nice price for the pups."
 %
@@ -159,12 +147,6 @@ Invented a jack-off machine.
 	The fuckin' thing broke
 And beat both his balls to a creame.
 %
-A clever young man named Eugene
-Invented a jack-off machine.
-	On the twenty-third stroke
-	The goddam thing broke
-And beat both his balls to a creame.
-%
 A cocksucking steno named Beeman
 Remarked as she swallowed my semen :
 	"On my minuscule salary
@@ -274,12 +256,6 @@ Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
 	Taught him Gamahuchee
 - so he added a footnote on sucking 'em.
 %
-A doctoral student from Buckingham
-Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
-	But a dropout from paree
-	Taught him Gamahuchee
-So he added a footnote on sucking 'em.
-%
 A do-it-yourselfer named Alice,
 Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
 	She blew her vagina
@@ -299,13 +275,6 @@ Whose overworked sex is all callous,
 Through exuberance, tightness, and malice.
 %
 A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
-Wished to foster an aura of menace;
-	To make people afraid
-	He wore gloves of grey suede
-And white footgear intended for tennis.
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
-A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
 Wished to foster an aura of menace.
 	To make people afraid
 	He wore gloves of grey suede
@@ -378,18 +347,6 @@ Scientifically played with himself,
 	He labled it: son,
 And filed him away on a shelf.
 %
-A geneticist living in Delft
-Scientifically played with himself,
-	And when he was done
-	He labled it: son,
-And filed him away on a shelf.
-A gentleman, otherwise meek,
-Detested with passion the leek;
-	When offered one out
-	He dealt such a clout
-To the maid, she was down for a week.
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
 A gentleman, otherwise meek,
 Detested with passion the leek;
 	When offered one out
@@ -436,12 +393,6 @@ She could sense Fifth Column activity.
 %
 A graduate student named Zac
 Was said to be great in the sack.
-	An inch of his boner
-	Put girls in a coma
-And two gave them epileptic attacks.
-%
-A graduate student named Zac
-Was said to be great in the sack.
 	An inch of his boner 
 	Put girls in a coma
 And two gave them epileptic attacks.
@@ -530,12 +481,6 @@ A hearty young fellow named Yost
 Once had an affair with a ghost.
 	At the height of the spasm
 	The poor ectoplasm
-Cried, "Goodie, I feel it ... almost."
-%
-A hearty young fellow named Yost
-Once had an affair with a ghost.
-	At the height of the spasm
-	The poor ectoplasm
 Cried, "Goodie, I feel it... almost."
 %
 A hidebound young virgin named Carrie
@@ -649,12 +594,6 @@ Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
 	And don't wave it about,
 Or the others will all want one too."
 %
-A lady, while dining in Crewe,
-Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
-	Said the waiter, "Don't shout
-	Or wave it about
-Or the others will ask for one, too."
-%
 A lady who signs herself "Vexed"
 Writes to say she believes she's been hexed:
 	"I don't mind my shins
@@ -716,12 +655,6 @@ Once rode through the streets in the nude.
 	Agnificent bottom"
 And slapped it as hard as they could.
 %
-A lovely young maid from St. Jude
-Once rode through the streets in the nude.
-	The police cried, "Whatam--
-	Agnificent bottom"
-And slapped it as hard as they cude.
-%
 A lusty young maid from Seattle
 Got pleasure by sleeping with cattle;
 	Till she found a bull
@@ -949,24 +882,6 @@ A pretty young lady named Vogel
 Once sat herself down on a molehill.
 	A curious mole
 	Nosed into her hole --
-Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
-%
-A pretty young lady named Vogel
-Once sat herself down on a molehill.
-	A curious mole
-	Nosed into her hole --
-Ms. Vogel's okay, but the mole's ill.
-%
-A pretty young lady named Vogel
-Once sat herself down on a molehill.
-	A curious mole
-	Nosed into her hole-
-Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
-%
-A pretty young lady named Vogel
-Once sat herself down on a molehill.
-     A curious mole
-     Nosed into her hole --
 Ms. Vogel's okay, but the mole's ill.
 %
 A pretty young maiden from France
@@ -1024,7 +939,7 @@ They have such peculiar diversions.
 	In the usual way
 And save up the nights for perversions.
 %
-A remarkable race are the Persians,
+A remarkable race are the Persians;
 They have such peculiar diversions.
 	They screw the whole day
 	In the regular way,
@@ -1153,12 +1068,6 @@ Beseeching poor Nestor to rest her.
 A sweetheart named Teresa Arden
 Went down on her beau in the garden.
 	He said, "Good lord, Tess,
-	Don't swallow that mess "
-And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"
-%
-A sweetheart named Teresa Arden
-Went down on her beau in the garden.
-	He said, "Good lord, Tess,
 	Don't swallow that mess!"
 And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"
 %
@@ -1181,12 +1090,6 @@ Could fuck you in ways quite adroit.
 Or open it out like a quoit.
 %
 A team playing baseball in Dallas
-Called te umpire blind out of malice.
-	While this worthy had fits
-	The team made eight hits
-And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
-%
-A team playing baseball in Dallas
 Called the umpire blind out of malice.
 	While this worthy had fits
 	The team made eight hits
@@ -1259,14 +1162,7 @@ Reproached for not acting quite primly
 	I know sex isn't love,
 But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
 %
-A water pipe suited miss Hunt;
-She used it for many a bunt.
-	But the unlucky wench
-	Got it caught in her trench ---
-It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench,
-To get the thing out of her cunt.
-%
-A water pipe suited miss Hunt;
+A water pipe suited Miss Hunt;
 She used it for many a bunt.
 	But the unlucky wench
 	Got it caught in her trench ---
@@ -1309,12 +1205,6 @@ His mouth can hold more than his belican.
 	Enough food for a week.
 And I'm darned if I know how the helican.
 %
-A wonderful bird is the pelican.
-His mouth can hold more than his belican.
-	He can take in his beak
-	Enough food for a week.
-I'm darned if I know how the helican.
-%
 A wonderful tribe are the Sweenies,
 Renowned for the length of their peenies.
 	The hair on their balls
@@ -1528,12 +1418,6 @@ Could, when feeling euphoric,
 	Three kinds of erection-
 Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
 %
-An architect fellow named Yoric
-Could, when feeling euphoric,
-	Display for selection
-	Three kinds of erection-
-Corinthian,ionic,and doric.
-%
 An ardent young man named Magruder
 Once wooed a girl nude in Bermuda.
 	She thought it quite lewd
@@ -1561,12 +1445,6 @@ And all she recalls is the ache.
 An artist who lived in Australia
 Once painted his ass like a Dahlia.
 	The drawing was fine,
-	The colour - devine,
-The scent - ah, that was a failia.
-%
-An artist who lived in Australia
-Once painted his ass like a Dahlia.
-	The drawing was fine,
 	The colour - divine,
 The scent - ah, that was a failia.
 %
@@ -1795,13 +1673,6 @@ Fan would giggle and show off her knees;
 And weep from a sense of unease.
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
-Augustus, for slpashing his soup,
-Was put for the night on the stoop;
-	In the morning he'd not
-	Repented a jot,
-And next day he was dead of the croup.
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
 Augustus, for splashing his soup,
 Was put for the night on the stoop;
 	In the morning he'd not
@@ -1828,13 +1699,6 @@ When he sits on the foot of my bed;
 But for the seventeen years he's been dead.
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
-Each night Father fills me with dread
-When he sits on the foot ofmy bed;
-	I'd not mind that he speaks
-	In gibbers and squeaks,
-But for the seventeen years he's been dead.
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
 From deep in the crypt at St. Giles
 Came a bellow that echoed for miles.
 	Said the rector, "My gracious,
@@ -1873,12 +1737,6 @@ Complacently stroking his madam,
 	For on all of the earth
 There were only two balls -- and he had 'em.
 %
-In the garden of Eden lay Adam,
-Complacently stroking his madam
-	And loud was his mirth
-	For on all of the earth
-There were only two balls and he had'em.
-%
 In the little French town of Le'Beau,
 Lived a maiden exceedingly droll.
 	At a masquerade ball,
@@ -1922,13 +1780,6 @@ You must keep her in close quarantine,
 Disorderly, drunk, and obscene.
 		-- Morris Bishop
 %
-The limerick is furtive and mean;
-You must keep her in close quarantine,
-	Or she sneaks to the slums
-	And promptly becomes
-Disorderly, drunk, and obscene.           
-		-- Morris Bishop
-%
 The old archeologist, Throstle,
 Discovered a marvelous fossil.
 	He knew from its bend
@@ -2106,12 +1957,6 @@ Who got laid by a big alligator.
 There once was a girl from Madras
 Who had such a beautiful ass -
 	It was not round and pink
-	( as you bastards think )
-But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.
-%
-There once was a girl from Madras
-Who had such a beautiful ass -
-	It was not round and pink
 	(As you bastards think)
 But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.
 %
@@ -2315,17 +2160,11 @@ Pa followed the pair to Pawtucket,
 	"You're welcome to Nan."
 But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.
 %
-There once was a man from Nantucket,
-Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
-	He said with a grin,
-	As he wiped off his chin,
-If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!
-%
 There once was a man from Nantucket
 Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
 	He said with a grin
 	As he wiped off his chin,
-"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."
+"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!"
 %
 There once was a man from Racine,
 Who invented a screwing machine.
@@ -2358,12 +2197,6 @@ Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder.
 So McGru took an oar and subduder.
 %
 There once was a man named McSweeny
-Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney
-	So just to be couth
-	He added vermouth
-And slipped his best girl a martini.
-%
-There once was a man named McSweeny
 Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny.
 	Just to be couth,
 	He added vermouth,
@@ -2593,12 +2426,6 @@ There was a gay countess of Bray,
 And you may think it odd when I say,
 	That in spite of high station,
 	Rank and education,
-She always spelled cunt with a 'k'.
-%
-There was a gay countess of Bray,
-And you may think it odd when I say,
-	That in spite of high station,
-	Rank and education,
 She always spelled cunt with a 'k'.		
 %
 There was a gay dog from Ontario
@@ -3208,12 +3035,6 @@ Who wanted to dance in the ballet.
 	When she kicked off her drawers,
 But her hair and her bush didn't tally.
 %
-There was a young girl named Saphire
-Who succumbed to her lovers desire.
-	She said, "It's a sin,
-	But now that it's in,
-Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
-%
 There was a young girl named Sapphire
 Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
 	She said, "It's a sin,
@@ -3530,11 +3351,6 @@ There was a young lady from Munich
 Who had an affair with a eunuch.
 	At the height of their passion
 	He dealt her a ration
-%
-There was a young lady from Munich
-Who had an affair with a eunuch.
-	At the height of their passion
-	He dealt her a ration
 From a squirt gun concealed in his tunic.
 %
 There was a young lady from Norway
@@ -3920,18 +3736,6 @@ She excelled at (so everyone says).
 There was a young lady of Gaza
 Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor.
 	The crabs, in a lump,
-	Made tracks to her rump -
-This passing parade did amaze her.
-%
-There was a young lady of Gaza
-Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor.
-	The crabs, in a lump,
-	Made tracks to her rump -
-This passing parade did amaze her.		
-%
-There was a young lady of Gaza
-Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor.
-	The crabs, in a lump,
 	Made tracks to her rump--
 This passing parade did amaze her.
 %
@@ -4049,12 +3853,6 @@ The cheeks of her ass were so fat
 	Whenever she farted,
 And also whenever she shat.
 %
-There was a young lass from Surat.
-The cheeks of her ass were so fat
-	That they had to be parted
-	Whenever she farted,
-And also whenever she shat.			
-%
 There was a young laundress named Wrangle
 Whose tits tilted up at an angle.
 	"They may tickle my chin,"
@@ -4175,12 +3973,6 @@ Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
 	And saw his own ass,
 And broke his neck trying to fuck it.
 %
-There was a young man from Nantucket
-Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
-	He said with a grin,
-	While wiping his chin,
-"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."
-%
 There was a young man from New Haven
 Who had an affair with a raven.
 	He said with a grin
@@ -4284,12 +4076,6 @@ Whose balls got caught in a socket.
 	So she threw the switch,
 And Crockett went off like a rocket.
 %
-There was a young man named Crockett
-Whose balls got caught in a socket.
-	His wife was a bitch,
-	Yeah, she threw the switch,
-And Crockett went off like a rocket.
-%
 There was a young man named Hughes
 Who swore off all kinds of booze.
 	He said, "When I'm muddled
@@ -4654,12 +4440,6 @@ Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
 	You're in the wrong hole;
 There's plenty of room in the right one."
 %
-There was a young sailor from Brighton
-Who said to his bird, "You're a tight'un."
-	She replied, "'Pon my soul,
-	You're in the wrong hole
-There's plenty of room in the right'un."
-%
 There was a young sapphic named Anna
 Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana,
 	Which she sucked, bit by bit,
@@ -4963,12 +4743,6 @@ Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
 	When asked, "Does it hurt?"
 	He relied, "No, it doesn't.
 I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet."
-%
-There was an old man of St. Bees,
-Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
-	When asked, "Does it hurt?"
-	He relied, "No, it doesn't.
-I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet."
 		-- W.S. Gilbert
 %
 There was an old man of Tagore
@@ -4985,18 +4759,6 @@ He simply got tired of the counting.
 %
 There was an old man of the port
 Whose prick was remarkably short.
-	When he got into bed,
-	The old woman said,
-"That isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
-%
-There was an old man of the port
-Whose prick was remarkably short.
-	When he got into bed,
-	The old woman said,
-"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
-%
-There was an old man of the port
-Whose prick was remarkably short.
      When he got into bed,
      The old woman said,
 "That isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
@@ -5302,9 +5064,9 @@ That wears peckers down, limp and blunt!
 %
 When I was a baby, my penis
 Was as white as the buttocks of Venus.
-	But now 'this as red
+	But now 'tis as red
 	As her nipples instead--
-All because of the feminie genus!
+All because of the feminine genus!
 %
 When they asked a pert baggage name Alice,
 Who'd been bedded and banged in the palace,
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy b/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy
index c9ed10618ee..f6ea41dfd01 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
+A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAIQUIRI!!
 %
 A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
 %
@@ -111,7 +111,7 @@ LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!!  JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!!  MAKE me an OFFER!!!
 CONGRATULATIONS!  Now should I make thinly veiled comments about
 DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
 %
-Content:  80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds
+Content:  80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds
 TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ...
 %
 Could I have a drug overdose?
@@ -133,7 +133,7 @@ DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
 %
 Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
 %
-Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running
+Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahyde pipeline running
 straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the
 dollar!
 %
@@ -227,7 +227,7 @@ He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him --
 %
 He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me
 like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER!  Or maybe he'd like to
-PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING
+PSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING
 MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!!  I guess I should call AL PACINO!
 %
 HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
@@ -288,7 +288,7 @@ MOUSTACHE ...  Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY,
 HONESTY & WARMTH?  It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce
 to NANCY SINATRA!
 %
-How many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL
+How many retired bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL
 SHARPENERS right NOW??
 %
 How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
@@ -488,7 +488,7 @@ I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!!
 %
 I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
 %
-I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!!
+I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!!
 %
 I want EARS!  I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n
 secure!!
@@ -773,7 +773,7 @@ ASHTRAYS ...
 %
 Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ...
 %
-Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!!
+Let's all show human CONCERN for REVEREND MOON's legal difficulties!!
 %
 Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
 %
@@ -884,7 +884,7 @@ BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!
 Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World
 War II!
 %
-Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round wives of
+Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of
 HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached
 by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ...
 %
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok b/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok
index 67c616bce14..08a5885b9fb 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy.sp.ok
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ Carlsbad
 Clift
 Cosell
 Cupcake
-DAQUIRI
+DAIQUIRI
 DELI
 DIDI
 DISCO